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Hey everyone, before this review begins, I would like to thank you for watching it.
But while I usually don't do this for my videos
Due to the context of the game and it's director and writer,
I have put trigger warnings and time-codes down in the description below.
The ESRB page was also been linked if you want more detail about the scenes,
Though not all of them are included.
Once again, thank you all for watching the video, and I hope you like it.
TPP: Hello everybody, and welcome back to ThePixelPunch! Today's episode is going
to be a bit different than my last episode which was…..erm. Anyway! Today we will be
watching a movie! ….wait? That's not a movie? …..are you goddamn serious?
A while ago in my Top 10 E3 Games of 2017 video, I gave some minor praise to David Cage,
the director of LITERALLY EVERY GAME AT QUANTIC DREAM. However, I'm honestly gonna reel
that praise back from the sea of fuckery. David Cage does have some talent, which you
can see in the tech demos "The Casting" and "Kara," but his long term projects
tend to fall flat, be laughable, or downright offensive. Detroit: Become Human is currently
the only narrative game from Quantic Dream I haven't played, but honestly from what
I've seen, it's not worth it to me….except for Connor and Mr. Krabs.
Hank: CONNOR! The fuck are you doing?
Connor: Coming, Lieutenant!
TPP: Beyond: Two Souls is just kind of boring and pretty offensive towards the end,
but that's for another video. Fahrenheit: Indigo Prophecy straight up becomes a comedy
once Lucas turns Super Saiyan.
And Omikron….well….we don't talk about Omikron.
(Game: Welcome in Omikron.)
TPP: And then there's the one good game by Quantic Dream, Heavy Rain. I played a bit
of it a while ago and only recently played through the entire game after getting it on
the PlayStation Store. You wanna know my feelings about it?
NOOO!
I have never played a game so overrated, so ego-stroking, and with so many plotholes before.
And these button prompts with walking hardly count as gameplay! And if you're wondering,
no. The graphics do not hold up….at all. Unlike previous reviews, this will be split
into three sections. The technical aspect, the bloated story, and then the nightmare
that is David Cage. And if he doesn't like it, whatever…..I don't give a fuuuuuuck.
So….without further ado….let's talk about Heavy Rain……why do I always dig
my own grave?
Norman: Video memo recording, Agent 47023, Norman Jayden, Tuesday, October 4th, 2011.
The time is...8:14 am.
TPP: 2006 was pretty big for Quantic Dream, despite no video game release. The tech demo,
"The Casting," which I highly suggest you watch, is one of their better works and
was also technically the announcement of the actual game. David wrote-HOLY SHIT 2000 PAGES-for
the script and casting began. Some of the actors did a fine job with what they were
given, but others could have done way better, in my opinion. Also, Quantic Dream mostly
hired actors from Europe, most likely because it was cheaper, but hey, they got a lot of
American actors for Beyond and Detroit so what the fuck? The entire game's acting
was filmed through scanning and motion capture, which took a grueling 230 days to do. You
can actually check out a lot of behind-the-scenes stuff in the game, so there's one plus.
However, just because a game is technologically impressive doesn't mean it will be good.
The motion cap is still pretty decent buuuuuuuut... (making out noises) The graphics have dated
pretty poorly, especially when you look at games even before 2010, and the controls….oh
dear the controls. The game is a lot of walking….and walking….and walking….and then quick-time
events mofo!
(*"Takedown" by Blue Stahli*)
TPP: However, the controls are fucked in many ways. First off. R2 to walk. It's stupid.
Second, the fixed camera angles don't really help the cumbersome walking. Third, moving
the right stick slowly is NEVER consistent. I swear, during this part, I was going as
SLOW AS POSSIBLE because it was like "BITCH YOU'RE MOVING TOO FAST." I WASN'T FAST
AT ALL! THIS GAME IS A SHITPILE! The game also seemed to not register me holding some
buttons occasionally. Thankfully, because of that, I could restart the chapter fair
and square because it wasn't my fault. FUCKING. JUDGE ME. And finally, the tilting controls….sometimes
it works….sometimes it doesn't. And the Move controls. Ha ha ha ha, uh no.
Aside from the controls, giving the player complete control can lead to some unintentionally
hilarious moments. This is kind of a weakness of all Quantic Dream games, but Heavy Rain
was the start. And the voice acting is….EXTREMELY hit-or-miss. It will be seen throughout the
review but first….WHY THE FUCK CAN NO ONE PRONOUNCE "ORIGAMI" RIGHT?!
(*"Wii Shop Channel Music" as people mispronounce Origami*)
Ethan: ....Do you think the Origami Killer-
(*Children Cheering*)
TPP: So technologically, does Heavy Rain hold up?
J.J. Jameson: *laughs*
J.J. Jameson: You serious?
Ethan: You lied to me, Madison! All this time you fucking lied to me! I thought you wanted
to help me, but you're only thinking about writing a fucking book!
TPP: And now we get to about the highly praised story of the game, written by David Cage himself….oh
did I say highly praised, I meant horribly flawed.
I have no idea why this is considered one of the best game stories of all time. Logic
is constantly thrown out the window, plotholes pop up left and right, and honestly….it's
just.... baaaaad. This is a problem with all of Quantic Dream's projects, but it seems
to be ignored most of the time for this game. But let's not beat around the bush any longer
and get into the meat of Heavy Rain.
We start the game by waking up as Ethan Mars, a father of two young boys, Shaun and Jason,
and married to….ummm….Grace is her name? She's actually not in the story much, so
don't blame me. The first 15-20 minutes are spent getting readyyyyy-that is a butt!
And fucking around. I know that QD is trying to make the tutorial immersive but it honestly
just doesn't work. ….these two are assholes. An undetermined amount of time later, the
family goes to the mall. Of course, because Jason couldn't listen to his father for
one minute, we enter the land of memes.
Ethan: JASON!
TPP: And because Jason can't listen at all, he ends up dead.
Crowd: *screams in shock*
Grace: Jasoooooon! Jason, oh my God! No.... No! No Jason.... Oh my God... No...
TPP: Yeah I'm not moved. First off, if any of them died, it would've been Ethan, since
he's the one actually facing the car. And secondly, the car STOPPED IN FRONT OF THEM
RIGHT BEFORE THE IMPACT. The most they should've gotten would have been minor scrapes. But
because drama, Jason dies. Fucking little prick-
…..I am wet because sadness. Two years after the accident, Ethan and Grace have separated
and Shaun lives with his dad in his small apartment. And lemme say, ETHAN REALLY GETS
THE SHORT END OF THE STICK HERE. Everyone treats him like shit for trying to save his
son. Later in the game, Shaun is like "it's not your fault Jason died" but his tone
of voice says otherwise. Ethan isn't my favorite character in the game but he doesn't
deserve this beratement…..is that a word?
I'm tripping balls, man. After being a good or bad father to Shaun…yes, that is an option,
Ethan blacks out and wakes up at Carnaby Corner, holding an origami figure in his hand. Oh
my fucking god, this is totally a good red herring. Too bad it's mentioned just four
times in the game and seen only twice. Originally these blackouts were a supernatural element
where Ethan and the Origami Killer's minds were linked during the incident at the mall.
Ethan would enter this state where he would swim around the environment after it filled
with water. He would then find the Origami Killer's latest victim and wake up, pulling
an origami figure from the blackout. Now why weren't these present in the game despite
making these incidents make sense. Because they made the story too complicated HUR HUR
HUR. They weren't complicated at all. If anything, they made it less complicated. But
David Cage will be David Cage.
Next chapter introduces us to Scott Shelby, a private detective who is questioning the
parents of the Origami Killer's previous victims. That won't bring back bad memories
at all. We also get introduced to Lauren Winter, who is honestly one of my favorite characters
in the game. She's smart, doesn't hold back, and is just a great protagonist overall….
Too bad she isn't playable. After questioning Lauren and getting kicked out or leaving,
one of Lauren's ex-clients comes in to her room. This asthma thing is totally going to
be important. The player has the choice to save Lauren from being abused and possibly
raped or you can…walk away....WHAT THE FUCK?! *sighs* The fight between Scott and Troy also
introduces the QTEs in the game….no wait, that was in the first chapter. This segment
ends with Scott leaving. ….exciting.
Next up, we play as-
Norman: Agent Norman Jayden, F.B.I.
TPP: -where we investigate the crime scene of the most recent killing. Unpopular opinion
but….Norman is my favorite character. I just love using ARI to find clues, putting
the puzzle pieces together, and his flaws feel more genuine than the other characters.
It's probably my inner Professor Layton coming out.
(*"World 1" from Super Mario World*)
There is one point where using his drug addiction actually helps progress the story. ….don't
do drugs-We also meet Lt. Carter Blake, the lead investigator on the Origami Killer case.
Here be an asshole. After finding out that the victim is Jeremy Bowles and getting many
other clues, the chapter ends.
Ethan goes to his therapist and what the fuck is this gadgetry? This chapter, despite being
so small, actually infuriates me. First off, David Cage has no idea what schizophrenia
is and is confusing it with dissociative identity disorder. Either way, good job with your treatment
of mental illness, David! ….that was sarcasm-also…YOU DO NOT TELL THE MAN WHO LOST HIS SON HE IS
LUCKY FOR BEING ALIVE. YOU ARE A HORRIBLE THERAPIST. After this, Ethan and Shaun hang
out at the park, where they actually have a good moment bonding. I actually freaking
like this scene. But of course, Ethan blacks out while Shaun is on the carousel. In the
original cut, this scene was so much more impactful because a tsunami came in, symbolizing
Ethan's life was about to fall apart. Why?
Ethan: SHAAAAAAAAAUN!!!
TPP: I know David is trying to get me to feel something, but with how poorly the story is
put together, I just don't care.
Perry: To be frank with you, I could have done without the F.B.I. on this one, but the
press are all over us. This Origami Killer case crept up on us and it's fast becoming
a national concern.
TPP: Okay, I will admit this holographic desk area is a little stupid. After reviewing our
evidence in our closet…no really.
Norman: ....this....this is my office?
TPP: -and avoiding a withdrawl episode, we switch to Ethan reporting Shaun's disappearance.
Grace: Why did you leave him, Ethan? Why? Wasn't it enough losing Jason?
TPP: Girl, oh my gaaaawd.
Back with Scott, we interview another Origami Killer victim's parent, Hassan, who refuses
to help us at first, but then cooperates when we save him from a robber. Although it turns
out Hassan didn't really investigate the box much soooo….
Next up, we play as….oh god. So, this is Madison Paige, a journalist who is an insomniac,
and is only there to be David Cage's fetish material. Seriously, there are 52 chapters
in Heavy Rain. 17 are played as Ethan, 14 as Scott, 12 as Norman, and a whole wide whopping
total of 9 as Madison. And this is about 2 hours into the game. David, you can't just
throw in a new main character like that! And she doesn't serve any purpose besides being
sexually assaulted or nursing Ethan back to health. Oh, and the sexual assault isn't
just once, OOOOOH NO. Madison can be put in danger SEXUALLY, THREE FUCKING TIMES. And
one of them, while avoidable, is pretty fucked up. Let's just say, I do not want to meet
David Cage in person. *sighs* So….writing on her computer, showering, going to the…. what
the fuck-and defending yourself in a QTE action scene. Oh it was a nightmare…..wait what?
Speaking of Ethan, by the way, after being mailed a letter as well as a train ticket,
and escaping the paparazzi, he heads to Lexington Station. I actually don't mind the beginning
of this chapter, as the agoraphobia Ethan has developed makes sense. But then David
ruins it with...
Ethan: JASON!
TPP: Turns out in one of the lockers is a shoebox of our own. Back at a motel, Ethan
checks an SD card and puts it into a phone, where there's a video of Shaun drowning.
Shaun: Help...Dad....
Ethan: Sh-Shaun!
Shaun: Where are you? I'm so cold....Dad! Daaaad!
TPP: Oh help me, dad, I'm totally scared and in peril. He then opens the first of five
origami figures and gets an address. Finally, the meat of the story begiiiins and we're
back to-
Norman: Agent Norman Jadyen, F.B.I.
TPP: Like I said earlier, Norman is my favorite character, but damn, that was a horrific cut.
Anyway, Norman explains to the Police Department the evidence he's gathered from the crime
scene and Blake decides to be a child.
Blake: FUCKING ASSHOLE!
TPP: Norman estimates that they have about 72 hours before Shaun drowns, but…what if
the weather changes? It would need to be a constant for that, and even still, it's
RAINWATER. It would need to be really fucking heavy to drown him that fast. Norman proposes
two suspects that could be the killer, neither of which fit the description he gave. We head
to the first suspect's house, and as if it wasn't clear already, Blake is quite the dirty cop.
Norman: I'm not sure that's entirely legal.
TPP: Nathaniel arrives while we're searching, and Blake is a-
Blake: FUCKING ASSHOLE!
TPP: We manage to defuse the situation, despite David trying to trick us. HA. HA.
Scott visits the home of Jeremy Bowles, the most recent victim, and saves his mother from
a suicide attempt. After taking care of Susan and her baby, we find out that Jeremy's
father just disappeared, but left a phone that doesn't work. She allows us to take
it as evidence, and we leave, which brings us to Ethan starting the first trial at a
garage.
So, this car was just sitting here for a couple years? If this car wasn't taken out or repaired,
it would be in really bad shape. Technical issues aside, Ethan takes the car out and
gets a really solid line, actually.
GPS: Are you ready to show your courage to save your son?
TPP: Now this is the one complaint I actually don't agree with. I think the fact an unnatural
message comes from a GPS is what makes it effective. Anyway though, Ethan must drive
5 miles down the highway in 5 minutes, going the wrong way. Easy peasy-OH SHIT! Once Ethan
completes the trial and escapes the burning car, he gets another SD card, oh no my son
is drowning, and gets the first few letters of the address where Shaun is at.
This leads directly into the next chapter, where Madison checks into the same motel and
meets Ethan. She helps him back to his room, nurses him back to health, snoops through
his belongings, and leaves after a short conversation….I wish I was joking. After Madison is gone,
Ethan opens the second origami figure and heads to the next location.
Blake and Norman: *grunts*
Blake: FUCKING ASSHOLE!
TPP: This chase scene isn't that hard unless you fuck up once, then hilarity ensues.
*Hysterical Laughter*
TPP: Back on Scott's side, Lauren comes to his place and hands him a letter, which
he finds interesting since it was written on an old typewriter. And by now you've probably
figured out the twist because it is literally right in front of you. Lauren won't let
him keep the letter unless she is allowed to investigate with him, which he reluctantly
agrees to. They head to the house of a suspect, Gordy Kramer, and intrude on his party. Scott
is sexist, Lauren is smart, and then he confronts Gordy.
Gordy: Very well.... I'm the Origarmi Killer.
TPP: THERE'S ONLY ONE R, YOU IMBECILE!!
After being thrown out, Ethan begins the second trial. Forgetting the fact that setting this
up is impossible, Ethan must slowly navigate a maze of broken glass before traversing through
these LIVE ELECTRICAL CONDENSERS, OH MY GOD. Also, this power plant was abandoned. I wonder
what strings the Origami Killer had to pull to get this to work. Ethan gets another video
of his son drowning, and more letters to the address. The next chapter is pretty much a
repeat of the first time Madison nursed him back to health, minus the snooping. After
she awkwardly leaves, Ethan opens the third figure and heads to the next trial.
This chapter does nothing! Oh, and Grace makes her last appearance. And tries to make Ethan
look like he's-
TV Guy: The Origamy Killer.
(*"Green Greens" from Kirby*)
Blake: We'd like to ask you a few questions about him.
Therapist: I'm sorry, that's impossible.
TPP: Okay then-
Therapist: Ethan Mars has had psychological problems since his first son died.
TPP: But you just said-
Blake: Ethan Mars is the Origamy Killer!
TPP: Can no one pronounce Origami right?!
Scott meets with Charles Kramer, Gordy's father, to interrogate him. The chapter ends
with Charles offering to pay Scott to keep quiet, then threatening him. Add that to the
pile of unneeded chapters in a David Cage game.
This chapter is….actually really good. Ethan enters this abandoned apartment building and
finds a key in a porcelain lizard. He arrives at the Lizard trial and finds a tablet on
a table.
Tablet: Are you prepared to suffer to save your son? You have five minutes to cut off
the last section of one of your fingers in front of the camera. If you succeed, you will
get your reward.
Ethan: *gasps and jolts*
TPP: The combination of the facial capture, music, and consequence makes this a great
moment. This is probably the only scene where the motion capture has completely held up.
The darting of the eyes, the realization. It's perfect. After this, you can find things
to lessen the pain, help Ethan bear through it, and cauterize the wound. And the screams
of pain are honestly pretty damn realistic.
Ethan: *screams in pain*
TPP: Ethan then gets the next few letters of the address and stumbles out of the apartment.
Unfortunately, after this, we get ffffffffahk.
Madison, Norman, and Blake have apparently all followed Ethan to the apartment. How?
I don't know! Madison goes in and helps Ethan escape as the cops start to persue us.
We then cross the street and go into the subway to try and catch a train. They try to make
this chapter very intense, with it being a police chase and Ethan's agoraphobia, but
it's so fucking easy, I wasn't scared in the slightest. Back at the hotel, Ethan
confides in Madison and explains he doesn't know if he's the killer or not.
"Well you might be murdering small children, but I'm gonna trust you anyway!"
Ethan then opens the fourth origami figure and heads back out. Literally, this man only sleeps
when he's near death.
Back with-
Norman: Agent Norman Jayden, F.B.I.
TPP: -we play the piano. And I….um….okay this part was pretty cool, to be honest. Norman
feels frustrated and doesn't think Ethan is the killer after looking through all the
evidence he's collected. Yes….the. Very. Little. Evidence.
Norman: I haven't the faintest fuckin' idea.
TPP: Norman suffers from his second triptocaine withdrawl and OH MY, THE LAG. Back with Scott
and Lauren, they visit Manfred, an antique repair shop owner, to try and identify the
typewriter the killer used. It's not like what we already know what it is. He offers
to get a list of customers for that exact typewriter and then is killed.
(*crickets chirping*)
We then wipe off all our fingerprints, get arrested because this game is shit and broken,
and then Lauren and Scott have a fight. After some pondering and more rain, they make up.
Fuckkkkkwaaaadddd.
We come back to Ethan, beginning the Shark trial. QTE time again!
(*"Boom" by P.O.D.*)
TPP: After cornering the man in his daughters' room, we have to choose whether to shoot him
or not. Shooting him will give you the letters, while failing to won't.
Ethan: ....I'm a father, too....but I'm no killer.
TPP: Ethan, what was that punch? And suddenly, David Cage decides that Madison should be
more active in the story! Originally, Madison was gonna have more chapters where she would go
to her office for her job, and that would have made this make so much more sense. Madison
gets a tip from one of her co-workers that this man, Adrian Baker, rented the apartment
the Lizard trial was in to someone. Madison, no, don't do that, it isn't safe-well
okay then. Turns out the doctor is a creep, and wants to fuck Madison….This
is another one of the scenes where Madison can be sexually assaulted or killed, but thankfully
I don't drink and find the evidence I needed by snooping.
Meanwhile,
Norman: Agent Norman Jayden, F.B.I.
TPP: -is investigating Mad Jack, an ex-criminal who sold a car to the Origami Killer. Oh,
score! More investigating! Oh shit, more QTE… After getting the advantage on Mad Jack, you
can manage to interrogate him by....
Mad Jack: DAMN! You outta your motherfuckin' mind, man?!
Norman: Oh shit, Jack! Ain't nothin' to it! Just a little bit of self-defense! Page one
of the police manual: Kill, or be killed!
TPP: Does….does David Cage proofread his work? After taking some triptocaine, because
fuck this noise, Mad Jack gets arrested by Norman. Scott and Lauren return to the apartment,
where Lauren starts to become the lead investigator, and the two manage to find the name of the
killer by comparing Manfred's client list to a list of subscriptions to….an origami
magazine. Okay, then... They find out, though, that the name belongs to a kid who is dead,
called John Sheppard, and wait what okay?! So now we're playing as French kids!
John's Brother: What are we gonna do? It's pouring rain...
John's Brother (Again): No chance, I can do it all right! Just watch!
TPP: We play as John's nameless brother and play some pointless games. Then they start
playing hide and seek and John starts drowning in a water pipe….why would you even hide
in there?! As Scott and Lauren leave, they see Charles Kramer drop flowers off at John's
grave. There's so many red herrings that I won't need to go to the store for a month!
And now we go from dead kids to drugs and alcohol!
"Mmm, yes. Just need to rustle my hair, tear this perfectly good skirt, oh this lipstick
is fucking red but damn I'm sexy."
Welcome to Dance Dance Revolution….HEAVY RAIN STYLE, mothafucka.
(*"Brilliant 2U" by Naoki*)
TPP: After Paco is impressed by our dancing, he takes us up to his room, and he doesn't
really want to talk about the apartment.
Paco: *grunts in pain*
TPP: We get the information we need by literally crushing his balls and-
Madison: *faking an orgasm*
TPP: As we leave-
Norman: Agent Norman Jayden-
TPP: OKAY THAT JOKE IS GETTING OLD! Comes in to question-
Norman: Packo
TPP: -as well, but someone has already killed him before they could talk. Now this fight...
It's bullshit. You need to be perfect in this battle, or else Norman is fucked later in
the game because you couldn't get ONE DAMN RECEIPT.
Norman: This kid is gonna die, and I'M GOING AROUND IN CIRCLES!
TPP: Madison finds Ethan crying in his motel room, either because he couldn't get the
letters for the address, or because he shot someone. So this could possibly turn into
post-murder sex!
(*making out*)
After this, David Cage decided to create unnecessary drama and holy shit, where did the voice acting
go?
Ethan: What kind of article were you going to write? "My Life With A Serial Killer?"
No no, "How I Caught the Origami Killer?" Maybe you'll get a book deal? I hope it was
FUCKING WORTH IT!
TPP: You can forgive Madison, and when she leaves the room, oh no the cops are here.
After you warn Ethan or not, a chase ensues and it's boooooriiiiing.
Blake: HOLY FUCK!
TPP: Okay, you would most certainly die by doing that.
Scott returns to his apartment to find Charles Kramer there, and they knock out him and Lauren.
Time to escape drowning!
(*Sonic drowning music*)
Once him and Lauren are out, he goes on a rampage at Kramer Mansion.
(*"Ace of Spades" by Motorhead*)
Oh never mind, I failed. Madison just happens to find Ann Sheppard, who has severe dementia.
After being able to stir her memory by doing….origami...Madison gets the name
of the Origami Killer.
"Oh my god.....I've never met that person."
Ethan then goes through the final trial, The Rat,
where he must drink a vial of poison. It gives him the last letters,
but he only has an hour to save Shaun….welp, down the hatch! Glug Glug Glug.
Finding the address isn't too hard, so not much to say here. Oh look, an unwinnable chapter
because I missed the only vital piece of evidence. Fuck you, David Cage. Scott sends Lauren to
her mother's since things are getting too dangerous and he kisses her. You are a scumbag,
Scott. And why? Oh, you all know why. Because Scott is only the Origami Killer!
M. Night: What a Twist!
TPP: Scott burns all of the evidence he's collected from the parents, including Lauren,
and then Madison comes in when he's gone, finding the address where Shaun is. Well that
was a quick errand. After escaping a fire Indiana Jones style...
(*EXPLOSION!*)
Madison gives the address to Norman….who she's never met.
Madison: I've got to call that F.B.I. guy, Jayden...He's the only one I can trust!
TPP: And heads there herself.
Ethan finds Shaun at the Warehouse, and Scott commends him, then gets angry when Ethan questions
his morals. As Scott is about to shoot him, seriously do you like him or not, Norman ninjas
his way in and starts a fight with Scott. This fight is somewhat difficult, but not
too bad. Meanwhile outside, a police blockade is formed and Madison tries to get them to
go away, which doesn't work. Oh shit, rewind. There we go! Ethan finally rescues Shaun and
David tries to fake us out twice. First that Shaun has died, then that the poison was real.
It's not like everyone knew that both would live. Norman defeats Scott, who dies by falling
into a grinder. Ew. Madison gets in and warns Ethan about the police, and they don't shoot
because everyone is together and happy! ….yay?
Ethan and Madison start a new life together with Shaun. ETHAN YOU CAN AFFORD THIS ALL
OF A SUDDEN?! I guess you're poor if you're depressed and rich if you're happy. At least,
that's what David Fucking Cage thinks. Norman is hailed as a hero, stops using triptocaine,
but oh no. ARI has taken over his mind. And Lauren spits on Scott's grave for being
a sick human being. In the end, was this all worth it?
Caesar: NOOOOOOO!!
Tyler: A statuette of Soks. One of the characters in
my favorite video game.
TPP: Let me say what we're all thinking. David Cage is a fucking self-absorbed creep.
Now is it okay to think your work is good? Abso-fucking-lutely. But David tries to pass
off his work like they're the best things known to man. His short form work is actually
pretty damn impressive and I think he'd be a great short film-maker, but his long-work
is full of plotholes, buggy gameplay, boring or nonsensical storylines, and poorly aged
technology. I don't know how he's gotten David Bowie, Jesse Williams, Willem DaFoe,
and Ellen Page to work with him.
Oh, wait. You have the reason David Cage convinced Ellen to be in Beyond: Two Souls?
Well don't stand there, tell me the reason-
Okay, so. David Cage googled pictures from when she was a child to her 20s….wrote a
script using those….sent her a copy of Heavy Rain and a letter telling her reasons why
she should be Jodie….then they met at a bar with just David, Ellen, and the casting
director….and she said yes…..the fuck?!
It didn't end up well for Ellen either, considering David is a homophobic, sexist,
racist asshole. It was found out later that the developers made a nude model of her and
placed it in the game's code, then during the Quantic Dream employee harassment lawsuit
*cough* which they lost *cough* David said, and I quote, ""You want to talk about
homophobia? I work with Ellen Page, who fights for LGBT rights. You want to talk about racism?
I work with Jesse Williams, who fights for civil rights in the USA... Judge me by my
work." Okay, your work is shit and creepy. In fact, let's talk about how many times
your female characters are assaulted and almost raped. Fahrenheit, one. Heavy Rain, four.
Beyond: Two Souls, two, and Detroit: Become Human, one...although it's two characters.
That's eight times female characters are sexually assaulted in your games, David. And
to be honest, they're a bit gratuitous and not handled well.
Also, with racism and homophobia…Fahrenheit, Beyond: Two Souls and Detroit are perfect examples of how not
to handle that kind of stuff. The female lead needs a gay best friend, civil rights parallels
done horribly, have the option to shoot two lesbian robots, holy shit, CONCIN-FUCKING-TRATION
CAMPS, WHAT THE FUCK, and….Fahrenheit….goddamn Fahrenheit….
(I don't want to type this out....)
Look, if you want to play David Cage's games still, go ahead, but remember how fucking
creepy and horrible of a man he is before you do. David, I judged you by your work,
and your work is shit.
So what do I give Heavy Rain? Avoid It. Your friends may say it's the best story in a game
ever written, or they might say David Cage is a genius, when in reality….none of that is true. All
of it has aged badly, it's story makes no sense, and it's written by a man whose ego
is bigger than the games he promotes.
Thank you for watching ThePixelPunch, and if you enjoyed this episode, be sure to check out
8BitPunches, be sure to smash that X button and Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right
B A and have an amazing day. So what's next on the list?
Well....it can't be that bad. I mean....
It has dinosaurs in it.
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