(gentle music)
- [Gaby] You feel really good.
(giggles)
A little more to the left.
- [Chris] Okay, more to the left.
- This is different.
- Babe, I love you, you are, you're so sexy.
- Show me.
- Show you?
What do you, what do you, show you what?
- Your big chorizo.
Just go with it.
- No, I want to go with it.
I don't know what that means.
- Show me it.
- Oh, you like it, it?
- Yes, that it.
- Okay, okay, all right, all right, all right, hold on.
All right.
I'll show you this big Chicago dog, how about that?
- Honey, I'm going to the store, do you need anything?
Oh, I'm going!
- Get out of my room!
- Sorry, I didn't mean to.
- Oh, my God, Chris, are you okay?
- [Chris's mom] Was that Gaby?
Hello, Gaby, sorry.
- Hello?
(cell phone ringing)
Chris is that--
- Hey, Gabs.
Oh, okay. - Rafa?
- Rafa?
- Did your mom see anything?
- Did Rafa see anything?
- You know, at least normal couples
get to be in the same room together
when they have awkward sex.
- Yeah, I know.
I need a little bit more time to make sure my mom
doesn't drive this business into the ground,
and then I am coming straight to you, I promise.
- I miss you, my Chicago Cub.
- I miss you too, my, L.A. Dodger.
(laughing)
Goodnight, I love you.
(smooches)
- Love you, too.
- Damn it.
(sighs)
(screams)
(upbeat music)
Thanks, appreciate it.
- Oh, hey, Chris, happy birthday!
- Hey, Sylvia, thank you.
Can I help you find something?
- I lost that, what's that thing you put the color,
and it goes into the printer,
and then it makes the pretty pictures?
- The ink cartridge.
- Yes, bingo.
- I'm pretty sure you left it on my desk,
as well as that.
- I'm so sorry.
I'm such a klutz.
(laughing)
You've been so generous in giving me this chance.
I really appreciate it.
It's been so hard finding a job since the divorce.
I'm just trying to get back on my feet.
- You don't have to thank me.
It's my mom who really loves giving people chances.
- Aw. (laughing) - Yeah.
- Have you met our blind handyman, Gerardo.
- Yes, yes, yes.
(window squeaking)
I think he's been checking me out.
He's not really my type,
but my therapist has been encouraging me to experiment, so.
- Getting back to what we were talking about earlier--
- Yes.
- I'd just really appreciate it if you didn't touch things
on my desk because I'm kind of anal.
- Well, now, that is something I am not looking
to experiment with again.
- Okay, well, all right. - Okay.
- Throw that for ya. - Okay, see ya.
(window squeaking)
(rock music)
(snoring)
(cell phone ringing)
- Hey?
- Hola, chica.
- Rafa, what's up?
What's up, what's up?
- Listen, I booked a ton of stuff today
and I need you here ASAP.
- Yeah, I've been up, I'm just, uh,
I'm already headed out the door.
I already had breakfast, I went for a run.
I'm on my way.
Okay, bye.
(banging on door)
- What?
Why are you waking me up so early?
- I'm so late.
- Girl, what is your deal?
And you better believe I heard
that moaning last night, girl.
(moaning)
- It's Rafa.
- Damn, one month in L.A. and you already hooked up
with your hot boss?
I'm jealous.
- No, that was Rafa that just called right now.
- [Roommate] Oh.
- I was FaceTiming with Chris last night.
- Mm, cyber-boning, huh?
I broke my computer that way, too.
- Are you still in your club clothes?
- Uh, maybe.
- It's Monday.
- Y que?
Some of us have lives outside of work.
Although, I wouldn't mind working
for that hot boss of yours, too,
and putting in some overtime.
What, I want to have sex with him.
- Yeah, I get it.
- All right, gotta go, bye.
- Okay, please, make it, oh--
Oh, cochina--
- I'm sorry.
- Pull it down, go.
Put on pants.
- [Roommate] All right.
- Do you own any pants?
- [Roommate] Bye, mom.
- Love you. - Love you, too.
- Happy birthday, Mr. Murphy.
- Ma, look at you, you didn't have to do that.
And could you maybe not call me that?
- Why not?
You're the boss around here now.
Filling your dad's shoes.
- Yeah, but that's only temporary.
Remember that?
- He'd be so proud of you.
I don't know what I'd do without you.
Anything you need, you just let me know.
- Actually, there is one thing.
- Yeah?
- Maybe just knock from now on.
- Yes, right. - Yeah.
- But you really shouldn't be getting naked
on the internet, sweetie.
- All right, thank you.
- You're not a Kardashian.
- Okay, thank you. - Okay, okay.
(cheerful music)
(text message ringing)
- Seriously?
God, I hate L.A.
(cell phone buzzing)
- Yo. - My birthday brother.
- Hey, tonight we're going to Gold Post.
I already told some people here at work,
and it's going down.
Gold Post, Gold Post tonight.
- Unfortunately, I can't, man.
I promised Gaby I would Skype with her tonight.
- Yeah?
Just spend your birthday at home
in front of a computer screen.
Come on, Chris, are you serious?
I thought we were gonna start hanging out more
now that she moved.
I mean, did you see this Facebook memory
that I got today?
Tell me you don't want to go out after seeing it.
(laughing)
- Yeah, Edward 40 Hands.
Wow, we were idiots, but damn, that was a good night.
- I miss being an idiot, Chris.
Let's go out tonight, brother, please, please.
Please, come out, man.
- Okay, all right, how about this?
How about I meet up with you between work
and my call with Gaby?
- Yes!
I will take it, I'll take it, dude.
Besides, I mean, she's hanging out
with the king of social media.
I don't think she'll be missing you too much.
Have you seen that guy's page?
I mean, his arms look like Aztec pythons.
- What?
- Nothing, man, nothing, I gotta go.
I'll see you tonight.
Happy birthday!
(horns honking)
(lively music)
- Oh, my God, Rafa, I am so sorry that I'm late.
Oh, my God, ew.
- What?
It's too hot for clothes.
Woo!
You're late, Gaby.
- I know, I'm sorry.
Just, this city has more cars than humans.
Oh, and then two yoga bitches stole my soul
with their stank eyes.
It's really rough out there.
- Yeah, no, it takes time to get used to the L.A. people.
They like to, like, make out with their dogs
and stuff like that.
It's weird, but, I just let them do it.
- Noted.
So why do you need me so early?
- My fans want me to do an AMA.
And I need you to answer a few questions
while I do my thing.
- Got it.
Playing monkey in the middle with a bunch of meatheads.
- Hey, meatheads is no longer PC, all right?
We prefer the term muscular Americans.
And those are my fans you're talking about, all right?
I'd do anything for them.
- So why are you having me talk to them?
(blender whirring)
- You, me, same thing.
At this point, you're practically my other half.
You're my work wife.
- Please don't call me that.
- Protein shake?
- No, thanks.
The only shakes I like have Oreos in them.
- Oh, that's good.
Your loss.
(alarm ringing)
It's time to blast my doubts.
Let's get to work.
(text message ringing)
Here we go.
So what's the first question?
Let's AMA this bitch, huh?
Yeah, get some.
- Yeah, let's, let's get some.
Okay, first question.
Are you, are you circumcised?
- You tell me.
Helmet or anteater?
Yeah, baby.
- That is for me and certain special ladies to know.
Winky face.
(alarm ringing)
- Gazelle leaps.
(dance music) (groaning)
- Cool, a real question.
Favorite workout snack?
- Oh, come on, Gabs, that's an easy one.
- Um...
- Pick up the pace.
My fans know I don't think this much.
- Here's a weird one.
Someone asked, how is your mom, Pilar,
and do you still sleep with your blankie, Mr. Snuggles?
- Don't answer that.
What's next?
- Who would know your mom's name
and that you still use your blankie?
(mysterious music)
- Not answering my questions, Rafa?
You can't ignore me forever!
(giggles)
- This isn't a blankie, okay?
This is a workout towel.
And I don't even need this stupid thing.
It's dumb.
Back to work.
Gotta finish my workout.
(dance music)
(cell phone beeping)
- Our FaceTime date.
Oh, my God.
(laughing)
- She just packed the bong, bro.
She goes, what are you doing, huh?
Stop messing around, I'm right here.
What are you gonna do?
I mean, I'd like to tell you...
(cell phone ringing)
I just waved goodbye.
(cell phone ringing)
- Hey!
Where are you?
It's so loud.
- I'm at a bar with Andres.
- Why are you at a bar with your friends
when you know we have a FaceTime date?
- 'Cause my friends wanted to do something nice
for me on my birthday.
Birthday.
- Yes, yes, happy birthday.
I was just saying that I was looking forward
to our special birthday FaceTime date.
- Oh, it's kind of weird, 'cause you were two hours late.
So I decided to go out with people
that actually wanted to celebrate with me.
But, you know, they're waiting on me,
and, I don't know, I'll talk to you later, Gaby.
- [Andres] You decided to join us.
- Let's drink, man.
- He's back. - Let's have a good time.
- I don't even want to think about it.
Let's just--
- Brother, do me a favor.
Leave the bottle and just a couple glasses.
He doesn't want to think about it.
- I am literally the worst.
I forgot my own boyfriend's birthday.
Who does that?
- You've been really busy, he'll understand.
- No, he called me Gaby.
He never calls me Gaby.
I'm gonna overnight him a gift to make up for it.
- Look, this whole thing's gonna blow over.
Watch.
- I know Chris, and he's hurt,
and he's probably at the bar right now,
sulking, and all heartbroken.
(dance music)
- [All] Gerardo! Gerardo!
(dance music)
(coffee percolating)
(sighing)
(cell phone chiming)
- What?
Oh, my God, Gaby, you dirty girl.
Woo, okay!
(cell phone chiming)
(cell phone buzzing)
- Rafa, good morning.
- Exciting news.
You're talking to the new Menergy Bar spokesmen.
The energy bar for men.
- That's awesome.
I'm so glad you got the gig.
- Oh, yeah, I agreed to shoot an online ad tomorrow morning.
I'll text you the addy so you can set it up for me, okay?
- Okay, yeah, sure.
Um, what's that buzzing sound?
- Huh?
Nothing, gotta go, bye.
♪ Snip your pubies
♪ Snip your pubies
♪ Gotta get into a crack
♪ Don't miss the crack
Look at that, huh?
That's a work of art.
(cell phone buzzing)
- Babe, hi!
How are you?
I am just so sorry about yesterday.
- Yes, yeah, I noticed.
I got your gift.
- What did you think?
Did you like it?
- Yeah, I love it.
- Hey, boss. - How's it going?
- Can't exactly talk about it right now.
Hey.
- Hey, Gaby.
- Got it, no personal stuff at work.
- Yeah, um, but yeah, so what happened yesterday?
- This job is killing me.
I don't know if I can hack it.
- Uh, excuse me.
Do you remember that one time at Gage Park
that random girl jumped out
and she tried to steal your purse?
What did you do?
- I punched her in the boob
because that was my favorite clutch.
- Yeah, exactly.
Come on, you are a fighter, Gabs.
And L.A., that's one more big, giant booby out there,
and you just gotta punch it right in the nip.
That's what you gotta do.
- Okay, I am gonna go punch today in the nip.
But I do have to go 'cause I'm running late.
- Hang in there, okay?
You got this.
And, te amo.
- I love you, too.
(cell phone chiming)
(sweet music)
(laughing)
(groaning) (crashing)
Oh, my God, did I hit you?
- Oh, I'm fine.
- I wasn't even moving.
Wait, what just, what just happened?
- No, I was just snapping one of those cool
slide over the hood of the car moves
like they do in cop movies.
- Probably shouldn't wear shorts next time.
- Yeah, good point.
Hey, what were you doing sitting in your car
alone like a loser?
- It's nothing, it's personal.
- Hey, I care about my employees, G-dawg.
So tell me what's wrong, or you're fired.
Totally joking, please don't leave.
- I'm just really homesick.
I miss Chicago, my mom, her tamales.
- Mm, tamale withdrawal.
You know that's the number one cause of mortality
for Mexicans in the U.S.
Which is why I make them with my mom every Christmas.
She calls me the Masa Master.
- [Gaby] Really now?
- Yo, check this out.
- Oh, my gosh.
Well, see, now, that is adorable.
Why wouldn't you post something like that?
- What? No way!
Just doesn't fit my image.
- Hmm.
- Oh, by the way, I know a great Mexican spot.
We should go after work.
It helps when I miss my mom's cooking.
- I, I don't know.
- Look, they have the best lengua tacos, okay?
And nothing tastes better on your tongue then more tongue.
- I love lengua so much. - Right?
- Chris could never stomach it.
- That's because he has a white man's intestinal lining.
(laughing)
- All right, so it's settled.
Tacos after work, and no more crying in your car
like a loser, okay?
- All right.
- All right, give us a little Snapchat.
But do something dope, right?
See look, right there.
- Okay. - All right, perfect.
- Don't hurt yourself, please. - I might.
- Slow down, Captain America, damn.
My head is still spinning from last night,
and you're just going and going.
- Because I'm in a good mood.
Gaby and I kind of worked things out.
She apologized for last night.
She sent me a little present.
- What was that little wink?
She sent you a little gift?
What did she get you?
- Nothing.
- What did she get you?
- [Chris] Don't worry about it.
- Chris, you're doing this again.
You're doing this because you want me to keep asking you
what I want to know, even though you want me to know.
I will squeeze--
- All right, just come here.
- It's a secret?
It's a secret?
I have to come down here?
What?
- It's not like her but, I'm into it.
- I guess absence makes the heart grow freakier.
That's pretty crazy.
- Around me, she'll let loose.
(cell phone chiming)
- Looks like she's lettin' loose with Rafa, too.
- What?
- Yeah, he's just snapping away about his work wife,
and that's Gaby.
- Let me see.
- No, man, that's, no, forget it.
- Okay. - I'm sorry, I shouldn't.
- No, no.
- My mistake, forget it, forget it.
Let's just keep working out.
- No, just let me see it.
- Come on. - It's all right.
- Come on. - Chris, no.
- Thank you. - Jesus.
(cell phone popping)
- Okay, yeah, they're at dinner.
Yeah, um, looks kind of romantic,
but it's probably just work.
(camera clicking)
- So what do you think of the place?
It's great, right?
- Mm-hmm.
Little different than you explained.
- All right, dig in.
(cell phone chiming)
Mm, oh, that's so good.
Oh, my gosh.
(cell phone popping)
This is my jam, this is my mama jama.
Everything okay?
- Yeah, just work thing for you, actually.
Can I just have a second real quick?
- Yeah. - Thanks.
(cell phone buzzing)
- Hey, what's up?
- Look, babe, I only lied because I knew you'd freak.
I am so, so, so sorry.
- Okay, no, a good way to get me to freak out
is by lying to me.
That's a good way to get me to freak.
- This lengua though, right?
- Yeah, I haven't really tried it yet.
- It's so good.
Oh, let me help you out, then.
- I have--
- No, no, no, I got you.
- Oh, okay. - Aah.
- Oh, it's so good.
Hold on, let me take a photo of this.
Say lengua.
Lengua!
(camera clicking)
- Work wife?
Who's the slut, Rafa?
(mysterious music)
- What the...
Sylvia.
(cell phone buzzing)
(somber music)
- Chris, I am so, so sorry.
I am a huge dong, and there's no dong filter,
so I figured the dog one was good enough.
And please, please, let me make it up to you.
Maybe a plane ticket here?
(sighing)
(cell phone popping)
Let me make it up to you.
Maybe a plane ticket here?
(cell phone popping)
- Eh, you're not a total dong.
- Still sorry.
I heart you.
- I heart you, too.
And, yeah, I'm sorry about getting jealous.
But I guess the distance is,
it's been a little bit harder than I thought it would be.
- We belong together, please trust that.
- And these belong to my little hottie.
- Oh, Chris. - Oh, Sylvia.
- Delivery for Mr. Murphy.
Oh. - Cool.
- Oh, God, there they are.
- Wait.
- I'm so sorry.
I've got to stop leaving things on your desk.
- You, wait, those are yours?
- Yes, Gerardo has asked me out on a date,
and, well, you know, I want to give him an eyeful.
(laughing)
I mean (snapping) see you, boss, okay.
(lively music)
- For your desk, miss you madly.
Love, Gaby.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, come on, come on, come on.
No, no, no, no, no.
(cell phone popping)
- And these belong to my little hottie.
- [Sylvia] Oh, Chris. - [Chris] Sylvia.
- You son of a bi--
- [Woman] This is 115-2 take one, A mark.
- This is my life.
♪ Gotta snip my pubies away
♪ Snip, snip, snip
- Now that is something that I'm not (laughing) getting.
Now that...
(laughing)
I'm sorry.
- Nice little design right there.
Is that a happy face?
That's great.
- [Producer] One marker.
- That's hard to say.
It's talk, talk to text auto correct.
- [Man] Text to talk.
- Text to cock.
Text to talk.
(laughing) Text to cock.
- Oh, no, oh, no.
Are you not entertained?
(everyone laughing)
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