HOT | Howard Schultz brings a whole latte trouble The Washington Post
Howard Schultz has brought a whole latte trouble on himself.
The former Starbucks magnate boycott threats, heckling and Twitter attacks with his threat to mount an independent presidential run that critics say could get President Trump reelected. Just about everybody believes we do not need another old, white, insult doling, super caffeinated billionaire who is stingy with charity and believes he alone can fix the nations problems.
Though I am loath to throw cold brew on these concerns, I dont see what all the froth is about. The naysayers are making a venti mistake.
Contrary to his early utterances, Schultz will not be president for just the 1 percent. He will also represent the 2 percent, the half and half and the soy — and he would leave room for milk! Only a man of his experience could unite this vast land, from the Vermont Maple Nut Muffin to the Michigan Cherry Oat Bar.
Schultz, watching Trumps fumbles, must think what the comic songwriter Kinky Friedman thought when he ran for Texas governor. Observing that both George W. Bush and Rick Perry once had the job, he : How hard can it be?
Americans have discovered, painfully, that running the country is not the same thing as running a real estate business based on dodgy accounting and stiffing partners. But running the country really is like making coffee. As goes Starbucks, so goes the nation.
Under our new , the United States will be an international orphan no more. Foreign leaders will again flock to the White House, for state dinners set to acoustic guitar music and featuring Protein Bistro Boxes and Toffeedoodle Cookies. What a Refresher™!
Schultz for declaring it ridiculous that Americans worth more than dollar 50 million would pay 2 percent of their wealth in taxes, and for saying that Medicare for all is not American. But he has a point. If the wealthy are taxed more, they wont be able to buy as many , and countless baristas would lose their jobs. Do not think of this as trickle down economics. Think of this as pour over economics.
There is nothing more Americano.
Admittedly, Schultz is not a great philanthropist, reportedly giving away just of his dollar 3.4 billion net worth last year. But this doesnt mean hes disingenuous in expressing concern for the 40 percent of the American people [who] dont have dollar 400 in the bank perhaps because they bought dollar 5.95 cold pressed juice at Starbucks . Consider the multitudes who have been given the Starbucks bathroom code and free WiFi after a purchase . If that isnt good enough, let them eat cake pops.
True, Starbucks has had with its treatment of nonwhite customers. But this does not reflect Schultzs real view of the United States as a caramel macchiato of diversity; a great, dirty chai melting pot; a veritable zebra mocha of cultures. Schultzs administration will think of immigrants as essential dark, medium and blonde roasts in the perfect house blend.
Trump thinks Guatemalans are coming to kill us; Starbucks Guatemalan exports for being rich and balanced with lively flavor notes. Africa is full of shithole countries, but Starbucks values African exports for their dark chocolate notes with rich aromas.
Likewise, Schultz will use Starbucks style relabeling to make the United States feel better. Disappointing increases in economic growth will not be called small but tall. The federal debt will no longer be enormous but trenta.
Schultz will be a responsible steward of the taxpayers money: When he owned the National Basketball Associations Seattle SuperSonics, he reportedly with dollar 3.50 Starbucks gift cards, custom made because standard ones were too generous. He clearly has the requisite international experience, having introduced both Thai style peanut chicken wraps and spicy chorizo, Monterey Jack and egg breakfast sandwiches.
I almost affogato! Schultz also respects the work of the intelligence community: He has maintained a secret menu at Starbucks for years.
Schultzs critics have questioned his civic mindedness, because he often and because, after the Sonics a public trust to have the team in Seattle, he sold it to a group that moved it to Oklahoma City. And some wonder why, if he truly thinks Trump is , Starbucks rents space from Trump properties.
But I overlook such quibbles because of Schultzs long record of bringing home the bacon, as well as the Gouda, and pursuing that tasty breakfast sandwich with a passion tea. His breve bid for the presidency will restore in the United States the ideals of Athenian democracy — or at least give us a good Greek yogurt parfait.
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