You guys, one of my favorite questions that we get asked is, How we are so calm a patient
with our kids.
I wanted to share with you guys the secret to a good relationship with your kids.
Ok, it's not the only secret and it's not the secret to a perfect relationship with
your kids.
It's something that's helped me communicate better with our daughters and understand each
other better.
And just handle conflict resolution a little more easily for both of us.
So let me start by saying that I am not a saint of a parent.
My kids will be the first to tell you that, I yell...sometimes.
Probably daily.
Kids are not really known for their angelic behaviors.
Like let's be honest, 2, 3, and 4 year olds, enough to make you lose your mind.
And then they get to be like 5 and 6 and 7 and they learn how to talk back.
They know how to push your crazy buttons.
Your patience capacity can be maxed out and then when it keeps going past that, boom,
explosion.
I know, I've been there.
And I'm pretty sure that 99.999999 percent of you parents have also.
I'm not going to pretend that I have all of it together.
I'm not going to pretend that I don't yell at my kids, because I do.
But, I do know a couple things.
Yelling, losing your cool, disciplining out of frustration and anger those things are
damaging.
Not just to your child, but also to you and to your relationship.
So what can you do in those situations to create healing and to foster a stronger relationship
with your child.
So the key to all of this and what it all boils down to is apologizing.
Ok I know that's really simple and might even sound a little silly.
But apologizing.
It's easy to do when you're telling your child "no" for something.
No, I'm sorry you can't have ice cream for breakfast, sweetie.
No, I'm sorry you can't go to your friends house at 6 o' clock in the morning.
No, I'm sorry we're not going to buy you a pony for Christmas.
Whatever it is.
Those kinds of things are easy to say you're sorry for.
What's not easy to say sorry for is when WE'VE done something wrong.
Especially if we feel like it's warranted because our children are acting like maniacs.
Because they're talking back to us.
Because they threw something at our head.
Because they're screaming like banshies.
Whatever it is, those are the moments where we lose it and it's real hard to come back
and apologize.
Here is where the freedom and joy comes in.
When you change your perspective and understand that it doesn't matter if you just had your
first baby or you just had your sixth baby.
You are a new parent to each one of those children because they all have different personalities,
they all learn at different rates.
They all have different things that bring them joy and different things that set them
off.
You have to learn over and over every time you have a child how to parent THAT child.
And not only that, every stage of that child's life you're a new parent.
So, I'm a new parent to my oldest, Tyler, when she was born.
The very first time being a caretaker for a tiny human.
And then Elena was born and it was my first time being a parent to her.
Then Tyler turned two and it was my first time being a parent to a two year old.
And then she turned three and it was my first time being a parent to a three year old.
And it was my first time parenting Elena as a two year.
Do you see?
Each stage brings different things, different challenges because - oh, my word, I thought
twos and threes were bad..
Hello six and seven!
This is NOT my sweet spot.
This is the part where they have their own opinions and they are capable of doing so
much more than I even realize.
And a lot of times I might limit them on what they can do because I'm like "no, you're not
big enough to do that on your own."
Yes.
They are.
Sometimes they try to do the things on their own and I get mad at them for it because they've
made a mess or destroyed something.
There are so many frustrating things that can happen in a day.
Where I have found the joy in those chaotic moments and the moments that I want to yell
or have yelled.
Where I find redemption and healing and where I can use those things to build my relationship
with my children - is in sitting down and explaining to them.
"I'm sorry, mommy lost it.You've got to understand that this is the first time that I've been
a mom to a seven year old.
It's hard for me too.You're making mistakes when you're trying to learn new things.
I'm making mistakes too.
You know, it really made me upset when you went into my office and took a bunch of my
supplies and taped your sister's door locked so she couldn't get out (that really happened
the other day).
Um, whatever it is that she's done..
I say "that made me really upset and I'm forgiving you for that - I want you to know that.I forgive
you, it's okay.
Because you're learning, it was a mistake.
And mommy yelled at you and that was a mistake, so can you forgive me to?"
And that apology and explaining to her that "Hey, it's okay to make mistakes.
Did you know that you're going to make them your whole life?
Even when you're a mom?
Because here I am.. owning up to my mistake" And as much as it sucks to do - to apologize
to your child.
For her - it gives her grace for me and understanding "oh, hey my mom's not perfect.
But that means it's okay that I'm not perfect."
And it just creates understanding where I've noticed that stepping up and apologizing like
that is me giving grace to myself.
In saying "you know what, you're not a pro at this and that's okay - go say sorry because
you messed up."
That gives me grace to make mistakes and then I'm able to extend grace to my children when
they make mistakes and then they're able to extend grace back to me because I've been
honest about making mistakes.
It kind of creates this like circle.
It just fosters this attitude of forgiveness and gratitude and understanding.
I don't know, I just feel like it gives us all a little bit of freedom to continue to
learn and to love each other as deeply as we possibly can.
I hope that this video has helped you or at least made you feel understood.
And that it gives you hope for your relationship with your kids.
In those moments when it's especially hard to go and apologize to your kids or in those
moments where you still don't feel like you're good enough - rest in God.
Because His grace is enough to cover all of you.
You and your children.
You know this probably works on your husbands too, just saying.
We love you guys so much.
We're glad that you're with us.
Jesus loves you and we will see you next time!
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