Thứ Hai, 26 tháng 11, 2018

News on Youtube Nov 27 2018

- Okay Truth Team, what say you?

- You two need to learn how to communicate.

You know, he sits there, you scream at him,

I didn't hear him screaming, you're screaming at each other,

you need to sit down and rationalize and talk, you know,

explain, and quit throwing things at him,

you know, there are better guys out there, then go find 'em.

- Dr. Judy.

- Ceril and Brittney, a good relationship

is based more on listening than on talking.

And I don't think that the two of you

have learned the value of compromise yet.

And you need some professional help

to get through this, if you guys want to try.

So, if so, we did set up some counseling for you.

Six months of couples work with Galena Thomas, LMSD,

of Follow Your Heart Counseling.

- She said that's good.

- You guys are a cute couple.

I've been married a long time, so relationship 101:

you can't tell yo mama nothing about your woman, okay?

I been married 20-something years

and if my husband told his momma

stuff we did at our house, he would have to go.

You do not tell your mama stuff

that's happening with your girlfriend.

- Well, and it's self-sabotage,

because then your mom won't like her anymore.

We don't want that.

- And Ceril, you did something that I wouldn't advise

my kids or you, you moved right out of your momma's house

and you moved in with a woman.

And you haven't given yourself an opportunity to grow up,

so we're gonna help you, so to learn more about adulting,

we're also hooking you up with a customized

adult coaching program from Adulting School.

(applause and laughter)

- Okay, okay, okay.

- Then he can be the man you really want him to be,

'cause I know that's one of your complaints about Ceril.

- [Brittney] Yeah.

- And I really think more than anything else

is that you all just have to learn to communicate

with each other, it's not a contest.

If you all truly want to be a couple,

communication is key, okay?

Alright, Brittney and Ceril, we thank you so much

for having the courage to face the truth.

For more infomation >> 'A Good Relationship is Based More on Listening' Shares Dr. Judy - Duration: 2:04.

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MINDSETS THAT STYMIE GROWTH IN A RELATIONSHIP. - Duration: 18:09.

For more infomation >> MINDSETS THAT STYMIE GROWTH IN A RELATIONSHIP. - Duration: 18:09.

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"Arjun Kapoor" Ke Sath Relationship Ko Khub Enjoy Kar Rahi HAin "Malaika Arora" - Duration: 1:30.

"Arjun Kapoor" Ke Sath Relationship Ko Khub Enjoy Kar Rahi HAin "Malaika Arora"

For more infomation >> "Arjun Kapoor" Ke Sath Relationship Ko Khub Enjoy Kar Rahi HAin "Malaika Arora" - Duration: 1:30.

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Strategic Relationship Marketing (B409) Online Info Session - Duration: 26:19.

For more infomation >> Strategic Relationship Marketing (B409) Online Info Session - Duration: 26:19.

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Effective Communication Strategies For A Blissful Marriage and Relationship with Erica Holston - Duration: 45:57.

what's up people welcome to hustle is for life motivation this is the YouTube

channel where we come together every single week and we've been an amazing

guest to dissect their lives and their minds because we want to be just like

them we want to achieve allistic success in our lives we want to be successful in

every area of our life so we bring on people from all walks of life so we can

find out well how do you get to be successful in that particular area in

their area of expertise tonight I'm joined by somebody very special

she is a relationship and communication coach so I'm really excited to talk to

Erica her name is Erica holster she is a coach sheet the speaker she talks about

communication and how it can help your marriage and how you can live a

purposeful life by making sure that you are communicating openly that you are an

open book and you are on the same page so with that let's welcome our car to

the show Erica thanks for being here oh thank you

so much Tom for inviting me it's a pleasure to be here how are you today

I'm well I'm very excited because like I said I really wanted to dive deep

because at the moment I think there are a lot of people who have questions

around relationships we know that there's a really high level of divorce

rate and single single parents and it's really quite heartbreaking as you know I

my full-time job is the math doctor so I deal with students and just hearing

their story sometimes you you actually start to just feel your heartbreak you

start to tear up you know like the stuff they go through at such a young age so I

really want to kind of dive deep with this stuff so yeah very excited yes I'm

very I'm very excited and you know what surprisingly one of the things that you

just mentioned is the divorce rate so statistics say that you know people who

get married they have like a 53% of getting divorced and being a

relationship and a communication coach I would love to help people decrease that

divorce rate and increase healthier marriages and so that that's one of my

own life mission when it comes to my coaching practice

Wow so Erica talked to you about this

mission how did you find this mission so that's a great question so I've always

been a natural listener with people and people have always naturally come to me

and ask me advice when it comes to relationships especially like my

girlfriend saying hey I'm having this problem with my boyfriend and I just

want to know how can I communicate my needs to him or hey wife she isn't the

same anymore and I just want to know how you know I can spruce up the romance in

our lives because it just seems like you know the connection is no longer there

and so with my listening skills and giving people advice I had a ha moment

and I said within myself you know what so many people are coming to me asking

me questions I really think I have something on my hands and I was watching

a lot of Vincent on fix my life and you know I just saw her asking people

questions and I just saw the people that people were getting breakthroughs and

they were starting to become more clear about what it is that they wanted in

life and after that episode watching that TV watching that TV episode I felt

like you know what I could do that so I decided that I wanted to become a life

coach well to be quite honest you know it was a little scary to think about

starting a business I mean I was fearful for at least three years I sat on my

hands and I just sat on a couch and I was just like no I just think that's a

little too much for me but then one day I got the courage I was like you know

I'm tired of being afraid I want to have the impact on people's lives because

there are so many people who need me and I want to use my gifts and so in January

of 2017 note 16 I actually started my business and I've just been hitting the

pavement by running and just helping people whether it as coaching them

whether this having workshops or speaking at a speaking engagement and

let me just say I love what I do I love the results that my clients are getting

I mean just the latest client testimonial that I received was thank

you for the push and I just think it's so important you know for coaches to

really support their clients to encourage them and not to like push them

off the cliff or anything but just to give them a little nudge and just say I

believe in you and I believe that you can do this that

is very powerful absolutely so in terms of relationships

and communication that's just let's actually dive deep there so like you

said a lot of the times you find that people are struggling and I think part

of the problem with that is the fact that there's no formal education around

oh how to have a happy relationship how to have a blissful marriage you never

get really taught that what you have are just some reference points that you have

picked up along the way as you were growing up well that's from your parents

your grandparents your aunties your uncle's people you observe the TV stuff

you saw Disney I don't know all right so wherever you picked up those are your

reference points so what you find is that yes you don't have any education

you don't have anybody who's broken this down into a formula or into a series of

steps but you just have certain nothing's born and you left on your own

devices like you gotta go and you figured this out and most people

struggle but they keep it quiet because if they go ahead and they admit

something to that they feel that they have failed because they were supposed

to figure this out but they didn't and they feel that they have failed so do

you find that that's true and what are some of the reasons for why they're

failing yeah I definitely do believe that people are internalized that you

know when their relationships aren't working out they feel like they feel I

would say you know one of the reasons why they feel like they have failed is

because they're not willing to be vulnerable with the person and actually

talk with people I think that you know vulnerability is a key factor when it

comes to being transparent with someone and letting someone know exactly how it

is that you're feeling and not bottling things up and that's the second thing is

that you know when people borrow things up

emotions can overtake them and they are always going off of their own perception

as opposed to what kind of conversation you can have and let some like let your

wife know exactly how it is that you feel and what it is that you want to see

in your marriage or let's say you know you're having a difficult time and

you're starting to get cold feet being engaged right and by that you know you

probably someone can internalize and just say well I'm scared and I feel like

I'm feeling because I'm getting cold feet

whereas if they were willing to talk with someone and they were willing to

talk to their fiance they can actually see that you know if when one person is

usually feeling one way the other person is feeling the same way now what better

way can two people actually come together have a conversation and just

come up with a strategy as far as I how it is that they can improve their life

or how it is that they can improve their relationship mmm yeah yeah very true and

to be honest with you I know from my experience there's I've been I've been

married for for a fairly long time and over the the first part of our marriage

my wife you know did say to me you know just talk to me you don't talk to me

just talk to me and the biggest problem I found was I didn't know how to talk to

her I actually found it really difficult to

put my feelings my emotions into words and explained to her what I was feeling

and I felt really quite hard to be be vulnerable like you said like you have

to be wonderful right so I found it really hard to be vulnerable because I

was I was finding it really difficult to just make sense of what I'm feeling in

the first place and then put it into words and explain it to her this is what

I'm feeling and this is what I'm going to and this is what I'm thinking

etc and I found it quite hard challenging we come across other people

who find the same thing that they find it quite challenging to to voice' to put

things into words about how they're feeling and what they're thinking oh

yeah one of the exercises that I like to encourage my clients with is write a

letter you know cut out some time for yourself whether if that's 30 minutes or

an hour and write a letter to the person who you want to express your

fillings because you know sometimes when we talk to someone we can feel anxious

or we can feel afraid that that person won't accept how it is that you are

feeling right and by that that just like make sure you just hit that brick wall

and it's like you can't move forward whereas if you wrote a letter to the

person then the person can actually read it they can come you know to their own

conclusions or be able to process that and then you guys can say you know what

hey in the middle of the week around after dinnertime I would like for us to

talk about this and so that would help open up the dialog and you know let's

say your wife you know is let's say you were my client I encourage you to write

a letter to your wife and then you know you schedule again on a Wednesday night

and said after dinner let's go ahead and talk about this and then you gave your

wife the letter the day before and then on Wednesday your wife can read the

letter and then you know she decided when you were saying this like you know

tell me a little bit more about that and then you can feel more at ease because

you're feeling like you know your wife is being receptive to you you feel like

your wife is understanding you and then she's asking you for a feedback now

those are three key things and so I just think that you know that helps people to

understand that it's okay to feel anxious and understand that it's okay to

get those feelings out and one of the tools again that I encourage my clients

with is to write a letter to the person mmm yeah I love that by the way that's a

good strategy but I also had a bit of hesitation I'll be completely vulnerable

and open here I'd also had a bit of a hesitation because they I I almost

thought that if I said something sometimes it will upset her and she will

get angry and then it's going to make situation a lot worse and you always

have that perception right like if if I open this up like things are okay now

but it's gonna get worse if I say something it's gonna get even worse

right you don't know how the other person is gonna react so what what sort

of ground rules can be established says I know you you you talked about a little

bit before about not being defensive right so I think that that's a good one

that's a good one but what other sort of ground rules can you

establish before you start that conversation in order to make sure that

the person who wants to share their feelings and and their thoughts they can

feel safe in doing so yeah and and the perfect work that you said is safe you

know before you set before you have the conversation again like set the ground

rules and just say you know hey I want to share with you how it is that I feel

please don't take this as an attack against you let me just share how it is

that I feel just so I can get this out and so we can actually have a

conversation and you know ask and also to ask you know like your wife like

please let me know that you're actually being understanding to what it is that

I'm saying because I love you I don't want our marriage to diminish at any

point but I actually want to improve our marriage and by that you know your wife

I'm sure it would be understanding towards it mmm yeah that's powerful yeah

one of the things that I think for people in the audience this is this

could be quite quite an important thing because what we did was we said but we

we will be open with each other and in that time and we were being open each

other we like that's that's like a timeout zone right like you're not

allowed to get angry you're allowed to what you need to do is you need to

really try and understand what other person is going through in that timeout

and you you you need to just talk about it that's all you're like you're not

allowed to get angry you just about you're allowed to talk it's not allowed

to get angry so I think that was that was a big one as well so we tried doing

that where it's like okay fine we'll share things but the other person is has

to be understanding so they can't say like what are you saying it's just crazy

okay where did I even come from so you can't do any of that stuff all right

because that takes in a completely different direction you don't want to

get that um but the other thing you said was really important is the fact that

you know this there's no sort of strain on the relationship um there's something

that we need to discuss there's something we need to talk about but the

relationship itself is not under straining okay because I think that puts

both parties on the defensive straightaway so you need to say well the

relationship you say I still love you right it's your exact words I still love

you but we do need to discuss these things because there's something that

you know is going on we need to talk about it right and one of the things

that I would my to remind us is that you know when we have active listening

skills so we're not just hearing someone in this sense of oh I hear what you're

saying but when you actively listen to the person that you love you're truly

trying to understand them and one of the exercises that I love to do with my

clients is you know let's say you know you say something to your wife and your

wife would say so what I heard you sing is and with that key that that really

lets you know that you know you are being heard and let's say that you did

not mean that and then if you did not mean that you can so lovingly correct

her not in this sense of correct her by pointing a finger but in the sense of

hey no this is what I meant and then you know you guys can have that loving

conversation and then it just puts things more at ease with active

listening skills mmm well this is your area of expertise

Erika you you are our relationship and communications coach so doctors a little

bit more I like that I really like that so can you talk to us a little bit more

about in terms of your communication skills when you're having that difficult

conversation what what kind of skills do you need to be using so it in terms of

who you talk about active listening what other things do we need to be doing to

make sure that conversation takes place in a safe environment I would say being

intentional you know with your words and being descriptive and you know going

into detail instead of just being a roundabout type of communicator you know

say exactly what it is that you want say exactly what it is that you need instead

of letting people assume what they think you need because if you know clearly

communicate by being intentional with your

or being intentional with your body language by hug hugging your wife and

you know your wife might like love hugs and then you know you're being

intentional with your actions by hugging her or being intentional with your words

for example by saying I love you you know and that person I really is able to

be receptive to that especially if that's their you know way of

communicating and so you know it's just so important being intentional with your

words being intentional with your actions and it goes a long way and as

major major value in your relationships adds value in your marriages and so yeah

I would say being intentional with your words and actions so when you say being

intentional with your words can you break that down but what are you

specifically referring to here yes so more specifically is is that if you know

so if you know your wife doesn't like to be towed up you would say shut up right

you would just say you know hey right now it's not a good time for us to talk

about this I can we schedule another time after dinner or when we wake up in

the morning you know and so by doing that it just you know let your wife know

that hey like now it's not a good time I have the business meeting I'm on an

interview or you know whatever the case may be and so being intentional with

your words is you know communicating in a loving way rather than being harsh

with you know the person that you love right so what I'm hearing you say is the

fact that the words that we use yes can generate certain emotions in the other

person yes so we have to be very careful with how and what words we use yes right

yes we have to be extremely careful because you want to communicate love you

want to communicate love by the words that you say and so with you and your

wife you might just say you know hey you're beautiful or hey I love you or

hey you did a really good job by cooking us dinner in our

like the chicken and rice dish that you made the other day right

and so that communicates love because you know how much effort it would take

you know for your wife to cook or even for you to cook but when you communicate

and say hey did an awesome job on the chicken or rice

it just lets the person know like hey you know they really my husband or my

wife really loves me mmm yeah so I guess we're taking the conversation to to the

other side now so not just a difficult conversation but actually the the good

ones so we can talk about their oh I saw this so what kind of language patterns

what kind of words do you think will will be useful to have in those sort of

conversation because here's another thing like we talked about before right

you are only left to figure this stuff out by yourself okay

so if you start using cheesy lines from Disney movies it doesn't always work so

what what what are the sort of words and language patterns can be used to have

those beautiful conversations yeah so you know number one I would probably X

if you are my client I would ask you you know to have a conversation and ask your

wife like when I what one way can I really communicate to you like what do

you really like hearing me say to you you know and your wife can say oh well I

really like it when you say I do a good job or I really like it when you know

you say that I'm smart and I'm intelligent I really like it when you

just validate me and just let me know that I am important and by asking

questions again by saying well asking you know what do you like what what what

do you like when I say to you sorry and so that that that's really helpful

to people I love that and you just hit the nail on the head you know if you

want to know what the other person wants to hear just ask them right I love

everybody everybody isn't the same we are all

created uniquely and since we were created uniquely we need to be uniquely

communicated a good blog post right there and so with

that is it's just like you know communicate to me that I want to be

communicated to communicate to me the way that resonates with me and makes me

feel empowered and makes me feel courageous that I can do anything or

communicate the love that I need because you know husbands and wives we need to

understand is that we're all uniquely created and we all uniquely receive

communication especially within an important relationship like that so I

turn to you for people in the audience when was the last time you asked your

partner your wife whoever your loved one your significant other about how they

would like you to communicate to them do you even know if you don't know maybe

that's the one thing you should be doing so Erica I guess we're kind of you know

slowly creeping towards the the languages of love here almost aren't we

so let's go there let's talk about that so you obviously you know know about the

languages of love so do you believe they actually work first of all yes I

definitely believe that they are actually working again most importantly

it's about asking you know your husband your wives your fiance's or even

boyfriends or girlfriends those type of questions like you know what do you like

what do you like what I do for you you know what do you like to hear you know

do you like when I touch you I mean different things like that so it's just

really important to again ask the questions cause otherwise Annette you're

just assuming in your own thoughts and you're just saying well I think they

like this I think they like that rather than having in-depth conversation

they're asking them those questions yeah yeah so for people in the audience if

you don't know you should totally go and check this out I think this is

absolutely amazing there's a concept called the five languages of love and I

I'm not gonna remember all of them so Erica is gonna help me here okay so one

of them is acts of service so where you actually do something for the other

person another one is gifts so where you actually buy them gear

give them gifts another one is physical affection so you actually give them

physical affection so that's you know touching hugging of cetera

another one is lollipop sorry Wow yes castellan quality time a big one by the

way which people overlook quality time yeah spending good quality time to do

that and the final one you gotta help me out

here so an acts of service so there's words of affirmation

information yeah I think that's the one I was missing sorry yeah words of

affirmation so that's that's in you know saying good stuff to them so you know I

love you you're amazing you're beautiful all that stuff okay so five languages of

love okay and what you find is that people can be

very different

so for example my wife her you know language of love is acts of service so

if I do something for her that's like she feels loved that's that's our way of

receiving love okay that's the way she communicates mine's different I'm a

hugger okay so so for me it's like you know like physical affection that's

that's a big one for me but everybody's different so my question to you guys for

people in the audience is do you know your language of love and do you know

the language of love off your partner if you don't then maybe you need to sit

down and figure this out okay I'm dislike quizzes and questionnaires

and all sorts of cool stuff you can go online and find out and you can do that

their books on it their articles on it it's huge okay so if you've never heard

of it go check it out it's a game changer

like seriously ever since that me and why my wife discovered it and we're just

like oh right so you're a hugger and I just gotta take the trash out well we

can do that that's sorted right so it's really important really helps you okay

so I encourage you guys to go and check that out

yes definitely um but like you said the five love languages are a game changer I

mean I remember reading this book over 10 years ago and I was just like wow

this is amazing and at that time you know I was single but yet I wanted to

learn more about you know how people work and how relationships work and

different things like that and it was a total game changer for me and I

would say one of my love languages to spending quality time with me I love

when my husband is able to you know not have very long working days and we're

able to you know go out on dates or just have a simple movie night and just you

know eating so popcorn and just you know drinking on some juice or whatever and

just having a good time together because I've value of relationships and spending

quality time yeah yeah and it's so important to know your own language of

lovers all right yes yeah because it's obviously important to know the

languages love of your partner or husband or wife or whatever right but

you need to know yours like how you receive love as well how do you

communicate I think that's really important because otherwise you you you

will have a gap right so you're doing all this stuff for the other person they

feel loved and that's great but you will have this gap within you and that that

gap can only be filled that the other person is speaking as quotation marks

speaking your language of love yes for sure yes yeah and again it's all about

you know asking questions and you know setting that time apart for your

relationship because I think our many times you know we can be in the hustle

and the bustle and we're just having these busy schedules and just saying to

ourselves we don't have time for that and you know when people are able to

carve out time you know for each other then they can discover new things about

themselves and they can discover what their love languages are and actually

improve their relationship and to create a new in see in their relationship and a

new level of romance in their relationship yeah yeah absolutely and to

be honest II this is something that I we started in January 2017 around that time

where we consciously said okay so our weeknights are pretty much just like a

photocopy of another photo copy of another photocopy where you know you

finish off from work you come home you saw to the kids you you do everything

else washing the dishes and tidying up and all that stuff and after that you

just crash on the sofa and just like right that clicks boom bang on and

and you watch a you know episode or two and it's like right that time off you go

um so we decide no we're not spending actual time together that's not spending

time together that's just us watching TV that's not spending time together so

let's do something about it so if we then plan the whole week where we said

okay fine Monday night really night or learning

life right so we sit down we read a book or we you know watch a video or

something we do that you can do your own thing but it's our learning that and

then afterwards we sit down we talk about what we learned how to bad etc

let's say Wednesday night so Monday night it's a games night right okay so

no TV nothing gonna play board games we're gonna play Monopoly and I'm gonna

lose every single time let's just decide this how it works or you know anything

else it's game style okay um Friday night date night

okay just nothing happens on a Friday everything else gets canceled it's just

date night Saturday night is a movie night we order takeaway we we watch a

movie so we put a schedule in place we both agreed on it and we've been

following that okay more or less right it's not perfect we don't follow it

perfectly all the time but it's more or less there and I can tell you that since

then it's been completely different completely different but most people

think that you know having a schedule or something is it's too rigid

I think the schedule actually helps you yeah and again remember what we talked

about earlier being intentional with our actions and you know you guys are being

intentional quite sure you are discovering things new about each other

you're discovering things new about yourself and it just makes your

relationships and the family's so much more fulfilling instead of boredom oh

yeah oh yeah I mean we've been playing games and things like that and then we

played different games so in one of the games you have to ask questions to each

other right and some of the questions we asked for well what's your biggest

challenge right now or you know what what what's what's your what's the dream

that you you you wanted to follow but it just hasn't worked out and how does that

make you feel right what are you struggling with right

now the most and things like that which to be honest with you most of the time

you won't talk about right that's so true you won't you won't talk about

those things because the situation hasn't actually been created you know we

can go through life and have life experiences and we talk about those life

experiences as they come but you know until you ask

questions which is so powerful then you're actually able to understand each

other on a different level yeah absolutely but the cool thing was that

it wasn't because if you sit down and say okay fine so what are you struggling

with right now the other person's like so what we did was because we were just

we turned it into a game it was just a game that we were playing it was an

informal setting like the atmosphere the ambience the everything was just like it

was all informal and it was just a game so we had some laughs and they were all

so sometimes we're just like wow okay I didn't really know that you know I yeah

that's very powerful and I'm really glad that you know you guys are implementing

so many strategies and your family and your relationship and your loving

intentionally your loving you know with your words and the things that you're

doing and you know you guys are actually growing together as a family instead of

being stagnant and just going whatever life throws at you yeah yeah because I

think it's quite easy to lose yourself in the day-to-day stuff with your work

with kids with you know you got bills to pay you got

you know stuff to do catch up with friends like there's so much going on

but unless you intentionally cop out time and you say this is what we both

gonna agree on we're gonna stick with this and that's it then otherwise you'll

never find the time it's never gonna come to you you have to make it happen

right that's that's so true we are we we as human beings were just so powerful

and we really need to step within our within our power because there's so much

to do and you know if we apply the right tools the right strategies and the right

principles we can have again a more fulfilling life and we can have a more

fulfilling relationship with our husbands wives boyfriend girlfriends

family whatever the case may be we can be more fulfilled yeah yeah absolutely

and Erica do you find that when you are working with clients and they discover

all this stuff and they implement it and here's a key thing implementing it right

like actually taking action not just listening that sounds cool actually

going ahead and taking action that when they start to take action they gain

momentum oh yeah yeah they want to do more yes they they gain a momentum they

want to do more and they're reflective and filled with gratitude and you know

new doors are opening for them and with the new doors opening for them and just

saying to themselves like wow I would have never known this until I was ready

to take the leap of faith and I was actually ready to do the things and by

me doing these things you know I see life from a different perspective and

you know I want other people to feel like I'm feeling right and so you know

with that strategy and again with gaining that momentum and they just see

how you know important growth is and then they just are hungry for more and

by them being hungry for more you know they actually want to reach out to other

people and help them whether it's with their new passion whether it is with

them you know discovering you know relationship coaching actually works and

referring someone to me but most importantly it's all about again the

momentum growing and actually continually to do those things that they

have been implementing in their lives hmm yeah so Erica since you've actually

started the coaching and everything else yourself now and you're helping lots of

clients how have you grown and how has your relationship growing as a result

and the way that I've grown is I learned something new from a different

perspective about life each and every single day and with that I can help my

clients at a greater capacity some things maybe I had shared before but

because have a new perspective and I've gained

my Afghan momentum myself I can share with someone here's a better way of

doing this or let's try this exercise or I believe if we roleplay

this will actually help you now when it comes to my own personal relationships

people actually see that I'm happier I'm more lively and they're just saying hey

you know I knew for you to be a happy person but it just seems like you just

have a new joy or something like this just seems like something that you know

I've never seen before and so it just encourages me to keep on going it

encourages me to inform people exactly what it is that I'm doing how did I get

there what is it that I did and so I mean life is grand awesome so Erica in

your personal relationship what are some of the practices you have that allow you

to actually have that blissful relationship yeah so again spending

quality times with the people who I love and my friends acquaintances and also

going to a different networking events I find that you know authentically having

a conversation with someone and letting someone know that I'm actually listening

to them so for example let's say I'm in a conversation with someone you know I

put my cell phone down okay well my cell phone is off and I look at the person in

their eyes and I let them know I'm actually hearing what it is that they

are saying and you know always wanting to remain in contact with someone and

then every once in a while you know checking on that person just saying hey

you know such such a pleasure to meet you the other week how are things going

and that really can that really creates a new connection for me and that person

and quite frankly you know when I'm talking to the purse I'm always learning

something new not only about themselves them but I'm learning something new

about myself and so it just makes life more fulfilling not only for me but for

them I just think that you know when we actually share information

we share our stories when when we share the things that we are actually going

through I think that you know it's just a learning opportunity and so that just

that just makes it worthwhile having those relationships spending quality

time and having those effective communication skills that I just shared

with you yeah absolutely absolutely so do you find that your clients mostly a

kind of struggle with say a few common things or is it quite diverse the

different areas that they're struggling with in their relationships one of the

things that some of my clients struggle with the most is just being vulnerable

and being transparent you know even with themselves you know I think that some of

us are in these shells and we don't want to come out this shell but we know we

need help and we don't want to look weak and you know by reaching out to someone

whether if it's myself or whether if it's the person that they love that they

that they realize is that it's okay to be vulnerable with someone you can trust

obviously you don't want to be vulnerable with just anybody but you

want to be so vulnerable with somebody that you can trust and again with

transparency you know when someone shares their story and then they just

have that aha moment like wow that's something that I'm actually going

through and then when the other person is actually able to be transparent with

them and it's just like wow it creates a bond so I would just say being

vulnerable and also to being honest with yourself you know sometimes we could

just make things seem like oh it's everything's okay I'm I'm okay but

really we're not and so I just think that we have to be honest with ourselves

as well yeah and like I said before I think being vulnerable is a big one

because I found it quite hard you know with with with my wife to be open and

vulnerable but I think it it could be the fact that you have your own personal

deep defenses up right in my case it was just the fact that I just didn't know

how to board it I just didn't know how to put my feelings into words and it

took me a while - to be able to get to the stage

where I could say yeah you know I I can share this with you because I now

understand what what I'm what I'm feeling and what I'm going to and I can

actually put into words and it will actually make sense right so it took me

a while to get there and I think that's another thing I guess as well is being

patient to to allow the other person the time the space where they are then able

to openly communicate with you and not crush arising them and to say you're not

doing this what's wrong with you right and you know just to add to your point I

would also say practicing you know I think that sometimes we just have this

ideology like I don't have to get it right the first time but if you're

willing just to take the first step and as you're willing to take that first

step then you are willing to see you know what opportunities that that can

bring not only for you but for the relationship and so I always you know

encourage people with just practice you know because practice is going to help

you to get the experience upon the experience as you will be able to get

the results that you are looking for yeah yeah so in all of this I think what

what we've established is that how you communicate yes when you communicate and

your intention and your purpose behind your communication are super important

because otherwise it's just going to it's just going to unfold as chaos yes

so true yeah which is what we find right like most of the time you find people

struggling and then you know you heard that sobered and so and split up or

their divorce or whatever yeah exactly and usually you know when you know

people come to me about divorce is pretty much done deal you know

but if they were able to maintain their marriage then they could have possibly

avoided you know getting a divorce and it's not to say that someone can't have

a healthy and fulfilling life after getting a divorce but it

means that you know if we were able to do preventative care right we were able

to do preventative care we could have possibly avoid that divorce yeah yeah

exactly so like you said prevention is always better than cure right fantastic

all right Erica tell us where people can go to find out more about to you about

your coaching and okay awesome yes so people can find more out more about me

and I'm buying life coaching calm and if people would like to email me you can

email me at info at nine life coaching comm also I am on Facebook Instagram and

Twitter and you know I would just really love to connect with different people

who want to improve their relationships who want to improve their communication

skills with goal setting because you know now is the time to do something

about it instead of sitting on our hands or avoiding conversations or avoiding

things that we know that could actually be beneficial for us and so I just love

what I do my clients are getting major results and

matter of fact the latest client testimonial I received was thank you for

the push and you know it was a loving way it wasn't in a malicious way by any

means but just to say you know to you that you know I would just love to

support you awesome is there anything we can help

you with right now no no really I really enjoyed our conversation I really

enjoyed you know just talking about different principles when it comes to

relationships and communications I just want to thank you for you know your time

and thank you for the conversation and thank you for sharing your story because

I believe that is so important for us to share our stories with each other and

know more from each other absolutely so there you have it guys our

conversation a conversation conversation can't even speak right now to excited

hour conversation with Ericka halston and I

think this this is really important that we discuss some really important stuff

and both me and Erica we shared openly I shared with you my own personal story to

to just hold to you guys that's what we're here for

we want to serve you guys who want to share these ideas with you because we

know it will help you because it's helped us right that's what we're

sharing this stuff with you so make sure that you pass it on that's all we ask

okay just make sure you share it with other people who you think in benefiting

this maybe it's your friends maybe it's your family maybe it's your brother or

sister maybe you just want to send it to your spouse or your loved one so they

can listen to this conversation and maybe you can sit together and listen to

it together but whatever it is just pay it forward that's the biggest compliment

you can give me and Erica because at the end of the day these are the exact

things that like I said I shared my own personal sub these the exact steps that

we have taken to make sure that we have got a blissful and successful and happy

relationship so if you want to get there there you go you got the road ahead of

you okay go for it but also some really important stuff came out of this in

terms of being intentional with your communication making sure that you think

before you speak absolutely being you know open to to

receiving feedback and not just being super defensive cuz I think a lot of

people do that we get into that mode where we put up the defenses straight

away because I it's not my fault it's not me it's all you and that's where it

starts to fall apart so you need to create a safe environment at large

nurturing and loving environment in which you can have those conversations

there might be difficult but if you have that environment and you know that you

feel the same and the other person feel safe then it's easy to share and that's

where you want to be that's where the real gold is in that relationship okay

and that's how you're gonna grow that's where the growth is so why wouldn't you

do that okay so I highly encourage you all I'll challenge you even to go ahead

and have that conversation okay set up a time make sure you write the lecture I

mean Erica say that amazing you know a technique where you can just write a

lecture to to your mm and you can give them the letter and then have a

conversation follow up on that how beautiful is that so I challenge you to

go ahead and have the conversation we talked about the five languages of love

okay I can't remember them now but there's five we talked about them and

find out what yours is find out what your spouse is or are your partner's

language of others and then talk about how you can actually show them that how

you can share it with them that's super critical as well

so a lot of good stuff came out of this make sure you take notes I always take

notes so I'm gonna follow up on a bunch of stuff make sure you do too often that

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connect and build relationships with the top four figures and experts in the

world with that guys thank you so much for your time we really appreciate it

Erica thank you so much for coming on this was awesome conversation I'll thank

you thank you thank you awesome guys still some hustle hog I'll catch you in

the next one

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