Hey folks, I'm Max.
Catch me on Twitter at LazyMovieNerd.
The Cloverfield Paradox showed up out of nowhere as a seeming surprise last night.
Now, I've heard rumblings that it was going to land on Netflix, but I expected some advance
warning or whatever…
This movie wasn't originally supposed to be related to Cloverfield, but was later reworked
to fit.
I know that it had issues and was delayed repeatedly…
But all that aside, let's talk about the movie itself.
The Cloverfield Paradox is the third Cloverfield movie.
Now, as a full disclosure, I will say that I haven't seen the second film, 10 Cloverfield
Lane.
I know enough about it to get by, though.
I will say that seeing the Paradox made me want to watch it.
The first Cloverfield movie is just a really basic "Monster comes to smash city" film,
but done as a shaky cam movie because that was a thing back then.
Thank god it's over.
The Cloverfield Paradox definitely feels like a movie with a script that was changed around
and messed with a lot.
I actually enjoyed this film, but more for the love of cheese.
The actual story is simple, but convoluted at the same time.
It makes little sense and falls apart at the tiniest scrutiny.
The movie can't decide what it wants to be.
For a bit I was thinking that this is an Alien rip-off, just like last year's turdfest
called Life, but then I was like, maybe they are going to go the Event Horizon route and
make it all scary with weird shit happening.
But in the end, I felt that the filmmakers had no clue what the hell they actually wanted
this film to be.
Basically, the earth is running out of energy…
Somehow…
And the solution is a huge particle accelerator in space.
OK.
They have a special space station for it, and when they get it working, shit goes wrong.
So far, so good.
Obvious progression and exactly what's expected.
They even explain it to us like we're little kids by having a news montage with some whacko
warning about a rip in the space time continuum.
OK.
Event Horizon territory.
But then the crew hears weird sounds…
Soo…
Maybe Alien-like stuff.
But not really…
I won't go into spoilery detail, but I'll say that once events start happening, the
movie comes off the rails for good.
There are no adequate explanations for why stuff happens.
For example: A guy's arm gets taken off.
I'm not going to say how.
But then the arm turns up and moves about by itself.
What the hell?
There is no explanation as to how and why, and then the episode is completely forgotten.
There is a dumb horror-like scene that made me think that they'll go the Alien route
for at least a bit, but it was also, kind of just brushed aside in the next scene.
Again, I won't go into spoilery detail.
The movie also has a secondary plot, which is only connected to the main one by a single
thread.
It has nothing to do with the main action, and only serves as a conduit to tie this movie
into the Cloverfield universe.
It's like they slapped it on at the end, just to make this a part of the series.
Towards the end of that plotline they do show the Cloverfield kaiju for a minute and they
allude that there's more than one…
I think…
It's best to not really dissect this stuff, because not much in the film makes sense.
OK…
So why did I like it?
Well, because it was cheesy and fun.
Chris O'Dowd's character is in as comic relief, but his one-liners are so bad that
I couldn't help but like them.
It's like a really terrible dad joke.
You know that it's bad, but you somehow enjoy it.
Same with the film's inconsistent plot.
It was bad to such an extent that I couldn't help but like it.
Sometimes we just like bad movies and this is the case.
So, while I enjoyed it, I can't recommend that you waste your time on it, because it's
crap.
And as far as the Cloverfield universe goes…
No thought seemed to have been put into the simple idea of continuity.
The main premise of this movie is that earth is running out of energy.
Say what?
How does this have anything to do with Cloverfield?
I remember none of that in the original film.
All I remember is a bunch of mildly egoistical folks having their party ruined by a kaiju.
There was no global energy crisis or some such thing.
The thread connecting the films is just an example of either really lazy moviemaking
or of just not giving a shit.
I kind of hope it's the latter.
Like George Carlin said once, I respect people who don't give a shit.
Last but not least, the cast.
Aside from Chris O'Dowd, we have Daniel Bruhl, John Ortiz, and a few other actors.
I can't pronounce the name of the actress who plays the lead role, so I won't attempt.
They all do a fine job, but it is clear that aside from the main lead, no one's really
trying too hard.
The movie is small in scale, and so the cast is small.
In conclusion: This movie is a mess.
The plot makes no sense and lacks any real tension.
The humor is bad and the one-liners are stupid.
The characters are one-dimensional and their reactions to situations are not very realistic.
They don't freak out when you'd expect them to and don't act with logic.
Don't waste your time on this movie, unless, like me, you enjoy cheese and want to make
fun of bad movies.
That's it.
Click the thumbs up below, because you're awesome like that.
And click that subscribe button if you think that I'm awesome.
I'm Max and I'll see you later.
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