hi it's wonderful to see you I appreciate your taking the time to meet
with me again this week I've been doing a lot of reading and studying over the
past few weeks I want to share with you some insights and ideas about simple
ways we can keep our relationships fun relaxed and sexy I've been studying a
fascinating book Beyond Mars and Venus relationship skills for today's complex
world by Dr. John Gray published in January 2017 you've probably heard of
the book Men are from Mars Women are from Venus which came out about 20 years
ago the main concept that Dr. Gray focuses
on is that no matter how much we evolve in the workplace and in our
relationships men and women are biologically different and that affects
how we feel and behave there are a group of characteristics that are considered
to be inherently male and a complimentary but opposite group that
are considered female however research has found that these traits are not
gender specific only because they are traditionally expressed by that gender
the traits designated as male also cause a rise in the production of testosterone
and the female characteristics induce estrogen production those
characteristics deemed male include independent detached problem-solver
tough competitive analytical powerful assertive competent confident
accountable and goal-oriented people of both genders demonstrate all of these
traits sometimes and expressing these male qualities which produce
testosterone may feel equally good to men and women but when we are stressed
these characteristic behaviors will lower a man's internal stress reactions
but not a woman's it takes the expression of female qualities which
produce female hormones to lower her stress these complementary female
qualities include interdependent emotional nurturer and vulnerable
cooperative intuitive loving receptive virtuous trusting responsive and
relationship oriented trusting a partner to support you depending on others
emotional expression and nurturing activities all stimulate estrogen again
these things may feel equally good to men and women but when we are stressed
they will lower a woman's internal stress reactions but not a man's because
it takes testosterone to lower a man's stress levels when a man experiences any
of the symptoms of internal stress like anger loss of sexual interest for his
partner dissatisfaction or boredom it is usually because he's temporarily too far
on his female side he's feeling too much and so his testosterone has dropped
and his estrogen is too high learning to focus on activities that increase his
testosterone and decrease his estrogen will lower his internal stress
testosterone and it's balance with estrogen directly effects a man's
ability to experience wisdom compassion and unconditional love
along with lasting vitality virility and health testosterone replacement for men
is in the news a lot today because healthy testosterone levels have been
linked to a man's youthfulness health weight loss energy focus memory mood
strength and libido when a man is stressed tired or even depressed it's
generally because his testosterone levels are too low if his estrogen is
too high he will be more emotional and prone to feelings of anger defensiveness
and aggression the problem with testosterone
replacement through supplements is that supplements will cause a man's body to
discontinue making testosterone rather than increase its production the best
way to increase testosterone production is through masculine activities that
engage and express the masculine qualities I've mentioned for example
driving a car on a long trip making decisions and solving problems working
on projects providing selfless service and making a difference
learning and developing skills making money taking risks facing challenges
with confidence physical exercise physical intimacy and
romance listening researching joking and enjoying the company of other men men
and women require distinctly different mixtures of hormones to be stress-free
happy and fulfilled when a man can sustain higher testosterone and a woman
higher estrogen levels these differences create the attraction that can sustain
passion when a man is expressing his masculine qualities he will be most
attractive to a woman who is expressing her female qualities his male side and
her female side are opposite poles and will attract each other this deeper
understanding of how to use our behavior to affect our hormones provides the
foundation to keep the passion alive and create a successful relationship this
may sound rude or unfair to men but research tells us that the best way to
support our partner and raise both our required hormone levels to feel happier
and less stressed is when a woman talks about her feelings and a
man listens to her in my video how to attract a woman with integrity I
introduced you to the attune method for a conversation you may remember that
attune is an acronym that stands for attend turn toward understand non
defensively listen and empathize in the Mars and Venus methodology Dr. Gray
calls this the Venus talk he adds that the woman should spend no more than
eight minutes describing her negative feelings about what happened to her that
day she should then spend two minutes on her positive thoughts and feelings at
that point the man should say something empathetic such as it sounds like you
did the best you could under the circumstances let me give you a hug then
share a three to six second hug and the conversation is over
at no time during this talk should the woman say anything about her partner she
should only focus on her day and her feelings that way the man can easily
listen attempt to understand and empathize without feeling defensive or
as if he needs to fix something for her this Venus talk attuning conversation
will serve the purpose of raising the woman's estrogen levels give her a boost
of oxytocin and help her transition from her work or boss mode into her at home
me time once the 10 minute venus talk ends both partners should take about
thirty minutes alone for him this is cave time where he can relax process the
day and find balance for her this is her me time where she can practice self-care
release stress or resentment and find her own balance when a couple comes back
together after this time alone they'll be refreshed and ready to enjoy
their relationship feeling renewed attraction for one another when a couple
makes a habit of having this brief conversation every day
the woman anticipates that her husband or partner will be interested in hearing
her day's frustrations disappointments and concerns and her oxytocin and
estrogen levels will be high even before she gets home let's practice this together
with some role-playing imagine that I'm your wife or girlfriend
and we've both just come home from work after a typical day let's say you got
home first so you greet me at the door with a smile and a kiss and say let's
sit down and you can tell me about your day we sit so that we're facing each
other our cellphones are put away it's quiet in the house there's no
distractions I tell you that traffic was bad because of construction and I'm
frustrated that the commute takes so long you nod in agreement I tell you
that I had a nice networking meeting and lunch with a new client and that makes
me feel hopeful and confident that I will meet my goals this month you smile
and nod with appreciation then I tell you I made a doctor's appointment for a
checkup and I feel proud of myself for getting started on my plan to improve my
health you say that's great honey good for you and you give me a hug then we
both get up and spend 30 minutes alone after that we put dinner together and
make plans for a movie date this weekend if you live with a woman throughout the
coming week I want you to visualize having this type of Venus talk
conversation with your wife or partner I hope you'll present this idea to the
woman in your life and give it a try if the research holds true you should both
feel more relaxed and more attracted to each other when you practice this simple
conversation method I'll be presenting further ideas from
the book Beyond Mars and Venus in future videos but if you would like more
information I recommend reading the book and visiting Dr. Gray's website at
MarsVenus.com if you'd like to give me a wonderfully supportive virtual hug
please visit my patreon page and consider pledging a small amount each
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week with occasional bonus videos post your comments below and let me know what
you want to talk about in upcoming videos
I appreciate your questions and comments they're important to me
thanks for meeting with me we'll talk again soon
Joe can we freshen this up
the softer side
For more infomation >> Kate Middleton's Close Relationship With Meghan Markle Making Pippa Middleton Feel 'Shoved Out' - Duration: 3:42. 
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