News on Youtube Dec 18 2018

Cancer scorpio love relationship.

From the astrological point of view it is one of the strongest couples.

Because there is quiet powerful correlation between their characters.

Cancer man is very emotional personality who knows what his lady needs, but he can't achieve

his goals without someone's support.

And in such case scorpio is exactly that woman who can help him realize all his dreams, cause

sometimes she is much braver and confident than her lovely boyfriend.

Scorpio woman is born to do all the hard work, that men can not do.

And I must say, she enjoys of it.

Especially in the relationships with those men who have a lack of self-confidence on

the way of important things doing.

And cancer man understands this.

He knows that she can give him protection from outer world, where he usually meets people

who always make him feel depressed and exhausted.

Everything may seem okay, But like many other couples, relationship between cancer man and

scorpio woman has also it's disadvantages.

So in this video I would like to highlight you all the moments and perspectives for life

and marriage, when it comes to cancer man and scorpio woman compatibility.

Keep watching.

Talking about seduction, scorpio lady always uses her best psychological skills.

She can easily get almost every man by means of her unusual charisma and manipulative affection.

It's not difficult for her to make somebody believe in what she says.

And cancer man is like obedient son, he always hears what she recommends him to do.

Cause he feels dominative pressure and power from her, all those features which he would

like to have, but he doesn't have.

But cancer man has another task in the relationships.

It's all about his desire to find an approach to human soul.

He needs a woman who can understand his changeable mood and express a compassion to him.

If scorpio woman is ready to play a game on his side, then they gonna succeed in the relationships,

otherwise they will be fighting.

If you are girl with soft character and vulnerable human nature, you won't go the same road with

your cancer man.

Cause he needs a woman, who will give him a hope to see a sense of life.

Despite cancer man is considered as one of the richest zodiac signs, he always has a

money, even when says he doesn't.

But sometimes it feelaps like he is not happy with that, he is always complaining on how

his life difficult is.

But if a scorpio female show him her deep feelings and care instead of brutality that

she has, then he will be convinced about having reliable partner, whom he can share his secrets

and personal things.

And I must say that Scorpio woman is a right zodiac sign for him, because they have a lot

of common interests.

After all their attitude to the relationships is always based on honesty and very serious

perception of some sort of things.

It's almost impossible to meet a couple cancer scorpio, in which one uses another for the

sake of getting something.

No, it's not that case.

If a scorpio woman is fallen in love, literally she is ready for everything in order to keep

keep her relationship lasting.

She will rather demonstrate her jealousy, especially when a cancer guy talk to other

girl.

And she also can do that even without a reason.

Because of her acquisitive instinct.

Even if her man smile to other girl, she will be angry with him.

Scorpio woman never forgives a betrayal.

And cancer is definitely not a man who can have the tons of other women, but sometimes

he makes the intrigues in the relationships.

It is always hard to realize that, cause he usually acts secretly that no one can notice

his erotic intentions to other girls.

After all when scorpio woman suspects him cheating on her, her revenge can be dangerous

and unforgettable.

Justice and mutual respect are two important things that scorpio lady expexcts from her

man in the relationships.

And if a cancer male can not prove his serious attirude to her, they will definitely struggle

from living together.

I wouldn't estimate a compatibility of his couple on 100, but 80% is exactly right number

for making a life of scorpio cancer happy.

You can disagree with me, but that's how I see these zodiac signs together.

And it's not because they are two water signs.

Noo.

If they don't lie each other from the beginning of the relationships, they can achieve amazing

results in a life and marriage.

And they have all chances to establish their addiction to one another even on the higher

level, and that's because of their common erotic desires in the bedroom.

Scorpio woman never hides their passionate feelings, especially when it comes to intimacy.

And cancer man likes it, cause he wants a woman who can dominate on him.

After all he is used to play the second role, due to his passive behavior, but it doesn't

impede him to make his girlfriend happy in bed.

Cancer guy knows how to touch and kiss his a girl in order to make her melt.

But in most cases he acts like shy boy what actually turns on his scorpio female.

Sometimes she loves when a man doesn't express his intentions openly.

It looks like a foreplay for her.

And of course she is ready to dominate immediately.

In some cases scorpio woman is like treasure for cancer man in the relationships.

Cause he knows what to expect from her.

And it's not about his secret desire and phantasy.

Noo.

Cancer guy can see his mother's traits in his scorpio girlfriend.

That is probably the most important thing for him, when it comes to a woman choice.

So if you are scorpio and you want to get a cancer man faster, make sure you are capable

of showing him your motherly love.

That is the first moment you should pay your attention on, in order to win his trust.

And don't forget that he choses a woman for life very slowly and meticulously.

So, Be patient with your expectations.

Anyway he relies on his amazing intuition that helps him to avoid the painful mistakes.

That's all you should know about cancer man scorpio woman compatibility.

As usual, don't forget to share this video with your friends on twitter and facebook,

and hit the nofification bell in order to follow more interesting topics later.

For more infomation >> Cancer Scorpio Love Relationship - Duration: 5:01.

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How to Handle Anger and Frustration - Relationship Advice for men and women: - Duration: 3:22.

hi there Ilan here from Satori Prime and in today's video I want to give you a

huge tip about relationships now whether this relationship is with kids your

spouse people at work friends this is applicable to all how many times have

you been in an interaction with someone and they said something or did something

or maybe didn't say something who were tend to do something and you lost it

internally you were just so angry and that person asks you to come talk to

them about it in that moment and you say something that may be a few hours or a

few days later you have come to regret well here's pro tip about relationships

when you feel anger frustration self defense mechanisms coming on leave the

conversation say something like you know what right now I'm afraid of what's

going to come out of my mouth I'm gonna regret later and take a timeout because

here's what's happening in that moment your body your mind is completely

hijacked have you ever tried to be logical with a child in a tantrum how's

that worked out your logic actually makes them go deeper and deeper into

tantrum they get louder and louder right that is exactly what is happening inside

your body when you're in that state you're hijack you are no longer there

so if you want healthy beautiful connected intimate relationships

do yourself a favor when you feel that emotional state coming on whatever it

might be ask for permission to leave leave allow your system to calm down

because what's happened is all these chemicals are surging through your body

and you are in full-on fight-or-flight mode and it takes anywhere between 30 to

90 minutes for that chemical reaction to calm down and from everything to go from

just your reptilian amygdala part your brain to actually bring energy back

into your prefrontal cortex and you'll notice that when removed from a certain

situation you can always come back with a clear mind clear vision of what it is

you want to communicate and you don't end up saying things that you're gonna

regret or have to apologize for later so remember next time you get into a heated

argument a heated fight any sort of interaction give yourself a timeout say

I will come back to you I just need some time to cool down and I will come back

to you and then we can have this conversation and you will notice that

your relationships take on a whole new level of intimacy and connection without

having to apologize every step of the way right let me know how this tip works

for you in the comment box below if you tried this how it's worked for you and

if you like this video give it a big thumbs up also make sure that you

subscribe to our YouTube channel because we are constantly sharing tips and

practical things that you can do through your life that will make you live a

happier healthier more fulfilled life till we see you again have an amazing

day my friend

For more infomation >> How to Handle Anger and Frustration - Relationship Advice for men and women: - Duration: 3:22.

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Ariana Grande And Pete Davidson Had A Very Weird Relationship - Duration: 4:49.

Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson seemed like an odd pair, but the pop star and the comedian

were hot, heavy, and moved at warp speed.

They got engaged just weeks after taking their relationship public and on the heels of big

breakups.

Let's take a closer look at this strange relationship.

Grande and Davidson were reportedly first spotted getting cozy on May 12th, 2018 at

a Saturday Night Live after-party.

On May 21st, 2018, a source told People that Grande and Davidson were casually dating,

but by June 9th, Davidson and Grande were supposedly telling pals they were engaged.

"I can't believe it, and yeah, I get it.

She's the number one pop star in the world and I'm that guy from SNL that everyone

thinks is in desperate need of more blood."

A source told Entertainment Tonight that the lightning-speed love affair was likely Davidson's

doing, saying,

"In relationships, he is known to be the caring one and the full steam ahead guy.

[...] The combination of a girl who is yearning to be loved and mixing it with a guy like

Pete creates this intense relationship that is moving a million miles a minute."

At least one part of Grande and Davidson's relationship is somewhat permanent - they

got couples' tattoos.

Davidson inked Grande's signature bunny ear mask behind his ear and got her initials on

his finger.

Grande and Davidson also sport matching cloud emoji tattoos on their fingers.

These aren't Davidson's first seemingly permanent skin etchings for a lady he loves.

He had several tattoos celebrating his ex that he reportedly got covered up when he

moved on with Grande.

At least Grande and Davidson's small designs will be relatively easy to cover up or laser

off.

Unfortunately, it won't be so easy to erase their other relationship commitment.

"Uh, you guys have taken a big step for a couple that is engaged.

You bought a pet?"

"Yeah, we got a pig."

Perhaps Grande and Davidson's timeline started earlier than the world realized - and earlier

than their exes realized, too.

According to TMZ, Grande split from the late Mac Miller, her boyfriend of two years, in

the first week of May 2018.

On May 3rd, 2018, Davidson's ex, Cazzie David, posted a since-deleted Instagram photo looking

happy with Davidson.

E! News reported in early June 2018 that the jeweler Davidson purchased Grande's ring from

claimed Davidson came to him a month earlier to get a rock.

This would mean he and Grande were virtually minutes into their romance when he decided

to put a ring on it.

And now, for the conspiracy portion: Grande and Davidson were spotted with matching cloud

emoji phone cases in May 2018.

Combine that with their matching cloud tattoos, and doesn't it make you wonder about the cloud

emojis she's been posting since December 2017?

Grande has a history of seemingly overlapping her boyfriends.

She dated Jai Brooks until 2013, when the Daily Mail reported that Brooks accused her

of cheating on him with Nathan Sykes, who she dated for a short period while promoting

their duet, "Almost Is Never Enough."

She ended up reuniting with Brooks, but they called it quits for good in 2014.

Grande quickly rebounded with Big Sean.

They allegedly hooked up while he was still engaged to Glee star Naya Rivera - or so Rivera

says in her book.

After Grande and Big Sean split in April 2015, Grande began dating dancer Ricky Alvarez,

as E! News reported, until the summer of 2016, when she got together with Mac Miller.

Two of Davidson's famous exes have subtly shown their displeasure over the grand Grande

romance.

Cazzie David posted an Instagram pic from a safari after news of his relationship went

viral, with the caption:

"Been in Africa, what did I miss?"

On June 11, 2018, the day Davidson and Grande's engagement news was plastered all over the

Internet, David posted a selfie winking with red wine, captioning that photo:

"Came to wine country a person, leaving a human bottle of wine."

Girl Code star Carly Aquilino, who dated Davidson in 2015, posted several

screenshots to her Instagram stories that seemingly referenced the engagement news.

In one exchange, a friend texted her,

"I know I'm the 9 billionth person to text you about this but … I can't."

Aquilino captioned the screencap:

"My day in a text message."

Davidson has been open about his struggles with Borderline Personality Disorder, which

he was diagnosed with in 2017, after several breakdowns and a stint in rehab.

Unfortunately, that struggle may have made his fast-paced relationship with Grande an

even bigger target for trolling than other celebrity romances.

Davidson clapped back at haters in a thoughtful, mature way, explaining in a social media post

that, yes, people with mental illnesses can still date, despite the stigmas and prejudices

strangers may throw their way.

According to People magazine, he said,

"Just because someone has a mental illness does not mean they can't be happy and in a

relationship.

[...] Everybody is different and there are a lot of treatments for mental illnesses and

I have done/am doing all of them."

For more infomation >> Ariana Grande And Pete Davidson Had A Very Weird Relationship - Duration: 4:49.

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The Best Relationship Moments From Inside Amy Schumer - Duration: 19:38.

All right, well.

Bye.

Bye.

Whew.

Here's the craziest thing about last night.

Like his body just--

It felt like home.

Dude, does this taste skunked to you?

No.

What does he do?

Okay, we did not get to that,

but according to Google, like finance, maybe.

What'd you get into last night?

Nothing.

Actually, I got kind of hammered.

God, I like, miss him.

I'm gonna text him.

Oh, you should wait.

No, the amazing thing is that we're not playing games.

Oh my God.

( phone alert )

No idea who that is.

How hard is it to open a joint checking account?

And this is for you and your husband?

Husband?

I-- I guess, I guess.

I have a feeling.

Mm-hmm.

This is it.

This is my wedding cake.

This place is perfect.

Unless he's Jewish.

Whatever, it's my day, right?

You know what?

There's one more thing I'd like to take a look at.

You know what?

I just-- I feel it.

I feel like Matt and I will just be at peace here.

Yeah.

God.

You know what?

I'm gonna call my boo-boo, see what he's up to.

( phone ringing )

Hello?

Hey.

Just at the cemetery, thinking boutcha.

What are you thinking for tonight?

I'm literally down for whatever.

Who is this?

Uh, it's Amy.

We--we hung out last night, I came back to your place.

Right, yeah.

Sorry, I think I'm gonna take a pass

on us seeing each other again.

Did I wear a bag?

What a dick!

Ma'am, should I stop digging?

Yeah.

Wait.

What's your name?

My name's Charles.

Amy Charles.

Keep digging.

♪

♪

♪ Somebody's really pretty today ♪

♪ Somebody's really pretty today ♪

( phone text beeping )

( shutter clicking )

Ugh.

( shutter clicking )

God.

( shutter clicking )

( shutter clicks )

Ooh, ooh.

( phone ringing )

Jess?

( Jess ) What's wrong?

Okay, Bobby just text me,

he wants me to send him, like, a sexy picture.

Oh my God, did you?

No, no, I've been trying

and they're just, like, really bad.

Should I just send him that one where--

Remember I met Hillary Clinton at LaGuardia?

Should I send him that one?

You can, like, basically see my nipple.

They made me take it off Facebook,

so it's definitely not not sexual.

You're taking them yourself?

Yeah... Wait, what?

Honey, let me call my guy.

Your guy?

( phone text beeping )

Oh, that's Bobby again.

Okay, I'm calling Danny P. right now.

Danny P.?

( knocking )

Hi, come on in.

Hi, thank you.

Cute place.

Do you teach art to cats?

Can I offer you something?

Offer me what?

Half a coconut water and the dirt from your Brita?

I think I'm actually good, lonelybones,

I'm kind of in a rush.

What do you got already, let's see.

Ooh.

Why the cactus?

That's not a-- that's not a cactus.

Okay, we need the bush team on standby,

it looks like she's got a Hasidic rabbi

living in her underpants.

No offense.

Okay.

We're just gonna clean you up, it'll take a second.

20 minutes.

Don't worry, you're in good hands, okay?

I've done everyone's.

I'm talking Blake Lively, Scarlett Jo,

George Lopez.

It was actually my idea to make Brett Favre's dick,

like, bright yellow.

No, that was you?

That was me.

Let's get to it.

Did you wear that yesterday?

Yes!

Very good, but don't forget your duck mouth,

don't forget that duck mouth.

Now you're in a boat.

You're in a boat because you're Pocahontas

and it's the new world!

Maybe less feathers.

Smile like you don't have Spanx on.

Yeah!

Lay back and look really alluring.

Well, actually, don't look dead.

You're pregnant!

You're pregnant with gift cards !

Yeah!

Oh-- Are you gonna ( bleep ) your pants?

Oh my God, are you gonna ( bleep ) your pants?

You're so comfy.

Too comfy.

Too comfy.

Look, if you don't watch your ( bleep ) shadow,

I will remove it.

Here we go.

Yes!

You've got a secret and only the pillow can know.

Wash yourself.

Wash your whole body and your armpits and under your boobs.

Amy!

Oh no, there's a spider in your hair!

There's a spider in your hair!

No!

There's a spider in your hair, get it out!

Yes!

We have our shot, that's a wrap.

You were amazing.

Yoko!

Unplug everything, we're gonna burn this rat's nest down.

You were so great.

I'd love to stay and chat, but I've got to run downtown.

I have to shoot Diane Keaton bottomless with a turtleneck

like an hour ago, I'm sure you understand.

Oh my God, I just don't know how to thank you.

Just get ( bleep ).

Bonsoir.

( phone sending tone )

( phone alert )

I was gonna get eyelash extensions but

then I did get those Uggs that I've been eyeing.

Oh, okay.

YOLO.

All right, yeah. I guess so.

Um, hey, I'm gonna go get another drink from the bar.

You want anything?

Ooh, yeah, would you get me a Mexican Russian mojito bomb?

Babe, those take forever to make.

Why don't you just get a glass of wine or something?

No, please, babe!

Okay, oh, yeah. Okay.

(kisses)

All right.

A skinny-girl one.

Okay.

Hey.

Hi, how you doing?

Nice party, huh?

Yeah.

Ooh, I like your shirt.

It's ironic.

Right.

Right?

That is ironic.

So how do you know Glen?

Oh, um, I don't know Glen.

He was my boyfriend's roommate in college.

Okay, you don't have to slip in that you have a boyfriend, okay?

I was just making casual conversation, all right?

You're just a four. Wow.

I wasn't even making...

Sorry. Excuse me.

No, no, no, no. You're fine.

I haven't even had enough drinks to be stumbling.

Which is a sign I should probably get another one.

Yeah, I hear you. (chuckles)

Can I get you something?

Oh, no, no, no. My boyfriend's grabbing me one.

Wow, you're arrogant.

I was just trying to be nice.

You don't have to cram in that you have a boyfriend.

No, I wasn't doing that.

I only sleep with Asian girls.

Pretty arrogant.

For a three.

I'm a four.

Looks like you don't know too many people here either, huh?

Oh, no, I just...

(mouthing)

No. (chuckles)

Where are you from?

Long Island.

Ooh, Long Island, that's cool.

Yeah.

Can I get you a drink?

No, I-- I'm...

Yeah, that'd be great.

Yeah?

What do you want?

White wine.

Oh, I'll be right back.

Thank you.

Here.

Oh, wow.

That was easy.

(chuckles) Yeah.

This poor schmuck over there is waiting

for this like insanely complicated drink

that you have to like harvest a field to make.

Oh, my God. (laughing)

What kind of a piece of shit

wants a really refreshing drink like that?

(both laughing)

So what town are you from?

I'm from Ronkonkoma. You ever been to the Konk?

Oh, my God, you're amazing.

I'm so glad you were at that party.

Mmm.

How do you know Glen?

I can't remember.

I'm having an orgasm right now.

Oh!

Yeah.

Okay, yeah, go!

(laughs) Oh, my God, yeah!

♪♪

Boyfriend, I have a boyfriend.

Hey, Henry?!

And cup of cocoa with an extra marshmallow

for my best girl.

What's up?

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

(cups clank)

(slurping)

Okay, I feel like I have to tell you something.

Remember the night you met me at that party?

I was by myself.

I have, um--

Let me stop you right there.

Because you will never be by yourself again.

What? What are you doing?

Will you marry me?

Oh, my God.

(violin playing)

Um...

Yep.

She said yep! She said yep!

(laughing) Yes!

I will.

Oh, you've made me the happiest man in Ronkonkoma.

(monitor beeping)

Henry, I have to tell you something.

I have a boyfriend.

Ever since we met, that party,

he was getting me a drink and it took too long.

God, I just didn't want to be arrogant

and slip in that I had a boyfriend.

I tried to tell you after Bennett was born,

but by then, super weird.

Wow.

Slow your roll, asshole.

I was never interested in you anyway

'cause I'm gay, P.S.

What?!

I just needed a beard

so I could keep my job at Halliburton.

Arrogant.

(flatlining beep)

(ringtone chiming)

Ooh!

(groans) Oh!

There she is.

Baby, I missed you so much.

Mwah.

Mwah.

Sorry things got so out of hand at that party.

They were out of Malibu so I got you some well rum.

Oh, I don't want this.

Oh, can I just have a mudslide instead?

Please?

Well rum?

This is gonna be good.

Do we really have to do this?

Yes, we're not communicating.

We need help.

We're not communicating?

Yeah, we're not communicating.

I don't even know what you're saying right now.

(door opens)

Hello.

Hi, I'm Chrissy Teigen.

I'm so sorry about the wait.

Come on in.

Thank you so much for seeing us.

No problem.

It's gonna be fine.

So let's get started.

First of all, how long have you two been together?

Four years.

Well, we had a good run, if that's what you mean.

Well, I think it's great you guys are both here.

It shows that this relationship

is something that's important to the both of you.

I'm sorry, aren't you a model?

She's a supermodel.

You sound like a real ass(bleep) right now.

I actually was a model,

but now I'm a clinical social worker

and I really love it.

You know, I'm really enjoying this now

and I mean, who wants to ride a horse naked

for the camera all the time?

I'd rather just do that on my own.

And as you know, modeling is great,

but you hit 27 and suddenly, you're old.

Oh, that's not old.

Amy's 37.

I'm 32.

Yeah, but you're a drinker.

All right, so let's talk about what brought you two here.

I'll start.

Um...

You know, when, when Amy gets jealous,

I get really frustrated.

So I have to like, you know,

go to the gym and then I gotta sweat it out.

Just... (growls)

And Amy?

Well, I, I feel like he's cheating on me.

You just need to learn to believe that I'm not.

Uh, well, these sound like two very conflicting perspectives, obviously--

Can you put your glasses back on, please?

Of course.

Thank you.

No, no.

No, no, no.

No, don't do that.

Okay, uh, well, he never has sex with me, like at all.

It's because I don't want to.

And Amy, how does that make you feel?

That makes me feel unattractive, Chrissy Teigen.

You know what, Kevin, maintaining self-esteem for a woman

can be really difficult.

I think we all feel a little bit ugly sometimes.

All right, I want to try a role play.

I'm going to be Amy.

Kevin, I'd like you to say to me

all the things that you'd like to do to Amy in bed.

Okay--

No.

I don't think that's a good idea for us--

First, I want to kiss you for hours.

And then I want to run my fingers

through your long, dark hair.

And then I wanna drive you crazy

by licking you in places no other man,

including John Legend,

has ever touched before.

All right, why don't you now

say those things directly to Amy?

It's okay.

I think she got it.

I don't think this is helping at all.

So it's agreed. We're on a break.

You know what I like to do sometimes is kind of

finish off the session with just one of you.

I think that would be the smartest deal here.

Okay, yeah.

Amy, you'll take a Citi Bike home, right?

I've never even used a Citi Bike.

It's really easy. You just use a credit card.

Actually, Kevin, I think it's best if I finish with Amy,

but, um, you know what?

My business cards are still being made.

But all my information is on this for you.

Oh, my God. Thank you.

We have a calendar--

Wow, this has everything.

I will put this to use.

Great, and then I will see you Monday.

Monday.

Perfect. I will see you then.

Monday.

See you at home.

See you.

Girl, don't blow this, girl.

What?

That man out there is a total catch.

You need to lock it down.

Really?

(phone chimes)

Oh, gross. It's a dick.

It's Kevin.

(woman) "My Dream Breakup."

Amy, a high school graduate,

is ready to change her relationship status

with her boyfriend, Nick.

Hello, gorgeous.

Are you my breakup girl?

Yes, hi.

Hi, come here.

Nick and I have been dating for two-and-a-half years.

Nick is like, such a great guy, but I just,

I know in my heart that I'm ready for something taller.

So let's talk general concept.

Have we given any thought to whether you want it to be

a slow realization or a devastating blindside?

Um, I guess blindside feels more me.

You know what?

I knew you were going to say that.

I just get you.

You do.

Let's look at some venues, come on.

You know what?

I have an idea, Amy.

Let me tell you.

What do you think about tapas?

I love the small plates idea.

I think it's a great fit for you, Amy.

You know, it's low commitment, you can leave after

the bacon-wrapped figs if you want, or if he's crying,

you can stay for the croquettas!

Ooh, I love croquettas!

Then we're gonna have to make him cry.

You're such a natural.

Have you done this before?

No. No.

Everyone always breaks up with me.

Mom, one to 10?

♪♪

Mom.

When I divorced your father,

I wore something more traditional.

This is my day!

Oh, sweetie.

No, you stop it.

You're ruining this!

(sighs)

Mom, can I talk to you for a second?

(crying) Why are you being mean?

That looks...

...great!

We have the dress!

(Amy) I watched my friends do this over and over again

and now it's my turn.

Blessed.

(whispers) Hey.

Why are all these cameras here?

Nick,

the times we shared can never be taken away from us.

What are you guys shooting?

But all things must run their course and in due time,

even everything ends.

So Nick, today, I'd like to tell you that

I am breaking up with you.

(mouthing words)

Go for Eduardo and Pilar.

Wait, what?

♪♪

We have tears.

Go for croquettas!

(man sings in Spanish)

Why the (bleep) is he singing?

No, I'm sorry, no.

These are from Spain.

(groaning)

Sweetie, I'm sorry, no singing, okay?

Lo siento.

But if I want to hear you sing, I will put a dollar

in your (bleep) sombrero.

This is not the (bleep) "Voice".

Do I look like I'm in a spinny chair?

Please just follow instructions.

I have 200 of you.

I don't even know what to say right now.

I'm like, totally blindsided.

What is this?

Oh, you're giving me my stuff back in a gift bag?

Hey, (bleep) you, Amy.

Holy God!

Sweetie, you were amazing!

You did it, girl!

We did it.

It couldn't have been more perfect.

It was truly the breakup of my dreams and the best part--

now I have a new gay best friend.

Oh, I'm not gay.

I'm gonna (bleep) her.

♪♪

For more infomation >> The Best Relationship Moments From Inside Amy Schumer - Duration: 19:38.

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Thomas Markle is the latest victim of the abusive relationship between press and palace UK news - Duration: 2:54.

Thomas Markle is the latest victim of the abusive relationship between press and palace UK news

The father of the bride has had his life made a misery by the excesses of the paparazzi. There is no sign that anything much has changed since the death of Princess Diana

The father of the bride has had his life made a misery by the excesses of the paparazzi. There is no sign that anything much has changed since the death of Princess Diana

Who will give Meghan Markle away on the day of her wedding? Well, no woman needs to be given away and no one needs to contend with another royal wedding. Everyone in Britain can look away now and revel in the idea that the monarchy is an institution that has no real effect on its subjects' lives, loyal or disloyal. The lovely old Queen, corgis and all, is the head of state and head of the church, but why bore on about the constitution when we can consider Meghan's messy bun? For the way the monarchy functions is by telling us stories that are said to unify our disparate nation – and those stories are of the hatch 'em, match 'em and dispatch 'em variety.

At one time, power meant privacy. Not any longer. The royals are born to rule and we are apparently born to watch, or so it is assumed by those who publish paparazzi shots of them and their adjuncts. Thomas Markle, a retired lighting director, seemed to be living a quiet life in Mexico until his daughter got embroiled with a royal. Long divorced from her mother, he is said to be close to his daughter. Portrayed in some quarters as some kind of bumbling reclusive bankrupt, he actually won several awards during his career. He just doesn't seem to want to be in the public eye, and why should he?

Paparazzi have apparently rented a house next to his and followed him around, making his life a misery. He then set up some shots of his own, perhaps to try to take control of the images that were circulating. Nothing dramatic. The pictures he apparently posed for show him Googling royal stuff and being fitted for a suit. But he got paid for them, which is said to have caused him embarrassment, and he is now so stressed that he is having chest pains, having had heart attacks in the past. Yesterday, he said he had decided not to come to the wedding, although today, there were reports that he has changed his mind. Poor guy. And what a rum do all this is. It could surely have been avoided if the palace had stepped in earlier to try to warn, prepare and protect him. Meghan and Harry are, understandably, said to be distressed, too.

This pursuit of her father is a lesson to Meghan about what marrying into this family entails. There is not a relationship between the royal family and the press: there is a void, and it is dark.

There are moments of negotiated truce, of course, lines constantly drawn and breached. There are laws, and enquiries; there is hand-wringing, and then there is the reality: a paparazzo once told me that one shot, the right shot, could keep him for a year. One shot – tears, tits and tiaras – will sell all over the world.

Paparazzi used to spit at Princess Diana to get her to react. When they were young, Harry and William were frightened by scuffles among photographers. A press call is never enough. Ultimately, the brothers blamed the paparazzi for their mother's death, the men who pursued her on speeding motorbikes, who took photographs of her dying. That much we know.

While she was alive, and especially during her divorce, Diana courted certain photographers and journalists to get out her side of the story. She made a deal with the devil, but the thing about the devil is that he doesn't do guilt, or even shame.

After her death, there was a period of reflection by some newspaper editors. But this lasted five minutes, at most. Diana's collusion with the press compromised her, but she didn't have much choice – they would have followed her anyway. Even Piers Morgan, that expert on press intrusion, said: "We in the media were culpable in allowing the paparazzi to become ridiculously over the top."

Where does that culpability lie? Some lies with newspaper, magazine and website editors who cannot get enough of these snatched pictures, stolen images traded like contraband. Some say it also lies with the public, who, it is claimed, bizarrely, crave these images. But some lies with the monarchy itself, which cannot maintain its standing without a certain level of publicity. Of course they try to control it. But even when there are deals, they can't. We have seen pictures of various family members in states of undress. A secret recording gave us the future king's tampon fantasies. Long lenses have given us pictures of the Duchess of Cambridge topless. iPhones have given us pictures of her brother, James, in a French maid's outfit and Harry naked in Vegas. We have also seen Harry in Nazi gear and the Queen wringing the neck of a wounded pheasant. All of these were presumably private moments. All of these pictures were sold at vast profit.

The palace has gone on the offensive by suing and making it clear what these long lens shots involve. In 2007, William and Kate were pursued leaving the nightclub Boujis by paparazzi on motorbikes, and they are now deeply concerned over how their children are pursued. Paparazzi have been found hiding in fields behind dunes to get pictures of Prince George playing with his grandmother, Carole Middleton. A man was found in the boot of a car trying to take a picture through a small gap. The palace wrote a letter that said such tactics were reminiscent "of past surveillance by groups intent on doing more than capturing images". George was two at the time. The implicit link here between what the paparazzi are doing and what terrorists do is striking. It is dangerous; surveillance of an unprecedented kind.

Having starred in a TV series, Meghan is perhaps better prepared for surveillance than many. Her father is not. No normal person could be. The deal that the royals want to broker with the press in which they control all access is understandable, but untenable. All regulation seems to fall down once international websites come in. Images will circulate even if certain newspapers refuse them. But not only do some newspapers not refuse them, they scrutinise the bodies, makeup and hair of the female royals with the decorum of an upskirt sleaze merchant. These are the same papers, of course, that love the monarchy.

Diana wanted out before her wedding, but was told that her face was already printed on the tea towels. Meghan may want to fly off to a chapel in Vegas right now, but there is a sense that the deal is done.

The firm will reinvigorate itself with the fresh blood of the women who marry into it. For all the privilege and lives of enormous wealth, those women will give up a shocking amount of privacy because the royals are part of a celebrity culture. They may rattle the bars of the gilded cage, but they won't break them. The firm has a strong sense of self-preservation, after all, and when Charles becomes king they need Meghan and Kate to maintain a popular and modern front.

On one level, then, this is the fairytale and, quite frankly, who cares if her mother not her father gives her away? That seems fine. But all of this is really about who controls the narrative: the press or the palace? And how long can they remain locked in this abusive and dysfunctional relationship?

We the subjects can choose not to be interested, of course, not to care and not to look at the whole circus. We can certainly choose not to think any of it matters. But the royals are the fountainhead of how power operates in this country. The soap they provide is part of how consent is manufactured for this archaic institution. They trade privacy for what? Love? Power? Charity? And the fairytale cracks when too much is demanded of those not groomed for intense scrutiny. No wonder Thomas Markle wants to run away. He is not an embarrassment. What is embarrassing is this lurid voyeurism that calls itself journalism. What does harassing a 73-year-old man achieve? The fairytales and the tabloids never talk of the collateral damage involved in marrying a prince. We are an amnesiac culture, but the damage caused by all this is real, and not long ago or far away. How much more do we need to see?

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