Well a sexologist, what does that mean. That means I spend a whole lot of time talking
about sex and almost no time
actually having it!
Hi, I'm Tracy and I'm Jessica and this is she's on top.
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Today we're talking with sexologist Jessica O'Reilly. Not about sex? But about being an entrepreneur.
That's right.
We're gonna take her out of the bedroom, because what we want to learn about is how she built this incredibly
successful career as a public speaker.
Jess has delivered speeches in 35 countries to hundreds of thousands of people.
That TED talk by the way, entitled Monogamish has already got over two and a half million views. Yeah,
it's pretty incredible and it's amazing because as passionate and successful as Jess is as a speaker,
she's still struggled like every woman, like every entrepreneur, and you might be surprised to find out what she struggles with. I
was a high school teacher and I saw the cost of a failing sex education system with young people coming to me in unhealthy relationships,
abusive relationships with unplanned pregnancy and I said, I've got to go back and do some research in this area to support teachers.
So I went back to do my doctoral work in human sexuality and education and when I graduated, of course
there's no job for somebody with a degree in my field. So I had to create a job.
So I started writing. I started speaking. I started working in television and fell into the field of sexology.
We have a history of entrepreneurship in my family.
So we're Chinese from Jamaica and my grandpa started a bakery and we call it a macaroni factory.
But they made pasta. My dad is Irish Catholic like all fathers of a good sexologist.
And my mom is Chinese Jamaican. So I grew up in Canada with more of a Chinese
Jamaican influence.
I've been with my husband for 17 years and Brendon actually works with me a little. He has his own thing, his own company,
but he is on the podcast with me and that's brought a new dimension to the brand but also to the way I feel
about working in this business. Having my husband, having Brandon by my side changes everything. I feel a little bit more confident.
I feel more in my own skin and more willing to open up which obviously I think makes the lessons or the education
I'm trying to provide a little bit richer and more fruitful.
When I was still in school my very first paying client was Desire Resorts.
They invited me down to come do some workshops for their couples, and I didn't even have a website.
I didn't have a business card.
So I had to put it all together because I had this international brand with a fairly decent mailing list showing up.
So I put together the website and as soon as I put together the website I started blogging and as soon as I started blogging
that's when radio stations, TV stations started calling and not long after
Playboy TV saw some of my videos and said we want you to come host this show.
I did a Skype audition and within five days I was in LA on set
hosting a show on Playboy TV. I
relaunched about six or so years ago as Sex with Dr Jess.
One of the the biggest challenge of course is that I have sex in the brand and this is why we're
transitioning yet again from Sex with Dr
Jess to "Happier Couples" because I do spend a lot more time talking about
relationships than sex itself, and I'm just a little bit more passionate about
relationships.
Speaking and retreats is definitely my favorite part of my business because you're connecting with people in real
life in the flesh. So yes, they're learning from me, but I'm learning from them.
So it's a huge opportunity and I love the interaction. I love feeling their energy.
I love seeing the surprise on their face.
I even like seeing the confusion because I think okay, something isn't resonating here resonating here. How can I tweak it?
People often wonder why you'd want a sex in relationship expert to speak to either your corporate group or to your
executive board or to entrepreneurs and the answer is, if you're gonna do well in one area of your life
you also want to cultivate success in other areas. There is no point in making a ton of money,
there's no point in building a huge business.
If you hate your partner, if your partner and you have entirely lost connection, if you don't know your kids, so
top-performing
people in business tend to also want to be top performing in their relationships and I don't like to see it as a
performance, but they do realize that they have to invest in their relationships if they want to make it work.
Everyone struggles with their relationships. Whether you're an entrepreneur or whether you're working for a corporation.
I think entrepreneurs face a very specific struggle because you carry the weight of
your business entirely on your shoulders.
We promote this brand via content and we are content pumping machines.
So I'm on Global television's The Morning Show every week and we take that content and we repurpose it into a video blog,
text on the blog, usually some insta stories and Instagram posts. Oftentimes. we'll do an insta live related to
the appearance and that's just one appearance.
I've written four books. The New Sex Bible, Hot Sex Tips and Tricks and Licks the Little Book of Kink and
The Oral Sex Tech that is a mouthful. I wrote all of those books for one publisher in the span of about
20 months. So it was a lot of writing and writing is not fun. It's not sexy.
You're literally just sitting there typing on your computer and then all of a sudden this manuscript gets
transformed into a book which is kind of a magical process. And
you know, they're not New York Times bestseller books
but they've sold very well and they've been not only a source of revenue but a very important source of branding for me,
because when somebody buys my book, they're taking my brand into their home.
I think all entrepreneurs want to quit at some point.
We tend to have these highs and lows where we really think we can take over the world and when we're like we're totally
imposters
we don't know what we're doing. When people either objectify me or
I think invalidate all the hard work I put in, it's easy to want to walk away.
It's also hard being in the public eye. I think some people are really made for it.
And even though I'm really comfortable on camera and comfortable on radio that doesn't mean that I'm made for it.
Truthfully, I have a really cool job. I fly all over the world and give speeches in castles. Like I really can't complain.
But the other piece is that I know I am helping people. You know
people come up to me and tell me or send me a message and tell me that a conversation they heard on the podcast
changed the way they relate to their partner. I had a woman on the street,
I won't say the city, but in
the streets of a beautiful old
European city, hugging me because she had learned to have her first orgasm, because she had learned to ask for what she wanted.
So when you're helping people, of course you feel relevant and it feels good and you want to keep going.
Thanks for watching and once again if you haven't subscribed please do so now because we really do need your comments.
We want you to be part of this conversation.
Yeah, like for example, I also like Jessica O'Reilly struggle with being in the public eye.
Especially be on camera. As you can tell I'm not as good as Jess and being on camera I'm a little bit more stiff. But you're getting better.
Yes, I'm trying.
And I have different struggles. Probably those will come up with other videos. And we're curious,
What are some of the things that you guys struggle with in your careers? Let us know?
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