- So if you get a bug bite on the train it could be
a little mosquito bite or a near death experience.
Happy Riding!
(instrumental music)
- So I take the bus to work every single day
and a couple weeks ago it rained in LA.
Which is a rare event here.
And I got on the bus, it was pretty empty.
I picked a seat towards the back
and a few minutes in I notice a smell.
It's not a good smell.
And I start to look around.
There are only about two other people there with me
and it's not coming from either of them.
I'm not sure where it's coming.
So I sit for a few seconds thinking about this
and then I notice my butt is wet.
So I stand up kind of in shock and try to convince myself
that it's just rain water.
That wasn't rain water.
It was definitely pee.
I was sitting in a strangers pee.
On the bus.
Turning around is not an option at this point.
It's gonna take like an hour to get to work.
The only thing I can do is go to Target
that's close to work and get pants.
So I went to Target and got new pants, new underwear,
baby wipes, and a bottle of whiskey.
Just to console myself because it was eight o'clock in
the morning and this is no way to start your day.
It was the longest commute of my life.
- I was on the bus going back to my dad's house
with my two sisters in San Francisco.
My two sisters got off the bus when we made it to the stop
but then I got like caught behind for some reason
and this man just enters the bus and he's like
shaking and like kind of falling over.
He's clearly drunk and he's really really smelly.
Like I got a big whiff of him.
He's coming close to me and he's still falling over.
And he just goes like (blop).
He just like smears his hand on my face
like if I was a pole or something to hold on to.
Holds it for like three, four seconds
and just walks right by.
Unfazed, completely unfazed.
And I was just like.
(horror music)
I got off the bus and I started screaming at my sisters.
I was like gimme the keys to the house.
Gimme the keys to the house.
My sisters were cracking up.
They thought it was the most hilarious thing
because I am a huge germaphobe.
I went into the bathroom and I took the rubbing alcohol
and I rubbed it all over my face.
And then I went to grab the dish soap because hand soap
is not gonna clean my face enough.
Took the dish soap and I washed my face
with it like two times.
If a drunk man is coming on the bus and you see
he's coming towards your way.
Run!
Because he might use your face to stabilize himself.
- I went up to San Francisco to visit one of my best friends
and we were going to the ferry building
and we decided to take the bus to get there.
But before we got on the bus, we had a few mimosas.
So I was like a little tipsy on this bus ride.
And we were standing up holding on to the little rope thing
you hold on to and I had this little purse over my shoulder.
Wasn't really paying much attention.
Then like two stops later a ton of people got off
and after all this huge rush of people got off this woman
who had been sitting down kind of near where we were
standing was like "Oh, excuse me ma'am, I think someone
"might have taken your wallet out of your purse."
And she said it so calmly
that I almost didn't really believe her.
I was like, "what"?
And then sure enough I like look in my purse
and my wallet is not in there anymore.
And she's like "That guy that's like just getting off, like
"about to walk off the bus took your wallet."
And normally like soberly I think
I would have just been like
"Well shit, what do I do I guess
"I don't have my wallet anymore",
but because I was a little tipsy
and had this liquid courage,
I just walked right off the bus and followed
this guy and I was like "Hey! You stole my wallet!
"Give it back to me!"
And he's like "No I didn't, no I didn't,
"what are you talking about?"
And then he just dropped my wallet
on the ground and like ran away.
It was so weird but I just like picked up my wallet
and all of the people on the bus had totally been watching
this whole thing go down.
So when I got back on the bus they were all like "Yeah!"
Like cheering for me that I got my wallet back.
And then it was so weird.
We just kinda went on our way and it
was sort of like nothing happened.
- So it's the summer after my junior year of college.
I'm using public transportation every day for the first time
and I'm sitting there per the usual.
I don't like to get in anyone's way,
so I like tuck in my feet under the benches.
Great idea.
And I feel something tickle my ankle and I look down
and I see like a mosquito flying away.
I'm like "Oh great, I got a mosquito bite."
For the next couple of days I don't feel too well
but I didn't overthink it.
Suddenly on the second night as I'm going to bed
I put my phone on my nightstand.
And right before I put my phone down I have lock jaw
and then I start shaking violently.
And then next thing I know, I'm projectile vomiting
into the trash can, on my walls, everywhere.
And I pass out.
The next thing I know, I wake up to my 4:00 a.m. alarm.
I go to work, I don't overthink it because
for some reason I feel good again.
So I go to my boss casually tell him "I'm not feeling too
"well, maybe it's because of this mosquito bite I got
"a couple days ago."
And he looks at me and he says
"Jasmine, that's not a mosquito bite, you need to go
"to urgent care and get that checked out."
And good thing because I go to urgent care
the nurse sits me down and she goes
"You've been bitten by a brown recluse spider,
"one of the most poisoned spiders in the country."
What?
And I was loaded up on antibiotics
and I had a great night with my friends.
On Facetime.
So yeah, public transportation is fun
or deadly.
(mariachi music)
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