News on Youtube Aug 28 2018

Are there any relationships in your life that you wish were different than they are?

Better than they are?

Well, today we're going to talk about how to take control of your relationships.

Today, we're going to talk about how to take control of your relationships.

So, in your life, Do you have any relationships right now that are not the way that you would

prefer that they be?

Do you have relationships with people in your life that are not behaving the way that you

would like them to behave that are not interacting and relating to you the way that you would

like them to interact and to relate.

Well, I'm going to give you the solution.

The first thing though to remember is...

Because this topic is how to take control of your relationship.

From other videos that we've done, we know that there are only 3 things that we can control.

We can control our conscious thoughts, our emotions and our behavior.

So, how can I control another person in a relationship that I'm in with?

The truth is, "I can't."

So, what if the relationship is not the way that I want it to be?

What can I do about that?

I'm going to give you an equation to help you kind of see and understand what I am going

to teach today.

So let's say that in this relationship.

And I'm going to say this is a relationship between me and my spouse.

And let's say that I'm a 2 in my relationship.

And my spouse is a 2.

And so, our relationship is a 4.

But I want our relationship to be a 10.

So, what would we need to do in order to make our relationship become a 10?

Well, I could become a 5 and my spouse could become a 5 and that would make our relationship

a 10.

But again, what if my spouse doesn't want to change?

Well, I could become an 8 and my spouse could remain a 2.

And the relationship would then be a 10.

But I may be thinking, "But that not what I want", right?

Why should I be the one that has to do all of the changing in order to get the relationship

that I want?

Well we can think about that belief right there.

If this is what I really want, then why would it matter if I do all the changing and my

partner doesn't change.

If the outcome that I get is still that I want, why does it matter?

Maybe there are somethings then about this person that they do or don't do that I don't

like.

So, the truth is maybe I don't want this to be a 10.

I just want this person to be diferent than they are.

So, I can look at that.

And that's a totally separate thing.

But I could ask myself, "If this person is doing or not doing something in our relationship.

And I am staying in a relationship with them, why am I doing that?

Because what I am truly saying is, "I want to be in a relationship with somebody but

I want them to be different than they are."

So, instead of me making any changes in my own life, I want them to change so that I

can stay the same.

So, think about that.

But here's the other truth about this, is if I become an 8 in a relationship, there

is no way that this person is going to remain a 2.

I can't happen.

Because if I change the way that I interact with this person, if I change the way that

I talk, if I change the way that I behave, it's going to cost them to behave differently.

So, let me give you an example.

if me and my souse have this pattern of whenever I...

Let's say I forget...

I don't take the garbage out.

And that's my job to take the garbage out.

And when I don't do it then my wife gets upset at me and reminds me or nags me that I didn't

take the garbage out.

And my response to that was I get defensive and I start arguing back.

And so, when I get defensive, maybe I say some mean towards her.

And now she gets upset and she starts arguing back with me and raising her voice and I raise

my voice.

And we have this pattern of we argue back and forth and escalate it to the point that

we both angry and upset to each other and then we distant ourselves from one another.

Let's say that I don't take the trash out.

So, I'm the one that isn't changing.

Let's say that my wife is the one that wants to change.

And so, she wants to become an 8.

And so, I forget to take the trash out.

And she could do something different that she has ever done in the past.

One, let's say that she just chooses to take the trash out herself.

Well, if she does that and she doesn't say anything about it to me, what's the chance

that we're going into an argument over me not taking the trash out.

Probably not going to happen at all.

The other thing that may happen is when I notice or seen my wife taking the trash out.

There's 2 things that could happen.

One, I may think, "Wow, that's great.

If I don't do what my wife wants me to do then she's going to eventually do it for me."

So, I could start to do less and less around the home and my wife might start to do more.

So, instead of being a 2, I may become a 1.

Or I could become a zero.

That's still changing, right?

So, I could go that direction.

And if I move in that direction, my wife may realize, "Man, Randy really is not the kind

of guy that I want to be living with."

This is an easy decision.

You know, I'm doing everything by myself anyway.

What do I need him around for?

And go off on her own.

Or I could move the other direction.

Where I could recognize that my wife stepped up and did some of the things that I know

I am responsible for.

And I may start remembering to do it on my own.

I may even notice other things around the house that need to be done.

I may become a 3 or I could become a 4.

But the truth is if I change my side of the equation, the other side of the equation will

change.

We just don't have control over.

Whether will it change in the direction that we want or the direction that we don't want.

But it will change.

Here's what I do know.

None of us like being told what to do.

And whenever anyone is trying to change us or trying to get us to do something that we

don't want to do, there's this natural tendency to resist.

So, oftentimes when we are focused on somebody else's changing.

So, I'm unhappy in a relationship because of what the other person is doing.

So, I focus on them.

I want them to change.

when we do that, oftentimes we invite more of what we don't want.

So, when I focus on somebody and I'm saying, "Look, you're a 2, I want you to become a

5."

Sometimes we are going to create resistance and that person is going to stay a 2.

Where they could go in the other direction.

Whereas if we accept the other person for who they are and where they at and we put

the focus on our self and becoming the best of we can be.

Being like Gandhi talks about which is being the change that we want to see in the universe.

So, I start taking care of the things that are influencing me to be unhappy in a relationship.

I take care of them myself.

I accept the other person for who they are and where they are.

And I can express love to them.

What we then do is we invite change or we create a setting or an environment in which

this person feels safe.

The defense is lowered.

This person is maybe more willing to look at them self.

And to identify the things that they could improve in.

And then having a desire to want to make those changes.

So, the way that take control over our relationships is to take control over our self.

To look at the things that are making us unhappy.

And instead of focusing on others and trying to change the things the we can't control,

we bring it back to our self.

Say, what can I do differently, what can I change in order to give me the outcomes that

I want.

And by doing so, we're going to create an environment that allows the person or a relationship

with, to be more likely to create or become that change that we really want to see.

Thanks for joining us again today.

Hopefully you found this information useful to you in helping you have ideas of how to

improve relationships in your life.

For more infomation >> How To Take Control Of Your Relationship - Duration: 9:28.

-------------------------------------------

What monkey Sok talking why baby want cry | Sok good relationship with baby & mom| Monkey Daily 1537 - Duration: 10:31.

For more infomation >> What monkey Sok talking why baby want cry | Sok good relationship with baby & mom| Monkey Daily 1537 - Duration: 10:31.

-------------------------------------------

Tiger Woods sidesteps questions about his personal relationship with Donald Trump - Duration: 3:47.

Tiger Woods struggled during the final round of The US PGA Northern Trust tournament in New Jersey on Sunday, but the PGA legend did successfully deflect a question about his relationship with President Donald Trump while urging Americans to respect his office

'He's the President of the United States,' Woods said after finishing 40th overall

'You have to respect the office.No matter who is in the office, you may like, dislike personality or the politics, but we all must respect the office

' Woods had been asked a question that referenced Trump's controversial immigration policies

'At times, especially 2018, I think a lot of people, especially immigrants are threatened by him and his policy — what do you say to people who might find it interesting that you have a friendly relationship with him?' a reporter asked Woods, according to USA Today

Just as he did with previous presidents George W.Bush and Barack Obama, Woods has played golf with Trump on several occasions, and the two have stayed in touch since the latter's inauguration

'Well, I've known Donald for a number of years,' Woods said.'We've played golf together

We've had dinner together.I've known him pre-presidency and obviously during his presidency

' Woods was also asked about racial relations in America, but he declined to give a response

'No,' Woods said, 'I just finished 72 holes and [I'm] really hungry.' Woods was coming off an impressive runner-up finish at the PGA Championship, but struggled on Sunday before finishing with a 70 for the round, which left him 14 shots off the lead

Bryson DeChambeau shot a 2-under 69 on Sunday to win his second tournament of the year

He finished 18-under overall.Woods is not the only professional athlete to sidestep questions about his relationship with Trump

New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady has also played golf with Trump, and even went so far as to endorse his bid for presidency during the 2016 campaign

However, when asked in January of 2017 if he called to congratulate Trump on his victory, Brady balked: 'Let's talk about football

' Trump has had a more contentious relationship with other athletes – namely NFL players who he has condemned for protesting inequality and police brutality by refusing to stand during the national anthem

Former NBA MVP winners LeBron James and Stephen Curry have both exchanged criticisms with Trump through traditional and social media as well

San Antonio Spurs coach Gregg Popovich and Golden State Warriors coach Steve Kerr have also publicly criticized Trump for everything from his response to gun violence to claims that the President has used race to divide the country

However, unlike James and Curry – both of whom Trump has called out by name, specifically disinviting them from a potential White House visit – the President has not mentioned Popovich or Kerr publicly

Trump has received many endorsements from current and former athletes, including boxer-turned-promoter Floyd Mayweather Jr

,former Buffalo Bills offensive guard Rickie Incognito, former NFL coach Mike Ditka, and current Patriots coach Bill Belichick

An avid golfer, the Trump Organization owns and operates many golf courses and resorts, both in the United States and abroad

In fact, Woods has won several tournaments at the Trump National Doral resort near Miami

For more infomation >> Tiger Woods sidesteps questions about his personal relationship with Donald Trump - Duration: 3:47.

-------------------------------------------

Sushant Singh Rajput and Kriti Sanon call off their relationship? - Duration: 1:55.

Sushant Singh Rajput and Kriti Sanon call off their relationship?

Sushant Singh Rajput and Kriti Sanon call off their relationship?.

Bollywood actors Sushant Singh Rajput and Kriti Sanon's rumoured relationship has been a hot topic for a while now even as they have vehemently denied the reports. Now, latest buzz has it that the rumoured lovebirds have called it quits. .

According to a Pinkvilla report, Kriti is the one who has called it quits. While rumours are also suggesting that the two of them might be on a break, since they are more than occupied with their professional commitments.

Sushant Singh Rajput and Kriti Sanon were last seen together on the big screen in Raata, which doomed at the box-office.

Meanwhile, Sushant Singh Rajput has donated Rs 1 crore for Kerela flood victims on behalf of his fan. The actor made a transaction of Rs 1 crore and shared a screenshot of the same on his Instagram handle.

He captioned the picture as, "As promised my friend, @subhamranjan66, what you wanted to do has been done. You made me do this, so be extremely proud of yourself. You delivered exactly when it was needed. Lots and lots of love.

On the work front, Sushant Singh Rajput will be seen next in Kedarnath opposite Sara Ali Khan. He will also star in The Fault in Our Stars remake Kizie Aur Manny. .

On the other hand, Kriti Sanon has Luka Chuppi and Housefull 4 in her kitty.

The actress is paired opposite handsome Akshay Kumar in the comedy film and they have already wrapped up the first shooting schedule of the movie in London. They completed their shooting by cutting the cake on the last day.

For more infomation >> Sushant Singh Rajput and Kriti Sanon call off their relationship? - Duration: 1:55.

-------------------------------------------

6 Healthy Relationship Habits Most People Think Are Toxic - Duration: 14:55.

6 Healthy Relationship Habits Most People Think Are Toxic

1.

Letting Some Conflicts Go Unresolved

There's this guy.

His name is John Gottman.

And he is like the Michael Jordan of relationship research.

Not only has he been studying intimate relationships for more than 40 years, but he practically

invented the field.

Gottman devised the process of "thin-slicing" relationships, a technique where he hooks

couples up to all sorts of biometric devices and then records them having short conversations

about their problems.

Gottman then goes back and analyzes the conversation frame by frame looking at biometric data,

body language, tonality and specific words chosen.

He then combines all of this data together to predict whether your marriage sucks or

not.

His "thin-slicing" process boasts a staggering 91% success rate in predicting whether newly-wed

couples will divorce within 10 years — a staggeringly high result for any psychological

research.

His method went on to be featured in Malcolm Gladwell's bestselling book Blink.

Gottman's seminars also report a 50% higher success rate of saving troubled marriages

than traditional marriage counseling.

His research papers have won enough academic awards to fill the state of Delaware.

And he's written nine books on the subjects of intimate relationships, marital therapy

and the science of trust.

The point is, when it comes to understanding what makes long-term relationships succeed,

John Gottman will slam-dunk in your face and then sneer at you afterwards.

And the first thing Gottman says in almost all of his books is this: The idea that couples

must communicate and resolve all of their problems is a myth.

In his research of thousands of happily married couples, some of whom have been married for

40+ years, he found time and again that most successful couples have persistent unresolved

issues, unresolved issues that they've sometimes been fighting about for decades.

Meanwhile many of the unsuccessful couples insisted on resolving fucking everything because

they believed that there should be a void of disagreement between them.

Pretty soon there was a void of a relationship too.

Successful couples accept and understand that some conflict is inevitable, that there will

always be certain things they don't like about their partners or things they don't

agree with, and that this is fine.

You shouldn't need to feel the need to change somebody in order to love them.

And you shouldn't let some disagreements get in the way of what is otherwise a happy

and healthy relationship.

The truth is, trying to resolve a conflict can sometimes create more problems than it

fixes.

Some battles are simply not worth fighting.

And sometimes the most optimal relationship strategy is one of "live and let live."

2.

Being Willing to Hurt Each Other's Feelings

My girlfriend is one of those women who spends a lot of time in front of the mirror.

She loves to look amazing and I love for her to look amazing too (obviously).

Nights before we go out, she always comes out of the bathroom after an hour-long make-up/hair/clothes/whatever-women-do-in-there

session and asks me how she looks.

She's usually gorgeous.

But every once in a while, she looks bad.

She tried to do something new with her hair or decided to wear a pair of boots that some

flamboyant fashion designer from Milan thought were avant-garde.

And it just doesn't work.

When I tell her this, she usually gets pissed off.

And as she marches back into the closet to redo everything and make us 30 minutes late,

she spouts a bunch of four-letter words and sometimes even slings a few of them at me.

Men stereotypically lie in this situation to make their girlfriends/wives happy.

But I don't.

Why?

Because honesty in my relationship is more important to me than feeling good all of the

time.

The last person I should ever have to censor myself with is the woman I love.

Fortunately, I date a woman who agrees.

She calls me out on my bullshit sometimes, and it's honestly one of the most important

traits she offers me as a partner.

Sure, my ego gets bruised and I bitch and complain and try to argue, but a few hours

later I come sulking back and admit that she was right and holy crap she makes me a better

person even though I hated hearing it at the time.

When our highest priority is to always make ourselves feel good, or to always make our

partner feel good, then nobody ends up feeling good.

And our relationships fall apart without us even knowing it.

It's important to make something more important in your relationship than merely making each

other feel good all of the time.

The feel good stuff happens when you get the other stuff right.

The sunsets and puppies, they happen when you get the more important stuff right: values,

needs and trust.

If I feel smothered and need more time alone, I need to be capable of saying that without

blaming her and she needs to be capable of hearing it without blaming me, despite the

unpleasant feelings it may cause.

If she feels that I'm cold and unresponsive to her, she needs to be capable of saying

it without blaming me and I need to be capable of hearing it without blaming her, despite

the unpleasant feelings it may generate.

These conversations are paramount to maintaining a healthy relationship that meets both people's

needs.

With out them, we get lost and lose track of one another.

3.

Being Willing to End It

Romantic sacrifice is idealized in our culture.

Show me almost any romantic movie and I'll show you a desperate and needy character who

treats themselves like dog shit for the sake of being in love with someone.

The truth is our standards for what a "successful relationship" should be are pretty screwed

up.

If a relationship ends and someone's not dead, then we view it as a failure, regardless

of the emotional or practical circumstances present in the person's lives.

And that's kind of insane.

Shut up and jump already.

Shut up and jump already.

Romeo and Juliet was originally written as satire to represent everything that's wrong

with young love and how irrational romantic beliefs can make you do stupid shit like drink

poison because your parents don't like some girl's parents.

But somehow we look at this story as romantic.

It's this kind of irrational idealization that leads people to stay with partners who

are abusive or negligent, to give up on their own needs and identities, to make themselves

into imaginary martyrs who are perpetually miserable, to suppress their own pain and

suffering in the name of maintaining a relationship "until death do us part."

Sometimes the only thing that can make a relationship successful is ending it at the appropriate

time, before it becomes too damaging.

And the willingness to do that allows us to establish the necessary boundaries to help

ourselves and our partner grow together.

"Shoot myself to love you; if I loved myself I'd be shooting you."

– Marilyn Manson

"Until death do us part" is romantic and everything, but when we worship our relationship

as something more important than ourselves, our values, our needs and everything else

in our lives, we create a sick dynamic where there's no accountability.

We have no reason to work on ourselves and grow because our partner has to be there no

matter what.

And our partner has no reason to work on themselves and grow because we're going to be there

no matter what.

It invites stagnation and stagnation equals misery.

4.

Feeling Attraction for People Outside the Relationship

Our cultural scripts for romance includes this sort of mental tyranny, where any mildly

emotional or sexual thought not involving your partner amounts to high treason.

Being in love is like a cult where you're supposed to prefer drinking Kool Aid laced

with cyanide to letting your thoughts wander to whether other religions may be true too.

As much as we'd like to believe that we only have eyes for our partner, biology says

otherwise.

Once we get past the honeymoon phase of starry eyes and oxytocin, the novelty of our partner

wears off a bit.

And unfortunately, human sexuality is partially wired around novelty.

I get emails all the time from people in happy marriages/relationships who get blindsided

by finding someone else attractive and they feel like horrible, horrible people because

of it.

Not only are we capable of finding multiple people attractive and interesting at the same

time, but it's a biological inevitability.

What isn't an inevitability are our choices to act on it or not.

Most of us, most of the time, choose to not act on those thoughts.

And like waves, they pass through us and leave us with our partner very much the same way

how they found us.

This triggers a lot of guilt in some people and a lot of irrational jealousy in others.

Our cultural scripts tell us that once we're in love, that's supposed to be it, end of

story.

And if someone flirts with us and we enjoy it, or if we catch ourselves having an occasional

errant sexy-time fantasy, there must be something wrong with us or our relationship.

But that's simply not the case.

In fact, it's healthier to allow oneself to experience these feelings and then let

them go.

When you suppress these feelings, you give them power over you, you let them dictate

your behavior for you (suppression) rather than dictating your behavior for yourself

(feeling them and yet choosing not to do anything).

People who suppress these urges are the ones who are likely to eventually succumb to them

and give in and suddenly find themselves screwing the secretary in the broom closet and having

no idea how they got there and come to deeply regret it about twenty-two seconds afterward.

People who suppress these urges are the ones who are likely to project them onto their

partner and become blindingly jealous, attempting to control their partner's every thought

and whim, corralling all of their partner's attention and affection onto themselves.

People who suppress these urges are the ones who are likely to wake up one day disgruntled

and frustrated with no conscious understanding of why, wondering where all of the days went

and remember how in love we used to be?

Looking at attractive people is enjoyable.

Speaking to attractive people is enjoyable.

Thinking about attractive people is enjoyable.

That's not going to change because of our Facebook relationship status.

And when you dampen these impulses towards other people, you dampen them towards your

partner as well.

You're killing a part of yourself and it ultimately only comes back to harm your relationship.

When I meet a beautiful woman now, I enjoy it, as any man would.

But it also reminds me why, out of all of the beautiful women I've ever met and dated,

I chose to be with my girlfriend.

I see in the attractive women everything my girlfriend has and most women lack.

And while I appreciate the attention or even flirtation, the experience only strengthens

my commitment.

Attractiveness is common.

But real intimacy is not.

When we commit to a person, we are not committing our thoughts, feelings or perceptions.

We can't control our own thoughts, feelings and perceptions the majority of the time,

so how could we ever make that commitment?

What we control are our actions.

And what we commit to that special person are our actions.

Let everything else come and go, as it inevitably will.

5.

Spending Time Apart

Crazy girlfriend is not in a healthy relationship

You see it all the time: the man who meets his girlfriend and stops playing basketball

and hanging out with his friends, or the woman who suddenly decides she loves every comic

book and video game her boyfriend likes even though she doesn't know how to hold the

XBox controller properly.

We all have that friend who mysteriously ceased to exist as soon as they got into their relationship.

And it's troubling, not just for us but for them.

When we fall in love we develop irrational beliefs and desires.

One of these desires is to allow our lives to be consumed by the person we're infatuated

with.

This feels great.

It's intoxicating in much of the same way cocaine is intoxicating (no, really).

The problem only arises when this actually happens.

The problem with allowing your identity to be consumed by a romantic relationship is

that as you change to be closer to the person you love, you cease to be the person they

fell in love with in the first place.

It's important to occasionally get some distance from your partner, assert your independence,

maintain some hobbies or interests that are just yours.

Have some separate friends.

Take an occasional trip somewhere by yourself.

Remember what made you you and what drew you to your partner in the first place.

Without this space, without this oxygen to breathe, the fire between the two of you will

die out and what were once sparks will become only friction.

6.

Accepting Your Partner's Flaws

In his famous book The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Milan Kundera said there are two

types of womanizers: 1) men who are looking for the perfect woman and can never find her,

and 2) men who convince themselves that every woman they meet is already perfect.

I love this observation and believe it applies to not just womanizers, but just about anyone

who consistently finds themselves in dysfunctional relationships.

They either try to make their partner be perfect by "fixing" them or changing them.

Or they delude themselves into thinking that their partner is already perfect.

This is one of those things that is not nearly as complicated as it feels.

Let's break it down:

Every person has flaws and imperfections.

You can't ever force a person to change.

Therefore: You must date somebody who has flaws you can live with or even appreciate.

The most accurate metric for your love of somebody is how you feel about their flaws.

If you accept them and even adore some of their shortcomings — her obsessive cleanliness,

his awkward social ticks — and they can accept and even adore some of your shortcomings,

well, then that's a sign of true intimacy.

One of the best expressions of this idea came from Plato in the form of a myth.

In his Symposium, Plato wrote that humans were originally androgynous and whole.

There were no men or women.

They felt no lack, no uncertainty, and they were powerful, so powerful that they rose

up and challenged the gods themselves.

This posed a problem for the gods.

They didn't want to completely wipe out the human race as they'd have no one to

rule over.

But at the same time they had to do something to humble and distract humanity.

So Zeus split them in half.

He split each human into a man and a woman and doomed them to spend their brief mortal

existence wandering the world looking for their other half, the half that would make

them feel whole and powerful again.

And this wholeness came not from two perfections meeting, but two imperfections meeting, two

imperfections that both complemented and compensated for one another's shortcomings.

The artist Alex Grey once said that, "True love is when two people's pathologies complement

one another's."

Love is, by definition, crazy and irrational.

And the best love works when our irrationalities complement one another and our flaws enamor

one another.

It may be our perfections that attract one another.

But it's our imperfections that decide whether we stay together or not.