>>ANNOUNCER: TODAY ON
THE JOHN ANKERBERG SHOW:
EACH FALL MILLIONS OF YOUNG
WOMEN ENTER COLLEGE EXPECTING
TO EXPERIENCE THE "BEST
FOUR YEARS OF THEIR LIFE."
YET COLLEGE OFTEN PRESENTS
UNEXPECTED CHALLENGES OF
DEALING WITH ROOMMATES,
FACING THE PRESSURES
OF GRADES AND FINANCES,
ENCOUNTERING THE PARTY
SCENE, AND EXPERIENCING
THE LONELINESS OF BEING FAR
FROM PARENTS AND FAMILY.
ALL OF THESE CAN CAUSE
TREMENDOUS STRUGGLES.
SPIRITUALLY, RECENT SURVEYS
REPORT THAT ROUGHLY 70% OF
CHRISTIANS WHO GO OFF TO COLLEGE
END UP LEAVING THEIR FAITH
DURING THEIR FIRST YEAR
ON CAMPUS. HOW CAN YOU AVOID
BECOMING PART OF
THIS DISCOURAGING TREND?
BESTSELLING AUTHOR HANNA SEYMOUR
HAS MENTORED COLLEGE WOMEN FOR
OVER A DECADE THROUGH THE VAST
ARRAY OF CHALLENGES THEY FACE.
HER BEST-SELLING BOOK,
THE COLLEGE GIRL'S SURVIVAL
GUIDE, ANSWERS TO THE TOP 52
CONCERNS SHE HAS RECEIVED FROM
COLLEGE WOMEN ABOUT ROOMMATE
DRAMAS, BOYFRIEND TROUBLES,
CHOOSING A MAJOR, BALANCING
FAMILY AND SCHOOL LIFE,
SEXUAL ASSAULTS AND MUCH MORE.
WHILE COLLEGE IS FAR FROM
THE EASIEST FOUR YEARS OF
YOUR LIFE, THEY WILL BE SOME
OF THE MOST FORMATIVE YEARS
OF YOUR ADULT LIFE.
YOU WILL DECIDE WHO YOU ARE,
WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN,
AND WHAT YOU DO WITH IT ALL.
IN THIS SERIES, HANNA SEYMOUR
AND MICHELLE ANKERBERG
JOIN ME FOR AN INSIGHTFUL
DISCUSSION REGARDING WHAT IT
TAKES TO HANDLE THE UNEXPECTED
CHALLENGES AND PRESSURES OF
COLLEGE LIFE. THEIR WORDS
ARE VITAL FOR ANY WOMAN ALREADY
IN COLLEGE OR THOSE HEADING
TO COLLEGE THIS FALL.
SO JOIN US FOR TODAY'S EDITION
OF THE JOHN ANKERBERG SHOW.
>>JOHN ANKERBERG: WELCOME TO
OUR PROGRAM. I'M JOHN ANKERBERG.
WE [HAVE] A GREAT PROGRAM
FOR YOU TODAY. YOU KNOW,
IN JUST A FEW MONTHS OF TIME,
COLLEGE WOMEN BY THE MILLIONS
ARE GOING TO BE GOING BACK TO THE COLLEGE SCENE.
AND SOME OF THEM WILL BE GOING FOR THE FIRST TIME.
THEY'LL BE FRESHMEN, OKAY?
AND THEY'VE GOT GREAT EXPECTATION OF WHAT'S GOING
TO HAPPEN. AND, UNFORTUNATELY, A LOT OF THEM, WHEN THEY GET
THERE THOSE GREAT EXPECTATIONS, SOCIALLY, WITH THEIR GRADES,
WITH A WHOLE BUNCH OF OTHER THINGS, ARE GOING TO
BE DASHED. AND WE'RE TALKING TO AN EXPERT HERE TODAY
WHO'S WRITTEN A BOOK, THE COLLEGE GIRL'S SURVIVAL
GUIDE, THAT I WOULD RECOMMEND EVERY GIRL TAKE WITH HER, EVERY
WOMAN TAKE WITH HER TO COLLEGE, OKAY? SHE'S GOT THE 52 GREATEST
CONCERNS THAT ALL COLLEGE WOMEN HAVE, AND SHE WRITES
TERRIFICALLY, OKAY?
AND THE AUTHOR TODAY,
HANNA SEYMOUR, IS OUR GUEST.
AND, HANNA, I'M REALLY GLAD
THAT YOU'RE HERE AND THAT
YOU'VE WRITTEN THIS BOOK.
FOLKS, THIS BOOK, SHE WENT ON FOX NEWS AND THEY TALKED ABOUT
THE BOOK. AND AMAZON SOLD OUT EVERY BOOK THEY HAD BEFORE
HER INTERVIEW WAS OVER.
THEY HAD TO CALL PEOPLE BACK.
SO, THIS BOOK IS REALLY SOMETHING, AND WE'RE TALKING
ABOUT IT TODAY.
AND ALONG WITH HANNA WE'VE GOT MY DAUGHTER MICHELLE, BECAUSE
I THOUGHT, I NEED HELP.
THIS IS A WOMAN-TO-WOMAN
CONVERSATION. AND SO, MICHELLE
HAS GONE TO COLLEGE, AND MANY OF
THE EXPERIENCES THAT HANNA
HAS TALKED ABOUT IN THIS BOOK, MICHELLE HAS GONE THROUGH
AS WELL. AND I'M THE GUY, SO I'M THE THIRD GUY OUT OF
THIS THING. AND I WANT THE GIRLS TO DO THE TALKING TODAY,
AND YET I'M GOING TO ASK THE FIRST QUESTION.
THAT'S GOOD, ALRIGHT.
OUR TOPIC TODAY, FOLKS, IS THIS.
FOR COLLEGE WOMEN, SHOULD COLLEGE BE ABOUT
FINDING YOUR FUTURE HUSBAND? SOME YOU, YOU'VE GOT THIS
IN THE BACK OF YOUR MIND,
ALRIGHT. HANNA, YOU'VE WRITTEN,
YOU SAID IN YOUR BOOK WHETHER WE ARE UP FRONT ABOUT IT
OR EVEN REALIZE IT, A LOT OF GIRLS GO TO COLLEGE
TO FIND A FUTURE HUSBAND.
ONE GIRL WROTE YOU ON YOUR BLOG,
"I KIND OF THOUGHT I WOULD MEET
MY HUSBAND IN COLLEGE.
BUT SO FAR, I HAVEN'T DATED ANYONE, AND IT DOESN'T LOOK GOOD
THAT ANYTHING IS GOING TO CHANGE SOON. BUT THAT'S WHERE
MY PARENTS MET. THEY MET AT COLLEGE." WHAT HAVE YOU
ADVISED GIRLS ABOUT BELIEVING
THEY WILL PROBABLY MEET
THEIR FUTURE HUSBAND AT COLLEGE?
>>HANNA SEYMOUR: IT'S CALLED THE "MRS" DEGREE.,
>>JOHN: RIGHT. MICHELLE?
>>MICHELLE ANKERBERG: THAT'S RIGHT, YES.
>>HANNA: THAT'S THE DEGREE SOME WOMEN ARE SEEKING, MAYBE MORE
OFTEN AT CHRISTIAN SCHOOLS
THAN SECULAR INSTITUTIONS.
SO HERE'S THE DEAL.
MY PARENTS MET IN COLLEGE TOO.
IT WAS NOT MY MISSION;
I DID NOT GO TO COLLEGE SEEKING
MY MRS DEGREE. BUT SURE, IN THE BACK OF MY MIND
I THOUGHT, I MEAN, THIS IS...
RIGHT, THIS PROBABLY WHERE YOU MEET YOUR SPOUSE.
YOU PROBABLY GET MARRIED SHORTLY AFTER. YES, I DATED IN COLLEGE.
I HAD ONE SERIOUS BOYFRIEND IN COLLEGE THAT I THOUGHT
THIS IS PROBABLY GOING TO END OUT THIS WAY. IT DID NOT.
GRADUATED, NOT UPSET ABOUT THE FACT THAT I WAS SINGLE
HAD NO BOYFRIEND IN SIGHT.
BUT CERTAINLY A LITTLE, YOU KNOW, HUH, I GUESS,
I GUESS THIS IS NOT HOW MY...
>>JOHN: YOU SAID YOU WERE CONFUSED.
>>HANNA: YES.
>>JOHN: YOU SAID, YOU KNOW, WHY DIDN'T IT PAN OUT
IN THOSE FOUR YEARS?
>>HANNA: YES.
I GUESS THIS IS NOT HOW MY STORY IS GOING TO WORK OUT.
SO, HERE'S THE DEAL.
IN 2013 A STUDY WAS PUBLISHED SAYING THAT THE MEDIAN AGE FOR
WOMEN TO GET MARRIED NOW IS 27, FOR MEN IT'S 29. SO,
TO THINK THAT WE ARE GOING
TO MEET OUR SPOUSE BETWEEN
THE TYPICAL COLLEGE AGE OF 18-22
AND THEN NOT GET MARRIED UNTIL
OUR LATE TWENTIES, IT'S KIND
OF INSANE. SO, YOU KNOW,
ONE, JUST EVEN THINKING ABOUT
THAT PROBABLY NOT LIKELY.
THE OTHER THING, FACEBOOK PUBLISHED A STUDY NOT TOO LONG
AGO BASED ON THEIR DATA.
SO, OUT OF FACEBOOK USERS ONE IN FOUR WENT TO THE SAME COLLEGE
AS THEIR SPOUSE. NOW, THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT
THEY MET THEIR SPOUSE IN COLLEGE. I LIVE IN NASHVILLE,
TENNESSEE. THERE ARE A LOT OF UNIVERSITY OF TENNESSEE
GRADUATES IN NASHVILLE, TENNESSEE. I MEET THEM ALL
THE TIME. SO, IF I WAS A U.T.
GRAD IT WOULDN'T BE CRAZY FOR ME TO MEET SOMEONE
IN NASHVILLE THAT ALSO WENT TO U.T. THAT I'D NEVER MET
BEFORE WHILE AT SCHOOL.
OR MAYBE WE WEREN'T EVEN THERE DURING THE SAME FOUR YEARS.
SO, EVEN THAT DATA, ONE IN FOUR WENT TO THE SAME SCHOOL.
BUT, I MEAN, REALLY, TO SAY IT IN ANOTHER WAY, THREE OUT OF
FOUR DON'T GO TO THE SAME COLLEGE AS THEIR SPOUSE.
SO, THE ODDS ARE NOT IN OUR FAVOR THESE DAYS.
>>JOHN: YES. THINK ABOUT WHAT
YOU JUST SAID. THREE OUT OF
FOUR DON'T MEET THEIR FUTURE
HUSBAND AT COLLEGE.
>>HANNA: YES.
>>JOHN: THAT'S A LOT OF PEOPLE.
>>HANNA: THAT'S A LOT.
SO, IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE WHILE YOU'RE AT
SCHOOL MY ADVICE IS TO STOP.
>>JOHN: YES.
>>HANNA: STOP! STOP LOOKING.
YOU ARE WASTING PRECIOUS TIME AND ENERGY WHEN YOU HAVE SO MANY
MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO BE FOCUSING ON RIGHT NOW.
FOCUS ON FINDING GREAT FRIENDS; FOCUS ON PURSUING A CAREER;
FOCUS ON YOUR ACADEMICS; FOCUS ON BECOMING THE WOMAN THAT GOD
HAS DESIGNED YOU TO BE.
AND DO THAT. CHASE AFTER THAT.
IF THE SPOUSE IS IN YOUR FUTURE, IF GOD HAS THAT PART
OF YOUR STORY PLANNED OUT, IT'LL COME. BUT STOP, STOP
SEARCHING FOR YOUR HUSBAND.
>>JOHN: YES.
>>MICHELLE: YES, PERSONALLY WHEN
I WENT TO SCHOOL, YOU KNOW,
I WENT AND THAT REALLY WASN'T
IN MY MIND TO BE LIKE, I'M GOING
TO FIND A GUY. YOU KNOW,
I WAS FOCUSED ON, OKAY,
I NEED TO FIGURE OUT WHAT IN THE WORLD I'M GOING TO DO
WITH MY LIFE, YOU KNOW.
AND SO, IF THAT COMES ALONG, GREAT. YOU KNOW, LIKE YOU
I DATED, YOU KNOW, OTHER ONES IN COLLEGE, AND THAT.
BUT THAT LEADS ME TO THE QUESTION OF, YOU KNOW, YOU'VE
BEEN MARRIED NOW FOR FOUR YEARS, SO DID YOU MEET YOUR HUSBAND
AT COLLEGE? >>HANNA: I DID NOT.
WE'RE PERFECT WITH THE STATISTICS! WE DID NOT MEET.
AND, YOU KNOW, MICHELLE, HAD WE MET IN COLLEGE I WOULD NOT HAVE
GIVEN HIM THE TIME OF DAY.
>>JOHN: I LOVE, I LOVE THAT ONE.
>>MICHELLE: YES.
>>JOHN: AND, AND WHAT WAS, WHY WAS, WHAT WAS THE REASON?
[LAUGHTER]
>>HANNA: LET'S JUST SAY,
JOHN, THAT WE WERE TWO VERY
DIFFERENT PEOPLE IN COLLEGE.
GOD HAD TO DO A MAJOR WORK
ON BOTH OF US FROM THAT TIME
TO OUR LATE TWENTIES.
WE DID NOT MEET UNTIL 27.
BUT REALLY, WE DIDN'T DATE.
I MEAN, WE WEREN'T EVEN REALLY FRIENDS. IT WAS KIND OF,
IT'S A LONG STORY. QUICK, QUICK MEET IN, AT 27, AT 29
WE STARTED DATING. AND GOD HAD TO MAKE A MAJOR SPIRITUAL
TRANSFORMATION ON HIM, WHICH CHANGED A LOT
ABOUT WHO HE WAS IN HIS CORE.
GOD HAD TO DO A MAJOR WORK IN MY LIFE UNDERSTANDING WHAT
A GOOD MATCH MIGHT LOOK LIKE FOR ME IN A SPOUSE BEFORE WE WERE
EVER READY TO START DATING.
>>JOHN: YES.
I LOVE THE FACT THAT YOU HAD SOME RULES, WE'LL BRING UP THESE
RULES AGAIN PROBABLY A LITTLE LATER ON, BUT YOU HAD A RULE
ABOUT DATING GUYS. IT WAS...
TELL US WHAT THE RULE IS AND HOW YOU WORKED IT.
>>HANNA: SO, MY RULE IS THAT IF A GUY ASKS YOU OUT, YOU SAY YES.
AND I CAME UP WITH THIS RULE YEARS AGO BECAUSE I WAS SITTING
AMONGST A BUNCH OF SINGLE GIRLS AND THEY WERE ALL COMPLAINING
ABOUT HOW GUYS DON'T ASK GIRLS OUT ANY MORE. NO ONE DATES
ANY MORE. YADA, YADA, YADA.
WELL, LIKE THE NEXT WEEK WE'RE ALL BACK TOGETHER AGAIN,
AND SOME GIRL HAD GOTTEN ASKED OUT AND SHE TURNED HIM DOWN.
AND THEY'RE COMPLAINING AGAIN.
AND I FINALLY HAD TO SAY, "WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. TIME OUT.
YOU'VE BEEN COMPLAINING THAT MEN DON'T ASK WOMEN OUT ON DATES.
A GUY ASKS YOU OUT ON A DATE AND YOU SAID 'NO,' YOU KNOW.
WHAT,... WHY?" AND SHE SAID, "WELL, I JUST,... I DON'T KNOW,
I JUST DON'T REALLY THINK I'M THAT INTO HIM,"
AND BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.
BUT THE POINT IS IF WE WANT MEN TO BE STEPPING UP AND ASKING
WOMEN OUT ON DATES, WE NEED SAY YES, A), TO HELP ALLEVIATE THAT
FEAR. HALF THE TIME THEY'RE NOT ASKING WOMEN OUT BECAUSE
THEY'RE AFRAID THEY'RE GOING TO GET TURNED DOWN. SO,
SAY YES UNLESS THERE IS
SOME EXTENUATING CIRCUMSTANCE
THAT IS JUST A MAJOR RED FLAG.
>>JOHN: YES. I MEAN,
THERE'S SOME GUYS YOU JUST SAY,...
>>HANNA: YOU JUST KNOW. SURE.
>>JOHN: HAY, NO WAY. NO USE
EVEN PUTTING THEM ON. BUT,
BUT THE FACT, I WANT TO GO BACK
TO THIS POINT THAT YOU...
THE FIRST TIME AROUND,
YOU WOULD HAVE TURNED YOUR HUSBAND DOWN FLAT.
BECAUSE THE CIRCUMSTANCES THAT YOU HAD WITH YOUR GUT FEELING,
OKAY, AND I THINK WOMEN HAVE TO THINK ABOUT THIS, OKAY.
AT THAT PRESENT MOMENT IT WAS A STRAIGHT NO FOR YOU.
>>HANNA: YES.
>>JOHN: OKAY, BUT IT WASN'T GOD'S TIME.
>>HANNA: RIGHT, TRUE.
>>JOHN: BUT YOU WERE HONEST.
>>HANNA: WELL, HERE'S THE DEAL, BECAUSE WE'RE TALKING
HYPOTHETICALLY "HAD WE MET IN COLLEGE." WE...
WHEN WE MET AT 27 I DID SAY YES.
I GAVE HIM,... I DID MY RULE OF THREE DATES. I GAVE HIM
THOSE THREE DATES, AND I SAID, "I'M NOT INTERESTED."
>>JOHN: WELL, LET'S TALK ABOUT THAT ONE, BECAUSE THAT THIS IS
A, THIS IS A FABULOUS STORY.
YOU, YOU, WHEN YOU USUALLY TURN GUYS DOWN YOU TALK TO THEM
NICELY, AND YOU TALK AND YOU, YOU TOLD THEM STRAIGHT, OKAY.
AND YOU DIDN'T DO THAT WITH YOUR FUTURE HUSBAND.
>>HANNA: YES. YES.
>>JOHN: TELL THEM, TELL THEM, TELL US HOW YOU TURNED HIM DOWN.
>>HANNA: SO, ONE THING I TALK ABOUT IN MY BOOK IS OBVIOUSLY
IF WE'RE FOLLOWING THIS RULE WE'RE GOING TO END A LOT
OF DATING RELATIONSHIPS.
>>JOHN: EARLY.
>>HANNA: SO, WE NEED TO BE UP FRONT, HONEST, KIND. BUT,
YOU KNOW, WE NEED TO BE STRAIGHT TO THE POINT AND NOT LEAD
THESE GUYS ON. AND I TRIED TO DO THAT WELL. BUT I TALK
ABOUT IN MY BOOK THERE'S TWO RELATIONSHIPS IN PARTICULAR THAT
I THINK BACK ON AND JUST CRINGE AT THE WAY I ENDED THEM,
AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY NOW HUSBAND. AND HE,
AFTER THREE DATES PUT HIS HEART OUT ON THE LINE,
SAID, "I WANT TO SEE YOU MORE I'M REALLY INTERESTED."
YOU KNOW, YADA, YADA, YADA.
I SAID, "OH, THAT SOUNDS GREAT,
LOVELY." BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.
I TOTALLY CHICKENED OUT.
I SENT HIM AN E-MAIL...
>>JOHN: OH, MAN. >>MICHELLE: OH.
>>HANNA: ...THE NEXT MORNING.
I KNOW. I SENT HIM AN EMAIL THE NEXT MORNING SAYING,
"YOU'RE GREAT; IT'S ME NOT YOU; BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, YOU KNOW.
NOT INTERESTED."
AND I TEASE NOW, YOU KNOW, I'M LIKE, HAD I KNOWN THAT
I WOULD MARRY YOU I COULD HAVE GIVEN US A MUCH BETTER STORY.
YOU KNOW, I WOULDN'T HAVE KEPT DATING HIM AT THAT TIME.
IT WASN'T GOD'S TIMING.
BUT I COULD HAVE GIVEN A WAY BETTER STORY FOR US TO TELL....
>>MICHELLE: RIGHT, RIGHT. >>HANNA: ...RIGHT NOW, TO YOU.
>>JOHN: BUT YES, THE GUY PUT HIS HEART ON THE TABLE
AND YOU CHOPPED IT UP. >>HANNA: YES, I DID.
>>JOHN: OKAY, BUT THE THING IS, WHAT I WANT FOLKS TO GET TO,
WHICH I THINK IS IMPORTANT, IS GUT LEVEL YOU WEREN'T INTO HIM
AT THAT, AT THAT POINT.
>>HANNA: RIGHT. >>JOHN: OKAY.
AND I THINK WOMEN HAVE TO SAY, "I'M NOT IN TO YOU."
NOW, IT'S INTERESTING THAT LATER ON GOD CHANGED YOUR MIND.
>>HANNA: RIGHT.
>>JOHN: BUT AT THAT POINT YOU WERE HONEST WITH HIM.
AND I THINK THAT THAT'S WHAT WOMEN OUGHT TO BE, AND NOT
LEAD GUYS ON, OKAY. ALRIGHT,
THIS IS JUST A FASCINATING CONVERSATION, FOLKS.
IT'S CALLED, THE COLLEGE GIRL'S
SURVIVAL GUIDE, A NEW BOOK THAT
HANNA SEYMOUR, OUR GUEST TODAY,
HAS WRITTEN. AND IT'S JUST
FLYING OFF THE SHELVES.
AND IF YOU'RE A MOM AND
YOU'VE GOT A GIRL THAT'S GOING TO GO TO COLLEGE OR
YOUR DAUGHTER THAT'S ALREADY IN COLLEGE, THIS IS SOMETHING
THAT SHE NEEDS TO HAVE WITH HER BECAUSE IT'S GOT THE 52 MAJOR
CONCERNS THAT COLLEGE WOMEN HAVE THAT THEY'VE GOT TO FACE
AND DEAL WITH. AND IT'S TREMENDOUS ADVICE ALRIGHT.
AND WE ARE TALKING ABOUT THIS ROMANTIC AREA RIGHT NOW
BECAUSE THE SOCIAL SCENE IS PRETTY HOT AND HEAVY
AT MOST SECULAR UNIVERSITIES.
AND WE'RE GETTING INTO SOME OF THE QUESTIONS
THAT WOMEN ASK. OKAY.
A WOMAN WROTE YOU AND SAID, "THIS GUY IS PURSUING ME
AND I'M NOT SURE I'M INTO HIM.
HE'S REALLY GREAT.
HE'S KIND, CONSIDERATE, LOVES JESUS, HAS GREAT FRIENDS.
HE'S GOT A SENSE OF HUMOR.
I REALLY ENJOY HANGING OUT WITH HIM." BUT THEN SHE SAYS,
"BUT I'M NOT SURE I HAVE ANY INTEREST BEYOND BEING
HIS FRIEND." YOU HAD A LOT OF GUY FRIENDS AND SO YOU KNOW
WHAT SHE'S TALKING ABOUT.
"HOWEVER, HE MADE IT CLEAR TO ME THAT HE'S INTENTIONALLY PURSUING
ME AND WOULD LIKE TO TAKE ME OUT ON A DATE, BUT I JUST DON'T KNOW
IF I COULD LIKE HIM THAT WAY."
HOW DID YOU ANSWER THIS LADY?
>>HANNA SEYMOUR: SHE HAS A GREAT PROBLEM, DOESN'T SHE?
>>JOHN: YES.
>>HANNA: A GREAT GUY WHO LOVES
THE LORD, WANTS TO DATE HER.
IT'S A GOOD PROBLEM TO HAVE.
YOU'RE RIGHT. I HAD SEVERAL GUY
FRIENDS WHO WERE AMAZING MEN,
AMAZING MEN OF GOD.
NOTHING ROMANTIC EVER THERE. WE HAD GREAT RICH FRIENDSHIPS.
THAT IS ONE OF THE JOYS OF COLLEGE.
>>JOHN: I LOVE THE NAME THAT YOU HAD FOR YOUR FIVE GIRLFRIENDS
THAT WERE DEALING WITH THESE GUYS. YOU CALLED YOURSELVES
"THE WOLF PACK."
>>HANNA: THE WOLF PACK. THAT WAS OUR HOUSE.
>>JOHN: NOW THAT'S AN INTERESTING NAME.
>>HANNA: YES. BUT,...
>>JOHN: WHY WAS IT CALLED THE WOLF PACK BEFORE WE GO ON?
WE CAN'T LEAVE THAT HANGING.
>>HANNA: WE LIVED ON WOLF STREET. IT'S NOT,... YES,
IT WASN'T THAT, INTENSE OR CREATIVE.
>>JOHN: ALRIGHT, WE'D GET TOO MANY LETTERS ON THAT ONE.
[LAUGHTER] >>HANNA: BUT, I MEAN, MY ADVICE
TO THIS YOUNG LADY WAS, YOU KNOW, SHE HADN'T GONE OUT
ON A DATE WITH HIM YET.
HE WAS SAYING, "I LIKE YOU AND I WANT TO TAKE YOU OUT ON
A DATE." AND SHE'S SAYING, "I DON'T EVEN KNOW."
AND SO, I SAID, LOOK, GIVE HIM A CHANCE. LET HIM TAKE YOU OUT
ON ONE TO THREE DATES.
YOU CAN BE HONEST AND UP FRONT WITH HIM FROM THE BEGINNING.
"LOOK, OKAY, YOU'RE A GREAT GUY.
I'M NOT SURE I HAVE ROMANTIC FEELINGS FOR YOU, BUT LET'S,
LET'S SEE WHERE THIS GOES."
GIVE HIM A CHANCE.
AND THEN AFTER ONE TO THREE DATES REALLY HONESTLY
OBJECTIVELY ASSESS WHAT'S GOING ON. IS THERE ANY ATTRACTION
GROWING FOR YOU?
AND IF NOT THEN LET'S...
IT'S TIME TO TELL THE GUY.
BE A STRAIGHT SHOOTER.
WE NEVER WANT TO LEAD THESE GUYS ON. THEY'RE TRYING TO DO
THE RIGHT THING AND PURSUE YOU IN THE RIGHT WAY, SO YOU NEED
TO DO THE RIGHT THING BY COMMUNICATING UP FRONT
WITH THEM. AND JUST, YOU KNOW,
BE HONEST. TRY TO CULTIVATE
THAT RELATIONSHIP, WHETHER
IT'S ROMANTICALLY OR JUST
A FRIENDSHIP. AND IF HE'S OKAY,
AT THE END OF IT JUST BE
FRIENDS. IT COULD BE A GREAT
MEANINGFUL COLLEGE FRIENDSHIP.
>>JOHN: YES.
LET'S GO THE OTHER WAY.
YOU'VE GOT A QUESTION THAT SAYS, THAT YOU ADVISE COLLEGE WOMEN
TO RESIST THE TEMPTATION OF LOOKING AT A GUY AND GOING DOWN
THE "WHAT IF" PATH. NOW, I'M CURIOUS. WHAT IS
A "WHAT IF" PATH IN THE MIND OF A WOMAN
>>HANNA: SO, THE "WHAT IF" PATH IS EITHER WHAT IF
THIS IS MY HUSBAND, WHAT IF THAT IS MY HUSBAND, WHAT IF THIS IS
MY HUSBAND, WHAT IF THAT IS MY HUSBAND. OR IT'S
THE CIRCUMSTANCE WE JUST TALKED ABOUT. SHE DECIDES,
"I'M GOING TO BREAK UP.
WE WENT ON THREE DATES AND I'M JUST NOT INTO HIM.
I'M GOING TO BREAK UP WITH HIM."
AND THEN SECOND GUESSING HERSELF OVER AND OVER. AGAIN,
WHAT IF THAT IS MY HUSBAND?
WHAT IF I BROKE IT OFF AND I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO?
JOHN: YES.
>>HANNA: SO, COMING BACK TO
OVER AND OVER GOD IS TOTALLY
IN CONTROL OF THIS.
>>JOHN: YES.
>>HANNA: HE'S IN CONTROL OF
THE TIMING OF YOUR LIFE.
HE'S IN CONTROL OF THE PEOPLE
HE IS WEAVING IN AND OUT
OF YOUR LIFE. WE WASTE SO MUCH EMOTIONAL AND MENTAL TIME
AND ENERGY DAYDREAMING, GOING DOWN ALL OF THESE WHAT IF
PATHS. AND IT'S A WASTE OF TIME.
>>MICHELLE ANKERBERG:YES.
>>HANNA: INSTEAD THERE ARE SO MANY OTHER THINGS TO BE FOCUSING
ON, AND WE CAN JUST PUT IT ASIDE AND TRUST THAT GOD IS
IN CONTROL, THAT HE'S GOT THIS.
AND YOU JUST DON'T NEED TO WORRY ABOUT IT.
>>JOHN: YES. I LOVE
THE QUESTION, YOU KNOW,
IF YOU SIT DOWN WITH A CHRISTIAN
WOMAN IN COLLEGE, AND YOU SAY,
NOW, OVER HERE WE'VE GOT JESUS,
AND OVER HERE WE'VE GOT YOU, OKAY. AND WE'RE TRYING TO
FIGURE OUT WHO'S GOT THE IDEAS ABOUT THE FUTURE OF WHERE
YOU'RE GOING. IS IT YOU?
OR IS IT JESUS?
>>HANNA: RIGHT.
>>JOHN: AND HOPEFULLY THEY'LL SAY IT'S JESUS.
AND IF THAT'S SO, WHEN YOU'VE GOT THESE QUESTIONS THAT YOU
DON'T WHAT THE ANSWER IS, TRUST JESUS THAT HE'S GOING TO WORK IT
OUT IN THE FUTURE SOMEHOW. YOU DON'T KNOW HOW,...
>>HANNA: YES. >>JOHN: ...BUT TRUST HIM.
>>HANNA: YES. >>JOHN: AND THAT'S HARD TO DO.
>>HANNA: YES. >>JOHN: OKAY? MICHELLE?
>>MICHELLE: I KNOW THERE WERE SO MANY GIRLS IN COLLEGE,
JUST LIKE YOU SAID. I MEAN, IT WAS LIKE, "I'M GOING TO DATE
A DIFFERENT PERSON ALMOST
EVERY TWO WEEKS TO HAVE A THING,
BECAUSE I, I'VE GOT TO FIND
THE GUY," YOU KNOW. AND SO,
WHICH LEADS ME TO THE QUESTION
ABOUT, YOU KNOW, HOW, TALKING
ABOUT GUYS SENDING GIRLS MIXED SIGNALS WHEN THEY'RE
DATING THEM. AND ONE GIRL WROTE YOU AND SAID,
"SO, THERE'S THIS GUY AND HE KEEPS SENDING ME
MIXED SIGNALS. HE TALKS FOR A FEW HOURS OVER TEXT AND CALLS,
AND THEN I DON'T HEAR FROM HIM FOR A WHILE. HE KEEPS MAKING
COMMENTS THAT LEAD ME TO BELIEVE THAT HE DOES LIKE ME,
BUT I'M REALLY NOT SURE.
HOW CAN I TELL IF HE LIKES ME?
HOW DO I KNOW IF I LIKE HIM?"
SO, HOW WOULD YOU ANSWER THAT QUESTION?
>>HANNA: SO, THERE'S TWO THINGS GOING ON HERE. ONE IS THE GUY
THAT'S SENDING THE MIXED SIGNALS AND IT'S DRIVING HER CRAZY,
AND SHE'S JUST WANTS TO KNOW.
AND THAT IS, GOING BACK TO TALKING TO ROOMMATES OR ANYONE
THAT'S DRIVING YOU CRAZY, AND COMMUNICATING IN CONFLICT.
KINDNESS, HONESTY, BUT CONFRONTING THEM. SO,
NUMBER ONE, IF SHE WANTS TO DO THAT AND YOU KNOW,
SIT THIS GUY DOWN AND GO, "WHAT'S GOING ON? YOU KNOW,
YOU ACT LIKE YOU LIKE ME; YOU WANT TO DATE ME;
YOU DON'T WANT TO DATE ME.
I JUST NEED TO KNOW WHERE YOU ARE." I SAY, GO FOR IT.
BUT IF SHE'S KIND OF TRYING TO FEEL THE WATERS AND REALLY
DECIDE, WELL, DO I LIKE HIM?
I ALWAYS LOVE TO SAY, "YOU DON'T HAVE TO DECIDE IF YOU WANT TO
GO OUT ON A DATE WITH A GUY UNTIL HE ASKS YOU TO GO OUT
ON A DATE." >>MICHELLE: RIGHT.
>>HANNA: YEARS AGO, I WAS LAMENTING OVER WHETHER OR NOT
TO APPLY FOR A JOB.
I JUST COULDN'T DECIDE, YOU
KNOW, IS THIS REALLY THE JOB
I WANT TO TAKE? SHOULD I APPLY
FOR IT? AND MY DAD ONE DAY SAID,
"YOU DON'T HAVE A DECISION
TO MAKE UNTIL THEY PLACE
AN OFFER ON THE TABLE."
AND THAT WAS SUCH A LIGHT BULB MOMENT FOR ME, NOT JUST IN
MY CAREER PATH BUT IN LIFE IN GENERAL. AGAIN, IT'S GOING
DOWN THIS "WHAT IF" PATH.
IT'S WASTING ALL THIS TIME AND ENERGY. WELL, IF THIS
HAPPENS AND THAT HAPPENS AND WHAT WILL I DO THERE? LOOK,
LET'S JUST CUT ALL THAT OUT.
LET'S JUST DO THE NEXT THING.
LET'S TRUST THE LORD AND THEN WHEN THERE'S AN OFFER
ON THE TABLE, OR WHEN THE GUY ASKS YOU OUT ON THE DATE,
THEN MAKE A DECISION.
>>MICHELLE: RIGHT, RIGHT.
>>HANNA: BUT LET'S NOT WASTE ALL THIS TIME AND ENERGY
LEADING UP TOWARDS IT. >>MICHELLE: RIGHT, RIGHT.
DO YOU THINK A LOT OF GIRLS FEEL THAT WAY BECAUSE THEY THINK,
OKAY, I'M GOING TO COLLEGE, BUT THEN I HAVE TO GET MARRIED?
DO YOU THINK THAT'S ONE OF THE REASONS WHY THEY SAY,
YOU KNOW, I'VE GOT TO FIND THIS GUY IN COLLEGE?
>>HANNA: YES, I DO.
I THINK WHETHER THEY REALIZE IT OR NOT IN THE BACK OF THEIR
MINDS I THINK THE HOPE IS, OR THE EXPECTATION IS, I'M GOING TO
MEET MY SPOUSE AND WE'RE GOING TO GET MARRIED AFTER COLLEGE.
AND SO, THERE'S A LOT OF OVEREMPHASIS I THINK.
AND, I MEAN, JOHN, YOU BROUGHT UP EARLIER MY GUY FRIENDS
THAT I HAD IN COLLEGE.
I HAD RICH MEANINGFUL FRIENDSHIPS WITH THESE GUYS.
HAD I BEEN CONSTANTLY THINKING, WELL, MAYBE HE'S MY HUSBAND,
MAYBE HE'S MY HUSBAND, OR DO I LIKE HIM, OR WHAT IF HE ASKS ME
ON A DATE, I WOULD HAVE BEEN SABOTAGING THOSE RELATIONSHIPS.
BUT INSTEAD I WAS ABLE JUST TO TAKE THEM AS WHAT THEY WERE,
OF JUST GREAT FRIENDS THAT GOD HAD PLACED IN MY LIFE.
MICHELLE RIGHT. >>JOHN: YES.
I WAS IN INTER-VARSITY AT THE UNIVERSITY OF ILLINOIS
AND WAS LEADING A HUGE GROUP OF,
OF STUDENTS. AND WE DID...
WE ACTUALLY TRAVELED TO
SEVENTY-EIGHT UNIVERSITY
CAMPUSES AND I SPOKE TO
THESE AUDIENCES.
AND THE INTER-VARSITY STAFF MEMBER WAS A WOMAN, OKAY?
AND SHE WAS JUST A LITTLE BIT ABOVE COLLEGE AGE. BUT SHE WAS
MY FRIEND. AND WE BECAME SO CLOSE, OKAY, BUT
WE NEVER THOUGHT OF EACH OTHER ROMANTICALLY. IT JUST NEVER
EVEN ENTERED THE CONVERSATION.
BUT I HAD SOME OF THE RICHEST CONVERSATIONS I'VE EVER HAD
WITH ANY PERSON WITH THIS WOMAN. >>HANNA: YES.
>>JOHN: OKAY? AND YOU CAN HAVE THIS WITH CERTAIN PEOPLE
ON CAMPUS IF YOU'RE OPEN TO IT.
AND, YOU KNOW, IF THE ROMANCE THING COMES IN YOU CAN JUST SAY
NO QUICKLY, BUT I STILL WANT TO KEEP THE FRIENDSHIP GOING,
>>HANNA: YES. >>JOHN: OKAY?
AS WE CLOSE TODAY I WANT TO GO BACK TO THE FACT OF, YOU KNOW,
YOU'VE BEEN HONEST WITH A LOT OF THESE GUYS THAT HAVE WANTED TO
DATE YOU OR ALL THE DIFFERENT SITUATIONS THAT HAVE COME UP.
AND THIS WHOLE IDEA OF TRUSTING GOD, YOU TURNED YOUR HUSBAND
DOWN THE FIRST TIME YOU DATED HIM THREE TIMES, HANNA: YES.
JOHN: OKAY. AND, AND SOME GIRLS SAY, "IF I TURN THIS GUY DOWN
MAYBE I'M GOING TO MAKE THE WRONG DECISION."
>>HANNA: YES.
>>JOHN: NO, YOU TURNED HIM DOWN AND IT TOOK A WHILE FOR GOD
TO CHANGE YOU AND GOD TO CHANGE HIM. AND WHEN THE TIME WAS RIGHT
GOD BROUGHT THAT SITUATION AROUND AGAIN SO THAT YOU DID
GET INTO A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP, AND IT WORKED OUT
AND YOU MARRIED THE GUY, OKAY?
WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY IS THAT YOU OUGHT TO GO WITH YOUR GUT AT
THE PRESENT TIME AND BE HONEST, AND DON'T WORRY ABOUT TURNING
DOWN A GUY. IF GOD WANTS YOU TO MARRY THAT GUY, HE'S GOING
TO WORK IT OUT LATER ON.
>>HANNA: THAT'S RIGHT.
>>JOHN: WOULD YOU ADD SOMETHING TO THAT?
>>HANNA: I THINK THAT APPLIES TO EVERY ASPECT OF LIFE.
WE CAN ONLY MAKE A DECISION BASED ON THE WISDOM AND
THE KNOWLEDGE THAT WE HAVE TODAY, AND WE TRUST GOD
WITH THE FUTURE.
>>JOHN: GUYS, THE BIBLE SAYS,
"HE WHO FINDS A WIFE
FINDS HAPPINESS." IT IS A FAVOR
HE RECEIVES FROM THE LORD.
AND "WHO CAN FIND A VIRTUOUS
AND CAPABLE WIFE? SHE IS
MORE PRECIOUS THAN RUBIES.
HER HUSBAND CAN TRUST HER.
SHE'LL BE GREATLY ENRICH
HIS LIFE. SHE BRINGS HIM GOOD
NOT HARM ALL THE DAYS
OF HER LIFE." OKAY? SO,
COLLEGE AGE WOMEN HAVE TO BE
HONEST. AND IF THEY'RE GOING
TO FULFILL WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS IS GOING TO BE A GOOD MARRIAGE
LATER ON, THEY'VE GOT TO BE HONEST AS THEY'RE GOING
TRUCKING DOWN THE PATH ALL ALONG THE WAY. NEXT WEEK WE'RE GOING
TO TALK MORE ABOUT FRIENDS, BEST FRIENDS AND BOYFRIENDS.
AND ONE OF THE BIG QUESTIONS ON CAMPUS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN
A GIRL FALLS INTO THE "FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS" ZONE WITH A GUY,
OKAY? A GIRL WROTE YOU AND SAID, "HANNA, I'VE FALLEN INTO
THE 'FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS' ZONE." SHE SAID, "A FEW MONTHS
AGO I FELL INTO THE FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS ZONE WITH A NEW
GUY. NOW I'VE FALLEN FOR HIM AND WE SPEND ALL OUR TIME TOGETHER.
AND WHEN I BRING UP DATING," I LOVE THIS ONE, "HE SAYS
HE'S NOT READY TO COMMIT.
HE SAYS HE NEEDS MORE TIME TO DECIDE. I THINK I LIKE HIM.
I THINK I LIKE HIM MORE THAN HE LIKES ME. AND HE'S CONSTANTLY
SENDING ME MIXED SIGNALS.
SHOULD I STOP PURSUING HIM AND TELL HIM I DON'T WANT
TO BE FRIENDS ANYMORE?"
OKAY. BIG CATEGORY.
A LOT OF FOLKS WANT TO KNOW
ABOUT THIS. HANNA'S GOING
TO ANSWER IT NEXT WEEK.
I HOPE THAT YOU'LL JOIN US.
>>JOHN ANKERBERG: I HOPE
YOU'VE ENJOYED TODAY'S PROGRAM
FEATURING HANNA SEYMOUR.
IF SO, YOU'LL WANT TO RECEIVE
A COPY OF HER NEW BESTSELLING
BOOK FOR YOUNG WOMEN CALLED,
THE COLLEGE GIRL'S SURVIVAL
GUIDE. HANNA'S BEST INSIGHTS
ARE IN THIS BOOK INCLUDING
ANSWERS TO THE TOP 52 QUESTIONS
SHE'S RECEIVED ABOUT ROOMMATES,
BOYFRIENDS, CHOOSING A MAJOR,
BALANCING FAMILY AND SCHOOL
LIFE, SEXUAL ASSAULTS AND
MUCH MORE. AND YOU CAN REQUEST
YOUR COPY OF HER BOOK
FOR A GIFT OF ONLY $15.
IF YOU WOULD ALSO LIKE TO HAVE
A COPY OF TODAY'S TELEVISION
PROGRAMS WITH HANNA TO WATCH
AGAIN OR SHARE WITH A YOUNG
WOMAN ENTERING COLLEGE
OR ALREADY IN COLLEGE,
YOU CAN RECEIVE ALL 5 TELEVISION
PROGRAMS IN OUR SERIES ON DVD.
IN OUR PROGRAMS, HANNA ADDRESSES
THE MISCONCEPTION OF BELIEVING
THAT COLLEGE IS THE BEST FOUR
YEARS OF YOUR LIFE, OF DEALING
WITH ROOMMATES YOU HAVE NEVER
MET BEFORE, HANDLING THE STRESS
OF COURSEWORK AND CHOOSING
OR CHANGING A MAJOR, HOW TO FIND
FRIENDS TO HELP YOU GROW
IN YOUR FAITH, HOW TO HANDLE
THE LONELINESS OF BEING AWAY
FROM FAMILY AND FRIENDS, AND
THE PROBLEM OF SEXUAL ASSAULTS.
THE 5 PROGRAMS IN THIS SERIES
COME IN A SPECIAL PACKAGE WITH
BOTH BLU-RAY AND DVD FORMATS
AND INCLUDES A COPY
OF HANNA'S BESTSELLING BOOK:
THE COLLEGE GIRL'S SURVIVAL
GUIDE. THEY ARE AVAILABLE
TOGETHER FOR A GIFT OF ONLY $64.
THEN, ADDITIONAL COPIES OF
HER BOOK CAN BE REQUESTED
FOR $15 EACH.
THEN FINALLY, TO PROTECT
YOUR FAITH IN JESUS, I AM ALSO
MAKING AVAILABLE TWO IMPORTANT
SERIES THAT I'VE RECORDED CALLED
"SO YOU DON'T FALL AWAY
FROM THE FAITH"
AND "QUESTIONS THE WORLD
WILL ASK ABOUT YOUR FAITH."
THESE PROGRAMS FEATURE
ONE OF THE WORLD'S FOREMOST
NEW TESTAMENT SCHOLARS AND
APOLOGISTS, DR. DARRELL BOCK.
HE ANSWERS THE QUESTIONS:
HOW DO WE KNOW THAT
THE INFORMATION IN THE NEW
TESTAMENT BOOKS CONTAIN
THE BEST HISTORICAL EVIDENCE
THERE IS FOR WHAT JESUS SAID
AND DID? WAS THE MESSAGE
JESUS PREACHED, CHANGED OVER
TIME BY THE EARLY CHRISTIANS,
OR HAS JESUS' MESSAGE REMAINED
THE SAME RIGHT DOWN TO OUR DAY?
HOW DID THE EARLY CHRISTIANS
COME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT
THE APOSTLE'S BOOKS AND LETTERS
WERE TO BE CONSIDERED SCRIPTURE,
EQUAL IN AUTHORITY WITH
THE OLD TESTAMENT SCRIPTURES?
AND WHO DECIDED WHICH BOOKS
WOULD BECOME PART OF THE CANON
OF SCRIPTURE?
AND THEN MY SECOND SERIES
WITH DR. BOCK IS CALLED
"QUESTIONS THE WORLD WILL ASK
ABOUT YOUR FAITH."
HERE WE EXPLAIN WHY
JESUS NEVER INTENDED FOR ANYONE
TO CONCLUDE HE WAS JUST ANOTHER
RELIGIOUS LEADER, RATHER,
HE WANTED PEOPLE TO KNOW
HE WAS GOD IN HUMAN FLESH.
HOW DO WE KNOW JESUS REALLY ROSE
FROM THE DEAD, AND ACTUALLY
APPEARED TO OVER FIVE HUNDRED
PEOPLE? CAN THE RESURRECTION
APPEARANCES BE EXPLAINED AWAY
BY DIFFERENT PSYCHOLOGICAL
THEORIES TODAY?
THESE PROGRAMS WILL HELP YOU
REMAIN STRONG IN YOUR FAITH
AND PREPARED TO ANSWER
QUESTIONS YOUR FRIENDS ON CAMPUS
WILL ASK YOU ABOUT JESUS.
AND YOU CAN REQUEST ALL THREE OF
THESE RESOURCES, INCLUDING HANNA
SEYMOUR'S BESTSELLING BOOK,
THE COLLEGE GIRL'S SURVIVOR
GUIDE, OUR 5 PROGRAM DVD SERIES
WITH HANNA CALLED "THE COLLEGE
GIRL'S SURVIVOR GUIDE",
AND THEN OUR 6 PROGRAMS
WITH DR. DARRELL BOCK ON DVD
FOR YOUR GIFT OF ONLY $99.
AND YOU MAY REQUEST
ALL OF THIS INFORMATION IN
THIS SPECIAL PACKAGE RIGHT NOW
BY CALLING US AT 1-800-805-3030.
THAT'S 1-800-805-3030.
OR YOU MAY ALSO REQUEST
THESE MATERIALS AT OUR WEBSITE
AT JASHOW.ORG.
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