News on Youtube May 5 2018

how can a relationship not be personal

that's a good one let's start a little bit back from that because you say how

can relationship and not be personal well a life takes care of that because

is it possible that in your freedom do you stop being a father for instance or

a mother do you become less you stop feeling hungry do you lose appetite for

everything including food it could happen but largely that's not the case

so what life teaches us is that in in with with all of this this love this

universal love for universalization of love and peace and joy and it is great

that we have relatives it is great that you have a partner it is great because

if you didn't you may just think yeah you know I'm not attached to anything

but then you see okay but there's your family does it stand in the way of your

awakening there is we taught that before we go to the relationship between

intimate partners let's just start other forms of relationships also with your

workplace with your friends does it make a tremendous difference in some case you

may find some people who were your friends they don't feel so comfortable

with you they're coming less around that may

happen not necessarily but with the relationships that you cannot just walk

away from or maybe you tried some people feel you know like really right now I'm

not tied to anything let's try to step out of their life

it was also told that the great master sri nisargadatta maharaj as he was

coming in fully into his Awakening he felt he had to leave his family leave

his business and go live in the Himalayas like a sadhu which he tried

until he met one of the same students to his master and he said what are you

doing here this is my life now he said but it's not what it means you don't

have to leave everything in that way leave your attachments to them not

myself to leave the thing physically the thing itself is not the problem is the

attachments and somehow it brought up a deep understanding within him and he

returned home continued to run his little shop and have his family and do

all these things in fact it even makes things really authentic that can you

live in life as it is we don't think you know what I see disturbs me what I hear

disturb me when I taste disturb me everything disturb me because I don't

exist or whatever it is so there is something in that I'm very happy you

brought this question because I think it would be very valuable for a lot of

people then in what way is it possible that one can have particularly an

intimate relationship and I would say that relationship you have with your

children with your parents or whatever with your spouse or whatever that they

are very intimate and they call up this which may feel like a challenge for a

while how did Krishna and Radha get on

you see there are examples of that love how did it happen

well beautifully beautifully but not work it out here somehow within that

within that great field you will continue in your dynamic expression in

life can have a kind of an ordinary extraordinary Ness about it you see and

in fact you will your relationships will improve because you will not be able to

tolerate the things which are not not true you get to them more quickly and

you're less willing to stay in a situation where you're just suffering

suffering and because but you're so needy you can't let go something is more

clear it's more power more brightness inside you and the whole thing if you're

in a genuine relationship where you're both growing know you'll find that it's

a tremendous power there to contribute to each other's growth they say that the

husband becomes the Guru of the wife and the wife is the Guru of the husband

because you're called by the same voice something something develops and it can

be really enriching there is there is a non duality inside the duality it's like

the stillness inside the movement there's the the oneness inside the many

nests the invisible inside the visible there's a harmony that cannot be figured

out by the intellect of the person but only in the intellect of the being

somehow it works otherwise it would mean that as soon as one really wake up you

vanish basically because you know duality offensive

duality is not offensive it's not offensive it's actually and you cannot

have experience without duality including the experiencing of awakening

so there is something there what will happen is that with personal

relationships it's a god design actually because it's also designed to reach

other places that other relationships cannot reach and expose your deepest

fears and attachments they will come up it's not only for that okay it can feel

like it's primarily for that you know but it will show I mean because you know

if you are by yourself in that kind of way you can say well yeah you know

nothing challenges this but in relationships and that especially

intimate relationships often trigger in the human being where our hidden dreams

are still alive or projections our you know design a

relationship fantasies are still alive our tendency to project or to control is

still alive and it will bring them up to the surface for them to be just like if

you have an an earthquake at the bottom of the ocean a lot of bubbles come up

they don't go down they come up they touch the surface they pop and disappear

and in the same way it will happen and can happen does not always happen

sometimes we caught hope and you go to next relationship but it brings up

things that if you are genuinely in search of truth it will bring those up

to the surface there is something beautiful about love there's a piece

about love there is a more space for tolerance and for

introspecting because it will provoke those tendencies those tendencies may be

latent in the person who is just by himself also does not mean that you

should go find a relationship to find them everything has its season if you're

by yourself you can't find a partner right now try and find the gift of being

alone because when you find a partner's you're gonna wish oh my god I did have

those days when I was revealing you see so learn to value all the different

stages that life bring you see and don't try to be perfect in your in your role

in the sense of the human personal role don't try to be perfect there are no

perfect personalities even amongst the sages okay and you will also experience

in life that you can try to do the best you can somebody will just hate you

you know like Christ said they hate me for no reason don't think that being a

nice person is going to secure people liking you like this there's no single

being who's ever loved by everyone including God okay so just be true

inside and you have discovered for me the most important discovery in the

human Kingdom you're discovering your isness which is not which has taken us

out of the forest of of confusion and conflict and distance and darkness and

selfishness and to be identified with that when we didn't know better we we

were swimming in our mud stream and now you're again in the in the expansiveness

of being you don't have to scratch your head so much about life Ramakrishna said

something very beautiful he said the mind is like a stream a very

shallow stream with mud very close to the surface if you wish to drink clean

water scoop lightly go too deep and everything becomes mad and when we are

functioning from the person mud is very close to the surface

we are very protective because we feel vulnerable the state of personhood is

easily vulnerable and selfish as you come back into the immensity of being

those personal things within yourself and subsequently in the apparent selves

of others become less irritating for you less of a fighting point for you you're

mad you're back in your globality you're back in the wider love you're not

perceiving so personally so back to the question again where's the place for

that intimate relationships in freedom does it mean that we should all leave

home and go off as shadows and live in caves and things a net or whatever live

by yourself now because it's just impossible to live with someone if it is

impossible to live with people when you're free unless it is your power up

the Karma which means that it's just what is designed for your life now some

people it is fine to be alone you don't have to have a partner you see if you

feel happy on your own this absolutely nothing wrong with that beautiful if you

find that you cannot stick in one place you keep moving about for a while that

is how your life will feel I can only recommend that you discover and through

the invitation on this this vastness within yourself that that

includes it's not exclusive its all-inclusive includes all of life but

seen from a new perspective so it is possible very much and can be a

beautifying and enriching it can be also an avenue to which greater love and

greater understanding maybe just chew the way in which you interact and grow

in your relationship may actually open up your mind and heart to the wider

field that there's a love in you that is capable of embracing the entire universe

in fact these words are not too big for you when you hear them inside the isness

if you hear them as a person thing whoa that's all for of course from the sense

of a person you may say you know it has been written in the scriptures you know

love your neighbor as yourself love the Lord your God with all your heart your

mind your soul and your strength and love your neighbor as your own self is

the two greatest commandment which was set in the words of Jesus Christ and

people trying I try to love everybody and largely successful my neighbor next

door clean I can't fit them in and if you love from this person I'll try to

love try to love to love this is impossible if you're trying to love from

your person but if you discover the love that arises and that is inherent in

beingness in the isness it is not personal when it's not personal it flows

beautifully is it possible to have a relationship without attachments it's

challenging it is challenging it is even said that a

sage once had a son and somehow he sent his own son to another sage for him to

recognize because of the relationship the son could not appreciate the father

as being a sage sometimes these things can happen that your partner may not be

in synchronicity with you you're already more deeply into your own spiritual

journey maybe they are not that's a challenge you will have to face if you

are not trying to demonstrate your understanding and you can come from

understanding it is possible to be in relationships where you're very

different in your outlook and you meet in a common ground of love their

relationships right now that I know are flowing sometimes even better than

people who are in the same together anything the life it cannot be figured

out you cannot fit it in any mode he will just every time you think I got

it it will put a custard pie in your face it will be so largely we are

talking about the relative and we are trying to speak as though there's an

absolute in a relative and the life is showing you no no no no don't go so

tightly into form stay in your formlessness you can use

every concept if you don't lock them tight there must be space that things

can change that things can change some people feel that the more tight

their hold onto their concepts the more established and more dependable they can

be that's the falseness concepts they come and go

like the clouds come and go there are some things that they help you to see

much more deeply into the nature of the self make use of them but don't make any

tattoos out of anybody teaching make use of the teaching find

what it is pointing to or discard it if it doesn't resonate deep within your

heart leave it alone but don't leave anything in spite beware

of cynicism and watch the mind because it is quick to judge and even to condemn

those who appear to be different from you in your global heart you can

celebrate the differences knowing that there are just the expressions and

knowing that we are one in essence you will not be afraid of the sense of other

the sense of other is a an enrichment a beautifying another aspect in which the

self manifests and we grow like this true anger and pain and laughter and all

of this and that is the the compost before the spiritual mind you will grow

in that so I find no conflict in relationships and so on in fact I feel

that they stand a greater chance to improve and to grow out of their little

nests to grow into beautiful ways but if you are trying to grow as a person

you're gonna find more challenges grow in the beingness grow in the isness

but person of course in the dynamic field there are things that you will

have to face in life and the human side the person side that that that energy

will keep on you know it is very difficult to overcome certain things but

as you keep staying in in the Isthmus your interest in them will fail and if

the thing fades in interest for you it doesn't register in consciousness

anymore and for you effectively experientially it cease to exist it's

not that the thing in itself fade but your interest in it fades and the most

powerful thing that can happen in you towards the without called

mind attacks is that the mind becomes in its psychological expression becomes

insignificant for you its voice its attractions become insignificant for you

because you found a greater thing you found a space of being so we don't have

to try and be perfect but honor the truth in your heart that is already a

kind of perfect thing if I may could you speak some illuminating words upon

intimacy and the body mind can there be intimacy without the body mind sex

without the body mind

can be nicer why not when you all the things if we put them also in the in the

realm of the senses and sensations and so on when you wake up do you less enjoy

eating do you less enjoy the things of life it can be there but the obsessions

go the neediness go supposing by waking up we all wake up and basically I met

one time in United States I think we're going in the States and we were brought

to I was introduced to one group and they were a spiritual group but they did

not believe in in insects basically so where are they we don't know

they gradually faded out I wonder why I don't know but and so if the purpose of

awakening is to is basically to stop proliferating in the in the realm of the

manifest then that would be the will of God but I don't want how will it be

your family you have a child come in and then you have this thing although it's

bad it's bad it's not bad everything is fine the goodness and the badness exists

in you it is in the way in which you perceive it is not outside it's easier

to say outside the unknown which put so much energy to try and change the

outside Ness and not learning that it's reflecting on the inside Ness and to

clean your house from inside as the Lord said himself don't keep saying you know

two people law you know let me take the dirt from your eye first while you

yourself as big dirt in your own eye so remove the dirt from your own eyes and

you'll be seeing clearly enough to see if there's dirt in the other side and so

like this so it is like that I find no fault you see the point in I say

obsessions neediness will again come from person and the distortions within

personhood give rise to excessive neediness and you know addictions and

all of these things which don't beautify they may intensify the sense of passion

but they don't be defined they don't lead to genuine a penis they don't lead

the lead often to abuse and blindly also so everything comes right in the field

of the isness you honor that and you see how beautifully it is harmonizing every

other aspect or facet of your expression is touched and and and elevated from

that central discovery

you