News on Youtube Dec 22 2017

4 Relationship Habits That Are Toxic

Your relationship may be perfectly normal and natural, but is it truly living up to

its potential?

In this video, I'm going to show you 4 toxic relationship habits that seem normal, but

turn out to be damaging your relationship.

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1) Dropping Hints

What is obvious to you is often a mystery to your clueless and beloved significant other.

If we want something, it is unfair to expect our partner to read our mind.

No matter how connected they may seem, we are bound to come up disappointed when using

this strategy.

We often do this to avoid appearing overly demanding or unfairly critical.

Ironically, however, the effect usually ends up being the opposite.

Stating a desire kindly but clearly may feel uncomfortable, but it is far more healthy

in the long run.

2) Getting Jealous

Although a little bit of jealousy is normal, it should not be romanticized as we all too

often tend to do.

Instead, it should be seen for what it is, a sign of a weak relationship.

We may feel flattered when a partner is jealous.

We see it as a sign that we are valued.

However, it is also an indicator that there is a lack of trust, an unhealthy need for

control, and a worrying amount of insecurity.

Jealousy, though natural, is not a healthy part of a relationship.

It is a problem that needs to be addressed.

3) Not Taking Emotional Responsibility

Bad feelings are truly difficult to deal with, even for the most stable and functional of

adults.

It always seems easier to shift the responsibility for them to someone else.

A loving partner is usually the perfect target for this.

All too often, we will blame our partner for emotions that are not their fault.

For example, we may be stressed from blowing an assignment at work, come home to find the

house a mess, and become furious with their lack of responsibility.

Before blaming our partner for a negative emotion, we need to trace it to its true source,

which is often ourselves.

4) Keeping Score

When we feel insecure in our own behavior, we often hold on to past mistakes our partner

has made as a way of validating ourselves.

For example, we may decide it's okay to flirt with a co-worker because our partner

forgot to buy us a birthday gift.

This behavior is normal, but damaging.

It shifts our focus away from working through issues in a healthy way, and instead encourages

us to look for flaws in our partner and promote our own sense of self-righteousness.

"Normal is an ideal.

But it's not reality.

Reality is brutal, it's beautiful, it's every shade between black and white, and it's

magical.

Yes, magical.

Because every now and then, it turns nothing into something," wrote Tara Kelly.

Just because a behavior is normal does not mean you have to resign yourself to it.

Don't be scared to break the mold for something better.

Well, that's the 4 toxic relationship habits that seem normal, but turn out to be damaging

your relationship.

So, really cool information isn't it?

I'd like to see your opinions on this and please do share your thoughts and experiences

in the comments below!

Don't forget to give us account subs and watch other amazing videos on our channel.

Thanks for watching!

For more infomation >> 4 Relationship Habits That Are Toxic - Duration: 3:53.

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Drafted in 1958: "My Eighteen Months Away Solidified Our Relationship." - Duration: 3:02.

In 1958, after five months with Bill, I got drafted.

Bill would come down every Sunday to Fort Dix, because we weren't allowed to go anywhere

on leave, and he would show up with fried chicken and deviled eggs and we had the most

wonderful time.

I think we even might have held hands and nobody paid any attention to us.

We were so happy.

But my great fear was that after my basic training, I would be sent somewhere.

Away.

Sure enough, I got the word that I was going to be sent to Germany for eighteen months.

I arrived in Germany and Bill started sending me letters every two or three times a week.

And he would send me these incredible poems and sonnets from Shakespeare and other poetry.

All about love and about commitment and about how important it was when you found somebody

to love and that person loved you back.

When I returned from the army, Bill decided that he wanted his family to meet me.

He had an older brother and a younger sister.

He took - went by train to meet his brother and his family.

And then from Huntington, West Virginia, we went to Michigan to meet his sister and his

mother.

The family embraced me and as far as I was concerned, they knew what our relationship

was, even though we never talked about it.

But they knew that we were together and that he wanted them to know that I was part of

the family and I was his partner.

It was an incredibly beautiful thing that he did and he did that right away, as soon

as I got back from the army.

My eighteen months away, if nothing else, solidified our relationship because of what

he wrote to me and what I could think about and reflect upon and couldn't wait to get

back.

Now that Bill is gone, I've come to the realization that we had a the perfect marriage.

We both loved each other.

We were the center of each other's existence.

And it was what I never thought I would have, and I did.

And I had it for 54 wonderful years.

For more infomation >> Drafted in 1958: "My Eighteen Months Away Solidified Our Relationship." - Duration: 3:02.

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Prince Harry and Meghan Markle relationship TENSION as Queen leaves future royal 'hurt' - Duration: 10:32.

For more infomation >> Prince Harry and Meghan Markle relationship TENSION as Queen leaves future royal 'hurt' - Duration: 10:32.

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Sex and Power: How an Old Relationship Is Changing—Anita Hill to Harvey Weinstein | Esther Perel - Duration: 7:48.

Sexuality and power are tightly interwoven, and this is not the first time that people

have taken on the abuses of power that are inflicted upon people through the currency

of sex.

Anita Hill, not that long ago, took on Clarence Thomas.

But maybe what changed is not so much the accused as much as the accuser.

That perhaps women today have enough 'massa' and enough power themselves to withstand the

forces of denial.

And so the system, for the first time, has to reckon and has to act with consequence

to the allegations that are being made.

The big question is not why is there anything more happening today; it's that people have

not spoken out—women, children, lots of people who often were disempowered and humiliated—did

not speak out because of the fear that they would not be believed.

This is what is changing.

That the burden of proof is switching a little bit and a certain norm is shifting.

One of the very good examples for me when I look at shifting norms is corporal punishment.

For a long time parents and teachers could hit their children.

It was part of discipline and part of childrearing.

A norm shifted that said: "This is no longer possible.

This is actually not a means for education.

This is not a decent pedagogy.

This is harmful and this is violent."

Similarly something is shifting in the conduct between men and women.

It's a given that power and sex are intertwined, but sometimes they are intertwined in a way

where it becomes power to, and therefore there is a power to feel affirmed, to feel desired,

to feel strong, et cetera, versus a power over, and that is a form of humiliation, of

oppression in which it is very little about sex and a lot more about violence.

So I think first of all, we're using the word 'misconduct' and we are lumping in that

word a number of different behaviors.

We are talking about harassment, we are talking about assault, we are talking about rape.

These are very different experiences, degrees of experiences, first of all.

Second: I think that before we only focus on misconduct we need to talk about male sexuality,

male sexual conduct rather than only the misconduct.

There needs to be a context to this.

So it is true that in a different context women of a certain generation accepted a certain

kind of banter or a certain kind of conversation, vocabulary, sexualization, use of power that

they themselves participated in as well, that allowed women to actually be told all kinds

of things for which they would have had probably different reactions than the younger generation

today.

It just was part of the deal.

That's what you have to contend with, and you know that some of them are vulgar and

some of them have utter poor taste and some of them are creepy, and you just manage it.

You manage a culture like that.

I think what is shifting is people are no longer willing to manage it, to take this

as the granted norm and then hope that on the periphery of that there are other kinds

of behavior.

I think what is shifting is that the periphery is coming to the center and a whole context,

a whole ecology that was seemingly accepted or tolerated is no longer tolerated.

And those shifts take place culturally all the time.

Where we put the boundaries, what we consider is transgressive, what we—you know there

is a difference.

Women have known the difference between receiving a compliment and being degraded.

In one they feel enhanced, they feel beautiful, they feel appreciated, they feel recognized

for the efforts that they have put into making themselves look good.

In the other they feel icky, they feel dirty, they feel spoiled; they know the difference.

It's a visceral difference.

And then there may be a range there where sometimes they're not sure.

But that is a small part of not being sure, with major territories of clear delineations

between desire, between a compliment and between degradation.

In the last weeks I have actually conducted a number of large-scale conversations about

sex and power, men and women, and where we go from here.

And I think that what needs to happen is a place where men can speak about their confusions,

where men can speak about their vulnerability—safely—where men can speak about their self-doubts at times

about really knowing what do women want, the way that Freud asked the question a century

ago, and a space where women can safely speak and be angry.

The shift is for men to have a safe space to be vulnerable and for women to have a safe

space to express their aggression, a safe space to express their anger, their resentment

over the amount of acceptances of micro-aggressions that they have had to deal with.

And at this point a roar is coming out of them.

It's no longer okay.

But to only create a legal environment in which people just go after the other and punish

them and reinforce more distrust, I'm not sure that's the society we want to live

in.

We want a society in which people can intuit each other better, in which people are able

to experience the ambiguities of iterations and reiterations that are part of all relational

systems.

We don't want to have women not be hired because we are suspicious of them, and in

which women and men are constantly afraid of each other, suspicious of each other and

looking out for the way that each of them is going to take advantage of the other or

is going to lash out at the other.

We do want a culture in which there is a greater sense of understanding, a greater sense of

empathy, in which men understand the experiences of women and in which women understand the

experiences of men.

And that requires an enormous amount of contact and communication, and from very young on,

from little children on, that requires a culture that does not from the beginning create pink

and blue, with a sense that none of these two can ever understand each other.

And my work is about creating those conversations, those dialogues, those places in which men

hear women in a way they've never listened to them, and where women hear men speak about

their experience in a way that men have never even uttered, not even to other men for that

matter.

And it is that socialization process that I take on in my work around gender, gender

socialization, and a larger culture of men and women, and the fluidity in between.

For more infomation >> Sex and Power: How an Old Relationship Is Changing—Anita Hill to Harvey Weinstein | Esther Perel - Duration: 7:48.

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Celebrity New : Hugh Jackman is like the 'adult' in his relationship - Duration: 3:43.

Hugh Jackman is like the 'adult' in his relationship

Hugh Jackman feels like the adult in his relationship.

The Wolverine star is incredibly happy with his wife Deborra-lee Furness, who he has been married to since 1996, and has revealed the secret to their longstanding romance.

He told People magazine: Im literally the adult in the relationship.

Shes just like a little kid.

Im the [one saying], Babe, this is not a legal parking spot.

Oh, come on, Mr Goody- Goody.

Ive always believed that in marriage you know youre going to go through some crazy ups and downs..

Meanwhile, Hugh previously admitted he is still madly in love with his wife.

He shared: One of the great pieces of fortune in my career, it started late, but that Deb and I were already set together, a team, madly in love, like literally before it all happened.

We can kind of see all the ups and downs for what they are.

Our priority is our family, and were there for each other no matter what .

Even at the Oscars, I walk out, I put my hand on my heart and I always look to Deb in the audience.

Straight afterwards, I will not see anybody in my dressing room until Debs been in.

Because that is my foundation, that is the rock, that is the foundation of our family, and therefore my life.

Underneath the surface where its real,.

and where its still and where its deep, that is the love I have with Deb.