Relationships must be nurtured and require a clean slate.
No matter what type of experiences you may have had with past relationships, when beginning
a new journey, you must be able to wipe the slate clean, and begin again.
If you allow yourself to be consumed by fears, it will kill your relationship.
Here are 7 fears that kill a relationship, and at the end of this video, we'll show you
What you can do to silence your fears.
welcome to lifestyle therapy channel, stay tuned.
No.1, I'm just know I'm going to get hurt.
If you grew up in an environment in which you felt unsafe, didn't trust the people close
to you, or were abused, you are likely to identify with this perpetual fear of getting
deeply hurt.
Your circuitous thought patterns, may include ones like these: I always get hurt by the
people close to me.
People will take advantage of me if I don't protect myself.
People I trust abuse me.
So as a result of your doom-and-gloom attitude: You are constantly on guard for any sign of
betrayal or abuse.
You suspect an ulterior motive, when you are on the receiving end of a kind gesture.
You find it difficult, if not impossible, to be vulnerable.
You are accommodating and compliant as a way to prevent others from getting angry.
You lash out at others, as a way to protect yourself from the abuse you expect.
You avoid getting close to others because you fear they will hurt you.
You avoid relationships because you can't trust anyone.
No.2, I'm not good enough for him or her.
A continuous loop feeds through your head: "I'm not pretty enough, sexy enough, smart
enough, organized enough...", Because you feel like a failure, you find yourself "needing
your partner to continually validate your worth, in order to feel good," and that puts
stress on your relationship.
No.3, Cheating.
If you allow yourself, to be consumed by the possibility that your significant other will
cheat, you will drive yourself crazy.
When entering into a relationship, both parties must put themselves out there and take a chance.
Wondering if the other person will cheat, will give you anxiety and unneeded stress.
Checking if the other person is cheating, will cause that person to believe that you
don't trust them.
No.4, He or she is going to leave me.
Do you sense that the people you need for support and connection, are unstable or unreliable?
Maybe they are, and it's important to trust your gut, if you feel like you're not being
properly supported by your friends and family members, or by your partner.
But ask yourself if you are truly feeling unsupported, or if you are reacting to a deep
fear of abandonment.
If you fear abandonment, you likely have such thoughts as these: People who love me will
leave me or die.
No one has ever been there for me.
The people I've been closest to are unpredictable.
In the end I will be alone.
You have a tendency to over-generalize, and read into the behaviors of those around you.
As a result of your victim mindset: You may become clingy.
You may start arguments consciously or unconsciously, to test the relationship.
This can turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy — you push others away, so often that they
do leave you.
You get involved with people who are unavailable, (e.g., they live in a different location,
they are in another relationship, you have incompatible schedules, and so on).
You avoid relationships, so you can't be abandoned.
No.5, He or she won't be there for me, when I need him or her.
When you lack emotional support, attention, affection, guidance or understanding as you're
growing up, you probably also anticipate emotional deprivation in your adult life.
With this fear come such thoughts as: I don't get the love that I need.
I don't have anyone in my life who really cares about me, or meets my emotional needs.
I don't feel emotionally connected to anyone.
As a result of feeling like you're always going to be lonely:
You become angry and demanding, when you don't get what you need.
You are drawn to people who don't express their emotions, as they reinforce your isolation.
You don't open up to others in anticipation of being disappointed by their response (e.g.,
lack of validation or interest).
You resent others automatically, because you aren't getting the love and understanding
that you need.
No.6, time limit.
Never put a time limit or time table on your relationship.
Some people set themselves up to fear that they're not getting married "on time", or
that they're not starting a family "on time".
Placing constraints on your relationship, will cause each party to feel stressed, and
place unnecessary pressures.
Your relationship will progress like it's suppose to, and things will happen when it's
time.
No.7, I'm a failure.
The final major fear that can capsize your relationships, stems from the belief that
failure is inevitable, or that you don't measure up to your peers, because you aren't
as smart, talented or successful.
In this case, you may have thoughts that include: Most of my peers are more successful than
I am.
I am not as smart as other people in my life.
I feel ashamed that I don't measure up to others.
I don't possess any special talents.
As a result of your extreme self-doubt: You avoid discussions or situations, where
comparisons to others would be made.
You allow others to criticize you or minimize your accomplishments.
You minimize your talents or potential.
You hide your true self, for fear of being found a failure.
You judge and criticize others.
What you can do to silence your fears: If you recognize any of these thoughts, that's
the first step to change, Simply be aware that you're feeling this way, and then you
can mentally wriggle your way out of that negative place.
"Stop yourself and bring yourself to the present moment," "As soon as you have that thought
and feeling, you are immediately transported back to a past experience, that has you viewing
the present through a distorted lens.
Don't react immediately.
Allow yourself time to get control over your thoughts and feelings.
Once that emotional storm has passed, and you can recognize that this is a present-day
situation, that has nothing to do with your past, then you can respond in a way that is
helpful, not harmful to your current relationship."
Further, put in work to create a secure, intimate and loving relationship with yourself, and
that will best set you up to give and receive love from other people.
"Name three very specific actions that facilitate a feeling of safety, trust and love.
For example: 'I need more loving attention, appreciation and affection in my life.'
Great.
Do it!
Give yourself a megadose of the three A's daily.
By understanding ourselves, and becoming emotionally responsive to our needs, our fears diminish,
and our ability to give and receive love grows."
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