Welcome back to Educating New Mexico my name is Bonnie Murphy. We're continuing
our series it's about parent involvement in schools on a very different level
than most the discussion has been about. Hi I'm Bonnie Murphy this is Educating
New Mexico and this is Jessica, how are you? Hi, I'm good how about you? Good, yeah it's good
to see you thank you so much for coming today I'm really excited to hear about
your, you know your journey and it sounds like you've gotten through it so it'll
be a hindsight perspective that we're we're looking at today. So you're a
mother, you're gonna have a baby (Yes) a little boy and you also have a son
and his name is Brayden. Brayden Bossier is his name. Okay. So he is, he'll be nine
in October, he goes to public school, he is in third grade and I started
having issues with the school district when he was in preschool. He
was diagnosed with autism when he was two years and five months and I noticed
that there was a delay when he was about 18 months and that's what made me I
caught me on going get him checked out to see what kind of delay he had. I'm
sorry he was how old? 18 months. So he was probably in a preschool then right?
In the Bernalillo Public Schools? When he was 18 months he was actually
going to a daycare. (Oh, okay) And I was actually kind of comparing a couple kids
to him and what were their milestones were compared to what
my son was doing. And that's when I noticed okay he is not where he's
supposed to be. (Okay) And one of my coworkers, she had suggested
taking my son or having gave my son some therapies because of his
delays. So I did that and I went through a really great service and I had that
the therapy for him It was speech speech, it was occupational
I think and. So, do you mind if I just clarify? Because people can't just go get
services for their children right? (Right) So there has to be a diagnosis.
There has to be some kind of delay in the child or if your child is pretty
much born premature or some kind of disability. So there was a diagnosis of a
developmental delay? Yes. Oh, okay so then that was what you took
with you to the different therapies and these are the outside therapies right? Yes.
Outside services not in the child care (right) Okay. And so I went did that and
then at church one day this the nursery tenant suggested to me, 'Hey look, I think
your child might may have autism.' And so I looked into it and I got an
appointment to go get him seen and as I was doing this I was also in
school in class or in school I was taking a public speaking class. And one
of the projects asked if they had to find some, do some kind of research and
then talk about it. And so I did that and my topic was on autism. Isn't that
awesome, the way that those classes, that's what's happening for me right now
too in the classes I'm taking. So you were, what college were you going to? I was
going to CNM at the time (Oh okay) and it was my second or third trimest...or um,
"trimester" [laughter] "Baby on the brain".
It was my 2nd or 3rd semester of ever going to CNM or college or anything and so that's why I
took it I took public speaking. And were you just taking classes just because or
are you going for a certain, I was going to become a teacher
Oh wonderful! So were you going through the alternative licensure program?
I haven't gotten that far yet. I was taking the basics first and then also taking what I
needed to take to get further along. So one of the classes that was
suggested was public speaking. It's required for (yes) yeah that's good. And so
that's what I took and it was like, the topic was supposed to be on
like informative so I chose the topic on autism because that was a topic that
like it was personal in my life in finding out more. Right. So you can equip
oh for him (yes) and also for the profession teaching profession. We need
more teachers like you that are interested in, yeah definitely. So that's
what I did and I took him to get diagnosed and they had like different
ways of doing it like he would he was interested in bubbles at the time and
they had bubbles out that's all he wanted to play with. And the trains.
Because he was into Thomas the Train as well. And so that's all he would play
with over there when they bought stuff out. So he was showing some some autistic
behaviors. Yes. Okay. He went like who most kids will go to from this toy to that
toy to you know like everywhere and play with everything and like have
imaginative play and the way they communicate you know that kind of stuff
and he was only showing like somewhat like he was interested in the toys but
he wouldn't like he was only interested in some of the toys not like everything. And
what I, They go through a whole litany of tests for that (yes).
Observations of the play and things like that (yes) and speech and yeah.
So he qualified for speech as well? Yes and he still needs a lot of speech. Like he does
he is very verbal and he does speak to you, but there are certain words that he can't
say or he tries to say but it's not clear. And I stillI have problems
understanding certain words too, so it's like I'll ask him okay Braden what did
you just say? Can you show me what you just said so that way I can understand
what you're saying? And so that's one of the therapies that they're probably
working on with him right? Yes. Speech? Yes and so there's times where
I say 'yes' Brayden, even though I don't understand what he's saying or I'll be
like okay Brayden. Yay Brayden, okay. You know? Even if I don't quite understand
but and I know I should do better but I it's like I'll be driving or, I'll
be. Yeah. It's hard to you there for every little thing. Yeah so, but I but for
a majority of the time I know what he's talking about. or I know what he's
saying and I have a habit of if I know something that he's saying something
I'll go ahead and like interpret what he's saying just in case somebody
else doesn't understand him. Right. Cause, not everybody will ask for clarification.
or reinforce those those kind of structures you know that he's probably
used to being trained with you know the speech language therapist pathologist I
mean SLP speech and language pathologists to - yeah so it's hard
when when people aren't trained to reinforce what he's learning in his
sessions with his SLP. Right and so there's times where I'll be like
he'll go to somebody and he'll tap somebody go, 'Hey Thomas is blue'. And it may not be
as clear like it when he says that it is actually clear but it may not be as
clear to other people. So but I go, 'Thomas is blue Braydon?' and he goes 'yes', you know
so the other person knows, okay. Right. (you know) And are these accommodations in
his IEP? Yes. Okay so the speech and language pathologist so one thing
that I'm not clear on and I'm a special education licensed teacher is
that this what I've been told is that the speech and language pathologist has
their goals and the things that they're working on.
Yes. But are those translated into the accommodations? Yes.
because he needs. He needs reinforcement in the classroom (yeah) situations as well?
Yes. Okay so just making sure I thought so but. He's supposed to have like every
whatever his IEP says they're supposed to go through with that
and work with it with him in the class as well. So like say when he goes into
his speech class they take him out for 30 minutes or an hour or however how
long is supposed to be and they work with him the last year what they
did was they they write stories to him and they had him read like I tell him
what to tell her what the story was about. Are these social stories mostly? Yeah.
It was like, I think one of them was the No David books. Oh yeah. I don't know if
you know (yes) the No David books but they he really loves them and we have like
3 of the No David books, and he absolutely loves them like he actually memorized
all of them. So was he diagnosed with autism when he was 18 months old or you
said some time had passed right? Some time. He was two years and five months. Okay.
So then he was in the same program? Yeah. He was in Abrazos up
until he turned three and then what because Abrazos only does therapy
outside on the outside until he starts school and he started school right the
day after he turned three. And because at the school what the preschool he went to
they allowed him to go a year early because of his autism. So this was a
preschool within a school district (yes) a public school district. Yes. Okay. And so
they allowed him to go I had issues with the school I guess the last year he went.
He was at the preschool for 3 years and
they would call CYFD on me. Wait wait. I'm sorry they called CYFD on you?
Because they would say. For what? For one of the times it was because the dog that
my mom had at the time had bit him. Another time was because Brayden was not
completely potty trained yet and he was on the bus I guess and he had just
had a bowel movement and it looked like it was caked on him is what they said or
that like had not given him a bath on a regular basis or not like keeping up
with him. So they were just nit-picking on every little thing which to me is like
not, it was BS to me. Because he does he has to take a bath every 2 or
not not everyday it's every other day, because he also has eczema. And if he has
Yes, too much soap and yeah. Yeah he can rash out. You know and this is a part
of what I was learning about transitions I have to give him a time limit and
find out what works for him. So did anybody at the school talk to you about
or even ask you or try to find out like what your routines were at home and
you know give you maybe some strategies for you know how I mean I we're all
learning when we become parents right even though there's lots of literature
out there everybody's situation is a little bit different (yes) there's some
consistency you know some things that that continue to be a you know something
that needs to be dealt with with children when they're growing but did
anybody reach out to you and try to help you walk you along and kind of give you
some guidance? At first before school it was Abrazos they said that you should
try to do this with him you should try to do that with him I think they
said pictures try to use like that like pictures that say if it's potty training
Brayden at the time (yes) a picture of a toilet. That way he can Brayden can
come up to me and go, Mommy potty. (yeah) Potty mommy. Visual
pictures for communication they said also try to use communicate they also
said use a timer. You have Brayden five minutes okay Branden you got
five minutes left for the movie and then it's time to take it back. Right, yeah. Or
there's, you have ten minutes left and then you have to I'll give you ten
minutes and when you do the ten minutes or when the ten minutes is up
this is what you do (yes) what we're doing or, we're leaving after ten minutes.
and that transition has always been hard for Brayden. (yes) Like he loves going
to the park he always has loved going to the park and
every time that it was time to go, he'd throw a fit; he'd have a meltdown. And that's how I
would have to put it on the timer even the timers didn't work when leaving the place
like the park or the places that he loved going to. But he has actually
gotten better at it. When I tell him okay Brayden it's time to go
you have, I'll give you five more minutes and it's time to go, and he'll be
like, 'Okay mom', and then like he'll watch the timer and go, 'Mom, timer went off
it's time for bed yeah timer is off let's go. You know? So he's actually
gotten a lot better from it. Yeah absolutely. And so in that consistency (yeah) and
practice and time it, yeah definitely. Yeah so that actually has helped and with
the school they just were just nitpicking at every little thing and we
went and kept a communication log on between me, the teacher, the one of the
therapists at the school and then one of the daycare providers.
And it was just like a completely, you know, hey Brayden did this today he hit
another child today. So you're, you were getting a lot of
negative feedback. (yeah) So did you get positive feedback did you get any
positive reinforcement for the things that he was doing well or little
milestones he might have reached or anything like that? That was more on
like the therapy side. The therapist would always give
more of the positive feedbacks and the EA because in preschool there's always
two teachers; one main teacher and one EA. And the EA would always give me the
positive. And the actual teacher was always the one that's usually nitpicking
at everything. That's interesting because research is showing it takes time
to build up you know high quality teaching
strategies and be able to use them proficiently but I think what we're
starting to see is that anybody can learn this anybody can learn that we
just use positive reinforcement to continue to encourage the child to do
things that are positive right? Right. So that was my issue at the preschool is
this always a negative and I'd come home crying because I'm trying to do my
best as parenting him I want him to learn. That's why he's in school. Yeah. And
it's hard when people would always sit here and nitpick every little thing and
tell me that he can't do this, or he's not doing that. That he's not focusing
on what he's supposed to do or he's not clean when he really is clean you know
that kind of stuff that it just, it just bothered me because I am a clean person
and so is my son. Yeah. And my son actually likes being clean he actually
will pick up after himself too (yeah) so just stuff like that it's like there
you're nitpicking. That's not, you're looking for something, for an excuse. So when
you say, 'looking for an excuse', To call CYFD or to find a reason why to tell me
something bad it just it was, What did that do to your family? What did that do
to your relationships within the family and with your son? Me and with my son
it was but I don't think Brayden actually quite understood what was going
on. I just tried to parent him as much as I could. And I would go tell my
mom as well because my mom at the time was working at CYFD. Oh wow! Yeah, so my
mom would actually look at the cases and say okay that's just that's BS (okay)
You know? That was her role? Yeah. Oh wow. And my mom would actually say ok
that's just BS you know because she couldn't actually deal with Brayden
or Brayden's case because that was family and so it would have, But she had some
contact some ability to compare you know things that were being reported and (yeah)
what that was like for you. Right and she could actually sit here and say I know that's
not true because of the fact that Jessica's doing her best she's actually
a good parent here she's not abusing this child she's not neglecting this
child she's not you know and it's just sitting here. She's not perfect (yeah) but she's
learning. My son has more of a disability than
what me and my three sisters had or what my niece has had. So you were probably
pretty stressed out during that time (yeah) that had to have affected your son.
Yeah and so and I think that's partly why he does act out so much more
because he's thinking, 'Oh, okay I'm getting that attention. I'm getting, you know even
if it's a bad attention or what-not. And I would sit here when he had the bad attitude
or the bad or the meltdowns I would sit here and tell him I don't like this
attitude. Like in a way that he understood. I would sit here and I'd cry
because you know I'm trying to teach him you know the rights from wrongs and it's
harder for me to teach him you know I don't like this attitude let's try
something else to a child with special needs rather
than a child who's considered normal. But any child needs to hear from their
parent that they're doing well (yes) and make that connection between what
they're doing in school and what they're doing at home and you know yes you know
this is great excellent job and then we generalize so we transfer what we're
learning at school to home and what we're learning at home to school so that
communication back and forth is so important and need to recognize the
positive. Nobody thrives on negative negative negative. Right and I and did
I do encourage him like every single day of his life. I've always said, 'Ooh yay
Brayden'. and I would praise him, 'Yay, you did this, good
job Brayden. Right now it's high-fives. Brayden you did good it's so good I
like this, I'm so proud of you. High five Brayden. He actually like he likes it
when I do that. (yeah) He actually got, I got his progress report back for
this year his first one he had all to like all but two 2's and then three
3's. So this is an improvement. Yeah. Oh excellent! I want to find out what the
difference is (okay) between you know the two schools
and the two how's he doing he's excelling now but before it was such a
it was hard difficulty yes. And so those were the kind of things that were
going on with you know his school experience in preschool and kindergarten
Kindergarten, I liked his teacher in kindergarten and in first grade.
Why did you like his teacher? Because they would actually try to help
him better. The only thing that I didn't like is that they didn't really send home
homework. What?! You want homework? (yeah) Who wants homework? Well I wanted to, it's
because I wanted to work with him. I wanted to be on the same pages with his
teachers and at home and help him with what he needed to be
helped with. I wanted him to be at his grade level. I want him to be, I want him to
succeed in everything that they do. That he does. You know, granted I know like he's
not going to be advanced and I know like he's not like I would like him to be
advanced but I know it's gonna be a long time from now. And I want him to be at
least right now I just want him to be at his grade level and he's not there.
He's in preschool work preschool kindergarten work right now
and he's in the third grade. So you are one of those parents that wants to help
at home (yes) to continue doing interventions with him and (yes) trying to
get him caught up so that's really valuable actually there's you know
sometimes parents don't want to do homework or schools like you said don't
send don't send homework so why why did they not send homework? I'm not sure why
I would, Did you ask them? And was there has been an
answer a response? No not really. They didn't respond saying that why
there wasn't any homework. There's every once in a while they give him
something and I would send it back but it wasn't what they were doing actually
in the class it was something totally different because of where Brayden's
delay was. They were working on where he should be or where he was at at
the time instead of actually what the kindergarteners were doing or what
the first graders were doing. You know mostly what I hear is that the homework
that's being sent home is too challenging. They don't know how to help
them it's a different kind of math to do and it is difficult for teachers to
teach parents also you know how to do it if they're trying to teach the children
but then also to teach the parents and so a lot of times they just send review
homework home so that parents can kind of reinforce those you know skills that
they've already learned and they're supposed to be teaching those you know
new skills in school but then then those would get put into a cycle of review
right (right) and be sent home so. Yeah I mean I just wanted to work
with him that way where we were on the same page and that we were doing the
same things with Brayden at home and at school. Okay. And that's where I was
coming from because when you're a parent you know you want to know what your
child is doing and where your child is at and it felt like I wasn't getting that.
Right. And, but other than that I liked his first grade teacher and I
liked his second, or, I do like his second grade teacher too but, and I
liked his kindergarten teacher because they were but they were all trying to
actually it seemed like they had Brayden's best interest in him with them
and but they they were also not, they didn't really work with reading at the school
or I felt like they didn't really work with him because if they did Brayden may
not be that much behind. So when you say you don't think that they worked with
him, what would they be doing if they were in the classroom with him? When you
say work with him what does that mean? Meaning like, he should be reading
right now. He doesn't know how to read. He can write but it looks like a
preschool's handwriting. He's not in spelling, he doesn't know how to spell
He knows how to count he's now letting you know what adding and
subtracting is. He is still that's he's at the beginning stages of those. And he's in
third grade? Yes. Okay, so he's about at a first grade level then (yeah) with his math (yeah)
So, but when you say working with him, what what does that mean? Does that mean
you know they're, do you know what it means? Working with him like, Do you know
how teachers work with kids in the classroom? Not quite because I haven't
really experienced it yet. Okay so have you been able to observe maybe? I've
observed one classroom but it was not Brayden's class at the time. Okay. I
haven't really observed what they do with Brayden because they have also an
issue with if Brayden sees me at the school, if he knows I'm there he acts
totally different than what he would be if I wasn't there so. Windows. I know
some schools who have like two-way windows so that people can observe you
know and watch what their kids are doing and how the teachers are working
with them so I mean that would be nice wouldn't it to do that for you? It
would be nice and then that way I can actually see and observe without Brayden
knowing that I'm there. What about video? Having the teachers take, the
administration taking a video not giving it to you right because there's
confidentiality you know of other students in the
classroom and stuff like that but maybe letting you just watch it to see how
he's doing would you be opposed to something like that? No I would like to I
wouldn't mind seeing it at all. Because I would like to actually see how he does and how they
are working with him because if I see how they work with him maybe I
can learn to work with him as well at home. Yeah that's a great idea.
Yeah I don't mind like whatever they're doing I don't mind doing at home either.
Like I want to work with the school as well as the school working with me.
You know I just I don't want to always be the one that's always giving them,
okay this is what we're doing. (right) You know at home what are you guys doing at
school I want it to be like mutual ground where we both are working
together to make Brayden's future better. Right, and when it sounds like two
entities are coming from a different direction and they don't really meet in
the middle that makes the communication very difficult (yes) and so that probably
adds another additional layer of stress (right) on the lives of the of the family.
Yeah. And actually probably the teachers too right because (right) they're
kind of caught in the middle as well sometimes. And then I don't know if
they know what to do about it that's what I'm wondering it's
like what do we do about this? They can only do as much as administration's
gonna let them do a lot of times right? Right. Unless they have perfect autonomy (right)
Yeah, so then so that was, what what grade was that? Well, you're talking
about now? This was in kindergarten and first grade. And then in second grade I had an issue because
they actually made Brayden work. And which I didn't, which is fine by me. I
wanted them to have Brayden work but it was new to Brayden. It was like
something like you just piled right on him. Okay so when you say 'work' what do
you mean school work, (yeah) homework? Or, It was school work
Oh! So you're saying they they made it harder for him. (Yeah) He did a lot more
challenging work? Yeah, it was because like this in first and
kindergarten and first grade he didn't really do all this work. I never got anything
back from first and second, or, kindergarten and first grade. Second grade I would get
stuff back but it was a more challenging for the teacher because a
teacher actually made him work instead of what they actually, what others did.
and I would get calls (oh) Okay so such a huge jump between not a
very rigorous curriculum and instruction to very rigorous curriculum and
instruction. Yes, and it was just as put on him right away instead of kind of like
smoothing it out where, okay we're going to do this today Brayden let's
do this. You know and, So the transitions weren't very helpful
they weren't, They just placed it right on him without actually telling him okay Brayden
But didn't you just tell me that that's part of his accommodations? Those
are in his accommodations in his IEP that he needs to have transition (exactly)
a period, and does it spell out what those transitions are like? Is it the
timer, Yeah this timer that you had to do at a time when you have to verbally tell
him you had to show pictures depict a picture schedule you know just all this
stuff and they did have the picture schedule for him but they just put it
right on him, okay this is what we're doing. Instead of, okay Brayden let's do
this and then once you do this then you get to play. Okay so what you're telling
me is that they were choosing one of the strategies, the accommodations in the
IEP but not working with another one of the strategies and accommodations that needed
to be in place for him as well. (right) Okay. So it's just the way it was like still
a struggle because he still had meltdowns or he had more meltdowns at school this time
around than he did in kindergarten and first grade. But, okay so you said that they
called you? Yeah, they would call me and I would I was actually working at
the daycare this time. Oh, at the same school basically?
Yeah the daycare, I worked at the daycare that I had Brayden into. And every time
that they would call me, saying, 'Hey, you need to come get Brayden, Brayden had a meltdown
he spit at the teacher, he scratched the teacher', he you know just all this stuff
He was triggered somehow (yeah) Yeah he was triggered, and I'm like
okay so what happened? And they would not actually tell me anything they just said
this is what he did to the teachers and this is an inappropriate
behavior, I'm gonna go, 'What can you tell me what led to this behavior?' They
wouldn't tell me. And so then I would ask there's a day where I
when I got called she told me that the
therapist that was working with him told me, 'Okay this is what was going on, he was
spitting at the teacher at the Special Ed teacher, he was also
scratching and he left marks'. And I'm like, okay so like after that I
left and I asked Brayden, well what happened? Why were you hitting
why were you spitting? His answer, 'They pushed me down'. And this
therapist as well told me that Brayden cannot answer 'why' questions. And he can
answer 'why' questions you just have to do it in a particular way where he
understands what's going on or understands the question. And he actually
did tell me, 'Mommy they pushed me down'. You mean physically pushed (yeah) him down?
So were, they pushed him or they were holding him down? I don't know I even
asked you know I told them, 'Okay Brayden told me this. Brayden told me that you
guys pushed him down. I'm not blaming anybody I just want to know what's going
on. What happened? They didn't tell me anything.
They wouldn't tell me anything. So I mean if it's getting to that point the next
thing is to do a functional behavior assessment and try to get a behavior
intervention plan in place right? Right. So did you all do that? Why? It was
not brought up to me. Okay. Did you know that you can ask for that? I think I did
but I didn't because they were they were um I don't know why. I think one of the
times I think I did ask for like extra help was because I wanted to get more
therapy for him from the outside and one of the therapies I asked for from the
outside wanted to take our goal and look at it. Or go observe
Brayden in school or take him out or something and they said they said no to
that because they said that he's already being taken out of the classroom so
for like, "X-0" amount of hours as it is. They just said they can't
do that because he's already missing so much out of class as it is that they
can't accommodate that. Did he get suspended for the behavior? No I would
they just call me to come pick him up. But you realize you don't have to go
pick your child up from school (right) unless they're suspended right you know that
now? Yeah I knew that, Isn't that amazing? Like there's so many parents who get a
phone call and you know just you know let me pick my child up and sometimes
that negatively reinforces the behavior because they want to go home (yeah)
because they're not having fun they're getting whatever pushed down or they're
feeling so frustrated that they want to you know spit (right) and kick and that's
not fun. Right, and that's something else they said that Brayden would
kick as well and I had to bring slippers in for him to wear during school
so if they actually if he actually did kick it wouldn't be his hard shoes that was
kicking them. And so I would, I did that but it's like why would he be kicking in
the first place? Right, right. It's figure out what's going on and try
to help the child and figure out how to work with them without going to getting
to that point (right) And it's, when I asked you know why what was going on they wouldn't
tell me. And all they would sit here and say is it okay Brayden did this this this
this. Instead of okay well what led to this this this and this? You know. And
that's what a real functional behavior assessment is if it's based on data it's
what we're looking at what occurred prior to the behavior. And I can't
fix the behavior as a parent if I don't know what caused the behavior in the
first place. Right. And come give me a hug and then let's talk about why you're
going, why you threw the rocks today. Why you hit this person. And
I don't think, you know I think some people think that that's giving excuses
you know for behavior (right) I don't see it as giving excuses I
see it as problem-solving. (Yeah) If we're not just constantly negative this is
what they did this is what they did, and we're saying okay this happened but we
figured out that this was what happened before, so let's see what we can do
differently and then I sit down with the family and say what is your thought
have you seen this at home? (right) You know what do you do is it successful is
it not (yeah) And that's why you tried to do with the parent to and she goes yeah
that you know and I told her you know I've been trying that with the child I've
been saying okay I think you need a hug and maybe that might help and I
told her this is what I'm doing, and she goes, 'I love that idea, thank you'. You know
and she will tell me okay what he's done at home too so and that's that kind
of thing I wanted from the school as well for Brayden. Because Brayden and this
other child are two completely different children. And like he's a n ormal child
versus what Brayden is. And he but it's just the behavioral with him and so
that's why I have to try think differently than what I had to do with
Brayden I had to do something different with this child. And. So with the child
that does not have a diagnosis right that's you're doing those tier one
interventions you know that you're doing. Trying to do things in within the
classroom and seeing if those work right? (Right) And so if you're I don't know
if you do this or not but if you're taking the data and writing it down you
know taking have it you have a log that you're keeping about all that and what's
what's going on then you're also taking data you know and that way you have
something in case you aren't able to figure out what works for that child
then you can move to those tier 2 interventions and that's where the
SAT comes in right? (right) The Student Assistance Team and that's where the
maybe a behavior intervention plan needs to come in into place or maybe we just
need to ramp up the you know get some other people in to collaborate with and
figure out, 'What do you think?' You know, 'Parents, what do you think'? 'Teachers, what
do you think?' We all have different areas of expertise so we can open up the
conversation and try to problem solve together. (right) So then, but
then the tier 3 is when those aren't working either and there may be a
disability so we need to have a diagnosis and see if there is something
going on. Right and that's where in that I
would like what I'm doing it with this child I would like the teachers to do
that with Brayden. And but also communicate with me on what they're
working with and what, and then say this is what we're doing, what are you
doing at home? Can we work together here? Can we you know xoxoxo and that's what I
wanted to. I want to be that parent that's on the ball and being, 'Yes let's
do this.' You know, 'No that's not a good idea because you know that's not
going to work how Brayden is.' Or, 'Yes that's a perfect idea.'
You know? I just want to be like the parent that's involved with the child's
needs. And what they're doing in school and whatnot. So this is, so he's in third
grade now (yes) and do you feel like you're getting that kind of
communication that you would like to? Yes I am. I agree with what the teacher said
that she wants to see where he's at without the help but then again
Brayden does need that help. So I think that you know just to help you
understand, I think that you're absolutely right. It's both right? Yeah. We
we don't always need to give them that help because sometimes we do
need to do an assessment and see where they're at. Right. But when we help
them we're giving them practice at doing it a certain way that that might be
better for them (right) and that's valuable as well absolutely. Right and so
that's where like I don't like that's where I feel conflicted is like well I
don't want to be the one that saying what your idea is wrong your idea is
wrong or right and right like can we together I don't know how to like
because I hate confrontation myself. And so I'm like, 'How do I do this?' And so, Maybe you all
need to sit down and have a conversation just like you said. Yeah. Is there, can you do that?
Can you ask if you can all sit down together and have a parent meeting?
Possibly if I can get somebody else to help with it because I don't want that confrontation.
Because I am one that like, if I feel like there's point like people are
pointing fingers at me or at whoever, I'm going to sit there and start crying because like
'Oh my gosh!' You know? it's just that like I don't know how I can deal with that. You know I
can deal with small kids, I just can't do it with adults (yeah) and then the other
issue I have is just this week they actually, the school took Brayden out of
his actual General Ed class; took him into a Special Ed class. And the General
Ed class had about 20 or 24 kids and they downsized his class to now where it's seven
in this Special Ed class. They went ahead did this without consulting me first and
talking to me about it and saying, 'Hey let's have a meeting can we talk can we
do this for your son then this is why we want to do this.' You know? Okay so let me
just clarify. So what you're saying is that he has an IEP that says
he's going to be in the General Education environment
(yeah) the setting is in a General Education setting receiving Special
Education services (right). So he's in an inclusive setting (right) and you're
saying that they've created a Special Education setting and they've now
they're now pulling him out and putting him in that. And then and they didn't,
They didn't tell me about it. My issue is because Brayden sometimes does not
do well with transitions and changes. Which I have tried like in the past not
kept a regular schedule. I do keep a regular schedule for him but there's
times where we go off the schedule because I want him to be okay with
change. Right. But and he was okay with the change he was that he didn't have a
meltdown or anything when they changed it but I would have liked to be informed
so that way I could have changed I could have, Reinforced that transition (right)
positively. Yeah and so and instead of just automatically out of the blue do it and um,
Because when people just change things other people don't know what their role
is (right) so they need to know so they can support the new thing so (right)
Well it sounds like you probably need to call for a meeting. Yeah I
actually did. So what you're saying is that you would like to be iinformed
and be part of the decision because essentially what that was was that was a
change of placement. Yes. And you know they're assuming that that's the
least restrictive environment for him but that is a decision that needs to be
made through an IEP meeting so the team can come together and decide that way
you're involved (yes) Right so yeah you know I would say definitely you need
to have a team meeting (exactly) not, I mean call together an IEP team meeting
not just an informal sit-down meeting because they've already made the change
so that needs to be done. So is that what you did? (yeah) Oh, did you
email it? You know documentation, always in writing (okay) Yeah and you know there's
that continuum, there's the least restrictive environment for a child
with special needs (right) you know this is full on General Education you know
very little you know support and then and then down here is where they have to
go to a special school and they have to, Right. So I mean now they're bumping him
closer to this part and, And Brayden was actually in like he's kind of like in
the middle of that because he actually he is high-functioning and he does he is
verbal and he can do things you just have to work with him. You need to work
with him harder than you would with this child or with that child. But would you
say that it was working? Things were working in the general education
classroom? Yeah it was because he was actually doing his work. Okay but so he was
doing his work, but do you have did have they been giving you data to show that
that this has been working? That he's growing and he's
getting closer to proficient? I actually got a progress report. Did
you get his individual student report? I think that's what that was. Is it Istation?
No I didn't get his Istation stuff yet back. I still have to talk to his teacher
because I didn't really get to talk to his teacher after Thursday night. But I know
that he did his Istation and when, like right before I talked to the EA
about it Brayden's teacher said most of the class
had got above 50% in their reading. And so I know that they did it and I know that
Brayden's was one of the ones that was low because of the previous years
when they didn't work on them with him. So but I know that they did it
and but they won't tell me what his percentage was or what his floor was on
Istations. So it's possible that they could be making that decision based on
the change in placement based on the report (yeah) but you just haven't received the
report yet. (Right) Yeah so that that's yeah you definitely need to be informed first
right and decisions need to be you know made with your input. (Yeah)
But you know but just remember I mean I don't know how long Brayden's been
doing the Istation but a lot of times the idea, I mean what happens usually is
that the Istation; there can be computer difficulties, there can be
technical things going on, so you know I personally I mean professionally in my
opinion with my experience with Istation is that it's not really always
the best assessment to use for the very beginning of the year and base important
decisions on. So does he have a different kind of assessment that they use in the
class or to try to figure out where,? I think they did I think they did in the
years before. I'm sorry when oh do you remember what it was called?
Mmmm, not really I, they told me I think once before but once you got to
first or second grade that's when they started doing the Istations with him
instead of actually the non-computer and because they
said that the Istations are timed or (yes) Well but that's the thing is
that, does he have accommodations does he have an assessment allowable
accommodations for his test taking, his assessments? I think I'm not sure. Okay
yeah so those are all important factors you know that you need to know about and
there's also a Parent Portal you know you should be able to go on the
Istation website and log in and be able to see his progress like you should have
you shouldn't be waiting to find out what's going on you know you should be
able to see it right away and and monitor that progress because a lot of
times they have the Istation curriculum and they can go in and assess
they can also assess students so you know every two weeks or something if
they give him some interventions then they assess him again in about two weeks and
then they'll see are they growing, is this making a change you know is
this, are they progressing. I think they did that in his first and second grade.
You know they just had to work with him harder on certain things than they do with
a normal child. So, Or use different strategies maybe not work harder but
just use a different strategy (right) Yeah so that's where I like okay you know at
least he's showing that he's intelligent so many ways versus you know
other play areas that he needs the help with. And I just that just made me happy
when that they told me that. I was like, 'Yay!' You know. Was that last year? Yeah this past
year. At the end of the school year? Yeah. Oh that's great. Because his IEP is
actually in March or supposed to be March. So this was a recent IEP (yeah)
so there's really no reason to be changing the placement because you
just recently, I mean when I say recent March is you know six months ago but at
the same time you know it was towards the end of the school year right, so.
Which is another issue that I had because his IEP is actually
supposed to be in March but they actually did his IEP this past year in
May. Because the person that usually does IEPs or did the IEPs was at the
preschool that Brayden went to. Or like full-time instead of being at the
elementary school and combining their preschool and elementary school together
like they did before. Yeah, we do have there is a shortage of Special Education teachers.
So, and so Brayden's IEP was held back to May
instead of actually doing it in March, how like they're supposed to. And then they
did his IEP out in the last week of school instead of actually, okay
this is where it's supposed to be. You should be this. And I even asked, 'Brayden
needs the IEP. We need to do his IEP'. And like I would do I would bring it up every
day that brought him to school. Or was at the school, it was like, 'When is his
IEP gonna be? And they couldn't tell me, 'Oh well you know we can't do that, we can't
schedule it yet', because they're trying to figure out they're trying to get more
stuff, I was like, So they just didn't tell you anything?
They couldn't schedule it until May. And I was like, 'His IEP though is in
March. He needs to have his IEP.' And they didn't do it until May. It was
like two months later. So it's like, 'Really?' You know? And so that was the
other issue I had with him when he was in second grade. Instead of actually they
should have been on top of it, and they weren't on top of things like they were. So was
it an annual evaluation or was it his three-year re-evaluation? It was both
his annual and his three-year evaluation, both. So they just did that in May? Mm-hmm. Well
then that's even more of a reason why they probably shouldn't be (yeah) changing
his placement right at the beginning of this school year. Right. So something
else might be going on. Just need some communication right? Yeah it's just like
they're like behind and that's not my fault, and then like at the beginning of this
year the school didn't send over Brayden's IEP papers. And to say what
he's doing and what he needs to do and whatnot. From second to third grade? Yeah
they didn't send his records over to a point where they can work with him and
that was an issue to me because they should have actually done that
beforehand because of fact that Brayden does have a IEP he
does need this, these accommodations. A lot of schools have access to the
Special Education needs of students their paperwork their IEPs (yeah)
on the computer. They keep Special Education records in a different place
usually in (yeah) in the Special Education Department.
Yeah and they told me that the reason why they didn't get it is because they
took away the programs they had for the IEP over the summer at some point, and
so everything that they had in the IEPs were erased for everybody on everybody's
IEP. And I'm like, that doesn't make sense you know? Erased? Like yeah, it's not it's
been deleted it's not, they don't use that program or something and so they
didn't have Brayden's IEP. So, Wow. That's something you need to find out more
about too. Yeah so I had to bring my copy to the school so that way his teacher
can actually look at it. I'm just I'm glad that they they're actually that
that they're working with him and that's where I'm okay with that they're
trying to work with him on it. So whatever happened with the referrals that
were made for to CYFD about your family? So what happened was one of the
times that the CYFD person came in is like one of the last times. He said that
people are gonna always call CYFD on me because people don't know or they don't
understand children with autism. They, because with like Brayden's case he's
he can be hard. He has meltdowns. He has, I have to do
work differently than with Brayden. They said that they can't see they can't
actually, they have to close the case because he can actually tell Brayden's
not abused, Brayden's not neglected, Brayden's not showing any kind
of proof that as to why they called CYFD on him. Last year they actually did call
CYFD on Brayden but they did not, I don't, they did not actually
interview me about it on a regular term, because he actually or they
didn't do a home visit because he actually went to school when I was
actually going to school to clip his nails. Because that wasn't the issue that
they had. So he actually watched me clip his, Brayden's nails and
they saw the interaction I had with him and when we were walking out, he goes
'There's not an issue here. There's not a problem. I don't know why they called
CYFD on you. They're just nitpicking at you. And I've even read all the other
CYFD cases that they had on you and I have to agree with the other
case workers. And that this is just BS. This is not a real case. You're not neglecting
him, that you're not doing this.' And as far as I know the cases are closed
because it's been months it's been like six seven months since then so I'm
assuming it's closed. Right. So. I'm sorry that you have to go through that that's
that adds an additional layer of stress. Yes it does and that's why like, right now
we're, with this baby, since we're expecting this baby we're trying to make
sure that we have two bedrooms, or actually three bedrooms because I want to
make sure that each, Brayden and this child has their own room because I don't know
how Brayden's going to act with, when this child is actually going to be born. Like I
don't think that he's going to be mean, I think he's gonna be too helpful and I
think he's gonna try to (oh, right) you know like help as much. So you're one of those
parents that's doing research ahead of time to try to figure that out and
you want to know so you need the information you need the guidance. Yes
I'm doing the research just like what you're saying is I'm trying to do I'm
trying to think the best and make sure that my boys have everything that they
need so that way they don't get taken away. Because that's my biggest fear I
can't live without my kids. So but yeah, that's gonna be hard. Or that would
be hard and I don't want that to happen. You're definitely one of those parents
that is concerned and trying to do everything you can and you know what do
you think we could do? What could be done to help people learn more
about children who are autistic so that they're not, Um just do your research on
the child or not just the child but on autism and realize that every child
that's on the spectrum is different. And to expect different things from each
child because you can have one that's very high-functioning and you won't know
that they have autism until somebody actually says it to you either
them or the parent or whoever because you won't know. Because of how high
function they are or versus the child who is very low who won't speak
who's nonverbal, you can tell automatically that there's something
they have an issue. Or that child has some kind of disability but you don't
know what it is. You have to keep that in mind is that what's best for the child
instead of the money, you know? That's where my concern is. And when you say 'the
money', what do you mean? That I met a lot of teachers out there that are just
teachers because that's a job to them that's a way of getting money and not,
or that's the feel I get. A lot of the times like when we're at the meetings I
get the feeling of that they're not really caring for the child they're
just caring about doing their work, doing the job instead of of taking care of the
child. So what, it kind of goes back to where we started which was positive
(yeah) positive communication. (yeah) Having, letting people know that you care in
some way and letting them know that letting parents know that their child is
succeeding in some way and reinforcing that for them. Right and that's the whole
reason why I wanted to be a because I wanted to show like I wanted
my interest to be in a child not because it's just a job because you know that's
where my education is because, you know, this. I want my I wanted to be a teacher
so I can be the difference to a child that way I can make the child or help the
child succeed, and learn about the child. And I am actually, I feel discouraged now
I don't want to be pushed back like with what your story was. I want to be
that type of teacher that has a child's interest first and I want them
to know that they have that teacher, that one teacher that cares for them and that
wants them to do like if they don't have any other teachers like that I want to be
that one for them. You know I think what I'm what I'm realizing as I go through
this journey is that it's not us against them. It's how can we work together? How
can we figure out how to communicate better? How could we reinforce the
positive? How can we support teachers? You know sometimes teachers don't, being that
I've been a teacher and you understand too, sometimes we don't feel supported in
our workplace. (Yeah) Sometimes we feel isolated. Sometimes we feel like we're not valued
you know? (Right) Maybe we're disrespected and you know so those are the kind of things
that we can do to help teachers you know feel (yeah) more important and it's and we
we can't take on the whole world you know? Right. We can't take on everything I mean
I'm realizing that I can do everything I can, but I won't be able to change the
whole world. I need other people to help me you know? We all need to work
together (right) and you know I know that it feels like sometimes that teachers
are not really interested or not don't really care they're just there for a job
but I just truly don't know of any profession that you go into where it's
already it's on a it's on a sign on the wall that says, 'This is gonna be a hard
job.' Yeah. You know and so for a teacher to go into you know the profession of
teaching there has to be some glimmer of hope for everybody
and no matter who it is. And my friend Scarlett who wrote, did the Choose
Love curriculum, you know she talks about how there are good people; there are two
kinds of people: there are good people and there are good people in pain. So we
all have some you know something going on in our lives and so we just need to
be supportive of each other and provide everybody with the support and
what they need to succeed. And that's where (whatever that is) and that's what I
want to do what be I want to be the support but it's I just feel discouraged
about doing it because of the fact that, with also like you had to have the
teachers licensure. And I've heard that taking that test to get that the
licensure is hard. I can't even, in school I was taking the math for teachers I can't
even pass them because I'm horrible at math. I almost didn't pass those classes
too! I passed the last one with a C-, I think, I barely passed
by the skin and my, whatever, the hair of my chinny, chin-chin. but you can do it.
And we need people like you. Yeah I''ve taking the math for teachers two and
three, well I've taken both of those like three or four different times and
each time I can't pass it because the way they have it I can't learn from it
because you have to actually know how to do it it's like if I'm not, if I wasn't
in school to learn his, how am I going to be able to do it and teach it? Jessica
we're gonna have to check back with you and see what's going on (okay) we're gonna
have to see if what happened with his IEP and please just remember we
need, this is what we need we need teachers like you and you know we
let's keep working together to do everything we can to make people aware
of what teachers need (right) to support them and what children need to support
them (okay) and parents need to support them (right and) that's what we need to do we
need to just bring that awareness out so I think you're like them one of the
most powerful examples of, you're a parent, you want to be a teacher, you're
educated you totally understand all this stuff you know, it's like you would be such a
valuable asset you know in a Special Education setting or even a General
Education setting. And I don't mind doing either/or I want to get my education. And
you're flexible, (yeah) and you're versatile. Right now I'm a educate my degrees to be
an both Special Ed and in General so that way they can have both aisles if they need
the General more I can be that or, And you're also willing to do what a school
needs. Yeah. That's amazing you know we need people like you so don't give up
okay? I'm trying not to, but it's hard. Yeah don't give up okay not today
think about it and yeah we'll see what we can do to support you okay? Okay. All right,
thank you for coming today. Alright, thank you for having me.
For more infomation >> RHOC: Emily Simpson Is Jealous Of Gina Kirschenheiter's Relationship With Her Mom (S13, E14) | Bravo - Duration: 2:59. 
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