This is your checklist for the rest of your life if something's not working in
your relationship this is the first place you go five disciplines of love
and three of passion these five disciplines are what the game is all
about the first discipline we call the discipline of unconditional love and
compassion the discipline what I call it discipline because you don't always feel
unconditionally loving and you're always still compassionate if your triggers get
fired if something triggers you're masculine or feminine you know animal in
you that survival instinct in you based on something going on you may not show
up so you know unconditional and your love and compassion what this really
means put it one phrase put your lover what it's not about you that's the law
you put your lover first if you are having problems in your relationship I
can promise you that the problem you're having right now is you're feeling pain
right now and it's because you're focused on yourself not your partner
you're focused on what you're not getting you're focused on what your
partner's not giving you you focus on something that's not happening there
this is the number one flaw you want to have an extraordinary relationship tear
up your rules make this your number one rule number one rule is my lover comes
first my number one rule is if you love you put their feelings and needs before
your own second discipline real quick the discipline of absolute courage and
vulnerability absolute courage and vulnerability this is learning to love
no matter what I mean truly no matter what now how many people are gonna do
that not many not many people are gonna be extraordinary relationship but what I
mean by this is if you have courage and vulnerability that means you tell the
truth that means you open up most people out
of a lack of courage hold back their gift this idea that you're gonna give
pain to somebody you love you're gonna punish them that takes no courage that
takes no vulnerability that's just stupidity so the more verbal you are the
more power you have because love penetrates all third law
through all positive intent the discipline I should say of positive
intent by the way discipline weighs ounces regret weighs tons
discipline weighs ounces for grant waste times you don't follow these disciplines
you're gonna have regret all right they're disciplines their commitments or
things you're gonna do no matter what discipline means even if it's not easy
you still do it right discipline is it's a habit that's what a discipline is it's
a habit the discipline of positive intent
you know the deeper truth that this is a no blame game you know that when
something happens no matter what it was like when I said that to her my girl
knew she and I made a decision early on I decided in this decision I encourage
you to make up you haven't made it or make it and new if you haven't made it
in years I decided I knew this woman's soul this woman's soul was his pure as
anything I could ever dream of in my life I knew that I loved this woman her
soul was pure so no matter what happened I would serve her and I'm gonna what
happened to my what she said am i what she did I would know even if I couldn't
figure out how the intent was pure the intent was one to get closer it looks
mean but she's scared it looks vicious but she's just freaked
out you know and same thing with me he looks like he's an unconscious asshole
he just doesn't know it looks like he doesn't give a shit he's actually a
masculine male and this is what they do right we shifted the meaning to always
there's an empowering meeting because there's never negative intent no matter
what it looks like no matter what was said and by having that along with that
they're just little possum tip in steps no blame game we immediately apologize
it doesn't matter what has happened if there's any argument we have it's a
playful argument which is I'm taking responsibility and she's take
responsible and the honey was my fault that was my fault and it's like and we
mean it sincerely it doesn't matter what it is because I hold myself is whatever
she's feeling ultimately it's my responsibility he had if I didn't
intended that's it so I take responsibility I'm sorry honey I'm sorry
if things were she does it with me also and since we both are constantly doing
it it makes it like there's nobody ever blaming somebody else so think about
this we put each other first we find we're not we change that immediately
right we immediately look at we got to be courage and vulnerable you've got to
tell the truth that's really within us tell the truth with kindness with love
with making nobody wrong because we both know we have positive intent you break
through all the bullshit with this mm-hmm and with an apology rather than
I'm sorry you all have I yes always i hon I'm sorry today
when I upset you or I'm sorry today if I upset you having the word I in owning it
neutralized it's such a crazy and we so underrate an apology of ownership owning
something who cares and you love each other who cares about being right or
wrong and if there really is an unconscious to action and even if it
wasn't your intent even if it wasn't unconscious even if it was a
misinterpretation who cares own it you own it and it neutralizes
that and it only like brings you closer it's extraordinary and you gotta
remember no matter what they did that's not who they are if you can remember
that the human behavior is not a reflection of the human spirit
often it's responsive reflex action of the animal inside of us and if you can
know that you know their spirit you know their soul then you know when people get
insecure when they get uncertain when they go on survival I've done it you've
done it we've all done it so instead of judging and making them wrong because
you're scared of being hurt again you got to come back to I know what their
intent is I know it's positive and you Christian my intent you end the
relationship you crushed my behavior you gotta be right to do that even if I
disagree with him you've just never questioned in 10 I'd underline that I'd
bold it I go on if you question intent you are destroying the relationship so
you look at somebody usually you subscribe either what you would do or if
you dislike something about them or gonna bounce take you'll come up with
the worst reason why they did it it's never the truth they did it to meet
some needs same as you but underneath it if you know their soul you just don't
question their intent now think of it you just did these three things what
would be destroyed on your list oh my god our kids wait a second my wife comes
first my husband comes first you know what the bottom line is I just and love
them where these kids are gonna be great imma Bend I'm gonna find something here
for him I'm gonna find something here for her right I'm gonna and I'm making
this so crazy I'm being up so upset what am I really upset about I'm upset
thinking my kids are not gonna be the way I want them to do not my kids are
gonna be the way they're meant to be so it's really about me again right you
know discipline absolute courage you know honey I just wanna talk to you I'm
concerned turned this is how I was raised I know
you were raised differently vulnerably I love you I love you the way you are
you're a rebel you love me I have rules maybe our kids will be okay with that
too what do you think finding some way you know knowing that there's positive
intent will kill any anger upset inside this piece forth one of the five
disciplines fourth is the discipline of honorable language and moment-to-moment
awareness honorable language there is power in love adoration and praise and
most of us don't use it enough most of us don't praise enough and when I say
praise make a note if you're gonna praise your man or your woman you must
praise them specifically not generally but moment-to-moment being consciously
aware of the impact the impact that you're having with your language and
your presence on your partner in your language as well body language words
deeds it's knowing you have an impact and seeing that impact you know if I'm
doing something and I look over I see my girl is not in a great place I don't
continue so what happens for a woman to understand is we get information man and
if your word words go into that file in our brain left hemisphere emotions going
the other side but when you say a word to a woman it hits both hemispheres it's
like if I asked you where were you on you know the 11th of August in 2001 but
if I ask you where were you on 9/11 I'll remember exactly where you were in the
room when you heard about it or you were there you saw it because information
with emotion is remembered forever and for women words that you say mean a lot
because they had determine what she's pleasing you or not and those words get
connected to emotion and you might just be saying things because guys say things
all the time right and when you're that upset men gentlemen there's nowhere to
go you're never gonna hurt that woman in a million years so the only way to let
go some of the pressure is yell or scream or use some words but then she
takes those words in and she's hurt by and hears it here's a trick I'm married
to a very passionate man who's married to certainly a very passionate woman
little you know we made decisions never I hate you never I'm gonna leave you and
not fu tone will say now that like I mean it can come flying out of his mouth
and have such a level of intensity but f4f sakes jus could you could you
whatever that might be is different than ever to you that and one other big one
I'll give you is if you ever threaten the end of the relationship end it
because if you ever threaten it when people are gonna put their button on the
tail on the button you know just to threaten it because they're so
frustrated the moment you do that somewhere in the psyche of your partner
they think oh my god they can leave me and I'm I gotta have to do this first
and so they put their finger on the button and all it takes is enough time
to doing that enough years are doing that and one day somebody will push the
button if you are committed to the relationship you're in banned for life
for multiple lifetimes for those you're gonna come back six and seven times like
some of the people here dead you man for multiple lifetimes I will never ever
ever threaten never night of you ever threatens the leads if you threaten to
leave relationships over might take three more years five more ten years but
it's over if you want to be in a relationship with this person don't ever
ever ever threaten and you did before it's off-limits forever no exceptions as
an Imagi are angry you are sad you are never you're not unconscious with your
language and unconscious with your deeds you're aware of the impact and you
correct it immediately you constantly realize I'm pissed off
I'm hurt I'm sad it's about me let me step out of me I'm gonna something
bigger here right this is I'm not about them about something bigger it's what do
they need let me Stephanie you do that enough times it'll become a habit then
finally number five the discipline of giving freedom giving freedom men live
for freedom women need it also but it comes in different forms and it's the
power of forgiving forgetting and flooding forgiving forgetting and
flooding now women seem to have more of a difficulty with forgetting but you can
be forgiving and forgiveness is when you realize that what you thought happened
didn't really happen you gave it a meaning that doesn't
really match reality you're expecting your partner to be something different
than they are flooding is with the most valuable skills you can do in your life
if you don't flood you'll have a hard time forgiving and forget it and we
flood our magic moments I mean all the time
all the time and we capture them you know we have our little app of a journal
that we capture all of our just our beautiful moments after this event when
we get home on Sunday we'll spend an hour and just capture all the beautiful
moments that happen here everything that was funny everything that was beautiful
everything that was touching because otherwise it's just it's actually what
Nicole was talking about maybe she talked about framing you have a peak
experience and you actually give words to it and that frames it and it helps to
get to that place it's just like you bypass all that effort that took you
there and then that's your next starting point and then you have another peak
experience and then you share that new frame and you give language and you give
words to it and then boom you set the bar higher and a lot of times what
happens is we magic happens in life grace pours and we don't give words to
it we don't celebrate it we don't recognize it we don't see it we don't
appreciate it and putting words to that of appreciation and of selling and
reliving and experiencing it it is it is I would say it's one of the top 10
things for us that we do that just it ignites and that feeling and just of
utter appreciation and we always capture it so we can go back and read it it's so
beautiful this is this is okay this is something to share so when we first it's
true he was so uh oh my gosh like I mean rigid militant flu like so intense about
these things and so I mean anytime that anybody would talk about eggs he was
just like in did what felt like he was not vicious but it felt like that level
of intensity and so we were together and I was feeling like I needed more protein
and we share everything and it was so crazy because I started to eat eggs and
I literally and I think that door know this stuff this sounds nuts but I did
not tell him and I felt like I was having a freaking affair with an egg and
I was literally I would go into the pantry and I to eat the eggs and I'm
like this is nuts like this is just this is crazy it seems ridiculous
and it sounds nutty but was again I put so much energy into hiding my egg eating
and and then it got through the day I was like this is this is outrageous this
is just out of hand and I sat down she finally came out I them shared with the
affair she been having with he does and I still eat them I really I love
breakfast I love my eggs and I love my breath I love her so I love an egg eater
now you know the truth yeah
so we disagree completely but we love each other so that's how you balance it
out you get it you get it you put love first you love more than your rules
mm-hmm and it makes you a better human being because it opens you up because
lots of things were making life-and-death that really aren't
For more infomation >> Relationship Between Trump and Arpaio Began with 'Birtherism' | Meet The Press | NBC News - Duration: 4:49. 
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