In the early 80s, it was still a wonderful time because it seemed like everybody was
curious about gay life.
People wanted to hang out with gays and my co-workers where I was teaching were just
fascinated that I was going to Studio 54 and I was going to all these clubs and they were
very, very curious about my life.
I was out.
I was out to all my fellow teachers.
Many had asked me if they could come and see where I lived in Greenwich Village.
They had heard I have triplex on a beautiful street in Greenwich Village and they wanted
to see it.
I said sure, so we got together a group and it was all planned.
I had done some real preparations.
I had contacted a friend who had a loft, I contacted a friend who had a brownstone, and
I contacted a friend who lived in a high rise.
And I thought that I would show this group - they were all women, they were all women
who adored me - and I would show these women about four or five different types of living
spaces in Greenwich Village.
They were ecstatic - they were so excited and I was excited.
Well, that weekend before they were, the weekend before they were going to come in, Rock Hudson
died.
1985.
And before that, AIDS was in swing, but it wasn't in the public consciousness that much.
And that death and those headlines in the paper of Rock Hudson really was a milestone
in gay history, really, and in the history of of AIDS and HIV in this country because
one by one these women called me to cancel.
They made all kinds of excuses why next weekend wasn't going to work for them.
A wedding.
This.
That.
One of them was totally honest.
And she said, "Richard, I'm scared."
You know, what can you say when someone is that honest to you?
I understand.
You know, I don't like it.
I'm scared, too.
And I think that I respected her the most of all the others that made these silly excuses.
Nobody knew and so at least she was honest.
But of course, it was devastating to me, you know, that all of these women would cancel.
They were my friends.
And I was scared.
I didn't know.
Maybe they were right.
Maybe they were right to cancel.
Was my apartment infected?
Were my glasses infected?
Was my silverware infected?
Nobody knew there were no tests at that point to to figure out what it was coming from.
For me, because it was now in the forefront and straight people were aware of it and I
was working with mostly straight people, it really impacted how I interacted with other
people and I knew that they didn't know whether I was infected or not, so I wanted to make
sure I didn't feel any rejection from them.
So when hugging became - that was okay, but kissing - I was really afraid to kiss people
on the lips because I didn't want to experience them turning away from me.
And believe me, I've heard many horror stories about people's own family that would not
kiss them even on the cheek, much less the lips.
And so I remember making a conscious effort to turn away from almost everyone.
In fact, one time, my favorite actress Eva Marie Saint was in town and she was doing
a play.
And when we went out afterwards, she kissed me on the lips and I was taken aback a little
bit and of course I should've enjoyed that kiss because she was my favorite actress and
someone who I revered.
But I was almost mortified because I know that I kind of turned away from her, and what
she must of thought?
And I never was able to really explain that to her that you know, of course, it was my
own insecurity that made me do that.
But it impacted me for many years and to this day all when I kiss someone on the lips, I
am reminded that this is a recent thing and this is something that I have only recently
been comfortable with.
It many years to get over that.

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