News on Youtube Dec 29 2017

hi it's wonderful to see you I appreciate your taking the time to meet

with me again this week I've been doing a lot of reading and studying over the

past few weeks I want to share with you some insights and ideas about simple

ways we can keep our relationships fun relaxed and sexy I've been studying a

fascinating book Beyond Mars and Venus relationship skills for today's complex

world by Dr. John Gray published in January 2017 you've probably heard of

the book Men are from Mars Women are from Venus which came out about 20 years

ago the main concept that Dr. Gray focuses

on is that no matter how much we evolve in the workplace and in our

relationships men and women are biologically different and that affects

how we feel and behave there are a group of characteristics that are considered

to be inherently male and a complimentary but opposite group that

are considered female however research has found that these traits are not

gender specific only because they are traditionally expressed by that gender

the traits designated as male also cause a rise in the production of testosterone

and the female characteristics induce estrogen production those

characteristics deemed male include independent detached problem-solver

tough competitive analytical powerful assertive competent confident

accountable and goal-oriented people of both genders demonstrate all of these

traits sometimes and expressing these male qualities which produce

testosterone may feel equally good to men and women but when we are stressed

these characteristic behaviors will lower a man's internal stress reactions

but not a woman's it takes the expression of female qualities which

produce female hormones to lower her stress these complementary female

qualities include interdependent emotional nurturer and vulnerable

cooperative intuitive loving receptive virtuous trusting responsive and

relationship oriented trusting a partner to support you depending on others

emotional expression and nurturing activities all stimulate estrogen again

these things may feel equally good to men and women but when we are stressed

they will lower a woman's internal stress reactions but not a man's because

it takes testosterone to lower a man's stress levels when a man experiences any

of the symptoms of internal stress like anger loss of sexual interest for his

partner dissatisfaction or boredom it is usually because he's temporarily too far

on his female side he's feeling too much and so his testosterone has dropped

and his estrogen is too high learning to focus on activities that increase his

testosterone and decrease his estrogen will lower his internal stress

testosterone and it's balance with estrogen directly effects a man's

ability to experience wisdom compassion and unconditional love

along with lasting vitality virility and health testosterone replacement for men

is in the news a lot today because healthy testosterone levels have been

linked to a man's youthfulness health weight loss energy focus memory mood

strength and libido when a man is stressed tired or even depressed it's

generally because his testosterone levels are too low if his estrogen is

too high he will be more emotional and prone to feelings of anger defensiveness

and aggression the problem with testosterone

replacement through supplements is that supplements will cause a man's body to

discontinue making testosterone rather than increase its production the best

way to increase testosterone production is through masculine activities that

engage and express the masculine qualities I've mentioned for example

driving a car on a long trip making decisions and solving problems working

on projects providing selfless service and making a difference

learning and developing skills making money taking risks facing challenges

with confidence physical exercise physical intimacy and

romance listening researching joking and enjoying the company of other men men

and women require distinctly different mixtures of hormones to be stress-free

happy and fulfilled when a man can sustain higher testosterone and a woman

higher estrogen levels these differences create the attraction that can sustain

passion when a man is expressing his masculine qualities he will be most

attractive to a woman who is expressing her female qualities his male side and

her female side are opposite poles and will attract each other this deeper

understanding of how to use our behavior to affect our hormones provides the

foundation to keep the passion alive and create a successful relationship this

may sound rude or unfair to men but research tells us that the best way to

support our partner and raise both our required hormone levels to feel happier

and less stressed is when a woman talks about her feelings and a

man listens to her in my video how to attract a woman with integrity I

introduced you to the attune method for a conversation you may remember that

attune is an acronym that stands for attend turn toward understand non

defensively listen and empathize in the Mars and Venus methodology Dr. Gray

calls this the Venus talk he adds that the woman should spend no more than

eight minutes describing her negative feelings about what happened to her that

day she should then spend two minutes on her positive thoughts and feelings at

that point the man should say something empathetic such as it sounds like you

did the best you could under the circumstances let me give you a hug then

share a three to six second hug and the conversation is over

at no time during this talk should the woman say anything about her partner she

should only focus on her day and her feelings that way the man can easily

listen attempt to understand and empathize without feeling defensive or

as if he needs to fix something for her this Venus talk attuning conversation

will serve the purpose of raising the woman's estrogen levels give her a boost

of oxytocin and help her transition from her work or boss mode into her at home

me time once the 10 minute venus talk ends both partners should take about

thirty minutes alone for him this is cave time where he can relax process the

day and find balance for her this is her me time where she can practice self-care

release stress or resentment and find her own balance when a couple comes back

together after this time alone they'll be refreshed and ready to enjoy

their relationship feeling renewed attraction for one another when a couple

makes a habit of having this brief conversation every day

the woman anticipates that her husband or partner will be interested in hearing

her day's frustrations disappointments and concerns and her oxytocin and

estrogen levels will be high even before she gets home let's practice this together

with some role-playing imagine that I'm your wife or girlfriend

and we've both just come home from work after a typical day let's say you got

home first so you greet me at the door with a smile and a kiss and say let's

sit down and you can tell me about your day we sit so that we're facing each

other our cellphones are put away it's quiet in the house there's no

distractions I tell you that traffic was bad because of construction and I'm

frustrated that the commute takes so long you nod in agreement I tell you

that I had a nice networking meeting and lunch with a new client and that makes

me feel hopeful and confident that I will meet my goals this month you smile

and nod with appreciation then I tell you I made a doctor's appointment for a

checkup and I feel proud of myself for getting started on my plan to improve my

health you say that's great honey good for you and you give me a hug then we

both get up and spend 30 minutes alone after that we put dinner together and

make plans for a movie date this weekend if you live with a woman throughout the

coming week I want you to visualize having this type of Venus talk

conversation with your wife or partner I hope you'll present this idea to the

woman in your life and give it a try if the research holds true you should both

feel more relaxed and more attracted to each other when you practice this simple

conversation method I'll be presenting further ideas from

the book Beyond Mars and Venus in future videos but if you would like more

information I recommend reading the book and visiting Dr. Gray's website at

MarsVenus.com if you'd like to give me a wonderfully supportive virtual hug

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week with occasional bonus videos post your comments below and let me know what

you want to talk about in upcoming videos

I appreciate your questions and comments they're important to me

thanks for meeting with me we'll talk again soon

Joe can we freshen this up

the softer side