Love is not outside; it is deep within you.
You can never lose it, and it cannot leave you.
It is not dependent on some other body, some external form.
Love is not selective, just as the light of the sun is not selective.
It does not make one person special, and it is not exclusive.
Exclusivity is not the love of God, but the love of ego.
However, the intensity where true love is felt can vary.
There may be one person who reflects your love back to you more clearly and more intensely than others
and if that person feels the same towards you, it can be said that you are in a love relationship with him or her.
True love and what is conventionally perceived as a romantic love relationship are different
and so many people have lack of understanding of what true love is.
Romantic love relationship is such an intense and universally sought after experience
and this is because it seems to offer iiberation from a deep-seated state of fear, need, lack and incompleteness
that is a part of human condition in its unredeemed and unenlightened state.
There is a physical as well as psychological dimension in this state.
On the physical level, you are obviously not whole, nor will you ever be
Even if you're in an enlightened state,
you are either a men or a woman, which is to say, one half of the whole.
On this level, the longing for wholeness, the return to oneness
manifests as male/female attraction; a man's need for woman, and a woman's need for man.
It is an almost irresistible urge for union with the opposite energy polarity.
The root of this physical urge is a spiritual one: the longing for an end to duality and a return to the state of wholeness.
On the psychological level, the sense of lack and incompleteness is even greater than on the physical level.
As long as you are identified with the mind, you have an externally derived sense of self.
This false, mind-made self, the ego
feels vulnerable,
insecure, and is always seeking new things to identify with.
But nothing Is ever enough to give It lasting fulfillment.
Its fear remains and its sense of lack and neediness remains.
But then that special person,
special relationship comes along. It seems to be the answer to all the ego's problems and to meet all its needs.
At least this is how it appears at first.
You now have a single focal point that gives meaning to your life and through which you define your identity:
a person you are "in love" with.
Your world now has a center.
Fear, lack, and unfulfillment are no longer there.
Or, are they?
Have they dissolved or do they continue to exist underneath the happy surface reality?
But there comes a point when your partner behaves in ways that fail to meet your needs, or rather, those of your ego
The feelings of fear, pain, and lack that are an intrinsic part of egoic consciousness,
but had been covered up by the love relationship, now resurface.
When those painful feelings reappear, you now perceive your partner as the cause of those feelings.
This means that you project those painful feelings outward and attack your partner.
This attack may awaken the partner's own pain and he or she may counter your attack.
That is why after initial euphoria has passed, there is so much unhappiness, so much pain in intimate relationships.
But It is not the relationship itself that causes pain and unhappiness.
They bring out the pain and unhappiness that is already in you.
Unless and until you access the consciousness frequency of presence,
all relationships, particularly intimate relationships
are deeply flawed and ultimately dysfunctional.
They may seem perfect for a while, such as when you are in love,
but invariably that apparent perfection gets disrupted
as conflicts, dissatisfaction, possessiveness, jealousy and emotional or physical violence.
It seems that most love relationships become love-Hate relationships before long.
Can we change such an addictive relationship into a true one?
Yes.
Being present and intensifying your presence by taking your attention ever more deeply into the now.
Whether you are living alone or with a partner, this remains the key.
For love to flourish, the light of your presence needs to be strong enough
so that you no longer get taken over by the thinker and the pain-body and mistake them for who you are.
If you both agree that the relationship will be your spiritual practice, so much the better.
You can then express your thoughts and feelings to each other as soon as they occur or as soon as a reaction comes up
so that you do not create a time gap where an unexpressed and unacknowledged emotion and grievance and fester and grow.
Learn to give expression to what you feel without blaming.
Learn to listen to your partner in an open and non-defensive way.
Give your partner some space for expressing himself or herself.
Be present.
When you have removed the two factors that are destructive to relationships, the pain-body and ego-identification,
and if your partner has done the same,
You will experience the bliss of the flowering relationship.
Instead of mirroring to each other your pain and unconsciousness,
instead of satisfying your mutual addictive ego needs,
you will reflect back to each other the love that you feel deep within,
the love that comes with the realization of your oneness with all that is.
This is the love that has no opposite.
Okay, so guys, I know this may sound too idealistic or some would even think is that even possible?
And maybe very skeptical about it, but as i said in my "Power of Now #3" video,
but as i said in my Power of Now #3 video, it is important to keep in mind the futility of pain.
A great deal of human's emotional pain is self-made and is very unnecessary.
So if you ever feel pain, you can actually transmute it into something better and even more beautiful
such as, effective action, happiness, and even love by staying present.
But as long as you are identified with your mind, the pain is inevitable, and the same goes with the relationship.
As long as both of you are identified with your mind,
the relationship cannot but repeat its dysfunctional cycle,
which will do no good for both of you.
You don't want your relationship to be something that blocks your growth and happiness, do you?
You want to make the best of your relationship and that's what we all want, hands down.
To do that you need to primarily work on to be best version you two can possibly be,
which is to be highly conscious and highly present.
And I want to give you guys more practical tips on how men and women respectively
can be the highest version of oneself and help each other become one as well.
Now I'm not an expert in a relationship, nor am I in one,
but this is actually proven to be effective scientifically and in many spiritual theories.
So, just trust me and give it a try.
So like I (or this book) said, on the physical level,
you are always either a man or a woman so you will never be physically whole,
and this lack of physical wholeness manifests as male-female attraction; a man's need for woman and a woman's need for man.
However, on the psychological level, you can be whole.
This can be explained with masculine-feminine polarity, and it is also known as the balance of Yin and Yang in the east.
With the most idealistic balance of masculine side and feminine side,
your inner self can become whole.
Everyone has both a masculine and feminine side. The basic polarity is a part of you.
But our greatest potential as humans lies in the incorporation and balance of
both masculine and feminine energy within us.
Some people have a stronger masculine side while others have a stronger feminine side.
It depends to some extent on whether you are a man or a woman
because hormones do play a role, but It also depends a great deal on what you have learned to become.
So what kind of upbringing and education you had,
culture background you're from, do inevitably affect which side is developed more within you currently.
I will put the link in the description box to a really good article that deals with just this topic.
The feminine and masculine polarity, so please go check it out if you're interested.
But for now to give you the simplest tip on how to balance your inner masculine and feminine side,
for men and women respectively,
it's that for men they should develop more of vulnerability and emotional awareness,
and for women, more of emotional independence.
Back to this book for a second, it is written:
So to put it in a more understandable term,
men's thinking mind would mean that men value thoughts, tactics and techniques
more than they value emotion and intuition.
And women's pain-body would mean,
insecurity that comes from past conditioning of the mind and thus feel that they are not good enough now.
To over overcome these obstacles,
men need to be more vulnerable and sensitive to their own emotion to understand that of others as well,
and women need to be more independent emotionally
and own enough of themselves to feel that they are good enough.
Women are generally more insecure than men, but the ego is generally stronger in a man.
Both are undesirable and both of these conditions need to be counterbalanced.
Men's biggest fear in a relationship is usually
appearing weak to their women, not just physically, but also intellectually and emotionally.
That's why many men can appear to be very controlling
and try to desensitize and invalidate women's feelings.
Women's biggest fear in a relationship is "Am i enough?"
That's why when men failed to act in a caring way and did not meet women's emotional needs at some point in a relationship,
women tend to become very insecure about themselves and doubt if my man really loves me enough.
These fears stem from how we're socialized as boys and girls.
The games little girls play often emphasize cooperation and connectedness, more than competition.
Girls play house while boys play war.
There is no winners in house and princess tea parties.
So as a result, girls' desire is to be liked more so than to win, and the boys the opposite.
This creates great misunderstanding and conflict in so many relationships.
Women value love, equality, and care so they expect men to be just as emotional,
caring and vulnerable as they are,
while men more expect themselves to be a woman's helper, problem-solver, and a rescuer
so that they could feel I am being manly enough to my woman
When actually the most effective way a man could use to make his woman happy and content
is not directly trying to solve the problem, but show more of a loving gesture and pay attention to a woman's emotional needs.
And what women need to realize is, when my man is not being as loving as you want him to be,
It doesn't really have that much to do with me; but it's just him.
So what i mean by that,
according to the book Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus,
So two most basic but largely neglected qualities in a good relationship are vulnerability and honesty.
Women already know how to be vulnerable and honest and they're more used to it than men.
When a woman lets go of all the emotional resistance and association with painful past memories,
they will naturally and so easily Know how to
truly cherish their feelings and talk about It in a non-defensive way.
And to let go of that emotional resistance and pain-body,
women could start by developing more of masculine energy,
specifically, emotional independence.
And to develop more of that,
I suggest in your daily life that you engage in activities that you can do alone.
Make time every day to do individual activities.
It could be a physical exercise, which I highly recommend that you do
because it produces some sort of hormones in your body
and that could really produce idealistic hormone balance in you.
Also, studying something or developing some skills, or setting a goal and working towards it, etc.
You need to feel secure with yourself first to feel secure in a relationship.
If you cannot be at ease with yourself when you're alone,
you will seek a relationship to cover up your unease,
and that way the unease will reappear in other form in a relationship,
and that becomes an endless cycle, and this applies to both men and women.
And next for men, it is not really that difficult to develop
masculine side and emotional independence for men,
because you guys naturally and biologically have more of those qualities.
Also as I mentioned earlier, the human civilization is already operated by masculine principles,
such as achieving, building, logical thinking and physical strength.
So both men and women are more used to
masculine principles more than the feminine principles.
That's why it is relatively easier for women to develop masculine sides
than it is for males to develop feminine sides,
because not only do males naturally lack it compared to women,
but also because the society doesn't teach us so much about the female principles.
But men,
it's time that you stop resisting the feminine energy within you.
It's time that you realize you don't need to be always so independent and manly.
How developed your feminine side will determine how much peace you feel within,
and how much you make yourself and other people feel at ease in your everyday life,
because female principle primarily governs the whole nature and whole universe;
all-loving all-embracing mother nature that contains all.
So if you go against that principle,
you feel pain, because you are resisting the universal peace and goodness that surround us.
So start by coming to terms with your own emotional vulnerability and
expressing it to people around you.
The more you desensitize yourself from your emotion, you will be more depressed and unhappy,
without you even realizing what you're feeling is depression and unhappiness.
I know you feel you must be strong,
carry the weight of the world and never show weaknesses,
but you are killing your soul every time you do that,
and that oftentimes is manifested outside as aggressiveness.
So it's time to let go and open up.
Many women will appreciate that and many men will be inspired.
Real-life examples of men who have such a well-balanced masculine and feminine energy would be
Tony Robbins and a very famous YouTuber prince EA.
They both are not afraid to show their soft side, and as you can check out by yourself,
through their work they place great importance on love, softness and honesty
which many men shy away from talking about.
And look at all the contribution they're making to the world, and all the support and love they're receiving.
Especially Tony Robbins, he is the man who has both the warmth of a mother and a disciplined side of a father.
I'm not telling you to be exactly like Tony Robbins or prince EA, but day by day
break your ego shell and tap into your inner feminine energy that you have, and it will work wonders for you.
Life will flow more lightly and you will feel more at ease.
You could be your truest, best self as a man.
So,
if you are ready to be more conscious in your relationship and take your relationship to a higher level,
but your partner is not willing to cooperate,
you two will eventually separate like oil and water that cannot be mixed,
but of course without doing any emotional damage to you,
because once you disidentify yourself from your mind and become conscious,
you will no longer have a clinging need for a relationship
especially the unconscious, shallow and superficial one, so either way, you are free.
If you had to end your relationship because of your consciousness,
then you don't have to feel that your relationship was a failure.
Every relationship is success if it helps you learn what you had to learn.
Life will keep throwing at you similar sorts of problems and situations
if you don't change the fundamental inner conditioning of your mind,
because your outer world is after all a reflection of your inner world.
Love to be true and real and long-lasting
should be based on a type of friendship where two people are willing to be vulnerable, sincere, and honest
sharing to each other all that they are.
In one of Eckhart Tolle's other books, a new earth,
there are inner purpose and outer purpose in a highly conscious human's life.
Inner purpose is to fully restore one's consciousness, that is, returning to our true nature and
trying to be the best person we could be as a human and
outer purpose is whatever outer goals that we set and work towards that are in line with our inner purpose.
If both of you can help and inspire each other to keep on fulfilling your inner purpose,
giving both support and space to each other to grow,
then together as two whole individuals, you would form an amazing, beautiful and loving partnership and
enable each other's outer purpose to be fulfilled as well.
This I believe is the most idealistic, happiest and the most fulfilling type of relationship
and this could also be called an enlightened relationship.
So thank you so much for watching!
For more infomation >> Relationship Reboot: A Better Way To Handle Conflict, Foster Change - Duration: 5:03. 
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