I often talk about how important it is to visualize relationships as the
foundation of any kind of success that you see in your life and keeping that in
mind I want to start off this video with a very important point to remember this
people buy from people and when you want to actually see a relationship and take
it to a really great level in your life you need to remember that everything
that you want in your life it comes from relationships and you talk
about this very important concept and how to build strong relationships using
three simple simple tips we have with us dr. Ravi yeah dr. alphonse ronstein
reagan he's from Belgium and he has over 40 years of experience
in the field he's a couples therapist a sex therapist
and he's also a public speaker and an author of the book is good enough couple
good enough yes so it's it's my privilege to have you here on this
channel and also have you shared your years of experience and knowledge on
this very important topic because I've been reinforcing on this channel many
many times how important it is to have a good relationship and to basically use
relationships in the way they are meant to be used and to not only improve our
own lives but also the lives of other people so could you share with us three
simple tips that could actually help us negotiate or deal with relationships
that we either have with ourselves or that we have with other people in a
better way yes the first thing you think it's very
important is to be conscious that in every relationship also in loving
relationship there are a lot of difference
and in order to cope with these differences it's necessary to talk with
each other even if that is difficult because I think that when it is
difficult it's really important to do it and by talking we create common meaning
we create dual constructs that means that we together are making the worlds
for our living together that's the first thing it's funny because we deal with so
many of our own relationships on the foundation of assumptions yes and that
creates the foundation for a lot of problems essentially and something as
simple as talking how do you find out whether there is someone who's facing a
problem with you if you are facing a problem with someone else doing
something how do you negotiate that you talk it's so simple but very important
is the way we do because a lot of people in relationship are telling you are this
or me or that I am very important is to keep it to myself
then I tell something about myself so I messengers very I tell about my feelings
and my experiences are very important in living together relationship so when we
go ahead and do this kind of talking we need to use I statements or I messages
that I think I feel I believe and I've reinforced this message quite a few
times when it comes from a position of I becomes my opinion yes versus you make a
lot of generalized statements yes it kind of takes away now probably my
opinion that especially more my experiences and my failures that's when
you so we've understood they're talking or
coming from a position of I is so important what else can we do to
actually a little bit ahead with this concept of using our own power to
improve our relationships what else can we do
yes the second thing to me is to empathize and I mean with empathy a very
special thing that is that I try to understand your feelings and then I
value your feelings so I will when you say something say to you if I understand
you well you are feeling like Dettol net and then I ask if I'm right and if you
say then yes then I think we have started a communication on the deeper
level that's very interesting because often in any relationship that we're in
will be the business relationship or a relationship where we're being mentored
by someone or a romantic relationship we often run into a roadblock because we
often fail to validate the other person's feelings yes this is such an
empowering way to do it by actually communicating and saying do I get you
right do I understand you correctly yes so
when you put it like that I think the way you say that the empathy comes out
yeah I mean people often ask this question how do I be more empathic this
is exactly how you do it yes you keep asking you keep talking you keep sending
the message across and again it goes back to avoiding making a lot of
assumptions about yes and then the third thing it's also failing to do this if we
have a difference about what we will do together and this
difference is there that we try to negotiate and to negotiate well there
are two things very important first to put the difference on table I want white
you want black and if the difference is on table it's easy to find solutions but
the second problem is that a lot of people are giving in too quickly so we
should be very careful and only give what we are able to give and then we
will come to an agreement that's better for the both of us
that's negotiation it's I think it's a quality that is developed over time this
art of negotiation maybe in future videos we can have more content coming
out on this particular topic of negotiation because again in any
relationship negotiation forms the foundation of how you move forward and
one of the things that you mentioned about making differences very clear many
times things are not to our liking we left we left in terms of you know how we
want to move forward we're left with a roadblock how do I get
past this you talk to a little bit more about how can we make differences very
clear to other people that I come from a different place or I think a certain way
how can we negotiate past these differences well very what I said I said
that putting the difference on tables from both sides it was very important
and then being conscious that we are in an equal relationship that's also
important because if someone has the power and the other not that's not a
negotiation negotiation means that we are both on the same level
I think it's putting it very simply but the impact is so huge we one of the
things that you mentioned today while you were delivering your presentation
was about how we view relationships as a hierarchical relationship versus
something that comes from a place of equivalence or we view each other as
equals you do not see we feel we have differences but we look past the
differences and we see how we can work together yes that is a position that we
think that we are different that's a fact we are different so to speak in
everything but the assumption that we making that is an unethical position is
that you're equal in value so at that moment we are both able to speak to take
positions together really puts a lot of impact again in what it means to make a
relationship work so putting all of this together is so
essential if you want to build a strong relationship and also take it forward
because relationships are what make people and also move people and if you
are looking to actually do this and take your life forward remember that
relationships again form the foundation of every single thing that you will need
do or become so keeping all of that in mind once again reinforcing all three of
the points that you've mentioned for us number one we need to keep talking
you'll talk to the people around you you're not sure don't as you talk to
them try and find out exactly what is going on with that other person and that
moves into number two which is empathy where you ask for confirmation you
look at it from their position by actually asking them clarifying and
actually think critically about what you say or what you do how does that
actually impact the other person and finally the third and probably the most
important thing that we need today in terms of business relationships romantic
relationship mentorship relationships or even a relationship were here you know
you need to get in to attempt something as simple as that where short-term
relationships are need to be considered remember that negotiation is the
foundation of how you will move forward in any relationship so putting all of
this together if you are looking for more content like this not only to build
stronger relationships I would recommend that you read dr. alphonse book which is
the couple so I will leave a link to that down in the description box below
you can go check it out and also in future I would like you to keep in mind
that relationships are what make you so don't take any relationship that you
have either with yourself or with other people for granted relationships are
everything in life and if you're a rugged individualist you're someone who
likes to do everything yourself you're not going to go very far remember
this statement if you want to go fast go alone but if you want to go far go with
other people keeping all of this in mind if you found this video useful make sure
you hit the thumbs up button comment down below and tell me what you thought
about this video what was your biggest takeaway from this video what are you
gaining from this content I want to know comment down below and if you have any
questions leave them down there as well and of course if this is your first time
here make sure you hit the subscribe button down below difficut shion's and
check out all of the videos that I have for you down below and of course the
clear is that I made on emotional intelligence hit the eye button go check
that out once again I would like to thank dr. alphonse for taking the time
out possibly actually come here and talk to us about all of these amazing things
and remember that relationships are as important as we are to ourselves this is
recon signing off and I will see you in the next session
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