Asking for what you want in the early stages of dating; does it actually work?
Let's chat.
Hi, I'm Ang and welcome to SS101. If you are new here, welcome to the fam. I
post every Tuesday so please subscribe, also guys I want to get to know you, so make
sure you comment below and don't forget to give this video the thumbs up if it
tickled your whistle. So I want to I talk to you about asking for what you want in
the early stages of dating, I know that there is so much information out there
about this and I did do a video last week about it and that was one of the
suggestions and I'm not discrediting that. Being upfront and honest is really
important but there is something I do want to say to you that I think you
already know. Just because you're clear about what your intentions are and what
you want from the relationship, doesn't mean you won't get F'ed (messed) around; because
you know what,
people lie
woah, was that an earthquake of realization?
I know, it's groundbreaking
The thing is, when you are asking someone exactly what they want in
a relationship, you're putting all of your expectations on to them and also
all of your hopes for the future and what you need to take into consideration
if you are going to do that is they may be just telling you what you want to
hear because they want to play with your magic muffin or touch your wizard wand.
The thing is, when we really get to know someone and get to know their intentions
it is a lot like a job probation. So, I want you to think about it like this. You
know in those early stages when you get a job you've got that three-to-six month
period where if you're really good they'll put you on permanent. Think about
relationships a little bit the same; in those first three to six months our
brain is bathing in these fun addictive neuro chemicals like oxytocin and
dopamine. It's having an amazing time. What this does is this can actually make
people fall into the trap of saying things they don't necessarily mean
when the novelty wears off. With our brains, our brains are actually built to
have this desire and this excitement when it comes to novelty. That's why you get
this rush of hormones, and it's rush of neuro chemicals in those early stages of
dating. That's why you tend to sleep less, you're happy, your skin is more glowing, all
that sort of stuff. It is an amazing experience, but it can lead you into a
situation where you say things that you think that you mean at the time and this
is why it really is important that you pay attention to what people do. And I
know that I've said this a lot, you've got to look at actions more than words
and while it is important to be clear in a relationship, someone who wants to be
in the sort of relationship that you want you'll be able to see by their
actions more than you'll be able to see by their words. Now that doesn't mean
that you shouldn't state whether or not you're into monogamy or you ever want to
get married or you ever want any of these things, because, I mean, if you don't
say what you want and then coming out in three years time and saying
"Hey I want a polyamorous relationship"
That's not going to make you any friends either. The
thing is you should always move at your own pace when it comes to sex,
exclusivity, relationships, monogamy, whatever it is. You should always move at
the pace that you want to move to. When you dive into someone or let
someone dive into you, it should be something that you're happy with no
matter what is going to happen with the relationship itself. You have to be
comfortable with that and you should always move - once again - at your pace. This
is about you, this is what you want, this is what you want to get out of the
relationship, and this is where it really becomes something that is going to make
you happy long-term. Okay, so what do you do with
all of this information? Obviously you want to still be clear and you do want
to see how they act. I want you to think of it like your new year's resolution
right? Okay, so there are only a few months into the year and if you're
anything like me you have probably decided for you actually you do like chocolate and
maybe being healthy overrated.
No, it's not overrated, it's not, you should be healthy
But if you're anything like me with New Year's
resolutions you think you mean them at the time. You really do, you promise
yourself. But the proof is in the pudding the proof is in the lack of putting
because you ate it. The thing with relationships is people
once again, can say things that they think that they mean in these early
stages but then when it comes to it, when it comes to the proof, things are very,
very different and think about it like your new year's resolution. You can
promise things, you can say things that you believe that you mean at the time
and you swear that you will stick by it but then when it comes to it, when it
actually comes to acting on that, it does take a lot of commitment. If you're
someone who's stuck by your New Year's resolution and kootoss (well done) to you
because I suck. I just want to hear your thoughts on this, if you have been in a
situation where you are having trouble asking for what you want, or you're not
sure about where it's going or whatever it is, I want to get to know you and your
story. So make sure you comment below and also come to say hello on the other
platforms as well because I'll be there and I would love to meet you and yeah I
will see you next Tuesday bye
For more infomation >> How to Have a Loving Relationship with Your Mom—The Work of Byron Katie® - Duration: 19:57. 
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