Thứ Sáu, 27 tháng 7, 2018

News on Youtube Jul 27 2018

hello and welcome to the softer side I'm your relationship coach Shelley

Carney can you tell me a little bit more about your personality

so tonight we're gonna be talking about who are you and Who am I and who are you

do you know anything about your personality I do I'm honest did you know

that you spilled some olive oil on your shirt I enjoyed my dinner that's now

that we've got that it wasn't red wine that's good yeah it could be worse yeah

so I'm moving on okay you're in charge okay I'm in charge I'm the board here

there let's start with housekeeping and I am your relationship coach Shelley

Carney I'm a certified integrative wellness and life coach specializing in

relationships for men this is my producer and sidekick

Toby Younis and our moderators that have volunteered for this channel are Jimmy

fast and Jason Younis you know you may not see Jimmy fast today he wasn't in

our other show that's true so Toby will be watching the chat but if

you would like to volunteer or just have a question or comment for me contact me

at my email address the softer side dot info at gmail.com in the live chat we do

hope that you will say hello give us your location like for instance you

might say hi Rick plank from Cincinnati in the chat and let us know you're here

ask your questions any questions you'd like to ask especially anything related

to relationships or personality types or anything to do with what's going on in

your life and tell us your favorite so if I come up with a slide that you think

is really important and it triggered some ideas for you tell

about that or tell us which is your favorite personality test when we get to

it share your story with us tell us a

little bit about who you are and your relationships and why you're here

tonight and then support each other in the chat we appreciate that as well

again if you have topics for future videos or questions you would like to

pose send me an email at the softer side info at gmail.com

please take a moment now to like this video with a thumbs up share it with

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new video let's get started with our presentation do you know who you are in

relationship to others it's important to know yourself because when you know

yourself well then it's easier for you to relate to other people in personality

psychology there are a lot of online tests which can tell you a little bit more

about your personality the way you react the way you cope and it's nice to take

these tests and figure out a little bit about yourself and your life and to be a

little bit more accepting of those things that you're doing and to find out

hey you're normal right so some of the online tests that are out there include

the big five which gives you five different layers of personality the

myers-briggs personality test which gives you up to 16 different

personalities the Enneagram gives you nine different ones disc I believe is

also 5 I'm not sure I took it but I forget now there's also four

temperaments sixteen personality factors or find your Hogwarts house that's a

popular one as well there's some of those fun little BuzzFeed ones out there

Facebook ones that people like to take that are just for entertainment wait

find your Hogwarts House yeah so are you Slytherin or Gryffindor

ravenclaw or Hufflepuff I know yeah it's more about

selling merchandise why do you want to know what your

personality type is because it helps you to develop a language to talk about who

you are how you're feeling how you operate and how you cope with stress it

gives you a better understanding of yourself and the way you work it

improves communication between you and others when they understand your view of

the world a little better and you understand your view of the world and

theirs as well then it's easier to have that communication it helps you to feel

normal you know I know some people who are very worried about some of the ways

that they perceive relationships and how they behave and how they show up in

the world and once they've gone through these personality tests they find out

they're not alone there are other people out there just like them that are

experiencing the same types of challenges and it helps them to feel

more normal so then they can relax and let go of that fear of being found out

that they're weird or strange or different they now know they are normal

and it's okay so which of these tests is the best one well you kind of need to

try a few and see which works best for you some are going to fit you really well

and you'll go yes that's totally me I totally get this and I know who that is

and I know who that is and this works for me and then there'll be other ones

that you'll go mmm yeah I don't that's not me and I don't

get this and that's sort of me but not really that doesn't work for me so that

test don't use it here's the big five and the big five is your results are

given on a percentage according to your spectrum and they give you this or that

kind of a question you know are you more this or you more that and your low

scores and your high scores it tells you a little bit about

yourself and they rate you in the areas of extraversion agreeableness

conscientiousness neuroticism and openness to experience and in case

you're wondering about neuroticism it just gives you an idea of how compared

to everybody else who's taken the test how calm and even-tempered are you or

how worried temperamental and self-conscious are you so that can give

you an idea of how you compare to other people who've taken the test the big

five as it relates to relationships tells you that you can in it indicates

that there could be some problems in a relationship if the people taking it

either one or both test high for neuroticism or extraversion because

extraversion while it can be a good thing because you're asking for what you

want and you're standing up for yourself and you're getting out there it can go a

little too far sometimes and you can be in people's faces you can have anger

issues and you could have some risky sexual behaviors such as cheating

so extraversion can go too far and that can cause a problem your successes come

along in the big five in relationships when you find someone who is high

scoring in being agreeable conscientious and emotionally stable and

that makes total sense doesn't it and moving to the next one

myers-briggs Type Indicator as I said there are sixteen of these and you can

take the test online however I've taken three different tests

from three different sites of the myers-briggs and come up with three

different answers although I'm always introverted which may be a surprise to

those of you seeing me on YouTube and I am introverted I always come out

introverted but then the other letters can change and that's because I'm close

to the middle on that so do you know what you are yeah

ENTJ ENTJ is Field Marshall Field Marshall Toby mm-hmm yeah

so I'm possibly a counselor possibly a healer possibly an operator or an

inspector or mastermind I've come up

with all of these answers so kind of take that one with a grain of salt

unless you're taking it with a career counselor or somebody who is

trained to give this kind of a test and that's how this test is normally given

is to help you to determine what would be a good career path for you based on

your personality based on the things that you are good at and you enjoy and

that's the career that you want to go down because you're going to enjoy your

career more if it's suited to your personality

using the myers-briggs in relationships possible problems are indicated when one

person is a sensor and one person is an intuitive because they have different

ways of interpreting information a sensor is more about solid tactile

things they can see and hear and touch and an intuitive is more about putting

together patterns and gathering information and you know having a more

of a thought life something a little less a little less concrete and they

enjoy that type of input so they can have some difficulties in communication

a likely success is an introverted person plus an extroverted person and

I'll give you an example of why that works when I go out in public I like to

be with someone who is extroverted because if I'm having a problem say at a

restaurant I don't I'm not happy with my meal for some reason I can let the

extroverted person know about this issue and he will take care of it

for me and that relieves so much stress for me as an introvert and my daughter

is just like this she has a boyfriend who will help her when she needs to get

things done he will help her to go there and be with her and help her with the

extroverted side that complements her introverted side when it can you know

when it can be a little bit more of a detriment is if the extrovert is always

like let's go out let's go party and let's stay out all night and the

introvert is like I want to stay in and read a book so no thanks that can pull

them apart a little bit so they have to be understanding of each other's needs

but usually the introvert extrovert works really well in the Enneagram there

are nine different personalities and they're very distinct this is the one

that I feel worked best for me I'm a number nine peaceful mediator and I

determined that a lot of those behaviors fit my personality and I understood

myself a lot better once I studied the Enneagram results for my test it helped

me a lot to understand my past behaviors why I am the way I am and how I react to

things and I can also understand people a little better who I'm in relationship

with and why we work well together or why we don't so this is a really good

helpful test to me may not resonate with you but it worked for me in Enneagrams

the relationships can work between any numbers however there are going to be

times when both of you are stressed and when you're stressed you might end up

going to another number or pushing towards what they call your wing so you

might change a little bit and the other person might be a little confused by

that change because that's not your normal behavior it's the

most important part about the Enneagram is having self-awareness when

both of you are self-aware and understand your own personality then

you're going to be successful because you not only understand yourself you

understand each other and you're forgiving of those times when you know

you're having that stress in your life so why should you figure out your

personality to take a personality test and figure that out well the more you

know the more aware you are of those possible personality quirks that are

going on with you and why that happens it just helps you to solve problems

gives you more patience and understanding of yourself and others it

helps you to cope with conflict so you if you know that as a 9 I avoid conflict

so if there's an issue I'm probably going to let you have your way or I'm

just gonna walk away and not talk to you anymore those are the options with a 9

so as somebody who has to deal with that you need to understand that about me

and understanding your personality style can also help you to make better

decisions especially like when it comes to choosing who to date or what career

you might want to choose what's going to fit best with your personality what's

going to work well with somebody who cannot deal with stress well is

something that's going to be a very low stress environment somebody who loves to

have you know that regimented and scheduled out life is going to do well

in something more like accounting or you know something that appeals to

their needs in their personality so the more you know the better you'll feel

it's also going to help you to choose your partner so you can focus on

strengths within your relationship so instead of focusing on flaws and

weaknesses you can say well as I said earlier you complement me because I'm an

introvert you're an extrovert we go out to dinner you take care of those things

and it makes me feel less stressed and I can relax so and then I maybe repay you

by going out more often because you like to be around people and do more things

and I can handle that as an introvert because I know that you're going to be

there to take care of any issues that come up so we can focus on our strengths

we can enjoy our similarities when we get along because we have the same likes

and we've discovered those things then we can focus on those things and we can

do them together but at the same time we can cope with our differences knowing

that it's okay to be different and in fact that's why we complement each other

because we are different and because we can accept that about our partner it

puts an end to power struggles we're no longer trying to change that other

person to make them more like us so that we can understand them better we're just

able to understand them better because we know their personality type and the

places that they go to when they're stressed the places that they go to when

they're happy now we can meet them there and not fight them over things like that

so personality caveats test results vary as

I said I took the myers-briggs a few times and got several different answers

so be aware of that don't limit yourself with labels I can always go back and say

well you know it's okay if I do that because I'm a 9 and that's not that's

not helpful what I should be doing instead is looking at my limitations as

a 9 or as a introvert and saying how can I work on that how can I make myself a

little bit better today what can I do to stretch outside that comfort zone

and grow a little bit so don't let those labels limit you yeah don't let

them become an excuse well you know I'm just like that because I'm a 9 he's just

like that because he's an 8 so don't let those labels limit you and don't make

them become an excuse rise above here's my recommendations try a few of the

tests see what resonates with you see what makes sense watch my videos I have

one out called an even exchange even energy exchange how to have an even

energy exchange in your relationship this is really great for

understanding that we each need to put in as much as we take out of a

relationship and these personality tests can help us to get there as well

I just put out another video yesterday as well

a meditation video so take a look at that I think you'll enjoy it I have a

transformation group coming up beginning September 7 and in the transformation

group we're going to explore more about personalities and how they interact and

the challenges they bring us in how we can rise above those challenges and move

forward towards our goals if you're interested in joining the transformation

group check out my website and I've also put the link down in the description box

my website is the softer side dot info and if you need additional one-on-one

coaching I'm available for that as well just email me at the softer side info at

gmail.com and we can set that up I'm offering a free ebook the secret of

letting go and starting fresh and there's the link and the link is also in

the description box below and this is great for letting go of past negative

patterns and past relationships and anything you need to let go of so that

you can clear your slate and move forward it's a wonderful tool for that

and you'll also be signed up for my email list so you'll continue to get

tips tools and techniques for relationship building here is the email

question that we got this week that inspired me to do this video and it says

my girlfriend and I are in the power struggle stage of our relationship she

is an extrovert and I am an introvert and some days we can't agree on anything

how do we stop the fighting and connect signed not enough outlets alright not

enough outlets how do we stop the fighting when we're in the power

struggle stage well again finding out more about your personality and how you

work and operate and how she works and operates is going to help a lot and then

you have that conversation and when she wants things that you find are too

extroverted too outside your comfort zone then you encourage her to do that with

her girlfriends and give you time and space to you know be alone have some

alone time or hang out with one of your friends and it's okay to have some

separate time because that just makes it that much more enjoyable when you do

come together it gives you that stress release that you need with somebody

outside of the relationship I think that's really critical in the

power struggle stage also just keep in mind that we need to learn to love the

other person as they are and where they're at without trying to change them

if that's not possible then this might not be a good fit so that's a

decision that you need to make in this stage of your relationship so I'm gonna

put that to Toby now and see what he has to say so the power struggle stage is

the most difficult of all the stages and the most likely to end up in the

relationship splitting up I don't know it's necessarily the majority but a

plurality of relationships split up in the power stage and I would give anyone

who's experiencing a power struggle with their significant other whether they're

married or not is to take the advice of sun tsu and step back right allow their

energy to project and then absorb that energy now it's different you know

there's a lot of reasons for a power struggle some of which can be what they

describe here in terms of personality traits mm-hmm generally it's

other things besides personality traits but the personality trait tends to be

the foundation so an extrovert will have a completely different set of behaviors

than an introvert is ever accustomed to and part of the problem is

that you can't give it all away you can't stay off just be an extrovert I'll

be your local introvert there has to be some sense of compromise and so the

first thing if I were to give them advice the first thing I would do is

find a place that the compromise can start so if the extrovert says let's

go out tonight and the introvert may not necessarily be ready to go out the

introvert could use that as a an opportunity to start the conversation

and find out because extroverts and I know because I'm an extrovert tend

to be attention vampires right they thrive on being out and about and

getting attention even if it's from a waitress you can just see it in them and

an introvert not only doesn't do that but sometimes they don't understand it

and so I had the opposite situation where I was with an introvert and as an

extrovert you don't notice it sometimes until it's too late

this one I didn't and I brought up the subject I brought it up I said you

know my introverted my extroverted-ness is difficult you know for the

relationship and I can't change in extroverts you can't change as an

introvert nor do we want to do that that's where are the areas of compromise

and it could very well be that the introvert said introvert says you know

what I can go out with you we can go have one of these times once a week you

be who you are let me be Who I am but not five times a week

once a week I would ask in return that we sit home and Netflix and chill or

whatever not being an introvert I don't know what really gets to them you know I

mean but the moment you that either one of the parties recognizes that this

power struggle phase has begun it would be a good time at that point to start

addressing it because if you get it too much further you increase the

probability of the relationship not surviving that stage and that's just

statistically true you know so as usual it's communicate compromising

communications to compromise recognition that there's a problem and that the

problem if allowed to fester will just get worse and being willing willing

being the you know the other problem with extroverts is a lot of times

they're so there's so much about what's going on around

they don't notice the smaller things you know they don't notice the things that

are going on in terms of the relationship the assumption that they

make is that because the introvert that's with them is with them then

it must be fun for them too because you know I'm an extrovert etc etc so I think

it's being ready to have the conversation as soon as possible

as soon as you recognize it before you get deeper into power stage because if you

wait too long it just doesn't it ends up it results in the relationship breaking

up and I think an introvert can be an ambivert which means they can put their

extrovert on they can step outside their comfort zone and make that effort

because they do also have a need to connect with other people but just not

but it's draining for them to do that so they do need to limit it to once a week

and then recover from that whereas the extrovert gets an energy boost

from being out with other people and so they need to have that compromise

definitely make something else so the the other thing is oh gosh I forgot what

I was gonna say I was thinking about it when you're talking and then you made

that last point and I forgot it'll come back okay well he said she said so this

is the time of the show when we get to tell a little bit about ourselves so we

just told you that I'm an introvert and he's extrovert but when it comes to

personality oh I just remembered when you said may I interrupt you can get

back to this so the point that I was gonna make is a significant majority of

people have not taken personality tests they don't know they're an ENTJ and even

if they did they may not completely understand it so one of the things that

you can do in order to start the process of conversation and compromise is to

have them ask them to participate in the taking of the test so that you're going

to identify and anybody who's going to be serious about a relationship

eventually has to take should take these tests in order to know

what's gonna work for you because no two people are alike and the funny part

about this is opposites attract that's right you know an ENTJ is going

to attract people that are nothing like that ENTJ but they find some level of

commonality that keeps them going and sometimes they don't realize that

they made a mistake or that they have problems until it's too late

so a lot of times just suggest the idea of could we take a personality test I

want to learn more about you I want you to learn more about me and start there

okay they're free online yeah and again like I said some of them you're gonna

get different results so maybe take more than one but only do it if it's

fun and it's helping communication if it's starting fights then put it away

but the most important part of it is to learn more about each other and then to

accept those things about each other or maybe more than accept appreciate

mm-hmm you don't appreciate the fact that you're hanging out with an

extrovert and they're not overbearing that kind of expert extraverted but in

your case the example that you used where you know it's an introvert

sometimes it's hard for you to say my dish is cold or to be at say a seminar

and I don't want to raise my hand and ask a question but I'll tell the person

next to me could you ask this question for me and because he's an extrovert

absolutely he'll jump right up and ask the question and he'll say it 10 times

better than I would have said it because he's not nervous about it so it's

definitely something that you can look at as a complementary strength that you

can take advantage of in your life whatever they're good at that you're not

good at you know you work together on things yeah and speaking of that how

throughout your life have you felt that your personality has either helped or

hindered relationships and I know you brought up one example do you have in

another one so if we go back to the Enneagram mm-hmm I'm a 6 3 or a 3 6

primary secondary six I'm primary three secondary you took

the test it was way way a long time ago because I would say you were an 8

that's what was a long time but when I imagine I've changed some bit well I

don't know well I mean I haven't seen your test results I was just guessing Oh

so anyway what was your question before I so have you noticed that personality

traits that either helped or hindered knowing your personality has

helped has it hindered tell us about some of the things that have come

up in relationships because of personality so I know a couple of things

I know as an ENTJ that it's been very useful to me in my career because most

of the people that are in my career are not ENTJ so it was a real benefit to be

able to speak up and stand up and ask the questions and you know whiteboard it

mm-hmm although I don't behave that way a lot of times I sit in a meeting and

just be quiet until you know near the end where I find the opportunity to

express my opinion but by that time I've absorbed a lot of the stuff that's

gone on the challenge for me has always been that I seem to attract the

exactly the kind of the opposite kind of woman and I think what happens is it

looks really interesting when you fold that he's so confident in you know

because that's where a lot of that stuff comes from and they're with you for just

a little while and that whole confident thing becomes what an arrogant

egotistical so so what you have to learn as an ENTJ this is that you're naturally

going to attract people of the opposite sex who are probably not anything like

you in that respect but are attracted to that and after a while it's like

that there's there's a that old story about the thing that and I'm probably

going to mess this up but there's this that old saw about the thing that

attracted a woman to you was the most attractive to her in the beginning is

the one that she eventually divorces over drives her crazy yeah yeah because

eventually it's just wearing on her you know what's that thing if you're the guy

with a sense of humor eventually you realize everything is funny you must

laugh all day yeah you don't have to deal with so so I think that the

challenge for me has always been I seem to attract just the opposite kind

of women and I'm attracted to them you know because the other thing too is

I'm a I'm a helper I'm a supporter you know so I'm always looking to me that

the attractive woman is to me a woman who is who needs a mentor yeah you know

somebody who needs helping and is willing to take your support etc etc so I

think the challenge for me was to be able to figure out how to resolve the

what I knew you know after the first couple of times you know oh wow this

woman is really attractive she's attracted to me

but three months from now she's gonna hate my guts for exactly the same reason

so how do I make sure that I don't get there and I thought in my marriages

especially well marriages I was gonna say were relatively successful with

that but they still are marriages right the plural um but I learned a lot and I

thought I was pretty good at it and of course in my business life it always

helped to know who you were dealing with because a lot of the people that I was

dealing with in the job that I was doing required the job that I was successful

that required my kind of personality the people that I had to get to pay me to do

that job as a contractor are just the opposite you know and so I had to learn

to be able to deal with them as opposed to just throwing my extraverted thinking

judgemental self at them and getting it getting to learn to work with them so it

was you know the lessons of being an ENTJ or any other personality I suppose

the lessons are only a certain percentage of population it's like you

and you're gonna have to deal with all the rest of the people that aren't like

and there are percentages there's not a lot of the ENTJ's probably because

people shoot them okay anyway I had finished anyway so and that's a good

point that the myers-briggs test is used a lot for career counseling and when a

company is going to be hiring a lot of people in a department they want a mix

of those personalities so that they have complementary skills they don't

want all entJ's they don't want all you know one thing they want people who are

going to blend and bring in different strengths so that they're not lopsided

so let me bring something up here Rick plank says I'm an extrovert she's an

introvert but she probably wouldn't agree with that I'm not sure what she

probably wouldn't agree with so Rick maybe you can give us some detail on

what your wife probably wouldn't agree with being a family crisis any places

okay sorry go ahead there you go so Rick if you give us just

a bit more information Shelley can address that I'm sure but let me just

while we're waiting for that I will say that my husband and I are both

introverts we both we will go out and we will and he can be an effective leader

and he has been but it's draining

and that's thunder that you're hearing Wow

yeah so because we're both introverts we both need quite a bit of downtime alone

time quiet time so our favorite thing to do together is Netflix and chill in fact

just sit and watch a program together and then later we can talk about the

program and that's relaxing for us it makes us feel better after you

know a long day of being with other people so but then there's those times

when we both want to would like to be a little bit extroverted and go out and do

things but it doesn't seem to hit us at the same time like I want to go out and

do stuff and he wants to stay home because he's been at work all day so

there there has to be some compromise and sometimes there has to be those

times when you have other friends just go out with them in that and that's okay

too but you both have your outlets right he has things like

ballooning and you have you know we can we go treasure hunting and go ahead

keep going I'm gonna get my phone so I can look at the radar because that

sounds ugly well we're indoors it's not gonna hurt us I know it's the

electricity did go out earlier today so let them know if we somehow if we

suddenly lose power that's what happened so what was the question

she wouldn't agree with me saying that she is an introvert well again it just

depends basically the easiest way to tell is how do you gain energy do you

gain energy by relaxing and retreating staying home reading a book watching TV

or do you gain energy by going out with a bunch of people and having fun in

a crowd with loud music what works best for you that will tell you are you an

introvert or an extrovert you could be an ambivert though which means you like

both and in that case you know you can

you can swing both ways so what was the question so let me just read through

what Rick is saying I'm an extrovert she's an introvert but she probably

wouldn't agree with that and he says she wouldn't agree with me saying that she's

an introvert then he says I'm an outdoorsman and she can't take the Sun

she burns easily well that's different for being an introvert but and then Jeep

girl says get the blankets ready in case it hails the topper oh yeah my new topper

Wow for those of you that can see it this is what we're experiencing in terms

of radar right now it's a mess out there well it's okay we're indoors uh-huh but

okay so electricity goes out yeah you'll know what happened

so live chat Q&A what is your personality type and Rick Plank has

shared with us a little bit that he's an outdoorsy extrovert so that's great and

I think that you could probably find compromise in not going out as much as

you would like with her sharing those times with her that she can manage

and then other times going out with a friend or family member to you know go

outdoors and do outdoorsy things well I could make a suggestion based on

experience and that was my definition of being outdoors was very different than

her definition of being outdoors my definition of outdoors was grabbing my

Realtree camouflage and heading up into the woods someplace her definition of

outdoors was could we go to the beach and stay in the pool until sunset or we

could go walking on the beach yeah so there is there is the potential for

outdoors but their definition of her definition of outdoors was very

different from mine yeah and it was that compromise yeah you know how I feel

about the beach yes but in order and I feel pretty much the same way you know

there's a spend time with her the compromise was

you'll go out here to a little picnic at which I catch and cook trout for you

next weekend we'll go to the beach you know hang out there beach or

mountain it was really kind of funny because she could spend hours on the

beach under one of those Cabana things mm-hmm

and occasionally get into the water but going outdoors it was mosquitoes

sunblock there was all kinds of reasons not to do it and I was just the opposite

about the beach you know sand sand fleas sand and everything salt water

and it destroys cameras that's the only thing I know about the beach but we

found some so Rick says I also like to go out with friends to have a few drinks

etc where she was whereas she would rather stay at home yeah I think that's

common in a lot of marriages where one feels like they need to be with others

in a social setting as long as you work that out and you're both happy then

that's great and that's the way it should be I mean just because you're

married or in a relationship with somebody doesn't mean you need to spend

every waking moment together it just means that you're partners in life and

you have the same goals because other than that you know spend as much time

together as feels right for both of you so Jeep girl Jodi says my beau and I decided

a long time ago we complement each other well it sure helps and then she says

very rarely do we have a conflict I am an introvert he is an extrovert but we

meet in the middle like Legos we even fit when we hug well that's nice that's

good yeah

so that's all that's all we got in comments okay great

well if you have anything else to add while I'm closing up please do take a

moment now and like this video and share it with your social media contacts and

subscribe and click on the bell to receive notifications we'll be back next

week Thursday August 2nd at 7 p.m. so if you would like to suggest a topic or

have a question or a situation that you would like more advice and information

about please send that to the softer side info at gmail.com and we'll make a

video and address those issues for you and I believe that's it for this evening

and thank you so much for being here and for all your great chat and questions I

appreciate that let's see I think that's it anything else that's all I got you

wanna just read these last couple of things Rick says they want so badly to

go boots on the ground the treasure sir Rick how do you manage to work the

search in there but there's no way she would go with me yes take her with you

find a nice hotel with a great swimming pool and a good cocktail bar and

there's there's lots of places and then make sure you get home in time to take

her to just don't make her go camping just camping take her and you do the

things that you like and she does the things that she likes and you meet up in

the evenings lots of nice hotels you can you can I don't mean leave her at but

she can stay at and enjoy those things around the hotel if I remember correctly

Fenn often said that when they were in Cody she hung around with her friends at

the at the hotel and near the Museum and he would go out and do his Fenn stuff

yeah so Jeep girl Jodi says good video I hope more people stop by for the great

advice well thank you and I hope you'll share it so that they will it's only

well yeah yeah all right thanks so much for being here this evening

and I'll see you again next week for the softer side I'm your relationship coach

Shelley Carney

For more infomation >> Personality Types in Relationships | Live Relationship Coaching with Shelley Carney - Duration: 45:12.

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Dating Mistakes to Avoid Before Committing to a Relationship (DON'T COMMIT BEFORE WATCHING) - Duration: 2:36.

Are you about to commit to someone and are you sure you're not about to repeat your past?

Just in case, you better watch.

Welcome to Power Love TV, my name is Michelle Baxo and for the best advice for women about

falling in love without compromising yourself, be sure to subscribe to the channel and hit

the bell so you are notified of new videos every week.

Look, I'm not trying to be a buzz kill.

I want you to have that delicious relationship too.

That's why I don't want you make these incredibly common mistakes.

So listen carefully to the top 5 common mistakes women make when committing to a man.

Mistake # 1 - Following the urge to rush things forward quickly.

Mistake # 2 - is basing your decision to commit on a spark or chemistry.

And before we continue I'd love for you to share with me what are some of the mistakes

that you know you've made in the past and you wish you hadn't made because it got you

in a relationship you probably shouldn't have been in.

Type that in the comments below.

Mistake # 3 - is focusing on HIS certainty to make up for your lack of certainty.

In other words, he's so certain you should be in a committed relationship that you go

ahead and agree with him.

Mistake # 4 - is thinking you really know him when you actually don't.

Sometimes we say things like "I just get him" and our mind is making up this whole picture

of another human being but the fact is you may not know him very well at all.

And mistake # 5 is thinking that the opposite of your last relationship means that it's

the perfect relationship for you now.

IT'S NOT and chances are the polar opposite of what you had the last time is just a different

version of the same thing.

Ok so now you know what mistakes to avoid, but do you know what to do?

I recommend you join the conversation that we have Facebook called Powerful Women Looking

for Love and if you haven't checked out Power Love Project, go on the website MichelleBaxo.com

and have a look around and see what that might bring to your next relationship.

OK, and if this was helpful and if you have other questions make sure you let me know

in the comments and if you liked this training, hit like, SUBSCRIBE and share it with someone

you think it will make a difference with.

Extraordinary Women DESERVE extraordinary love.

So let's go after it.

For more infomation >> Dating Mistakes to Avoid Before Committing to a Relationship (DON'T COMMIT BEFORE WATCHING) - Duration: 2:36.

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Oldest Tima get grooming from old Amari | What's Tima relationship with Amari? | Monkey Daily 1305 - Duration: 10:25.

For more infomation >> Oldest Tima get grooming from old Amari | What's Tima relationship with Amari? | Monkey Daily 1305 - Duration: 10:25.

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Chemistry in dating and Relationship [RIG 19] - Duration: 1:00:01.

Hey there, this is Clay with www.ModernLove.Life and this is the relationship inner game experience.

Now, welcome back.

This week we are going to be talking about an interesting subject which is the idea of

chemistry, chemistry in dating and relationships.

You know that feeling that you get when you meet somebody and you're talking to them and

it just seems like hours just seemed to slip away as you're just both clicking and connecting

it so perfectly that that it just seems like the two of you are just meant to be together

and I want to dispel a little bit of a myth about chemistry, which is that it's something

important that you should go out of your way to look for when evaluating a partner.

I don't think that it is and the reason why is because chemistry is actually something

that's very common.

At least if you know how to actively create chemistry with somebody else.

Most people don't know how to create chemistry and so it's just kind of hit or miss and so

when they meet somebody and they just seem to connect and hit it off really well.

It seems like it's something meant to be something that's that's set in the stars, but really

all it's akin to is if you were to just walking down the street and you happen to pass by

somebody who's wearing the same color shirt as you or something like that, it's just it's

just a coincidence when the truth is is that you could easily just have the same color

shirt as anybody else by going home and changing your shirt and chemistry is really something

that you can create and it's something that you can create by actually connecting with

somebody on an emotional level by actually having the inquisitive ability to relate to

that person and to connect with them on an emotional level through understanding where

they're coming from, through empathizing with their experiences, through sharing your own

experiences, through being vulnerable yourself, through really bringing yourself and sharing

yourself and interactions.

You know, this is how certain people have what we call charisma.

Whereas other people may not have charisma.

People with charisma seemed to be able to connect with people effortlessly.

They seem to have chemistry with people effortlessly.

It's not that they're, you know, blessed or magical or anything like that.

They just have either consciously or unconsciously, learned how to connect with people in a meaningful

and significant way and you can absolutely do this.

Chemistry is not something that you just have to sort of stumble into or bumble around until

you happen to cross paths with somebody that you can actually have a conversation with.

If you can learn how to connect with people, if you can learn how to actually tune into

their world and talk to them about things that are important to them, things that are

on their mind, things that are of a concern to them, then you can absolutely develop chemistry

with those people.

It doesn't have to be about just external things like, oh, maybe you both went to the

same university or maybe you both work at the same company or maybe you both like the

same sports team or whatever.

Right?

That's, that's one myth about chemistry is that it's really based around all these external

things, but it can really be more based around the emotional experience that you have.

So maybe for example, you didn't go to the same college as somebody else, instead of

just saying, oh, we don't have any chemistry, you don't have any connection or whatever.

You can just actually start to ask them questions about what their experience at university

was like.

You can start to share experiences from maybe your time in school or you know, if you didn't

go to university, you could share from your secondary school or grade school or other

experiences that you've had in life that might have a similar emotional tone as maybe some

of the things that they're talking about.

And it's through this sharing and connecting.

We can actually create chemistry even when external circumstances aren't there.

Another thing that people often think is related to chemistry is your personality and your

sense of humor and you know, sure.

If you do have a similar sense of humor or a similar personality or similar outlook on

life, you absolutely can connect with people more easily.

But it doesn't mean that it's impossible to connect with people or that it's impossible

to have chemistry with people.

If you have a completely different outlook on life, you can absolutely connect with them

again by taking a curiosity, a based approach, by taking an active interest in what their

experiences, by taking an active interest in what their view of the world is.

you know, for example, right now we have a very tense political climate here in the United

States.

You know, just putting it lightly and you can absolutely connect with somebody who has

opposing political views.

If you simply just drop the idea that you need to be right about your political views.

I mean, maybe you are right about that.

Maybe you're not.

I'm sure you're absolutely right about your political views, whatever they may be and

everyone else is wrong.

But if you can just let those down for a brief moment and actually have a little curiosity

about somebody who might have opposing political views and say, oh, well that's interesting.

Why do you believe that?

That's interesting.

Why you support that particular politician?

And instead of trying to convince them otherwise or prove them wrong or whatever, you just

actually listened to them and see what it is that they like about this policy.

What is they like about this politician, what it is that they like about this, whatever

it might be.

And through doing that you can start to understand them and through understanding them, you can

actually start to share what's important to you and why that's important to you.

Now remember, why is actually a much more powerful way to connect with somebody because

why you do something is much more important and tell somebody else a whole lot more than

what you're doing.

Right?

So for example, if I was to tell you why I am sleep deprived right now because I have

a newborn baby that tells you a whole lot more about what's going on in my life than

simply, yeah, I didn't sleep very well last night.

Oh well that sucks.

I have some coffee, right?

But you know, no, I have a newborn baby.

And so, you know, we actually have to weirdly enough go out of our way to wake her up every

two hours in the middle of the night, in order to feed her.

And that seems really counterintuitive to me because, you know, she's sleeping.

Think I should probably let her sleep and if she gets hungry she'll wake up and let

me know.

But apparently that's not the doctors say.

So, we were kind of going through this process of actively waking up our daughter every couple

of hours to feed her throughout the day.

In fact, I think she was crying a little bit in the background during this recording, so

I don't know if you heard that or not, but maybe you did, if you did.

That's who that is.

Anyway.

So just knowing a little bit more about what's going on with me, you know, that helps you

to understand me.

That helps you to possibly even connect with me.

If you can share any stories about, you know, your own life, whether that might be times

when you've been really tired or exhausted times when maybe you had a newborn child,

whether that your child or maybe like a niece or nephew or something like that.

It can help open up doors and ways to connect with people in a way that it's not so easy

to.

If you just tell them the what, so why is absolutely very critical.

So you can ask somebody, oh, why do you believe that?

Why is that important to you?

Why do you think that's funny?

Or something like that.

And if you're doing that in a really genuine way, not like, why do you think that's funny?

But, oh, that's really interesting.

I've never, I've never heard something like that before.

Why do you think that that's so important, you know, that can actually elicit somebody's

touched to really share more about what their experiences to really open up and tell you

more about what's going on with them.

And it's through this process that you can absolutely create chemistry with.

You know, pretty much anybody except for possibly the most, you know, walled off crusty people

out there, but maybe that's a topic for another day anyway, so I hope that this has helped

you understand that chemistry is not some sort of elusive mystical thing that points

a big green glowing Arrow towards, you know, yes, you should be in a relationship with

this person, but it's simply just says, hey, we're actually able to have an emotional conversation

with one another and sometimes that means that you shouldn't be in a relationship with

that person.

And other times it just means you're just having an emotional conversation with somebody.

That's all.

So with that being said, let's go over and talk about the questions that people in our

modern love association have submitted this week.

Our first question is from Kay.

Kay says hello Clay.

I need your help as I'm feeling very confused and even doubting the phases.

My ex and I have reached a point where we're having almost daily contact for approximately

three months now.

It's been more consistent and stable than before with some bumps in the road.

He has told me that he has relationship feelings for me, so I thought that I was at phase four.

He has been discouraging me this past month and I told him that I am in love with him

and I'm not going to date others, etc.

We also have a great sexual connection.

It's a long distance relationship, so we talk via skype.

He also calls me for emotional support through weeks ago.

He told me that he could only be friends due to the negative things that are happening

in his life as he has low emotional capacity and depression.

He can't offer more.

He says we've continued to positive interactions but without sexual flirting, but I feel us

getting closer.

He recently expressed fear of hurting each other.

Again, feeling confused over our contact, although he's really enjoyed it.

The week he's been telling me that he wants to cut our contact, that we should move on,

etc.

Showing anger about our past and still feeling pain that our relationship ended.

He feels like he is in a post breakup state and that he can't move on with us in contact.

He was undergoing a big life change now and his well, he later apologized and wants to

remain friends and has reached out every day.

We had a long talk and he told me he wanted some space to clear things in his mind, which

I do think is a good idea because I see that he's struggling a lot in life when we interact,

it feels like we're a couple, but it is under an undefined yet I know that in phase four

you should feel your way in order to know how to respond either with empathy or conviction.

So my main question is how do I stick to knowing what I want without being outcome focused

or to have a hidden agenda because he already knows how I feel.

Thank you so much for your help.

Love from me.

Okay, so there's really two parts to your question.

One of them is knowing what you want and the other one is not having a hidden agenda.

So let's go ahead and start with the hidden agenda part.

And the easiest way to not have a hidden agenda is to notice the ways that you are attached

to things looking or seeming a certain way.

So for example, he says that he is unable to have a relationship with you right now

because he has no emotional capacity and he is depressed.

That is supposedly what he told you.

Okay?

And so if you are unable to accept this from him and you want to try to force him to give

you more than he says that he is capable of giving to you right now, then in effect, you

really do have a hidden agenda because you're trying to make it seem like it's something

different than what it actually is.

You're trying to overlook where his emotional state is at and see if you can somehow swing

things to meet your arbitrary timeline of trying to get him back asap or by a certain

point in time or whatever.

And instead, what you need to do, if you want to get back together with him, if you want

to really inspire him to want to get back together with you, is to really allow him

to be seen and heard so that he knows that you support him and that you're not just trying

to leap frog past his emotions in order to get what you want.

Because as long as you're trying to leap frog past where he is at emotionally, he is going

to not feel connected to you.

He's going to pull away emotionally from you and he's going to start to shut down and that

is not going to get you into a relationship anytime soon.

And it's not going to help strengthen the connection between the two of you.

So if you can, instead of trying to fulfill some sort of arbitrary plan of your own, such

as being in a relationship with him or whatever, then that is going to help you to actually

clear space so that you have the ability to connect with him.

Okay?

And that is probably what you actually want, which is to really just connect with him on

an emotional level.

I mean you probably don't want to just be in a relationship with him if he's depressed,

if he's sad, if he doesn't want to be there, if he's pulling away emotionally, if he doesn't

want anything to do with you and so on and so forth.

So I would suggest that you stopped trying to pursue the outcome of being in a relationship

and instead pursue what is actually going to get you that relationship in the first

place, which is the process of connecting on an emotional level.

If you can connect on an emotional level, then the relationship will take care of itself.

And so I'm guessing that's probably what you want.

So that answers the second part of the question, which is to know what you want.

So I would really get clear first of all, on what you want.

And I would also let go of what you think it has to look like in order for you to get

there.

Right?

In order for you to actually get what you want and in order for you to actually have

an emotional connection with him and remember first and foremost, you have to be able to

meet him where he is at, at his emotional state.

If you're not doing that, you're essentially trying to leap frog over how, where he feels

and basically you know, saying, Hey, screw you.

I don't care how you feel.

What I want is to be in a relationship.

So get over this depression, BS, get over this.

I don't have emotional capacity bs and just be in a relationship with me and that doesn't

feel good, so I would strongly recommend that you reorient your mindset so that you actually

have the ability in yourself to connect with him without trying to nudge it towards a sort

of outcome of your want.

Okay.

Actually connect with them.

Actually hear what he's trying to say.

Actually be there for him.

Actually support him, actually understand the world through his perspective and if you

do that, you can unlock an emotional connection with him that otherwise wasn't there.

And if that emotional connection is actually present, if you actually do feel emotionally

connected, then he will know that you've got his back and as he starts to come out of this

life challenges that you hinted at, that's causing them to have low emotional capacity

and possibly even depression, he will know that you were there for him.

And that emotional connection, we'll pull the two of you closer together.

So I hope that helps you out and please keep us updated on how things go moving forward

from here, our next question is from Michael.

Michael says, hi Clay.

C and I took a step backwards and she placed us in the friend zone.

Two weeks ago.

She moved into her new house.

I helped the night before she and I got into a heated conversation, I was tired of feeding

off of her breadcrumbs, meaning that I only got her time when it was convenient.

I was feeling taken advantage of and I regret saying that I left that night Saturday upset

because she said it wasn't a good idea to have me stay the night.

That's what prompted the conversation.

The next morning, Sunday, she texted and asked if we could set all of this aside because

she really needed my help.

I reluctantly said, okay, and went to help.

I finished the move and again that night she said she didn't think it was a good idea to

have me stay the night.

I hugged her, gave her a kiss on the cheek, and then left.

She texted that night and said how much she appreciated my help, but she wasn't sure how

to handle my behavior.

That day I was upset because of the situation and I wear my heart on my sleeve.

I didn't respond.

I decided to do active, no contact for 30 days, two days into it, she texted me and

said that it was never her intention to cut me completely out of her life and that it

felt weird not to have any contact.

I didn't respond.

She texted two days later and asked if I didn't want her reaching out to me anymore.

I told her I didn't know how to act or feel right now, and that is why I have been radio

silent.

She said she understood and that this has been really hard and that she didn't want

to bother me if I needed some time.

That is the last contact that we had.

She was hurting from a lot of things in her life.

She's finally dealing with such as the death of one of her children's seven years ago,

two years divorced from a cheating husband, new house that she just purchased and her

six and nine year old children acting out.

Newer job.

She says she doesn't have the capacity to be in a relationship yet she wants me as a

friend knowing that I feel differently.

How do I play this out?

Do I continue the full 30 days of active?

No contact, we'll working on myself or do I reach out to her because she already told

me that she wants me in her life.

I feel that she has left several doors to her and trying again if things can turn to

some normalcy and she can get her head straight, but there again I questioned whether she is

just being nice or not.

Okay.

So your question here is, do you continue with 30 days of ANC while working on yourself

or do you reach out to her because she has already told you that she wants you to be

a part of her life, and the answer to this is whether or not you're able to have interactions

that feel good on an emotional level.

If you are able to have interactions to feel good on an emotional level, then you can be

in contact with her.

Okay?

Because interacting with you will feel good on an emotional level and it will strengthen

the connection that you have and the stronger your connection becomes, the more likely she

will want to continue to interact with you and to continue to bring you closer into her

life.

And if you are not having interactions that feel good on an emotional level, the more

you interact with her, the worst it will feel, and the more it will weaken the emotional

connection and the more it will start to increase the distance between two of you.

Okay?

So if you're not able to have interactions that fuel good on an emotional level, I would

recommend that you stop interacting with her and take some time to reevaluate what is costing

you to have these interactions that are not feeling good.

Okay.

And then correct that.

Is it an attachment to outcome?

Is it a lack of present moment awareness?

Is it a lack of composure in your life where you're either collapsing or posturing or something

like that?

Stop and actually look through this and strengthen your advanced relational skills.

Okay.

And in that situation, I would recommend doing ANC right?

If you are not able to have interactions that feel good on an emotional level.

So it really depends on where the emotional connection between the two of you is at.

Is it improving or is it not improving?

It's getting worse.

If it is improving, go ahead and stay in contact, right?

Because what you're doing is working.

If it's getting worse than what you're doing is clearly not working and you need to pause

and reflect, that pause would be a good place to do ANC and, you know, do whatever you need

to do to clean up your advanced relational skills so that you can actually interact with

her in a way that feels good on an emotional level.

Okay, Mike, so I hope that helps you out and please keep us updated on your situation.

Our next question is from Elaysia.

She writes in and says, hi Clay.

I have some evidence my ex is now dating someone new.

At times I can feel myself and complete acceptance of what is and I don't feel bad about this

situation.

From this mindset, I can remind myself that all the advantages I have over the new person

and I feel like I can succeed in getting him back.

I know that I have all the elements that he wants in a partner.

He just hasn't seen how we can be yet because he is walling me out, which is in turn due

to his inaccurate perception of me based on how I was before.

However, there is another part of me that has a lot of doubts about whether I can succeed

and whether I should try.

I feel like I have now crossed the line into territory few dare to venture and so there

is a little help from me here.

Most people say that there is no hope once our exes are dating other people and that

we are better off cutting our losses.

I really believe in my relationship with my ex though, especially after finding out that

this new person is similar to me.

I have a new found confidence in how I'm perceived by my ex, which I have not felt before this

journey.

I don't want to give up yet.

I'm acutely aware of the fact that there is a lot that is outside of my control here.

Like whether the dating will go well or whether it falls apart.

Do you think that this is true?

That my success is to some extent dependent on how the dating goes between my ex and this

new person.

If so, how can I accept that there is so much outside of my control and still remains strong

in my decision to keep trying.

This is by far the most difficult emotional journey I have ever undertaken.

You're right.

There are a lot of things that are of your control such as whether your ex had some sort

of great relationship with this other person or not to that extent.

Your success in terms of actually getting a relationship with your ex does depend on

them not having some sort of amazing relationship with another person, which is really about

the emotional connection to the experience with that other person.

So when it really comes down to it, we generally decide to be in relationships with people

that feel good on an emotional level.

That is just say the higher the emotional feeling, the higher the emotional connection

that two people share, the more likely they're going to be in a relationship with one another

and if it comes down to a somebody who you have a mediocre emotional connection with

and somebody that you have an amazing emotional connection with, you're probably going to

go with the person that you have a stronger emotional connection with.

And so that's why we say that it is most important to focus on the quality of the emotional connection

that you share with somebody else.

Not to worry about anybody else that they're dating or not to try to attack the other person

or tear them down or anything like that, but just focus on having high quality interactions.

Okay, and you also ask, how can I accept that there is so much outside of my control and

still remains strong in my decision to keep trying?

Well, you know, when it comes to pretty much anything in life, there are a lot of things

that are out of your control.

You know, your health is out of your control.

You know, you could end up getting some sort of disease or injury or something like that

tomorrow and it could completely change the way that you approach your life.

You could be fired from your job or something for any number of reasons.

Even if you're a complete great employee, they might have to downsize your department

or maybe the company goes bankrupt or something like that.

There are all kinds of things that are outside of your control and the question is how do

you deal with these things?

Right?

Because you're choosing to focus on this aspect of your dating life, your relationship, and

you're not choosing to focus on these other things.

Like, you know, you might break your leg tomorrow or you're a company might go bankrupt tomorrow

or something like.

You're not choosing to focus on those things.

You're choosing to focus on this.

So clearly you can accept that there is a lot.

There's outside of your control and still move forward in your life.

It's just there's something different between your...

Let's just say you're your job, your career or your health versus your relationship.

Right?

And the reason why is because you're putting your attention on this aspect of your love

life.

You're seeing this other person that your ex is dating as an obstacle and you're worrying

about it.

You're trying to calculate the odds.

You're trying to, you know, figure out if there's still chances and all of that stuff.

And remember, that's not what you're, you're supposed to be doing as you live a vibrant

and rewarding life, right?

You don't go out in the morning and, and sort of scan the environment around you, worrying

about everything that you might do that might cause you to break a leg or anything like

that.

Right?

You don't, you don't consciously go into work paranoid where they're going to fire you,

unless, I mean, unless you're a terrible employee or something like that, but I don't that you

are.

And so, so you just have this confidence as you show up and you do your job at work and

you know you're probably going to stay there for, you know, a reasonable period of time

and you just show up and you move about through your life and you don't worry about breaking

your leg all the time, you know, unless of course you have some sort of a health concern.

And so if you stay focused on the things that matter, then you don't have to focus on these

distractions.

You don't have to be hypervigilant about, I don't know, tripping hazards.

I mean, obviously you're not going to go out of your way to trip on something and break

your leg in the world, but it's not a top of mind priority as you go about your day.

Just like how you're not going to go out of your way to have some sort of awful interaction

with your ex that causes the two of you to never want to talk to each other again.

But it shouldn't be like top of mind priority trying to, you know, worry about who they

might be dating or who they're not dating, right?

Because ultimately if you are able to have a high quality emotional connection with your

ex, higher quality than they're able to have with somebody else, you know, by applying

advanced relational skills, by actually bonding with them, by actually taking an interest

in their life by actually forming an emotional connection with them, by seeing the world

from the mayor perspective, by getting them to talk about themselves, by having composure,

by not collapsing, by not posturing, by being completely vulnerable and honest with where

you're standing and what your opinion is.

And all of these many other things that we talk about.

You'll have a very strong emotional connection with them, probably stronger than they're

able to develop with somebody else.

So you really don't have to worry about this.

Okay.

So what I would do is I would just say, okay, do you want to have an emotional connection

with your ex?

Yes or no?

If the answer's no, that's fine.

You don't have to try to connect with them on an emotional level.

You don't have to try to get back together with them.

You don't have to try to do anything right.

You can just take your life in an entirely new direction, but if you do want to have

an emotional connection with your ex, then go ahead and have an emotional connection

with them.

Don't worry about the rebound.

Don't worry about if their relationship is going well or if it's falling apart or anything

like that.

Just go after what you want.

Just know you want having an emotional connection with your ex and then go after it by connecting

with them on an emotional level and strengthening that emotional connection over a period of

time.

That's really all you have to deal with, okay?

Because there's all these other things in life that you could worry about, but you choose

not to worry about them because for any number of reasons, right?

And breaking legs, being fired from work and all of these other things, you choose not

to worry about those things because you know you want and you just take action to make

sure that you get it.

You don't have to worry about every possible thing blowing up in your face.

Okay, so I hope this helps you out.

Elaysia, and please keep us updated on how things go moving forward from here.

Our next question is from Kate.

Kate says, hi Clay.

My depression stemming largely from the breakup has gotten bad enough that I've had to go

to a day hospital program.

My ex found out through a friend of mine, but I'm also fairly open about it and what

I'm feeling now on my social media, which is usual for me.

My Ex of course knows about my mental illness and previous hospitalizations.

They used to be very supportive, but I can't help but wonder if this current hospitalization

will ruin any chance I may have of getting my ex back.

I worry that it will cause people to tell my ex/caused my ex to think you dodged a bullet

with that one and quote and that nothing I might do later will ever lead my ex wanting

to try again with me, especially if their rebound doesn't have these kinds of issues.

Do you think I've ruined any chance?

I may have had of getting my ex back.

My ex also keeps texting that I can talk to them about things and calling me, but they're

still with their rebound and I don't have the capacity to talk with them right now I'm

in damage control mode, but I have no clue where my ex is.

Thank you for always answering our questions, especially with the baby here.

P.S, for the baby, you should totally tell us about how it went.

If you feel open to it.

Okay.

So have you ruined your chances that you may have had in getting your ex back by publicly

talking about this hospitalization that you have gotten yourself into?

And the answer to that is no, I don't.

I don't think that you've ruined your chances because remember, your chances are not just

about external things that happen in the world is not just a matter of like, oh, this happened

to therefore I have no chance that happened.

Therefore I have no chance.

Right.

It's not like that because you are an active participant in what you choose to do and if

you choose to give up when things get difficult, then your chances of getting back together

are probably pretty low because you're probably going to run across some sort of difficult

obstacles in the process of getting back together in the process of connecting with your ex.

If on the other hand you are able to persevere through obstacles by knowing what you want

and going after them anyway, then you are probably much more likely to be successful

in connecting with your ex and getting back together with your ex.

So remember, you are actually an active participant in this process.

Now I know this is different from, you know like medical operations where it's like, oh

you have a 70 percent chance of surviving this disease or condition or whatever.

And that's because when it comes to medical procedures, you are not an active participant,

right?

You just kinda show up.

They put you under with some anesthesia and then the doctor cuts you open and you know,

does whatever.

Right?

And, and that's really on the doctor.

But your chances when it comes to you having a great relationship or a great connection

with somebody else are really also heavily influenced by the choices that you make and

the commitment that you have to the process, right?

Because if you give up too soon, then you're probably not going to get too far.

And if you keep going, when things get difficult, you're much more likely to pull through and

actually be able to create that connection.

Okay.

So have you ruined your chances because you've been hospitalized?

I don't think so, but then again, I don't really know your ex as intimately as you do.

I don't really understand your situation as intimately as you do, but you're going to

have to feel into it and know what the right thing to do is.

Is it going to be that you come through this and you become a stronger person because of

it and you're able to show that to your ex or is this just going to be like another thing

that happens to you?

It defines who you are and you're just a victim of it.

It's really a choice that you have to make.

It's a choice that you have to make about how you're going to confront the challenges

that you encounter in your life and it's also a choice that you have to make about how committed

you are to things and if you're willing to push through the difficult times or if you're

not willing to push through difficult times and you know neither answer is a good answer

or a wrong answer or anything like that, it's totally okay to not get back together with

your ex.

It's totally okay to get back together with your ex.

It's totally okay for anything in between.

All you have to do is just know what you want and go after it.

Okay.

That's all you have to do.

So do I think that you have zero chance?

No, I don't think that you have zero chance whatsoever.

I really depends on your ability to connect with your ex, your ability to show them that

you.

The two of you can have an emotional connection with one another and your ability to confront

difficulties and to make your own luck, to make your own outcomes, to make your own chances

in life.

So Kate, I hope that helps you out and please keep us updated on how things go moving forward

from here.

The next question is from Danny.

Danny writes in and says, hi Clay.

My ex who broke up with me last fall citing health reasons finally responded to me after

seven months of radio silence.

Unfortunately, their response was that right after we stopped seeing each other, she had

met someone and that she didn't respond at first because she needed space to explore

that relationship and that then she didn't respond because she didn't know how to tell

me there are still together and according to her, very happy she admitted that she had

really messed up by waiting so long and apologized profusely and said that she would love to

see me, but would understand if I didn't want to see her.

I wrote back that I had thought that she might be dating somebody that I was surprised, but

that I understood and I knew how hard it is to be in that situation.

I accepted her apology and I told her there are no hard feelings and that she deserved

some happiness after everything that she had been through with her health.

I then let her know that I was bringing my dog to the beach next weekend if you want

to join us and would also be down there for a couple of weeks later if she wanted to meet

for coffee instead.

Now I'm waiting for a response.

My question is, how do I navigate this considering that she is in a happy relationship.

I truly am fine being friends, but what do I do if she says she can't see me or meets

me and won't see me again because she's in a relationship or what if she doesn't respond

at all?

I'm concerned about hitting a dead end.

If any of that happens.

Thanks so much.

Okay, so if your ex says that they can't see you or meet with you because that they're

in a new relationship, do you have to understand the reason why they're saying that?

And that is because they see you as a romantic prospect and they would feel as if they were

perhaps cheating on their current partner or something like that.

Right?

And so if you truly are okay with just being friends with them, then what you can do is

you can take that level of responsibility, of guilt, of whatever off of your excess shoulders

by telling them, hey, don't worry, we can just be friends.

I'm not going to try.

I'm not going to let you seduce me or anything like that.

You know, you can make a joke out of it if you need to, but you just need to let your

ex know that you are okay with being friends with them.

Okay?

And from that point, you can continue to build an emotional connection with them.

And again, you know, you don't know where the path is going to take the two of you over

a course of time.

You don't know if they might eventually break up with this other person.

You don't know if the connection between you and them, become so strong, they want to leave

the other person and get back together with you.

You don't know what's going to happen, so if you can remain detached from outcome and

if you can alleviate any sense of guilt or responsibility or whatever from their shoulders

by letting them know that they don't have to worry about, about you trying to get back

together with you or anything like that, then then that's going to help a lot.

Okay, so if they can, if they can put in their own mind and say, okay, why am I getting together

with Danny?

And they say, well, it's because Danny and I are friends.

That's going to help make it easier for them to actually want to interact with you.

That's going to help make it easier for them to meet up with you.

That's going to make it easier for them to spend time with you.

Okay, and it's from that context and you'll actually be able to form an emotional connection

with them.

It's going to be difficult if they asked the question of why am I getting together with

Danny?

Why are we getting together for coffee?

Why are we spending so much time together?

Why are we in contact with one another and they don't know how to answer that.

If they're left to fill in the blank by saying like, well, are we dating?

Are we trying to get back together?

Is Danny trying to get back into a relationship with me?

If they're left with these sorts of thoughts in their head, they're going to jump to conclusions

and if they jump to those conclusions, then they might actually try to limit their contact

with you and limit their interacting with you, so if you can take that concern off of

their plate and let them know that you're okay with being friends, then that's going

to you a whole lot when it comes to interacting with your ex and really keep the two of you

creating an emotional connection over the long haul.

Okay, so I hope that helps you out and please keep us updated on how things go moving forward.

Okay.

The next question is from Jay.

Jay writes in and says, Hi Clay, thanks for answering my question about my long distance

relationship ex and her rebound after the "My new boyfriend doesn't want me to call

you" incident.

I actually texted her two days afterwards and she told me that she doesn't want to talk

to me often because she doesn't want to hurt him.

I backed off and apologized and that was when I got your reply.

So I took your advice on not following rigid rules and contacted her after 10 days from

the last contact to see where she was at emotionally and she said, quote, Haha.

Thank you for the message.

I apologize, but we shouldn't contact each other like this.

If he sees this message, he would be very sad and I don't want to get hurt.

You can delete my contact information from your list and the quote.

So I backed off, apologized and she replied.

Thank you for understanding.

Take care.

Bye.

Clearly.

I need to give her more space.

Then I thought, and I'm going back into ANC for a month or possibly longer.

So here's my question.

I'm considering using the fresh start technique, but I am not sure when asap before ANC as

the first text when re initiating after ANC or if she gives me another negative reaction

post and see, or do I not even do this because she is going to rebound relationship and just

initiate in a regular manner until she opens up.

Thanks Jay.

Okay, Jay, so it.

First of all, I think there's a lot that you could learn from the previous question that

I answered in regards to an ex that might be threatened that you want to get back together

with them or something like that.

You know, if you put your ex's mind at ease by letting them know that you understand that

they are in a new relationship, you just want to be friends, etc.

That could be a great start for putting her at ease.

So she doesn't think that, you know, by being in contact with you that she's cheating on

her new partner or something like that, you know, that could definitely help you.

So definitely pay attention to what I just told Danny.

Okay.

In terms of the fresh start letter, you should really only send that if there's something

specific that you feel bad about and that you want to apologize for.

Okay.

I, I don't know if there's really anything that you need to apologize for here in this

particular situation, so I don't know if this is really something that you should do.

If you're just sending it just because then, then that's not really a good reason to send

it.

What I would really consider doing is for you to accept that currently your ex is not

open to being in contact with you because they are in a new relationship and because

they see interacting with you as somehow hurtful to the new partner, so you can either directly

address that by letting them know that you're not going to try to steal them away from their

new partner by letting them know that you're okay with friendship or something like that,

or by accepting that your ex is just not available to you right now.

Okay, so you can either let yourself off the hook, so to speak, by allowing your ex to

categorize you as a friend so they have a reason to justify interacting with you so

that they have a reason to tell themselves why they are interacting with you, why they're

not cheating on their current partner by interacting with you, etc, or if that's not something

that you want to do, then you can just accept that right now, currently your ex is not open

to being in a relationship with you.

Does this mean that you'll never get your ex back?

No, it doesn't, because situations change, things change, etc.

It just means that right now is not the time for it.

Just because you might want to get your ex back right now doesn't mean that it's going

to happen right now.

It doesn't mean that it'll never happen.

It just means that it isn't necessarily going to fit to your agenda to get your ex back

as soon as possible.

It might take some time for your ex's relationship to disintegrate or for your ex to really realize

how valuable of an influence you were in their life or whatever it might be, but you might

just have to be willing to accept that this might not be something that happens immediately.

Okay.

But before you go to that extreme, what I would first do is I would try to alleviate

your ex from that feeling of guilt from interacting with you.

Just like what we talked about, Danny, just previous to this.

Okay.

So Jay, I hope this helps you out and please keep us updated on how things go moving forward

from here.

Okay.

Our next question is from L, L writes in and says, Hey Clay my boyfriend and I broke up

three months ago and I would like to hear as I can't find it in any of your podcasts

about what I can do when my ex at least pretends that he has forgiven me completely.

I was what people would call a drama Queen I guess, and is all being cool and nice and

also acknowledging my changes but still constantly making it very, very clear to me that he won't

take me back saying things like I'm very glad that you've changed and I always like having

you spend time with me, but I'm not going to change my mind.

I don't ask him to take me back once, since active no contact.

He has been throwing it in once in a while.

I just really think that he is really over me because sometimes he seems indifferent

about it all.

We are seeing each other sometimes and also had sex, but also all the relationship things

as cuddling and watching movies and texting.

Technically meeting up is like, it was before the breakup.

Just that we be title each other as ex boyfriend slash ex girlfriend and kind of dating other

people on and on.

Well, it definitely doesn't sound like he's over you if he's doing all that with you.

But anyway, you continue with, He was also initiating contact and asking me to hang out

and so on.

Could also be that it's just due to his lack of friends as he was just moved to my country

and rarely has friends here.

Should I just keep going with the advanced relational skills and be patient or step back

a bit in order to make him miss me more in isn't that playing games so far after I stepped

back a bit that was getting more active/ texting me often or sometimes even asking if something

is wrong or not.

Many thanks.

You guys are best regards from Germany.

Okay.

So like I mentioned before, it definitely does not sound like he is over you.

Otherwise the two of you wouldn't be having sex and watch movies and cuddling and texting

and doing all the things that you would do if you were a couple of it really is not the

kind of thing that somebody that is over you would be doing.

Okay.

With that being said, you know, yeah.

He is acknowledging that you have made changes but he says that he will not take you back.

Okay.

If you are not bringing up the topic of getting back together, if this is all coming from

him, then that means that it's running through the back of his mind.

It's like, oh, why won't you take me back by or, or why am I spending time with Alisha?

I get back together with l should I be in a relationship with elegant and all of that

stuff.

And so he is constantly thinking about this stuff and what I would be, I don't want to

say this too much because this is your first post here and I don't know your situation

is super well, but I would, I might consider the possibility that he might be at the crisis

point, you know, he is enjoying interacting with you, spending time with you and all that

stuff.

Otherwise you wouldn't be, you know, sleeping with you, spending time with you, cuddling

with you, watching movies with you, etc.

And he wouldn't be thinking about being in a relationship with you.

So I'm thinking that he might be the crisis point and he is saying this to sort of disqualify

the two of you as a possibility so that he doesn't have to consider what it would mean

if the two of you got back together again.

I would go ahead and go over that lesson on the five stages that your ex goes through

in getting back together.

Be sure to pay attention to the crisis point section because that'll tell you a lot about

possibly where he might be and what I think the crisis he could be confronting is right

now, is that he just doesn't trust that the changes that you've made are permanent.

So, you know, you say that the two of you broke up only three months ago.

So again, I don't know exactly what the nature of your breakup was or anything like that,

but three months is not really a very long period of time in the big scheme of things.

I know it can feel like forever when you're going through a breakup or when you have a

newborn baby that keeps you up all night in the big scheme of things.

Three months is not a very long time and so he might just not trust that the changes that

you've made are permanent.

He might think that it's just some sort of gimmick or some sort of stunt or some sort

of thing like that that you're doing in order to try to get back together with him and if

that's the case, then really what he needs to see is consistency over a period of time.

He needs to see you really embody these changes over a period of time so that he is aware

and so that he knows that what you're doing is just the new you.

It's not just a gimmick.

It's not just a stunt.

It's not a mind game.

So in that respect, I would continue with the advanced relational skills.

I would continue to prioritize connecting with him on an emotional level so that it

feels good.

So you can eventually start to put more trust into the connection that the two of you are

having right now and not believe or fear that it's really just some sort of stunt or some

sort of gimmick or some sort of thing that you're doing to try to trick him back into

a relationship or something like that.

I would not give him space in order to make him miss you because yes, as you are detecting

that is a mind games after giving him space for other reasons.

Like you need to focus on yourself or you're really busy or he asked for space or whatever.

And that's an entirely different story.

But if you're a goal in giving him space as to force him to miss you, then yes, that is

a mind game.

You know, if you can't just come out directly and tell him what you are doing and why you're

doing it, then chances are it's a mind game.

Have you can't just come out and say, I am giving you space so that you miss me and come

crawling back to me over broken glass.

Then yeah, you're probably playing a mind game, so what I would do is I would first

go over that lesson that I mentioned and see if that sounds like him, if that sounds like

where you might be at, because I do have a hunch that you might possibly be at the crisis

point as you stick around more inside the Modern Love Association, and post more, I

might be able to tell you more about whether or not that's where you're at, but, but just

from this one post, I think there is a possibility.

I don't want to really confirm that just yet without knowing more, but I think that's a

possibility.

And then if it turns out he isn't the crisis point, I think the thing that's going on is

he just needs a little bit more consistency to really put his trust that this is the new

you.

So I would probably focus on continuing with the advanced relational skills at this point.

Okay.

Well, so I hope that helps you out and please keep us updated on how things go moving forward

from here.

The next question is from Kathleen.

Kathleen writes in with a short question, Dear Clay and team, how to proceed with an

ex who has a fear of rejection.

Thank you Kathleen, without knowing too many of the details because that's really what

you posted here, to proceed with an ex who has a fear of rejection.

The most important thing that you can do is to put yourself in their position and to start

to see the world and more importantly, start to see your actions and your potential actions

from their eyes and say, okay, if I was my ex, would I perceive, you know, whatever I'm

about to do this phone call, this text message, this thing that I'm about to say, what I perceive

that as potentially rejection.

If I would, then that's probably something that I wouldn't say or I might consider rephrasing

it or am I considered doing it a different way or something like that.

And really developing empathy, developing the ability to see things from someone else's

perspective is really the best way to go about dealing with all of this.

Okay.

So, again, without knowing more of the specifics about your situation, that's really all that

I can tell you, but you know, you really want to be able to see things from the other person's

point of view regardless of whether or not they have a fear of rejection.

You really want to be able to see things from their point of view because that is really

how you're going to get a window into their emotional world and through this window into

their emotional world, you'll actually be able to create the foundation for emotional

connection.

And as we all know, emotional connection is the foundational cornerstone for creating

relationships that feel good on an emotional level.

And of course, the more emotionally good things feel, the closer you will become and the closer

you become, the more likely to somebody will actually want to be in a relationship with

you.

Okay, Kathleen.

So I hope this helps you out and if you feel comfortable sharing more information about

what your situation is like next week, please feel free to do so.

Okay.

We have a followup question from Kay Kay writes in and says, Hi Clay, thank you for answering

my question last time and congratulations on the little newcomer.

I have a followup question.

Like I mentioned my ex and I have been going through a riding the dragon phase earlier

this year and then things became more stable in our contact.

It's a long distance relationship.

We talked almost daily, flirted a lot and start to share more personal pictures and

videos.

And I thought that I was moving to phase four, but he is suffering from severe depression.

His family is going through a crisis and he is soon moving to make a big life change.

He's very worried and behaving from this emotional state.

he is now been telling me that he needs to be alone and doesn't want to lead me on and

that I have to consider how much contact I want with him.

He also brings up our breakup often and shows a lot of sadness for this.

He still reaches out to me regularly and we talk for hours, although some of them have

been heavy right now due to his situation.

How can I put all of this into one of the phases?

I'm starting to lose confidence.

I can't see that it's a riding the dragon state as a dipper, as depression might be

something long term and it's natural that he is very confused right now.

There's really two things that are happening.

So first of all, your ex is going through these, these life changes of sorts and they

are having an emotional impact on him and then layered on top of that.

He's also moving through the five stages and that's also of course having an emotional

impact on him.

And so just from what you shared here, I would guess that he is probably either at riding

the dragon or possibly crisis point, just because the two of you are connecting on an

emotional level and a, that's things that do happen at those stages.

And I might even consider that he might be a crisis point just because he says he's telling

you that he needs to be alone, he doesn't want to leave you on and, and all of these

things.

Right?

And so I think that he could potentially be at the crisis point, but, but this, there's

this other layer that's happening as well in his life, which is all of these other things

that he's going through in his life that are causing him to feel depression that are causing

him to just be going through a very, a, state where he has a very low emotional capacity.

Okay.

So I think there are these two things that are happening simultaneously.

but more so than his state.

I think it's really important for you to tune into where, what state you are at.

Okay.

What state are you at on your five stages of getting back together?

Are you at damage control mode or are at attachment stage?

Hint, I think this might be where you're at.

Are you at the crossroads or you add to the bridge or you an effortless connection?

Now, if you are at attachment stage, then I think that, that there is a real danger

here because it doesn't matter if he's a crisis point because if you continue to operate from

attachment stage, then you're going to pull him through his four stages down to his equivalent

of attachment stage.

Okay, so attachments, stages your second stage in the process of getting back together now

that will cause him to pull backwards through his five stages, causing him to get to his

second stage, which is the test drive stage.

Okay?

So you have to be careful about this and as you start to move backwards, you know, you'll

start to see him become hot and cold again.

You'll start to see him even shut down emotionally again, as he starts to move into the test

drive.

And if you panic and you start to move from attachment stage down into damage control

mode, that could cause him to pull back even further into wall of reactance.

So it's really critical that you start to work on your mindset and how you are bringing

yourself to the situation because the connection that you have with him could really suffer.

Okay.

So I would really look at, your attachment to outcome, how that is showing up in your

life and what lurks on the other side of that attachment to outcome because if you can unlock

that, then I think you might be able to get past the attachment stage and into other things

such as crossroads bridge, effortless connection, etc, which would be, which would really help

you have a much stronger connection with him moving forward.

Okay.

So I hope that helps you out and please keep us updated on how things go moving forward

from here.

Okay.

Our next question is from Janet.

Janet writes in and says, hi Clay.

Congrats to you and Mika on the baby.

I hope the transition to parenthood is going well.

Most relationship advice tells us that once people make up their mind about ending a relationship,

there is no point in hoping for them to change their mind and that they probably don't see

you as a longterm partner material if they broke up with you.

After a few months.

My Ex recently told me that he really likes me, but that he had a feeling well.

We were dating, that it wouldn't work out long term leading him to break up.

We broke up over a year ago after a short term relationship.

This conversation was two months ago.

He wasn't very precise about the reason, but said that humans could be robotic and that

the feeling of it not working out made him want to run away rather than working on improving

the relationship.

In the same conversation when I asked him why he had once asked me to get back together

in August 2017, he said that part of them felt that he made a mistake and was missing

out on something great.

He is constantly reiterated how much he likes me and how interesting and attractive he finds

me, but he still has not made the move to get back together because of this feeling

that something is missing.

Question, despite the conventional advice that people don't change their minds about

the way that they see you.

Do you still believe that applying the advanced relational skills, can result in someone like

my ex seeing me as a longterm partner, he broke up with me before a deep connection

could be formed though I believe we were emotionally connected to each other and we have continued

to connect emotionally often on throughout this past year.

Thanks Janet.

Okay.

Janet.

So let's cut to the chase here.

It sounds like your ex is kind of emotionally unavailable to being in a relationship.

You know, it sounds like there was the opportunity for him to be in a relationship and he didn't

want to be in one, so he just ran away.

Right?

I don't know what he meant by this whole thing about humans being robotic, but it sounds

like he is maybe a little bit of a commitment phobe for one reason or another, and he is

just emotionally unavailable to be in a relationship.

Now you're a question says, can be advanced relational skills result in someone like him,

to see you as a potential partner.

The answer to that is that it really depends, you know, it depends on why he didn't want

to be in a relationship with you in the first place.

Is it because of you specifically or is it because he is just emotionally unavailable?

It sounds to me from how you've described it, that he might just be emotionally unavailable,

in which case you know, you, you can't do something to suddenly make him emotionally

available.

you know, you can do things to maybe talk to him on, on, on an emotional level or something,

but that's not going to make him want to be in a relationship if he just doesn't want

to be in a relationship.

He is emotionally unable or unwilling to handle, what being in a relationship means.

Okay?

If that's the case, then you have to accept him as the person that he is.

As somebody who is unable to be in a relationship right now.

Now, can he change?

Sure.

Will he change?

Maybe at some point?

Sure, but again, this is not something that you can do to him.

You cannot do something to melt his ice little heart and make him want to be in a relationship,

so you have to accept him as an emotionally unavailable person and say, okay, this is

an emotionally unavailable person.

This is somebody who does not have the ability or willingness to be in a relationship.

So I have to accept that 100 percent.

I have to see this as somebody who does not want to be in a relationship.

And with that being said, is this still somebody that I want to pursue a connection with?

I would recommend that you not do that because you're not going to get him to want to be

in a relationship.

Okay?

Again, you can do whatever you want, but there's going to be consequences, right?

But if your goal is to be in a relationship than a great strategy is to avoid people that

are emotionally unavailable.

Okay.

And if he truly is emotionally unavailable, then then he might not be the right kind of

relationship material for you to be in a relationship with.

Okay.

Now, like I said, people do change and sounds like the two of you had your breakup a year

or so ago and I don't know, perhaps he has gone through some sort of a personal change

in that time.

Again, you haven't really described that but, but maybe, but maybe he did.

I don't know.

If you want to share something about that next week, then please feel free to do so.

But, I'm not seeing anything here that would lead me to believe that.

But if he did go through some personal change in the past year that has caused him to have

a new perspective on relationships and commitment that you don't, maybe maybe something might

be there, but if not, then then I, from what I'm seeing, I'm inclined to say that he's

probably an emotionally unavailable person and that it is probably not likely that he

is going to, wants to actually be in a relationship with you.

He might be interested in the concept of being in a relationship with you, which is why,

you know, maybe he talked about getting back together in August 2017 or why he might reach

out to you from time to time or something like that.

but when it comes down to actually making it happen, I'm not convinced that he is emotionally

available for having a real relationship.

You might talk a good talk, he might have a lot of potential, but when it comes down

to when the rubber meets the road, I'm not convinced that there is something there with

him.

Okay.

So I know that's probably not what you want to hear.

But again, this is a, you know, honest advice here and I hope that this helps you make the

choices that you need to make and if you need to talk about anything next week, please feel

free to share with us then.

Okay, those are the questions that we've had this week.

Now, as we close up this relationship inner game experience episode, if you've liked this,

please go ahead and give us a thumbs up on youtube or subscribe to the channel on Youtube.

If you're listening to us over on Itunes, please go ahead and subscribe on Itunes as

well and we leave a comment below or leave a review letting others know what you think

about the relationship inner game experience.

But once again, this has been Clay with modern loved out life and I hope that this has helped

you improve your relationship inner game.

Talk to you next week.

For more infomation >> Chemistry in dating and Relationship [RIG 19] - Duration: 1:00:01.

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Inside Paula Williamson's relationship with prisoner Charles Bronson - Duration: 3:01.

 Paula Williamson is best known for marrying Charles Bronson, famously labelled 'Britain's most notorious prisoner'

   The actress, 37, has made headlines over the past few years thanks to her relationship with the prisoner, but how much do we really know about Paula?   From her acting career to her relationship, here's what you need to know:  Who is Paula Williamson?   Paula is a 37-years-old actress

  Paula Williamson and Charles Bronson's relationship  Paula is married to Charles Bronson

   Speaking of their romance in the past on Good Morning Britain, the actress said: "I do know Charlie and this is the real deal

 "I'm very excited to be his fiancée because I'm in love with the man and that's the God's honest truth

"  The couple married on November 14 in 2017.   However, Paula revealed earlier this year the pair are set to divorce

   It's believed Charles said he wants to split from the actress after pictures, obtained by The Sun, showed Paula getting very close to another man during a holiday

  Related EastEnders: Stacey Fowler meets with mystery newcomer Hayley Love Island: Laura begins to show interest in Wes Corrie spoiler: Michelle Connor's son to RETURN to show Martin Lewis wife: Money saving expert's famous spouse Lara Lewington revealed Raheem Sterling salary and net worth: England star's fortune uncovered Jordan Pickford's REAL height revealed as goalkeeper excels in the 2018 World Cup Samantha Mumba: Singer's family life with husband Torray Scales and daughter away from the spotlight uncovered Dr Ranj real life: Does the This Morning doctor have a wife? Ranj Singh's family revealed  Speaking to the Mirror about her relationship, Paula said earlier this year: "This relationship has driven me to the brink and I have been so low that I have even thought about taking my own life

 "No relationship should make you feel that way."  Acting career   Paula had small roles as extras in Coronation Street and Hollyoaks

   From 2008 to 2012 Paula played a nurse on Corrie.   Other work included Hollyoaks and Emmerdale

 

For more infomation >> Inside Paula Williamson's relationship with prisoner Charles Bronson - Duration: 3:01.

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Timeline of Priyanka Chopra & Nick Jonas' Relationship | Heavy.com - Duration: 4:51.

Timeline of Priyanka Chopra & Nick Jonas' Relationship | Heavy.com

On Friday morning, news surfaced that Nick Jonas had gotten engaged to none other than Priyanka Chopra, who is 11 years his senior.

The news came as quite a shock to many, seeing as a number of people were unaware they were dating.

When exactly did they start seeing each other? Are they really engaged? How many dates have they even been on? Here's a complete timeline of their relationship.

May 2017:.

In May, the pair attended the Met Gala together.

According to Chopra, the two were both wearing Ralph Lauren, so they decided to go as a pair.

When she was interviewed by Jimmy Kimmel, Chopra was a bit evasive, refusing to answer direct questions about their relationship.

May 2018:.

In May 2018, a source told US Magazine that Priyanka and Nick had officially started dating.

The source said, "They are dating and it's brand new," the source tells Us.

"It's a good match and they are both interested in each other.".

They were spotted leaving the Beauty and the Beast Live concert together on May 25.

One day later, they attended an LA Dodgers game together.

A source who also attended the game told US Weekly, "Priyanka and Nick were talking really closely and were very smiley and very happy… They weren't trying to be private as they were in a pretty public place, but they were talking to people around them, sitting closely and they both just seemed super happy.".

June 2018:.

In the words of US Magazine, the two "stepped out together for the first time as a couple" at JFK in June.

Just one month before, they were seen attending a romantic dinner.

An onlooker told People, "They were very affectionate with each other and seemed to not care who saw… Priyanka ran her hands through his hair at one point and they were laughing and even dancing to the music.".

That same month, Jonas brought the Bollywood star to his cousin, Rachel Tamburelli's, wedding in Jersey.

Nick then flew to India with Chopra, where he met her mother.

Opening up about the trip during the Vogue x Saks Hamptons Dinner, Chopra said, "We're getting to know each other and I think it was a great experience for him…" She added on, "That's what he said.

I think he really enjoyed it.".

June 2018:.

Priyanka celebrated her birthday at the hotel Chiltern Firehouse in London.

Nick, of course, was with her.

The two were spotted hand-in-hand as they left the celebratory dinner.

Two days prior, they went on a double date with Nick's brother, Joe, and his fiancee, Sophie Turner.

For more infomation >> Timeline of Priyanka Chopra & Nick Jonas' Relationship | Heavy.com - Duration: 4:51.

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Love Island's Dr Alex dumps Alexandra as Jack and Dani take relationship to next level - Duration: 5:57.

 Love Island's Alex George has called time on his relationship with Alexandra Cane

 The doctor ended their brief romance after the pair went on their final date of the ITV2 dating series and he appeared more interested in the Ferrari he was driving than her

 Their split came as frontrunners Dani Dyer and Jack Fincham decided to take their relationship to the next level and committed to moving in together

 The stationery salesman popped the question to the daughter of soap star Danny Dyer while they were on a romantic hot air balloon ride

Video Loading Video Unavailable Click to play Tap to play The video will start in 8Cancel Play now  He told her that moving in together was the "logical next step" after the pair fell in love in the villa

 Viewers were thrilled when scenes of their balloon ride were scored to the music from the Disney Pixar film Up

 It was a far less happy ending for Alex and Alexandra, who went on their final date in a red Ferrari, much to the delight of car enthusiast Alex

 However, she told him: "I feel like you're quite distant with me. I know we are in the villa with people in more intense relationships but I go from thinking we are great to not sure

 He told her: "We have really given this a good go but for me the level of what you want for affection are different to mine

 "It's been two weeks and I feel I'm not at that level.  "I really wanted to give things a second try and see how things would be but over the last couple of days I've felt that we are just different

"  Alexandra retorted: "It's confusing for me, how you have continued to let me believe there is still a chance

 "You are trying to come across as a super nice guy who knows what he wants but you haven't been honest with me

 "You've not tried, I've tried, you haven't.  "You don't make any effort. You're distant at every opportunity you can

 "I think you've led me along this path when you've been lying this whole time.  "You have not been honest, there was doubt in your mind

 "You know if you like somebody or not, I think you're pathetic.  "You've wasted my time and you've wasted your own, shame on you

"  Earlier in the episode she had told him: "I'm really looking forward to meeting your friends, your family, and just kind of seeing how our lives will merge together

 "I think that's really exciting. I definitely feel like we just need to go outside and have some fun and just be ourselves

I'm so excited to get on the outside with you."  But Alex had confided in Jack: "We just don't seem to

it doesn't seem to feel right. I don't have the right feelings that I should be.  "The thing is she wants to move at quite a quick pace

She wants lots of affection, and she wants things to move quite quickly. I just can't match that

I feel like things just aren't quite right with us."  Love Island continues on ITV2 at 9pm

For more infomation >> Love Island's Dr Alex dumps Alexandra as Jack and Dani take relationship to next level - Duration: 5:57.

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Love Island fans in tears as Jack and Dani take relationship to the next level - Daily News - Duration: 2:54.

</form>  Love Island fans were left crying their eyes out as Jack Fincham and Dani Dyer decided to take their relationship to the next level

 This evening, Jack and Dani enjoyed a dream date in a hot air balloon ride to watch the sunrise

  "I've never seen a sunrise. Really beautiful. It's really romantic. I usually just get taken for dinner babe," Dani gushed

 While they admired at the amazing view, the pair reminisced about their weekd together in the villa

 Speaking about his time in Casa Amor, Jack insisted that his head wouldn't be turned by any of the new girls

  "There was no way in hell that I was ever going to…I missed you…I was like a lovesick pupp," he said

"I wasn't eating properly. Alex was worried about me.  "I just missed you. That's when I realised I loved you

That's why I told you when I came back." Read More Love Island latest  Back on stable ground, Jack finally pops the question

 He said: "I've got something I want to ask you. I just think this would be amazing

Obviously it's the next logical step for us."  Jack then asked her to move in with him - which Dani said yes to

 And viewers were delighted. Don't miss Love Island news  Want to make sure you get the latest updates from the villa? Or just can't wait 23 hours to find out what happens next?  Sign up using this form to receive daily updates directly to your phone - and we'll send the big breaking news to you as well

 One tweeted: "feel like proud parent watching jack and dani, goosebumps and tears in my eyes i just looove them ❤️#LoveIsland

"  While another commented: "IM IN TEARS THEY ARE SO CUTE #loveisland."  A third remarked: "I can't ✋ #Fairytales #loveisland #teamjani @jack_charlesf @Dani_MasDyer

"   *Love Island airs tomorrow at 9pm on ITV2

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