Hey, friends. Are you and your spouse speaking the same love language?
Today on the video, I want to talk about the five love languages and how you can
use these languages to make your love life with your partner better.
The five love languages comes from a book that I have actually read a few times, and
it is The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. Gary Chapman explains that
there are five love languages that we can use. One is words of affirmation,
the other is quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service,
and physical touch. So, let me break this down just a little bit
for those of you who have never heard of the book. Gary Chapman talks about our
love languages, and what he means by love language is, as an example,
my primary love language is words of affirmation. Now, that's how I best
receive love. So when someone affirms me verbally, that really makes me feel good.
But that might not necessarily be the way that my husband receives love the most.
So, as an example, let's say that my husband's primary love language is gifts.
So he feels really, really loved when I get him a little gift, a big gift.
So, for him, if he gives me a gift, he's thinking that, "She's going
to love this. This is going to be great," because, again, that's his primary
love language. If he gives me a gift, I'm going to appreciate it, of course,
but he's not necessarily, "Speaking my language." He's not giving me the words
of affirmation, which is what really gets to my core. The whole premise of the book
that Gary Chapman is explaining what the love languages are and why they're
important. Because if we're not communicating in the same way,
then we're kind of misfiring. It's nice, but it's not as wonderful and amazing
as it could be. So, let's look into the first one, it's words of affirmation.
That's probably pretty obvious, but it would be along the lines of like,
"Hey, the house looks really great. You did a really great job cleaning up,"
or "Hey, you look amazing for our date tonight. Gosh, you look really
pretty," or, "You look really nice today." Just little things where you're affirming
the person for who they are. So, that's mine, and it can be affirming
for big things that I've done or just something as simple as,
"Thanks for throwing my laundry in the dryer." Number two is quality time.
Quality time, again, probably pretty obvious,
but you're feeling loved the most when your special person sets aside time just
for you, no phone, no TV, no computer, nothing. You're just having quality
one-on-one time, you know, eye contact, the whole bit, with your partner.
And the no phone thing, that's a big one. I don't think that we realize how much
we're on our phones. So, quality time is number two.
So, number three is receiving gifts. Again, pretty obvious.
It doesn't have to be extravagant. It can be something as simple as a rose
from the gas station, or your favorite gum, or, "Hey,
I picked you up the kind of tea that you like." Or it could be extravagant,
it doesn't really matter. The point is that this person was thinking
about you while they were out doing their thing and they saw this and they thought,
"Oh, she would really like that." And it's just that I was being thought
of while you were out living your life and then you brought me this thing. Okay, so,
number four, acts of service. I'm thinking there's probably a lot
of moms out there that are like, "Oh, me. This is mine. Acts of service.
Clean the house." No, but for real, though, acts of service are for those
people who the way that they receive love best is when their partner makes a
sacrifice and does something for them. So, as an example, I hate taking
out the trash. If my primary love language was acts of service,
if my husband were to commit himself to taking out the trash all the time, every
single day or whatever, and I never had to touch the trash, that would be a sacrifice
for him because I don't really know anybody that likes taking the trash out.
But for me, this is an act of service that he's doing for me that makes me feel
really loved because he's taking care of this thing that I hate.
So, acts of service is number four. And the last one, number five,
physical touch. So, meanwhile, all the husbands are like, "Me, me."
And that is true. Physical touch is a really important part of any marriage.
But the one thing that Gary Chapman talks about in this book is a lot of husbands
might mistake physical intimacy for, you know...that's their primary love
language because they really like the intimate part of the marriage.
That's true, not to negate that. However, the physical touch thing is more than just
the intimacy. It's, like, when my husband comes up behind me and
pats my back, or rubs my shoulder, or pats my bum, just something non-sexual.
When he holds my hand when we're out, or when we're watching a movie, if he,
instead of sitting on his comfy chair, if he comes over and sits next to me.
So, it's the physical touch in a non-sexual way that reminds me that,
you know, "I'm thinking of you, I love you." Play with my hair massage my
shoulders, whatever. Physical touch that is non-sexual.
And that's the fifth one. Those are the five love languages that
Gary Chapman teaches about. So, if you haven't read the book or if you
haven't heard of it, I would strongly encourage you
to check it out because it really does make a difference when you and your
partner can get on the same page as far as speaking each other's love languages or
even just learning your partner's love language. So, for those of you who
are readers, you can get Dr. Chapman's book on Amazon.
You can do hardcover, you can also do Kindle.
And for those of you who are not readers or you don't really have time to read
a book, mothers with kids, you can actually go to his website and
it's a free resource. You can just take a little quiz on your
phone or on your computer that will tell you what your primary love language is.
And then, sometimes, you'll notice that there is a secondary
love language that comes in just right on the tail, which is kind of also nice
to know. Anyway, you can go to his website and check that out, and you can have your
partner do the same. It will give you a nice little blurb
about your love language and what that means, and then you and your partner can
email each other your results. I would just encourage you to check it
out because once you and your partner are able to get on the same track as far
as each other's love languages, it's a lot easier to really fill up that,
"Love tank," as Gary Chapman would say, and make them feel really loved and
really special. And it's actually not really that hard once you understand the
way they receive love best. I hope you enjoyed the video today.
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hopefully, we'll see you next week. Bye.
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