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Hi! I'm Heidi Lynn.
Welcome to Harnessing Life.
Are you in a narcissistic relationship?
Well, today in this video I'm going to help you understand: what a narcissistic relationship
looks like.
In fact today, we're going to talk about 10 red flags to help you understand if your relationship
and what you are experiencing is a narcissistic one.
Stick around till the end of this video so you can grab my free guide on what is a narcissistic
relationship.
Before we get started, please click the bell icon so you can get notified when I upload
new videos every Monday.
So, what is a narcissistic relationship? Well, it looks like: lies, bullying, betrayal, deceit,
love bombing, arrogance, gaslighting, projection, ghosting, and they even put on smear campaigns.
And I'm going to go over every single one of those so that you understand what they
mean.
Red flag #1 is lies.
With narcissists they'll lie about anything.
They'll lie because whatever is convenient for them they want.
So if it means to lie about something else? they'll do it.
They won't even question it, and they'll feel very little remorse.
IF it hurts somebody in their family, maybe they'll feel a little guilty, but they don't
really care.
Because they don't see the future, they don't look at consequences.
All they see is right here right now and "I need this lie to get me through whatever I
want to get to", so they'll do it.
Red flag #2: betrayal.
Very similar to lies, however narcissists don't really care if they have to hurt somebody
in order to get what they want.
If you're in a relationship and you are feeling hurt because of something that your narcissist
lied to you about, or did, or said they did, or said they didn't do, or any of the above,
or all of the above, they're not there with you for your welfare.
They're only there for their own welfare.
Red flag #3 is bullying.
Narcissists bully and are experts at it.
They will bully emotionally, they'll bully mentally, and they'll bully physically sometimes.
Depending on what type of narcissist you are with, sometimes your life may be at risk,
and your safety may be at risk, if you have children their safety may be at risk.
So this is definitely something to take into consideration when thinking about whether
or not you're in a narcissistic relationship, even if you don't think it's narcissistic,
if you are not safe you need to contact the appropriate authorities in order to establish
your safety first.
Red flag # 4 is deceit.
I decided to talk about deceit as separate from lies.
Yes, lies play a factor in deceit, but deceit is not just lies, because you can be telling
half truths, or telling something that's true, but telling it in a way that is......deceitful.
Telling it in a way that makes you think that they're right.
But they're not.
They're just trying to manipulate you, and bully you.
And they're really good at it.
Red flag # 5 is love bombing.
This is a term that's thrown around in the narcissistic relationship community that means
that they will shower you with love.
They will be perfect for you.
They will be everything you want them to be.
They will show up on time, and they'll give you gifts, and they will "think of you often"
through texts, for...sometimes a very long time.
Some of these relationships, that love bombing phase can go anywhere from a week to a year.
But they do it just to get you on their little hook and then they string you along to break
your heart even more.
It's a terrible malicious thing, but they do it, and they're good at it.
Don't fall for it!
It's not worth your time and it's NOT worth your emotional energy.
Red flag #6 is arrogance.
MAN, are they arrogant!
They think that they are right, and they can do whatever they want, and whatever they please,
they're entitled, and the world owes them anything and everything they want.
As if to say "The world needs me, and so I'm special, and I deserve special treatment.
I get whatever I want."
Of course they're wrong, but they'll never believe it.
It's just arrogance.
Red flag #7 is gaslighting.
What that means is that they will kind of twist your reality and make you question or
second guess what you are thinking, and they'll make you think that YOU are the one that's
at fault, and that YOU are the one that's crazy, and that you are the one that's the
problem.
When really it IS them, but they're so good at this that they convince you, and everyone
else, your friends, your family, anyone that they have contact for, and sometimes even
your own children, they will convince everyone you know that you're the problem.
But the most important one to convince is you.
When you start questioning your own reality is when they have more power in your relationship.
Red flag #8 is projection.
Now what this means is that whatever negative thing that they're doing they're going to
project it onto you, so as if you are the problem.
So let's say they lied to you about something, and you caught them in their lie, and you
say "um...you lied to me about this" and they will say "no I didn't, you lied to ME".
You obviously know you didn't lie to them, you know that they lied to you but they are
so convincing that sometimes you start to question yourself, question your reality,
question what really happened, they will project, anything that happens to them they will project
it onto you.
And then they'll tell your friends that you did it, or your family that you did it.
They want to go steal money?
They'll tell your friends and family that YOU'RE the one that stole it.
They called the cops on you for a bogus reason?
They'll tell your friends and family that you did that.
That's projection.
Red flag #9 is ghosting.
Now ghosting is where they give you the silent treatment.
So you picked on them, or you caught them in a lie, or you called them out on something
nasty they did, they don't like that!
What are they gonna do?
Break off all communication.
As if that's helpful!
But of course they're not helpful human beings, so what can we expect.
Don't fall for their tactics of ghosting you!
You know what, you're better off without them anyways, frankly.
And red flag #10 is smear campaign.
You don't even have to do anything, you don't even have to say anything, and they're gonna
spread nasty gossip and lies and rumors about you just to cover their butt.
Because they're constantly doing nasty things so with all this deceit, and these lies, and
projection, and gaslighting, and ghosting, you're not gonna really understand what's
going on in your reality.
So the best option is to not get in it in the first place.
If you're in the very beginning and you notice these red flags in your relationship, don't
even let it go any further.
Leave, no contact, block 'em, and move on with your life.
Because you don't deserve all the emotional trauma that they're gonna put you through.
They don't change, and it's not gonna get any better.
You get what you see.
You see these red flags, they're gonna continue.
It doesn't get better.
Don't hope that your situation is the one out of a million that is the good one.
It's not gonna happen.
So find someone who actually appreciates you for being you.
Find someone who can love you, because a narcissist is not going to be able to.
They love themselves too much to be able to have room to love you.
Now that is what narcissists do, that's what it looks like.
When you have a relationship with them, that's what it's gonna look like.
Now, what it feels like on your end, it could feel like lots of things, but just some examples,
it could feel like being stabbed in the back, of course it could feel like being betrayed
by someone close to you because that's exactly what's happening, they're betraying you.
You might have a lack of ability to trust other people, because when you're being constantly
let down by a narcissist it's really hard to trust other people again.
You may experience a los off self-esteem, or self confidence, you might have extreme
self-doubt, when you're making decisions and just not sure what to do; they have put
you down so much that you are starting to second guess yourself.
Your confidence is low, your self-esteem is low.
And as a result, most likely you'll have a negative self-image as well.
It's really hard to love yourself on the outside if you're having a really hard time loving
yourself on the inside, because the narcissist beats you down so much emotionally and mentally.
You also may experience confusion for what is reality, are you really feeling the way
you're feeling?
Or is what the narcissist saying what you're feeling is really what you're feeling?
Does that make sense?
It's kinda confusing.
Because THEY are confusing!
They twist the world around and it's NOT COOL!
You'll probably feel anxiety for the future, maybe fear, and stress.
Maybe you'll even feel like you're spinning out of control, that your life is spinning
out of control, your future is spinning out of control.
Depending on your situation you can feel any or all of these, and it is NOT a healthy relationship.
If you want you life to be happy, you need a healthy relationship, and a narcissist is
not gonna provide that.
So, what can you do about it?
That's really the big question, right?
Everyone wants to know that.
So, let's talk about it.
There's only one thing that you need to remember, and that is that YOU CONTROL YOU.
You can't control anybody else out there, you can't even control someone who isn't a
narcissist, so don't try to control the narcissist because it's totally gonna backfire.
They'll control you, or try to control you any and every day that you are together.
So, you control you, your choices, your actions, your reactions, your thoughts, all of those
you have control over.
So if you really want to have love, have trust, happiness, peace, you want those in your life?
Then you need to make choices that will lead towards those things.
Staying with a narcissist with the hope that they're gonna change will not lead you there
period.
Don't think that you're the special one, because...not to say that you're not special, but your relationship
with the narcissist most likely is not gonna get anywhere.
They're not gonna change, they're not gonna have a desire to all of a sudden love you
because really they most likely never did, and that has nothing to do with you.
You could be a totally awesome person, in fact you probably are totally awesome, and
the narcissist will beat you down and drag you down because they can't stand it when
they feel like people are better than them because they want to be better than everyone
around them.
So, if you're with a narcissist and you're wondering if you should get out?
Or if you are leaving your narcissist, remember that three things are paramount!
These last three points that I want to make, I know I've made a lot of points in this video,
but these last three points are paramount.
These are your top personal strengths, are you ready?
They are: respect for yourself, accept the things you can't control, and have patience
with yourself.
If you can master those three things, maybe you don't even have to master them, if you
can do those three things sixty percent of the time you're a LOT better off than you
are right now, you will be a lot better off than you are right now.
I hope you liked this video, and I hope you found value in it, and share this video with
your family and friends.
Thank you for watching!
And until next time, bye.
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