you can see through my shirt
Hi. My name is Hayden
As you can tell from the title,
I'm going to talk about my most memorable relationship
Someone asked me this question
Quite a while ago
and I didn't get to answer
So I thought I'd answer today
So actually, the question was in Korean
The relationship that remains in your memories
It basically translates to 'Your most memorable relationship'
I think I would have to choose...
the first one I've ever been in
that one. it has also been one of my longest relationships
That relationship lasted for ...
about two and a half years
That was my first relationship EVER
It was back in college
I wanna say that's my most memorable because
I think there's some kind of significance
in the fact that it was my first relationship
The first relationship I got into after
coming out
coming out, the fact that I'm interested in women
I think that kind of change[d] the way how
I felt with my body
and myself being intimate with another person.
I have been intimate with people before
my first relationship
But i think this is the relationship that really made an impact
So I think that connection
that we had is
something that kind of remains with me
And also, to be honest,
I haven't been in many relationships for me to really compare
with any other
Yea, because the way we ended up dating
It was so unexpected
This was my first relationship ever
so I didn't know anything
I didn't know what I had to do
and I just...
I dont know if I was ready
but, you know
is anyone ever ready for their first relationship?
So I actually made her wait [for me] for about six months
before I said that this was a 'relationship'
and we said that this was a relationship
cuz for those six months, we were just
I didn't think it was gonna go anywhere
I dont know if she thought it was gonna go anywhere in the beginning
I didn't want to label this as a 'relationship' [for so long]
because I felt like once I labeled it as a relationship
I would just, unconsciously,
put all these expectations in what my first relationship should be like
and I just didn't want to put that pressure on her
It just wasn't fair
and so that's why I asked her to wait for that long
To be honest,
even after waiting for that long
it was still hard to not put all these expectations [on her]
But I think, me trying not to put all these expectations on her
and on this relationship
It also affected our relationship in a way where
maybe I'm just never
going to do the things
that she's expecting me to do [as a partner]
To put myself in a relationship, to put someone first
So it took me a long time to
do that
And I dont even know, even til the end,
if I did that
because
I dont consider myself a very good partner [esp at that time]
Because after that relationship
I was single for quite a while
I also think that made me reflect a lot
Coming out of it, it made me reflect a lot about
'who I was'
and 'the person I was when I was in a relationship'
and 'the person I became'
'the person that I learned that I was'
Especially at that time
I just...
I wasn't a very good partner
There were just a lot of things that I told her, I did..
that I'm very sorry for
Because I felt that I've been in that relationship for so long
at that time, I also decided
that I was going to remain single for a while
and that
the journey after my relationship ended
was going to be about myself
And I only wanted to
focus on myself
focus on myself to be a better person, to be a better partner
focus on myself to know what I want
know what I wanted to do
And because I was reflecting a lot
it made me constantly
remember
and go through that relationship
So mentally, my brain has just gone over that relationship for a long time
and I think that's why it remains
to be
one of my most memorable relationship.
As much as
it was
not
meant to be
It was a good time too
It was
there were many firsts in that relationship
Of course, it was pretty memorable
That was my most memorable relationship
I want to know what other people's most memorable relationship
Like, what makes a relationship memorable?
How do we prioritize 'memorable'
If you have a story to share
feel free to write in the comment section below
because I would love to read those
Yep that's all for today
I hope you had a good time listening to that
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and I will see you all next time
bye~~~~
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